The Stretcher vs. The Stylist

[theprototype]

I've always stretched my relaxers. Pre-LHCF, it was because I hated going to the salon, mostly because of the waiting time. Other than that flaw in her system, my stylist is the only person I trust to relax my hair. Her recommendation has always been to relax every 8-10 weeks. I used to push it to 10-14.

Since becoming a (paying) member of LHCF, I've made the conscious decision to stretch my relaxers even longer, for hair health reasons.

Today was the end of my longest stretch ever: 20 weeks. I was torn as to whether I should co-wash 1-2 days prior, but I opted not to, 'cause I was scared it would aggravate my scalp. Part of me did want to though, because I wanted my new growth to be as soft as possible, so that my stylist would not have a difficult time parting through my growth.

To no surprise, I got a lecture from my stylist, on how I should come faithfully every 8 weeks, that my new growth was too thick, that my hair is breaking, etc. etc. I KNOW that my hair is in great shape, and there was no significant breakage whatsoever. I think she just didn't want to be bothered with all the work (especially since she over-books her appointments).

She asked me why I stretch so long (and this was not in a tone that demonstrated that she genuinely cared why I wanted to). I explained that I wanted to keep chemicals to a minimum, and sometimes feel like I would stop relaxing altogether (this is not entirely true (for the time being); I guess I just wanted to see her reaction).

"You'd have to cut it all off. I don't think you'd want to do that. "

I didn't want to argue with her. I've been going to her since I was 14, and I know she's a 50-something-year-old Jamaican lady who is very much stuck in her ways, and obviously not open to anything different, therefore it would be pointless. I felt such a "pro-relaxer sentiment", and even though I don't plan to stop relaxing right now, I felt somewhat disgusted. (She has type 2 hair, by the way)

I know some will recommend I see a new stylist, or become a DIY'er. I don't have enough faith in my hairdressing abilities to relax my own hair (yet), and I live in a city where (good) Black stylists are few and far between.

Anyway, my point of this post is just to ask you ladies:

How does your stylist feel about your stretching?

Also, how did/would your stylist react when/if you wanted to go natural?

 

[Desarae]

Stretching = Less money and more work for a stylist.

Most stylists don't feel like dealing with a bunch of NG or natural hair.

 

[shunemite]

It's like asking a divorce lawyer if you need a divorce. They'll always say yes. I expect a stylist to give me the answer that gives her the most money. The more often I come back, the more money she makes. She wants to see me every week. Is she genuinely concerned about the health of my hair? Probably not. Is Mcdonald's genuinely concerned about the health of my heart? Probably not. These are business people. You are a customer and a product.

I'm not surprised about anything she said. If you go natural, you won't go every week. So why would she support it? It's money out of her pocket.

 

[30something]

I think stylist are geared towards hair looking good. And we are geared towards healthy hair. Because of that I think we both clash. Besides probably wanting more of your money, she and a long with other people don't want to think unconventionally, it just undermines everything they been thought.

If it ain't broke! DONT FIX IT!

 

[DarkHair]

My stylist wasn't a fan of my stretching. She was also a fan of adding a $15 trim to every relaxer. She claimed that some people could successfully stretch their relaxer, but I shouldn't. A gf of mine that does hair does my trims. SHE even got up in arms about my 12 week stretch and I've NEVER let her relax my hair...so what's her prob? Iono. Stretching isn't putting $$ in their pocket. I agree with the pp about the health/hair analogy..its on point.

 

[urbanchic]

I have the same issues no matter what stylist I go to. I've been told the relaxer cycle is every 4 to 6 weeks. I just ignore them...this is my head and I have to live with this hair. Your stylist has the problem not you. You just keep doing you. She'll learn to accept it or not; just don't let her pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. Remember, you are the customer.

 

[dachsies_rule!]

My stylist was not happy when i stretched to 10 weeks...the NG was like a jungle. She couldn't get the relaxer on in the recommended time, so i cut back to 7 weeks ( i used to go at 5 weeks). Also, i had breakage after 7 weeks that i couldn't seem to manage.

You think your stylist is pissed now, wait until you get MBL to WL...she's going to start charging you extra just because it's "too much to work with".

 

[Chromia]

I agree with everything above.

It's like when you buy a car and they want to sell you extras.

A stylist has to maximize sales and profits. Chemical services are the best way to do that.

 

[briana87]

How does your stylist feel about your stretching?

When I used to go to my stylist it would be every 8 to 10 weeks. My mom didn't have the money to get my hair done too often so a beauty shop visit was a rare treat for me. Since it would be so long between relaxers I had a ton of new growth. I guess out of laziness (and because she always overbooked) she would just lecture me about how I should not wait so long to get my relaxers and blah blah blah. I was always like .

