So what is it with the workplace....

[~*Tigget*~]

I know at work I spend about 40-50% of my time there, so to develop relationships w/ ppl is normal. However have they taken that as a right to say whatever comes to mind.

I go to work w/ a different hairstyle every week, whether it be extensions, phony pony, natural style, etc. And it never fails someone always says something they don't like about the look I have. Then they have to touch my hair, and have me explain how I did it.

I be like (in my mind) ummmm I wasn't do this look for you. I am not at work for entertainment purposes. I don't go around telling them how they should look, act or dress. One guy even goes as far as to ask me to come over so he can look at my hair and my clothes to see if he likes it, making the comment "yall get so creative w/ yalls hair"

There is only 3 black women in our office, and we constantly complain among ourselves of how racist and inconsiderate ppl can be.

Maybe I should take poll at the end of the week and see how I can be a visual blessing to their eye the next week. I thought about this, should I just come in looking like everybody else and then I won't stand out so much? Because it doesn't just stop w/ the hair, they even critique my clothes. What is up w/ that?

Seriously yall what is the best approach on this, before I go off?

 

[diligence]

For me, it's important to lay the foundation "properly" in the beginning, so folks know how far they can go with me. Shying away from certain conversations (whether they are about me or not), not hanging out after work hours, giving "the look" every now and again...seems to have worked for me!

Good luck with this!

 

[MonPetite]

^^^ Co-sign.

Also, what your MALE coworker said was inappropriate regardless of race.

Something you could do if so moved:

Take down names, dates, the time, and comments as well as three people you KNOW heard or saw it and things that happen to other women of color with you.

Do it just to have the info. Three years of such information is a lawyer's dream if you have to get a little forceful to make these comments stop.

 

[Paradox]

I know at work I spend about 40-50% of my time there, so to develop relationships w/ ppl is normal. However have they taken that as a right to say whatever comes to mind.

I go to work w/ a different hairstyle every week, whether it be extensions, phony pony, natural style, etc. And it never fails someone always says something they don't like about the look I have. Then they have to touch my hair, and have me explain how I did it.

I be like (in my mind) ummmm I wasn't do this look for you. I am not at work for entertainment purposes. I don't go around telling them how they should look, act or dress. One guy even goes as far as to ask me to come over so he can look at my hair and my clothes to see if he likes it, making the comment "yall get so creative w/ yalls hair"

There is only 3 black women in our office, and we constantly complain among ourselves of how racist and inconsiderate ppl can be.

Maybe I should take poll at the end of the week and see how I can be a visual blessing to their eye the next week. I thought about this, should I just come in looking like everybody else and then I won't stand out so much? Because it doesn't just stop w/ the hair, they even critique my clothes. What is up w/ that?

Seriously yall what is the best approach on this, before I go off?

Personally i think that the best techique against racism is to thoroughly infom yourself on the issues with racism. this really helped me a lot, so now I know exactly why people do these things. it is a comfort to me.
now as to deal with the racist..no matter what be confident and refuse to let them put you down, mentally and emotionally be strong.

 

[mj11051]

If it was me I be fired, because I would tell ****, Looky here I dress and style my hair for me and I really don't give a flying fart in space wether you like it or not.Then I would suck my teeth and walk away.

ETA: Touching my hair without my permission is a no-no. And believe folks would know that.

 

[LilBrownied]

"One guy even goes as far as to ask me to come over so he can look at my hair and my clothes to see if he likes it, making the comment "yall get so creative w/ yalls hair" "

That's so rude...

You really should write all this down, even record stuff, and sue their butts!!

 

[~*Tigget*~]

For me, it's important to lay the foundation "properly" in the beginning, so folks know how far they can go with me. Shying away from certain conversations (whether they are about me or not), not hanging out after work hours, giving "the look" every now and again...seems to have worked for me!
@

I agree thats where I failed, is because I should have made it known from jump. So now I am faced, daily, with something being said about my hair...."you guys are so lucky you can do that w/ your hair" sure they don't mean anything by that but why are we looked at as ALIENS or something. Anybody can do anything to their hair....hmmmm


Good luck with this!

^^^ Co-sign.

Also, what your MALE coworker said was inappropriate regardless of race.

Something you could do if so moved:

Take down names, dates, the time, and comments as well as three people you KNOW heard or saw it and things that happen to other women of color with you.

Do it just to have the info. Three years of such information is a lawyer's dream if you have to get a little forceful to make these comments stop.

