Single father at a loss in dealing with daughter's natural hair

[Eritreladiee]

Hypothetical situation

Lets say you're at the mall, and you're approached by a single father and his 10 year old (natural haired) daughter. She has long MBLish hair (and from what you're told, it used to be WL, but they had to cut it off because it got so matted oh and the girl is a swimmer, so with all that chlorine ) She also has a similar hair texture as you (3c).

So he compliments your hair style, asks a few questions-- like where you got it done (you did it yourself) what the style is called (flat twists-- which are at the front, and the back is out curly) etc. At his request, you let him snap a picture of your hair, because he wants to find someone to do his daughters hair in this style for her school dance on Friday. You even take out a twist to demonstrate how easy it is to do-- she could probably even do it. But at the same time recommend that if he's gonna get someone to do anything, he should go for cornrows instead of twists at the front, as this style would probably last longer for her.

Anyway, long story short, you go back and forth on product usage, styling methods, (which as it stand is ) etc. and he expresses how challenging it is for him dealing with her hair being that he's a single father, and is kinda at a loss.

He asks if you can do hair-- and yes, you can braid hair and do he whole nine. He offers to pay you, and seems kinda desperate (you'd probably do it all free of charge cuz )-- and more than just wanting someone to do her hair, he's looking for someone to help teach her and him how to take care of it.

Ok you exchange numbers, and agree to do her hair for the school dance.

You later run into them again at the dollar store buying bobby pins and a wide tooth comb that you recommended

Anyway, you really wanna help the situation because it seems legit, but what level of precaution would you take in going about all this?

I'm feeling kinda paranoid...

 

[Foxglove]

Give him a couple of websites like happygirlhair and be done with it

 

[Kdiamond19]

Kudos to you for wanting to help (hypothetical or not)! You can suggest some beauty salons that are really good and could help teach him a few things. If you still want to help, you can meet the father and daughter at a location they select as oppose to your own home (i can't think of publicly acceptible place to do hair). You can give the contact info and location to a few people that are close to you just in case, and also drag a friend with you for moral support/"security".

 

[Eritreladiee]

Give him a couple of websites like happygirlhair and be done with it

Good idea. It didn't even occur to me to direct him to some internet resources. Just felt bad for the girl, because I see so much potential in her hair. As for him, he could be a creep for all I know...

 

[Eritreladiee]

Kudos to you for wanting to help (hypothetical or not)! You can suggest some beauty salons that are really good and could help teach him a few things. If you still want to help, you can meet the father and daughter at a location they select as oppose to your own home (i can't think of publicly acceptible place to do hair). You can give the contact info and location to a few people that are close to you just in case, and also drag a friend with you for moral support/"security".

I honestly can't think of any public spots either That was actually my main concern-- like where is all this gonna be happening? Because there's no way in hell I'd be comfortable going to anyones house, or having anyone come to mine.

 

[Kdiamond19]

I honestly can't think of any public spots either That was actually my main concern-- like where is all this gonna be happening? Because there's no way in hell I'd be comfortable going to anyones house, or having anyone come to mine.

I agree. Maybe a park or a very very very clean public bathroom erplexed. Maybe your best best is just suggesting a hair site for education and a salon for execution.

On another note: this man doesn't have any female relatives or friends?!?

 

[Eritreladiee]

I agree. Maybe a park or a very very very clean public bathroom erplexed. Maybe your best best is just suggesting a hair site for education and a salon for execution.

On another note: this man doesn't have any female relatives or friends?!?

The more I think about it, the more I have a bad feeling about the whole thing.

It probably is best just to suggest a few sites and be done

 

[Kiowa]

this is my brother...his wife passed away at 31 ..leaving him with a 9yr girl to care for. She is now 11yr, wsl hair... i taught him how to braid it, keep it from getting dry,not too weighted down in oils....they are not all creeps, but like anything else..do need to execise caution

 

[starfish79]

On another note: this man doesn't have any female relatives or friends?!?