Also, how did/would your stylist react when/if you wanted to go natural?

I stopped seeing her a long time ago and my hair is better off because of it. If I was to tell her I wanted to go natural I know for a fact she wouldn't be supportive. I plan on going natural and from what I've learned on the forum you don't have to cut off all your hair if you don't want to. My advice would be to listen to your heart. Don't make the mistake of doing something to your hair that you really don't want to do. After all, it is your hair!

 

[ceebee3]

I have two stylists the one I'm sticking with is the one who also works well with natural hair and has a large natural hair clientele.

I've gone to her for 3 years but I can probably count on one hand how many times she's seen me. This year was the first time in my life that I was a frequent relaxer. I relaxed 4 times.

My stylists usually only saw me once or twice a year, I never relaxed more than that so they're used to it.

I don't have any issues with my stylist other than the fact that she works in a tacky salon and has lateness issues.

 

[nymane]

My stylist is anti-stretching, but she deals with it (after her "mama you wait too long" lecture) and does a great job....I just hope she doesn't start charging me more

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

I go to two stylists...one of them is a West Indian woman, and the other is a Cuban man.
The West Indian woman is always grilling me about why I wait so long to relax my hair...I just lie to her and tell her that I only waited six weeks, but I braided my hair, so it grew reallll fast. She never remembers the last time I was in, so she never calls me on it. She just nods wisely and goes ahhh, yes. I know it's bad to lie, but the first time I told her about stretching, we got into an argument about it, and when I left, my rollerset was not looking as cute as it normally does. So I only go to her for touchups, and I tell her lies, and my rollersets come out on point again.

I go to the Cuban man for my winter touchup and for those rare occasions when I don't feel like messing with my hair. He doesn't ask me any questions. He just sighs and takes out the K-Cutter.

 

[Shoediva]

My stylist was not happy when i stretched to 10 weeks...the NG was like a jungle. She couldn't get the relaxer on in the recommended time, so i cut back to 7 weeks ( i used to go at 5 weeks). Also, i had breakage after 7 weeks that i couldn't seem to manage.

You think your stylist is pissed now, wait until you get MBL to WL...she's going to start charging you extra just because it's "too much to work with".

I have the exact same problem, if I stretch my relaxer after 5 weeks, I get breakage. How often are you relaxing? My VA stylist is THE BEST, she never question why I waited in between. Im so missing her right now..

 

[dachsies_rule!]

I have the exact same problem, if I stretch my relaxer after 5 weeks, I get breakage. How often are you relaxing? My VA stylist is THE BEST, she never question why I waited in between. Im so missing her right now..

I relax at 7 weeks now...that's the longest i can go and not have breakage. The NG is still deep, but my stylist can at least get the relaxer on in time.

 

[sunnieb]

Wow! After reading this thread, I realize how lucky I am to have a stylist who isn't so adament about not stretching.

When I began my HHJ back in February, I told her then that I was going to be doing more of my haircare at home but still go to her for relaxer touchups. She was very supportive and asked me to take pictures of my progress. I'm currently in the middle of my first 12 week stretch and doing fine so far. I did get a reminder card in the mail from her this week "reminding" me that it was time for another appointment. I'm not planning on getting another touchup until the second week of December though. When I told her about the possibility of transitioning to my natural hair one day, again she was supportive.

To make it easier on her when I end my stretches, I always do a moisturizing dc the night before my relaxer appointment. This ensures that she can get through my NG with no major problems and leave the relaxer on for the same amount of time as she always does.

 

[hypek]

I'm 9 wks post today and at the salon right now. My stylist said, "Aye chula... its almost time!" I told her that I've been stretching and she praised it! She commented that my hair is much thicker, longer, and healthier now. (Im abt 4 inches from BSL, when I first came to her I was a past SL) I guess it makes HER look good when ppl see her client has healthy hair.

Mind you, I go to a Dominican salon in Harlem...

 

[locabouthair]

To make it easier on her when I end my stretches, I always do a moisturizing dc the night before my relaxer appointment. This ensures that she can get through my NG with no major problems and leave the relaxer on for the same amount of time as she always does.

Your scalp doesn't burn when you get the relaxer?

All the stylists I met were against stretching. All of them said you needed a relaxer every 6 weeks. I stopped going to the salon. I havent been there in almost 6 months.

 

[tatiana]

I guess I am one of the strange ones. I was actually told by a hair stylist that I only needed to relax my hair 3 or 4 times out of the year.

Sometimes my 3 to 4 month stretches turned to 5 to 6 months and none of my hair stylists said anything.

