SPINOFF:Men only understand SILENCE/NO COMMUNICATION- WHY IS THIS?

[Bmack]

Top shelf posted this in another thread, and I think this is so true.

My girlfriend is dating a guy who started acting up (smelling himself) when he knew she really cared for him. I suppose he wanted to really get her to fall all over him because he told her he would be unavailable for sometime and not able to communicate because his cell was getting cut off…he still had email, but I suppose that was not an option for communication. She told me she was not even going to bother calling. She did not…days later when all he got was crickets, he calls talking about: I do not know if you were trying to contact me but….

Lol negro puhleeze. He knew damn well she did not try to contact his arse.

Why does a guy dump you or try to but coming sniffing around when you disappear? Its crazy because if you want an out and the girl is making it easy for you why come calling, texting, emailing??

 

[Bunny77]

That's just how they are. That's also why all this "telling a man off" stuff never works and I wonder why women keep doing it.

Women are verbal (for the most part), men are action-oriented. That's my only explanation.

 

[daydreem2876]

Men are that simple.

they get used to a woman trying to get their attention and like to pretend they cant hear. when a woman pays them no attention, goes on about her business and stops sweating his a** all of a sudden they are all alert. I personally think that when women do something out of the norm, the unexpected thats what grabs their attention. There is no real explanation for their behavior, they are just simple.

 

[Nyssa28]

Men are visual creatures, you have to SHOW them you mean business.

 

[mw138]

This just makes me laugh and reminds me of the time when I was talking to a guy who was sporadic with his communication. When I made up my mind that I was going to stop, period, I get a text AND a phone call saying, "I haven't heard from you in a while. What happened?"

 

[Bmack]

This just makes me laugh and reminds me of the time when I was talking to a guy who was sporadic with his communication. When I made up my mind that I was going to stop, period, I get a text AND a phone call saying, "I haven't heard from you in a while. What happened?"

 

[cheetarah1980]

I had an ex who refused to give me quality time and attention no matter how much I pleaded with him. The second I decided to stop calling him for a week or two there he was asking, "Where you been?" A woman can never go wrong by ignoring a man. Either you'll get him to do what he should've been in the first place or he'll disappear and you don't have to waste your time with him anymore. It's a win-win either way.

 

[MsLizziA]

@ this thread! It's kinda crazy cuz i understand this...

 

[kismettt]

i think people want the chase. period. the minute someone is uninterested, and you are used to them being interested, you're like "huh?? wait a second...." people love their games

 

[KurlyNinja]

I thought I was the only one who did this! A lot of guys start to think "oh, I don't have to do anything because I got her".

You call. He doesn't answer.

You text. He doesn't reply or he texts 2 days later and says "I was busy"

Its usually at this time that I start to become "busy" and not contact them for a while. They usually come back around. I did that with the guy I'm currently talking to. Now he's texting/calling me everyday asking me how my day is going. LOL.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This is weird. I was going to start a thread like this earlier. This guy I like has been super sporadic with his communication. He text me today asking permission to call. I was so pissed and I was wondering if I should respond. I text BFF and she says, "He's taking a walk, make him run." LOL, she's funny.

She and the guy happen to be friends so she thinks he's good people. If he contacts me again, cool I still wont respond. If he doesnt, cool also dont bug me. Either way, until I hear that he's sweating and understanding why he's getting the silent treatment without me talking to him, I dont want no part of his foolishness.

 

[MissJ]

Men are visual creatures, you have to SHOW them you mean business.

That's funny and not what I'd immediately think when referring to men as visual creatures.

 

[youwillrise]

this reminds me of a dude i've been dealing with. we've known eachother since we were 11/12 and havent seen eachother since HS graduation, but recently caught back up and started talking again. when i'm contacting him often, he's very aloof and "i dont care"-ish...but when i fall back for a while he becomes a whole different person - acts all nice and sweet, gives me the "you havent been talking to meee : (. boo hoo waaah" . ((rolls eyes))

honestly, though, i'm just going to fall back completely lol. i just cant with that guy.