Just playing devil's advocate...maybe they're all relaxed and he's trying to keep DDs hair natural.

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Yeah, I say send him to a few websites. Beads, Braids and Beyond is a favorite of mine. Blessed Curly Girls is another I like. I don't even have kids and I read both blogs, lol.

And I'm paranoid about these kindsa things too but let me just warn you. A fashion blogger (Juanette...I would link you to the post but that would take a lot of digging) met a guy the same way (she's natural too) and they exchanged numbers. Randomly she happened to be telling her girlfriend about it and she was like "Omg, did he look like ____? And did he say ____?" Turns out this guy was using these lines to pick up women. He really did have a daughter, may have really even been single. Not at all saying you've run into their same dude but just letting you know that you aren't crazy to be cautious. There are some crazies out there!

 

[Aireen]

Turns out this guy was using these lines to pick up women.

Honestly, that was the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the OP's post.

 

[KimPossibli]

why not explain your concern, and bring a friend along? to reduce the danger
he may/may not be trying to use it as a pick up line but that's not difficult; just annoying..

 

[hola_lo2002]

Bring a couple of friends with you and maybe you could go to your church to do it. Churches usually have rooms that they use for classes so maybe you can invite them here. If he's crazy, I'm sure he wouldn't have the strength to to something bad in a church...

 

[PeaceFlow]

If her hair was really bad and I randomly caught him following my suggestions I'd probably help. If it was just a line, I don't think he'd be buying things you suggested when you're not in eyesight. I also think he would be texting your phone now with bs.

I'd go to a mixed neighbourhood park (so people might not be so surprised by someone doing hair ). Would advise him on products to wash and condition DDs hair prior to the meeting.

Generally I can see through men who are trying to pick me up so if I thought the situation was genuine on gut feeling and body language etc.. I'd do something. The worst that can happen in a public park is he might try a few lines, or smile at me too long etc. That would be my cue to leave, no harm I've been hit on before lol. In the event it was bs at least I'd tried to help a lil girl out.
If I didnt have the time I'd just direct him to websites.

 

[Missigirl]

Be careful you are right to be suspicious. If you have a very large male friend, cousin, boyfriend, husband any of the above bring them along. Meeting at your church is an excellent idea make a gathering out of it. Who knows you might help save a sole as well as hair.

 

[Tiye]

At his request, you let him snap a picture of your hair, because he wants to find someone to do his daughters hair in this style for her school dance on Friday.

I guess the part of this story that seems odd to me that he's going through all this trouble to get his daughter's hair ready for a dance. Well why didn't he ask for recommendations about a salon? And the part where he talks about losing inches where she went from WL to MBL - I don't know any men who would worry about that. It's not like all her hair came out so its almost like he's been reading hair board threads. Even if all his female relatives are relaxed, if this girl has so much hair, none of them have the savvy to pull her hair up in a simple bun or top knot? I don't know where you live but in my area it's still a bit too cold and windy to do hair in the park. Maybe offer to accompany him to a stylist so you can ask for things that he might not know about?

 

[caltron]

No way would I do this, no matter how sorry I felt for the girl. At best it's a pickup line (most likely). At worst he's crazy. Listen to that nagging voice in your gut that telling you something is nto right. It's just not worth it.

 

[Moniquenuss]

Well I see you mentioned that she was a swimmer. Maybe you can meet them after practice at whatever pool they go to. This was she can shower and you can wash dc and then style her hair there. This way you a around tons of people and its acceptable because its in a locker room.

Another thought if there is a college near by maybe you can go to their student union building. I went to an HBCU and girls were always getting their hair braided while watching a movie or what have you.

Hope this helps

Mo

 

[prettyinpurple]

Aww I think you should help him. But limit it to one or two sessions since you feel hesitant about it. I think it would be great for the daughter's self esteem if you personally helped her. Set a firm date for ending it though, in case they start calling you too much. That would be annoying.

How about a meeting or study room at the library and still bringing a friend too?