I talked to my husband about this, and he was bout ready to show is tail. But I told him that I have to work w/ these ppl daily, so I would handle it. I did inform his manager, and the problem was addressed but now its quite awkward between us.....but do i care...NO!!!

Personally i think that the best techique against racism is to thoroughly infom yourself on the issues with racism. this really helped me a lot, so now I know exactly why people do these things. it is a comfort to me.
now as to deal with the racist..no matter what be confident and refuse to let them put you down, mentally and emotionally be strong.

One of my better qualities is I am strong, however I don't want to come off as rude. Even though what they do is rude, so I politely say thanks and walk away. I don't make a spectacle of myself, but I think my approach w/ be a lil different next time. If I want it to stop, I suppose I will have to just be as frank w/ them as they are w/ me, but in a more tactful way.

If it was me I be fired, because I would tell ****, Looky here I dress and style my hair for me and I really don't give a flying fart in space wether you like it or not.Then I would suck my teeth and walk away.

ETA: Touching my hair without my permission is a no-no. And believe folks would know that.

I don't like them all in my head....dang that's crazy. But its not only ppl at work that do this. When I remove my weave, jealous family members always want to touch to see if my hair is real...what tha...

I can't lose my job over their stupidity by acting up, even tho i'm capable. But ima have to work on the right approach.

"One guy even goes as far as to ask me to come over so he can look at my hair and my clothes to see if he likes it, making the comment "yall get so creative w/ yalls hair" "

That's so rude...

You really should write all this down, even record stuff, and sue their butts!!

noted....


TThanks everyone for the input.

 

[blkbeauty]

I feel you on everything...I think women in general have a struggle in the workplace, but being a black woman adds to it. In most cases, it is unescapable. Most companies are going to have racist people just on different levels and ways. If its not about your unique look, its about proving your intelliegence. If its not improving your intelligence its gossip about how how bl ppl have attitudes when they talk to each other at work. If its not about that then its about a plain curiosity of the blk race and in return someone using bad grammar/slang or dialect on purpose thinking this is a way to relate. If its not that then its typical condescending generalizations/sterotypes of the blk race or women. And if its not those things and you are an attractive blk woman then its subtle flirtations or remarks that can be borderline sexual harrassment.

My point is I strongly understand. Its a struggle sometime to correct the world. They say blk men have it hard, but blk women in my opinion can sometime have it even worse.

Keep your head up and stay strong!

 

[TrendySocialite]

Yeah, it's important to set up those boundaries early on. You don't want to feed any negative stereotypes, but you want them to know not to cross the line. My folk know not to say ANYTHING to me about my hair or clothes, unless it's to compliment me...LOL

I wear different hairstyles weekly as well. Shoot, sometimes daily...LOL (darn those halfwigs and phony ponys). As long as what you're wearing is in keeping with yoru corporate culture and you feel good about yourself...brush the dust off your shoulders and keep it moving!

 

[SmartyPants]

For me, it's important to lay the foundation "properly" in the beginning, so folks know how far they can go with me. Shying away from certain conversations (whether they are about me or not), not hanging out after work hours, giving "the look" every now and again...seems to have worked for me!

Good luck with this!

I agree with this! The problem is that the OP did not send the correct professional tone from the beginning so now these jokers are taking liberties they should not be taking.

 

[Lute]

Yeah, it's important to set up those boundaries early on. You don't want to feed any negative stereotypes, but you want them to know not to cross the line. My folk know not to say ANYTHING to me about my hair or clothes, unless it's to compliment me...LOL

I wear different hairstyles weekly as well. Shoot, sometimes daily...LOL (darn those halfwigs and phony ponys). As long as what you're wearing is in keeping with yoru corporate culture and you feel good about yourself...brush the dust off your shoulders and keep it moving!

I will cosign on this....
I dont know how long you've been at the job... but boundaries allways have to be made...
At the end of the day.. its all about respect. Ever wonder why some people wont say certain things to other people. Cause a boundary has been made.

I know in my experience. I had a female co-worker who always touched me. a pat.. a small strike.. It made me feel comfortable until one day she poked me. I got up followed her and told her. I have a serious napolean complex. I dont like to be touched. Since then she hasnt touched me.

Be strong.. at sometimes it is necessary to put on the assertive cape on.

I hope this helps.

 

[tbaby_8]

I agree with everyone. It is never too late to set a boundary, just be professional when you do it.

