I agree with everything you posted, especially the bolded.
In the "Getting Serious About Getting Married" book, Debbie Maken said that part of her journey toward marriage was getting OUT of the singles ministry at her church. She started in it when she was in her early 20s and wondered about the women in it who were in their late 20s-early 30s, but didn't think much of it.
Then when she became one of those women, she was like, "ENOUGH! Shouldn't I have graduated from this now?" She said she walked out and started to take matters into her own hands... and within a few years, she was married.
Someone who commented on her blog or the Gift of Singleness blog (can't remember which one) said the same thing. She was single until she was 37 after listening to everything she heard about contentment and stuff, but when she made an effort toward getting married, it happened in a year!
By effort, these women weren't chasing men, but they began doing more to increase their access to men looking for marriage... asking family/friends for introductions, trying matchmaking services, etc.
One of Maken's recommendations is also to re-evaluate your participation in a singles ministry because a lot of times, they become glorified buddy systems. There are too many women and not enough men, and then oftentimes, the men aren't necessarily encouraged to pursue (in a Godly way, of course), the women.
Exactly. My birthday was a little over a week ago and I have a friend involved heavily in her church's growing singles ministry. After planning my bday party and giving all the details in advance, she cancelled on me at the last minute to go with her singles group to see Why Did I Get Married. erplexed Don't get me wrong... my party was a hit but my friend was really anticipating it and helped me plan it. I was going to try to introduce her to this guy that I went to college with who works in her industry. But she opted out of my party at a nice lounge full of single males & females around the same age, to hang with the mid-30+ year olds. Then she called me as we were leaving the party to tell me how much she wished she would've came because all she did was watch the movie with her singles group & go home. I don't get it.
So everyone is all buddy-buddy, but is anyone really getting together?
And not to mention, the more people tell you about being content in singleness or not being ready for marriage, I think it mentally takes your focus away from preparing to be married! Which is the opposite of what should happen!
If I'm spending all of my time analyzing every little part of me to figure out why I'm unattached, or reading material about maximizing my single life, and taking on more activities/groups/friendships/etc., to minimize my loneliness, it's just taking me away from what I REALLY want and need -- a spouse.
(And why is it that many of the writers on singleness stay single???? And also, notice that many of the church leaders/outsiders who talk about giving up one's desire for marriage... are MARRIED????)
Right on. I like Michelle Hammonds books but I ain't trying to stay single. She sometimes gives the impression that you have to prepare yourself in case God never allows you to marry. I have seen enough nerds, freaks, geeks and plain old undesireable people get married to someone who happened to be PERFECT for them. This leads me to believe that there's someone for everyone, no matter what statistics or census bureaus say.
I'll stay a sinner first before I cross the menopause threshold without a tangible partner. Sorry but that's just how it is, I confess. I just feel like I've got it goin on and I'm not trying to toot my own horn by saying it. I believe that whenever you keep harping on an issue, you in turn push it further away. If you stop touching and probing the marriage rosebud and just let it be then one day it'll open to a full bloom. I really believe that if I can just take a chill pill whenever needed, and stop trying to "figure out" why I'm single or how to be a "gifted" single then everything will fall into place. God gave me beauty and brains and I really do not believe that the process of pairing with a mate is a subject that has to be treated like rocket science. It should feel more like Committed Love 101.
I'm also looking forward to Candice Watters' book, Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen." I think it will be even better than Debbie Maken's, because Debbie can be a little abrasive at times in her book, and I can relate to Candice a little more for some reason... but both women have the same idea!
Keep it coming ladies!