 

[diadall]

Since he is the one with the child he is taking a bigger risk of you being a creep than you are of him.

Anyway, I would refer him to some sources in town over internet.

The jargon on some of those sites, even the beginer ones are hard to follow.

 

[kinkycurlygurl]

Using a room at your church is a great idea. You could even arrange it for a time when your deacon board or usher board is meeting so that there'd be plenty of chapperones.

Or even ask some of your deacons/ess to be around. Any decent man, with a daughter of his own, would understand why you'd be uncomfortable going to a stranger's place or letting a stranger into yours.

If he objects to this kind of arrangement, I'd walk away.

Bring a couple of friends with you and maybe you could go to your church to do it. Churches usually have rooms that they use for classes so maybe you can invite them here. If he's crazy, I'm sure he wouldn't have the strength to to something bad in a church...

 

[Ogoma]

I honestly can't think of any public spots either That was actually my main concern-- like where is all this gonna be happening? Because there's no way in hell I'd be comfortable going to anyones house, or having anyone come to mine.

Book the reading room at the local library for an hour.

 

[Ediese]

I'm way too cautious, so I wouldn't do it. I was watching Criminal Minds last night, and this man came running up to this woman talking about his daughter is missing. He asked her to help him find her. She was about to call out to her husband to help them, but the man said, 'wait..I think I hear her', and started running off into the woods. She hesitated, but went after him. He popped her right across her head, and killed her. It took less than 5 minutes. The park was full of people, and no one saw. No thanks. I'm ok with being paranoid. This world we live in is really different. People are too crazy.

 

[Raspberry]

You can't just recommend him to a salon or kitchen-tician who braids hair?

If you have to find a special public place to do this it's not worth it, this isn't a matter of life and death where you need to compromise your safety, we're just taking about a little girl needing her hair braided. It's hard for me to believe that a single black man doesn't have a few women lined up willing to do it for free (aunts, cousins, co-workers-, bright-eyed admirers, etc.).. just sayin.

 

[CandiceC]

I like the locker room after swimming idea.

 

[natural2008]

Listen to that little voice in your head. The little girl could be apart of his plan and he may do this all the time. I would not meet with him. If do choose to make sure he doesn't follow you home, know what kind of car you drive nor gains access to your license plate number. He could be a whack job. I'm sure he knows how to use the interet and can do some searches. He may not have women in his family because he could have killed them all. Girrrl follow your first mind. When he took the pic of you did he get a photo of your face or just the back of your head?

 

[Raspberry]

Listen to that little voice in your head. The little girl could be apart of his plan and he may do this all the time. I would not meet with him. If do choose to make sure he doesn't follow you home, know what kind of car you drive nor gains access to your license plate number. He could be a whack job. I'm sure he knows how to use the interet and can do some searches. He may not have women in his family because he could have killed them all. Girrrl follow your first mind. When he took the pic of you did he get a photo of your face or just the back of your head?

Naw but for real, take a step back and think about it OP.. it may be flattering that he's asking for your help but somethin doesn't sound right. Not saying he's automatically a psycho but.. if he's only trying to hit on you he's doing too much.

 

[natural2008]

Raspberry - Girl why you laughing at me, lol ?? You know there is a good chance I could be right.

 

[cutiebe2]

OP did you get a bad feeling or not?

On the one hand be cautious, but on the other if you really feel you should help, then help. While I understand everyone being cautious, its sad that we are so on guard that we could not help someone who truely needs it.

Maybe he doesn't have any family in the area or ones that are willing to help. Not everyone has family where they are willing to really help you raise you child including things like doing hair :/

 

[Afrobuttafly]

If you teach him how to do the basics he won't need you anymore. You mentioned that he wants to learn how not just for you to do it and he wipes his hands with it. I understand your caution, but at the same time do something to help the guy for the little girls sake. You saw her dilemma with your own eyes. Be careful, but still be kind. Based on the info you shared the situation seems pretty legit (buying things for her hair)..That's what I would do.