 

[Seraphina]

This is why women are unable to shake the men that they don't even want. I have a few guys in my life who I only know casually and have absolutely zero interest in. Those are the ones who call me every day and will sprint to the other side of the room to say hello...because I never call them back and, though I'm always kind to people, don't go out of my way for. It's that kind of behavior that drives them crazy. And it's that type of behavior that has landed me dates.

 

[TopShelf]

lmao...this thread is funny. there are two guys in my life right now who gave me their a** to kiss at different times in my life

Guy 1: I told him just today that I would appreciate it if he deleted my number because he keeps calling and I'm no longer interested and his response, "No" and "why would i do that"

Guy 2: i told him yesterday that i was flattered that he wanted to see me but for the life of me i can't think if one reason why I would want to see him....lmao...havent heard from him since but since we both have verizon i can tell that he hasn't read the message.

Both of these men won't let up....one actually offered to pay me to take the day off. No thank you sir!

 

[Zaynab]

That's just how they are. That's also why all this "telling a man off" stuff never works and I wonder why women keep doing it.

Women are verbal (for the most part), men are action-oriented. That's my only explanation.

Basically. And that's why women need to stop professing all these feelings for men when they aren't warranted. IF a man feels comfortable, he will act comfortable. My dh isn't even that comfortable Men need to kept on notice at all times.

 

[ackee walk]

so zaynab, bunny, and all other ladies who are in stable committed relationships-- what did you do (or not do) while you were dating your partner so that he didn't get so comfortable? and what do you continue to do now?

 

[Bunny77]

so zaynab, bunny, and all other ladies who are in stable committed relationships-- what did you do (or not do) while you were dating your partner so that he didn't get so comfortable? and what do you continue to do now?

Hmmm... well, what helped in my relationship, believe it or not, was the fact that we were long distance (3-4 hours away). I was able to see how committed he was to the relationship by how willing he was to come and visit me, and how often he communicated when we weren't together.

He did most of the calling though. I rarely called him first. Even today, he initiates most of the phone calls.

Another thing I did was not press him when he said he wanted to take a weekend to go and play in a golf tournament. I let him do it, didn't call, etc.

The funny thing was, he would call me IMMEDIATELY on the drive back from the tournament and go, "I missed you! I wished you were here with me. I hate it when we're not together." It was hilarious because HE was the one who would talk about how much he loved golf and needed that time for it... so when I was like, cool, then he got all lonely when he had all the free time that he wanted.

 

[Strangefruittree]

I had an ex who refused to give me quality time and attention no matter how much I pleaded with him. The second I decided to stop calling him for a week or two there he was asking, "Where you been?" A woman can never go wrong by ignoring a man. Either you'll get him to do what he should've been in the first place or he'll disappear and you don't have to waste your time with him anymore. It's a win-win either way.

I like reading your responses... So true

 

[Kurlee]

i think it's a sign of immaturity/weak communication skills. All the games and hoop jumping are not for me. If I have to constantly "test" you and teach you lessons to get what I want from you, I don't want you, because you're only doing it because I made you by being passive aggressive. Keeping people on notice is exhausting and I would much rather enjoy someones company vs. constantly figuring out ways to "trick"/teach them how to respect me. If you are a good person with good intentions, you will act right, without coaxing and games.

 

[aribell]

i think it's a sign of immaturity/weak communication skills. All the games and hoop jumping are not for me. If I have to constantly "test" you and teach you lessons to get what I want from you, I don't want you, because you're only doing it because I made you by being passive aggressive. Keeping people on notice is exhausting and I would much rather enjoy someones company vs. constantly figuring out ways to "trick"/teach them how to respect me. If you are a good person with good intentions, you will act right, without coaxing and games.