When your co-worker calls you over to critique you, you can handle it in two ways:

1. either stop him before he starts and correct him professionally or
2. let him say his peace, but inturn you critique him on his hair and outfit (professionally) and then turn away and go back to work.

You have to work with these people, but you don't have to tolerate their nosense.

Go ahead and establish your boundary, but always be professional. Because you don't want to come off as the angry black woman.

 

[Christa438]

That's crazy. I say go off...you dont have to curse or even raise your voice though but I might say it loud enough at lunch for all of them to hear or I might call a meeting . They are working your nerves and making you uncomfortable-- Let them know that it aint cool for them to always be judging you, it seems like they keep doing because they know you will tolerate it. I really can't imagine this going on at any of the places I have worked whether the majority were black or it was mixed races. I have worked in a majority white and a majority hispanic environment and no one was ever rude to me, as a matter of fact most have complimented me on braids or weave lol. People dont always agree with everyone's hair or choice of clothes--that's life-- but they gossip quietly or keep it to themselves... the fact that they keep judging you and making fun of you like that daily or weekly is rude and belittling. I think you need to check this because it already sounds like it has gotten out of hand.

 

[~*Tigget*~]

I agree with this! The problem is that the OP did not send the correct professional tone from the beginning so now these jokers are taking liberties they should not be taking.

I'm not sure if I will take full blame in this, but I do know I have the power in me to stop this at work. These unfortunate situations happen w/ a lot of white ppl i encounter, be it at work, store, or at my kids sports activities. I just wonder why they always have to make mention of my hair or touch it, as if is an exhibit. My co-workers and I share this same issue, not that we can't be professional about it, it just happens everywhere. It seems we as black ppl are constantly a spectacle for them.

I will cosign on this....
I dont know how long you've been at the job... but boundaries allways have to be made...
At the end of the day.. its all about respect. Ever wonder why some people wont say certain things to other people. Cause a boundary has been made.

I know in my experience. I had a female co-worker who always touched me. a pat.. a small strike.. It made me feel comfortable until one day she poked me. I got up followed her and told her. I have a serious napolean complex. I dont like to be touched. Since then she hasnt touched me.

Be strong.. at sometimes it is necessary to put on the assertive cape on.

I hope this helps.

yes I agree, I don't have a problem setting boundaries, but its a shame we have to set one. It just annoys me that something always has to be said. I don't see white women go thru this.

I agree with everyone. It is never too late to set a boundary, just be professional when you do it.

When your co-worker calls you over to critique you, you can handle it in two ways:

1. either stop him before he starts and correct him professionally or
2. let him say his peace, but inturn you critique him on his hair and outfit (professionally) and then turn away and go back to work.

You have to work with these people, but you don't have to tolerate their nosense.

Go ahead and establish your boundary, but always be professional. Because you don't want to come off as the angry black woman.

ITA. That is one of the things I do avoid is coming off as a angry black woman. ....as they call it the typical black woman syndrome

 

[~*Tigget*~]

Thats a good suggestion. I will bring this up just so they know for the next black person they encounter. But this is something that has happened in other places I've worked. And after speaking w/ other black women it happens in a lot of companies. Don't misunderstand, they aren't making fun of me, its just they feel they have to tell me what they like or dislike about my hair that day as if I was styling it for them.

I guess some white ppl are intrigued by black folks

It is crazy tho, I would never tell someone I don't like the way your hair looks....well unless it was one of my kids.... cuz they do have their moments.

That's crazy. I say go off...you dont have to curse or even raise your voice though but I might say it loud enough at lunch for all of them to hear or I might call a meeting . They are working your nerves and making you uncomfortable-- Let them know that it aint cool for them to always be judging you, it seems like they keep doing because they know you will tolerate it. I really can't imagine this going on at any of the places I have worked whether the majority were black or it was mixed races. I have worked in a majority white and a majority hispanic environment and no one was ever rude to me, as a matter of fact most have complimented me on braids or weave lol. People dont always agree with everyone's hair or choice of clothes--that's life-- but they gossip quietly or keep it to themselves... the fact that they keep judging you and making fun of you like that daily or weekly is rude and belittling. I think you need to check this because it already sounds like it has gotten out of hand.

 

[Mook's hair]

I agree with everyone too. It is never too late to set a boundary, But I think you are gonna have to be professionally rude when you do it.

All the times that you're saying thanks and walking away are giving the impression that you're cool with dancing the dance.

It's OK to tell them that enough is enough.
Don't go off on anyone but you can do it either playfully or very matter-of-factly. But there is gonna need to be a little rudeness if it is gonna affect their behavior.