My current stylist is a life long natural so she was supportive of me and my natural hair. She has no problem getting my natural hair straight or giving me trims. I am grateful.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Nah, she is cool. I am very firm. I can go from 12-16 weeks.

When I went to 26 weeks my previous stylist cut my hair.

 

[fattyfatfat]

im always having the stretcher vs. the stylist fight

at least 5 weeks post relaxer, I get the "mami you need a relaxer speech"

this week I ended my 12 week stretch. it was my first time stretching for this long!

I have realized that most stylists dont give a damn about the health of their clients hair. they only care about $$$ in their pocket.

 

[The Princess]

I adore my stylist, she always tells me, whatever you want to do its cool, and just laught and make faces in the mirror at me, when she combing and blowdrying my hair. Especially when the comb attachments pop off the hand-held dryer.

She told me she feels me stretching probally helps me with my hair health, length and thickness and she used to my hair now, so she don't trip.

 

[nymane]

I go to two stylists...one of them is a West Indian woman, and the other is a Cuban man.
The West Indian woman is always grilling me about why I wait so long to relax my hair...I just lie to her and tell her that I only waited six weeks, but I braided my hair, so it grew reallll fast. She never remembers the last time I was in, so she never calls me on it. She just nods wisely and goes ahhh, yes. I know it's bad to lie, but the first time I told her about stretching, we got into an argument about it, and when I left, my rollerset was not looking as cute as it normally does. So I only go to her for touchups, and I tell her lies, and my rollersets come out on point again.

I go to the Cuban man for my winter touchup and for those rare occasions when I don't feel like messing with my hair. He doesn't ask me any questions. He just sighs and takes out the K-Cutter.

 

[theprototype]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSES LADIES

The last time I went for a relaxer before yesterday was after a 16-week stretch. I could see my stylist looking at me in the mirror, but I just kept on reading my magazine, pretending to be oblivious to her tactics to provoke me.

If they ARE just telling you to come in often for revenue purposes, then that's sad.

I don't know if it could be that they assume most clients do not know how to properly stretch, therefore are skeptical when you let it be known that that's what you want to do? I guess that would be giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Or maybe some just don't know any better?

 

[Lanea87]

She doesn't say anything cause she know I am on a HHJ, you can either do it or not.

 

[prospurr4]

The last time I went for a relaxer before yesterday was after a 16-week stretch. I could see my stylist looking at me in the mirror, but I just kept on reading my magazine, pretending to be oblivious to her tactics to provoke .

Tactics to provoke? What?? There is no way I would put up with that kind of crap from someone who I am paying to do a service...no way.

Disclaimer: I haven't been to a salon in over 25 years so maybe I'm just not familiar with what is acceptable behavior from a stylist.

ETA: Your hair is lovely!

 

[Lovestyr]

Yes, I have a similar issue with my stylist. I just ignore her comments because she makes my hair so pretty and so much body when i go to her. She says that my hair is going to pop off exc it hasnt happended yet and I get my relaxers every 4 months.

 

[blacksapphire]

my stylist is the same way when I told her I was thinking about stretching my relaxers. She said something about hair breaking and should get a relaxer every 6-8 wks. because of that I never tried it until I found LHCF which was recently and now I'm 9wks post and probably won't relax until late december (i'm trying to see how long I can stretch)

I also stopped going to her b/c I find out she keeps trimming my hair even when I tell her not to every time she gives me a relaxer

 

[theprototype]

my stylist is the same way when I told her I was thinking about stretching my relaxers. She said something about hair breaking and should get a relaxer every 6-8 wks. because of that I never tried it until I found LHCF which was recently and now I'm 9wks post and probably won't relax until late december (i'm trying to see how long I can stretch)

I also stopped going to her b/c I find out she keeps trimming my hair even when I tell her not to every time she gives me a relaxer

LOL The trimming is a whole other story altogether, and I definitely feel you on that. When I was there on Friday, she was too busy to trim mine, so she was like, "Make sure to stop in one day for a trim". Yeah, ok

 

[angelgrl135]

in all fairness, I feel like most people who go to the stylist more than 8 weeks post are not taking care of their hair like we would. Therefore the majority of the ladies they do see in the situation probably do have a good amount of breakage at the demarcation line.

Also, with a lot of new growth, it really is harder to work your way through the whole head ensuring optimal processing so they are probably scared they can't handle it, and rightfully so, it's more new growth than they are trained to deal with.

That being said when I went away to college I definitely had to search around for a stylist who wouldn't give me all that major lip service every time I sat in the chair. I CANT STAND sitting there while the stylist basically insults me the whole time talking about "this hair is just too much" "girl i don't know what you were thinking" along with a few random and load groans or the chit chat (about MY hair) to the other stylists in the salon.