I tend to agree. I think that having boundaries and high self-respect is always in order, as is not being available to him whenever, wherever. But that's different than having to ignore someone completely. I notice that the stories above generally have a theme of the man this tactic had to be used on now being an ex or some guy no longer in the picture.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

i think it's a sign of immaturity/weak communication skills. All the games and hoop jumping are not for me. If I have to constantly "test" you and teach you lessons to get what I want from you, I don't want you, because you're only doing it because I made you by being passive aggressive. Keeping people on notice is exhausting and I would much rather enjoy someones company vs. constantly figuring out ways to "trick"/teach them how to respect me. If you are a good person with good intentions, you will act right, without coaxing and games.

THIS. All day every day. Life is hectic enough, I don't need drama games and bull from a man. He can come correct on his own OR he can step aside so a real man can come through.

 

[youwillrise]

you ladies ^^^ are right.

i basically told the guy i talked about in my last post that i didnt have the time/patience for his shenanigans and that i wouldnt be making any further efforts. i went nearly a whole month without talking to him recently, then he contacted me again and i fell for the bait. he's really not looking for anything remotely close to a relationship (only sex...which i have not given him. dont know why he doesnt just find some old gal closer to where he lives. he lives about an hour and a half away from me now and really expects me to travel to visit him so he can get off. bahahaha. no?). i've decided that it's time to stop the foolishness and not waste my time.

i think this dude was harder for me to shake because we have such a long history of friendship. we've never dated, but ever since we were in middle school, i had a "thing" for him (but never admitted it to him or anyone else for that matter) and he would always make these passes at me...which at the time kind of weirded me out, but intrigued me all the same. at the end of last year, i found him on facebook and contacted him. he was the one who brought up knowing that i was into him back in the day. he was the one who suggested we start "talking" - i wasnt going to say/do **** about it, honestly. he put the first energy out there and i guess i was dumb enough let myself get sucked into it.

his personality is also much different than it was when we were in school. he was such a fun, interesting, hilarious, intelligent dude. now, he's pretty much a douchebag who doesnt care about anything or anyone. (self-proclaimed. he actually admits proudly to this.)

haha i mean, i thought most dudes who just wanted to get into a girls pants tried to "nice" their way into them?

oh well! ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

 

[Bmack]

i think it's a sign of immaturity/weak communication skills. All the games and hoop jumping are not for me. If I have to constantly "test" you and teach you lessons to get what I want from you, I don't want you, because you're only doing it because I made you by being passive aggressive. Keeping people on notice is exhausting and I would much rather enjoy someones company vs. constantly figuring out ways to "trick"/teach them how to respect me. If you are a good person with good intentions, you will act right, without coaxing and games.

This is true, but I do think you should put a fool that is acting up on ignore. Some people are not worth the effort. I am not sure this is tricking someone into respecting you, I believe it is showing them that you demand respect and have no time for games.

You do not know someone is a good dude until you give them time to show themselves. You can not determine if someone is a good man on first sight. With that said when they start acting stupid, you place them on ignore and go on with your damn life!

 

[cheetarah1980]

I tend to agree. I think that having boundaries and high self-respect is always in order, as is not being available to him whenever, wherever. But that's different than having to ignore someone completely. I notice that the stories above generally have a theme of the man this tactic had to be used on now being an ex or some guy no longer in the picture.

It's not necesarily about reverse psychology (i.e. I ignore you so you will pay attention to me), but moreso about I'm not going to waste my time . Men do what they want to do. So if a man isn't calling me or spending time with me that means that he doesn't want to and that's my cue to fall back and do my own thing. If he comes back around, we might could talk things out. If he doesn't then I'm too busy doing me to notice or care. It just so happens that a lot of men respond more to being ignored then being hounded, cajoled, nagged, or told about themselves. So while women may think to themselves, I'm a grown arse woman and I don't play games so I'm going to tell him exactly what's on my mind, it winds up being a pointless exercise in futility that doesn't get the desired result.