 

[Christa438]

Thats a good suggestion. I will bring this up just so they know for the next black person they encounter. But this is something that has happened in other places I've worked. And after speaking w/ other black women it happens in a lot of companies. Don't misunderstand, they aren't making fun of me, its just they feel they have to tell me what they like or dislike about my hair that day as if I was styling it for them.

I guess some white ppl are intrigued by black folks

It is crazy tho, I would never tell someone I don't like the way your hair looks....well unless it was one of my kids.... cuz they do have their moments.

Okay I gotcha. my misunderstanding...

Yeah I went to a majority white college for a couple of years too and they did seem to be very curious about us and our hair lol. My roommate came back and told me how another black girl showed her a track sewn in and explained how it was done and I swear she talked with so much excitement and amusement as if that was the highlight of her day I agree that some people are just rude and have no tact and crazily some really don't even realize that they are being rude. It's like they didn't get taught "unless you have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." I also wouldn't tell someone if I didn't like their hair or clothes no matter what race or sex the person is unless I know them well (family/friends) and Im trying to look out for them Hey, next time maybe you can tell one of them "You have no home training do you? but now that I know you don't like it, I can go die now, because my life decisions revolve around you."

 

[~*Tigget*~]

Okay I gotcha. my misunderstanding...

Yeah I went to a majority white college for a couple of years too and they did seem to be very curious about us and our hair lol. My roommate came back and told me how another black girl showed her a track sewn in and explained how it was done and I swear she talked with so much excitement and amusement as if that was the highlight of her day I agree that some people are just rude and have no tact and crazily some really don't even realize that they are being rude. It's like they didn't get taught "unless you have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." I also wouldn't tell someone if I didn't like their hair or clothes no matter what race or sex the person is unless I know them well (family/friends) and Im trying to look out for them Hey, next time maybe you can tell one of them "You have no home training do you? but now that I know you don't like it, I can go die now, because my life decisions revolve around you."

LMAOthats what I'm saying. I can be professional, and direct. But my thing is...."why do we get approached and questioned". I'm a big girl I can handle it, i just want to do it w/ tact.....now sometimes that's a personal issue for me

Thanks for your input girlie....don't get it twisted though I can act a fool up in 'der...just trying to do it w/ class....i hope. But as many have stated I should have jumped on that at first....now I have to do damage control w/ these fools.

 

[Keep1Belle]

I know at work I spend about 40-50% of my time there, so to develop relationships w/ ppl is normal. However have they taken that as a right to say whatever comes to mind.

I go to work w/ a different hairstyle every week, whether it be extensions, phony pony, natural style, etc. And it never fails someone always says something they don't like about the look I have. Then they have to touch my hair, and have me explain how I did it.

I be like (in my mind) ummmm I wasn't do this look for you. I am not at work for entertainment purposes. I don't go around telling them how they should look, act or dress. One guy even goes as far as to ask me to come over so he can look at my hair and my clothes to see if he likes it, making the comment "yall get so creative w/ yalls hair"

There is only 3 black women in our office, and we constantly complain among ourselves of how racist and inconsiderate ppl can be.

Maybe I should take poll at the end of the week and see how I can be a visual blessing to their eye the next week. I thought about this, should I just come in looking like everybody else and then I won't stand out so much? Because it doesn't just stop w/ the hair, they even critique my clothes. What is up w/ that?

Seriously yall what is the best approach on this, before I go off?

I see two things in your post. The guy who made the comment is dead wrong and espscially asking you to come to HIM so he can check it out. So are the co-workers that touch your hair without asking. No one should touch you at work.

Second thing I see is that you possible stand out in hair and dress. What type of company/department do you work in? Could your dress and style hinder you? I say this because I see it alot and i work in HR. At some companies for instance Ad.com or XM radio people are very trendy so it is hard to stick out. also if you came in a stuffy traditional suit, you really wouldnt fit in. However in pother companies older, traditional, accounting firms individuality and being a trend-setter is frowned upon, they like traditional conforming styles.

So, not to say you changing your hair is a bad thing or your dress is wrong (you havent told us what you wear or their comments towards your dress) but, I would consider looking at your company and determining what is the culture or branding there. Do you fall in line with it? If so, maybe they are prejudice or pushing the line. If you dont fall in line, do you want to change to get a better response from co-workers or do you want to move on to a place that is a better fit for you. Same line of work, just a better fit.

i know people always want to play the race card. but I have a co-worker that is caucasian and her nails are always differnt colors and long. its a no-go everyone comments on it. Another one always has a little too much flair to her outfits, also a no go for my company. However, if she worked down the hall she would fit in perfectly.

You need to access your company and yourself.

One last thing. I know your co-workers are vocal, but what does your manager say, if anything?

All of this IMHO

 

[onyxdreams]

I agree with what have been said,I can honestly say my co-workers can read my facial expressions.They keep the humor to a limit with me and thats just how I like it.Some people need to be read out loud.Next time he tells you come over to critique your outfit I would in my loudest voice ask him, Let me get a look at you first since you so interested in fashion? then add the fake giggle and walk away.

Or if He continues to tell you to come over to his house to approve your outfits tell him sure I'll do that but you have to come over so I can make sure your not marrying your cousin. (be prepared for a new career though)

 

[~*Tigget*~]

I see two things in your post. The guy who made the comment is dead wrong and espscially asking you to come to HIM so he can check it out. So are the co-workers that touch your hair without asking. No one should touch you at work.

Yea he is wrong, but he is in a wheel chair and I think he feels he can get away w/ stuff because of that. Well I nipped that in the bud.

Its nothing offensive meant in them touching my hair, its just intriguing to them I guess. But definitely irritating to me. I don't touch anyones hair, why would I? I don't get that about people.

Second thing I see is that you possible stand out in hair and dress. What type of company/department do you work in? Could your dress and style hinder you? I say this because I see it alot and i work in HR. At some companies for instance Ad.com or XM radio people are very trendy so it is hard to stick out. also if you came in a stuffy traditional suit, you really wouldnt fit in. However in pother companies older, traditional, accounting firms individuality and being a trend-setter is frowned upon, they like traditional conforming styles.

I'm not really a trend setter, I dress professional, business casual. It's an office, so the dress should be as such. For example if I wear a dress out of norm of my usual appearance, they make comments like why are you all dressed up today. Well now anything I wear I get a comment on not necessarily a compliment but like wow you all dressed up for what. They want me to explain my attire for the day....what tha. Now they dress in wind pants, flip flops, slogan t-shirts, which is frowned upon by management. If anything I am in code, and maybe me wearing my gear makes them uncomfortable.

So, not to say you changing your hair is a bad thing or your dress is wrong (you havent told us what you wear or their comments towards your dress) but, I would consider looking at your company and determining what is the culture or branding there. Do you fall in line with it? If so, maybe they are prejudice or pushing the line. If you dont fall in line, do you want to change to get a better response from co-workers or do you want to move on to a place that is a better fit for you. Same line of work, just a better fit.

answered above...
i know people always want to play the race card. but I have a co-worker that is caucasian and her nails are always differnt colors and long. its a no-go everyone comments on it. Another one always has a little too much flair to her outfits, also a no go for my company. However, if she worked down the hall she would fit in perfectly.

I only play this card, because I never hear comments to other co-workers of caucasian descent. I work in the office w/ a causcasian lady and she dresses very cute. Never do I hear them say anything to her....I'm thinking they must wants some brown suga...still annoying.

You need to access your company and yourself.


One last thing. I know your co-workers are vocal, but what does your manager say, if anything?

Emails have been sent to address this concern, but some folks just don't get it. I realize there are some ppl I work w/ set in their ways but it doesn't excuse it. I can handle the situation at work, but how do I go about it when its outside of work.

I'm not stressed about it, basically was asking what is up w/ work folks grilling sistas over there hair & attire.

These ppl I don't think mean anything by it necessarily, I just think its lack of respect and manners for the most part.

All of this IMHO

Thank you.

 

[graCeful_89]

For me, it's important to lay the foundation "properly" in the beginning, so folks know how far they can go with me. Shying away from certain conversations (whether they are about me or not), not hanging out after work hours, giving "the look" every now and again...seems to have worked for me!

Good luck with this!

Lol i like that - but sometimes its really annoying. Like why do I have to be the one to give "the look" and be extra mean at times? I am starting to come to terms that people are just bloody bored around here!!!

 

[Keep1Belle]

Yea he is wrong, but he is in a wheel chair and I think he feels he can get away w/ stuff because of that. Well I nipped that in the bud.

...LOL Im sorry that is no excuse, but you are RIGHT he probably plays that up.

You are right if they are slummin it in flip flops and crocs and you are dressing as if you actually are at work, then I can see they want to know why you havent stooped to their slack and wack level.

In that case do you, stay fly.