 

[Bunny77]

It's not necesarily about reverse psychology (i.e. I ignore you so you will pay attention to me), but moreso about I'm not going to waste my time . Men do what they want to do. So if a man isn't calling me or spending time with me that means that he doesn't want to and that's my cue to fall back and do my own thing. If he comes back around, we might could talk things out. If he doesn't then I'm too busy doing me to notice or care. It just so happens that a lot of men respond more to being ignored then being hounded, cajoled, nagged, or told about themselves. So while women may think to themselves, I'm a grown arse woman and I don't play games so I'm going to tell him exactly what's on my mind, it winds up being a pointless exercise in futility that doesn't get the desired result.

Right on.

I'm not going to bother playing cat-and-mouse games with a man who clearly doesn't want me and is only coming around because I'm ignoring him.

But in terms of setting the tone in the relationship, I definitely agree with sitting back and letting him initiative the communication and time we spend together.

I think the term "game playing," is often overused or misused. Game-playing, to me, is acting out of character to deceive someone. Acting in a way that gets the best optimal result (recognizing the differences between men and women) is just smart to me.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Men are visual creatures, you have to SHOW them you mean business.

Which is why "I can show you better than I can tell you" is my personal motto. You can tell him 50-11 times and it means nothing. SHOW him you mean business and he will get right back in line.

 

[kbragg]

Unpopular opinion here, and I do realize that there's a difference between a dude you're dating and a spouse but what I have learned is that with men, less is more. I think a lot of women make the mistake of expecting men to act like women which means chat it up and hang out like you do with your girls. Many men perceive that as clingy and needy.

I'm learning it is biological. My son is not nearly as talkative at this age as my daughter were and I became concerned. My ped. explained to me that boys tend to be not nearly as talkative as girls. On average a girl's vocab by age 2 is 3-4 times larger than a boys and it stays that way until they die

With my husband the more I lean on him for ALL my adult conversation needs (hard not to do as a SAHM unfortunately) he tends to pull away. Then I go into "nagging" and neediness and it tends not to work in my favor.

On the flip side, when I have my own interests, get out of the house and visit with other adults, basically have a personality outside of wife and mother, he becomes more and more interested.

The book Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus is a great book on this phenom I think back to when DH and I started dating. I wasn't all up under him trying to spend quality time and talk his ear off. I did my own thing and he had to work to fit in there. Then as the years went on in our marriage my life more and more revolved around him and the kids, he pulled more and more back.

I don't see it as playing games, I see it as maintaining myself outside of the relationship. The less I pay attention to DH the more interested in me he becomes. I stopped volunteering info about my day to DH and surprise surprise he started asking me about my day

Sometimes we as women as so adamant about getting our needs met that we make demands rather than allowing him the chance to meet our needs. It's like a wife complaining the her DH never takes the car to get washed, yet she takes it to the car wash before he even has an opportunity to see the car needs it.

Anyway I know my opinion may be "old school" to some but hey, sometimes silence will get your farther than words will with a lot less drama and stress so why not try it?

 

[ackee walk]

i don't know if your opinion is unpopular or old school, kbragg, but it makes perfect sense to me

 

[MissYocairis]

Kbragg you are so right about that. It's just the way the dynamic is set up between men and women. I too have noticed that when I volunteer every detail about my days to SO, he's all after a while. But, let me go a week where I am really vague about my day's activities....or, heaven forbid, I'm unavailable when he calls for a few days....he becomes extremely attentive and curious about what's going on with me, what I need, where I am and even what's on my mind!

I've also noticed this....when you are emotionally close to a man....he can FEEL your moods shift. So, if you are annoyed, irritated, sad about something dealing with the two of you....he will KNOW and you do not even have to announce it. Just clam up. He'll start inquiring, "baby what's wrong?" and then, you say, "oh, nothing honey." and leave it at that....next thing he will say is, "are you sure honey?" you say, "um-hm".... next thing you know he's offering himself to you to talk if you want, "ok, well, if you need to talk, let me know baby" and he's rubbing the back of your neck and shoulders....while you remain off somewhere....*deep in thought*

TRY IT! This is one way to keep your man on his toes and let him know the chase ain't over. Believe me, once they feel the chase is over, they become disinterested anyway. Married or not. It works for everyone.