Should I tell her how I feel...

Fine 4s

Fine 4s

Well-Known Member
Please do not quote

A gf of mine asked to stay at my house tonight. I didn't ask her but I'm sure she's going with this other person whom I don't talk to anymore but was once close to. Every time I hear them going out, it really saddens me because I wish I could be down lol!

I also feel that it's a tad bit inconsiderate of her to stay at my house when she's going to be partying without me and without inviting me (she can't because of the other person.) Picture this (Sicily 1966 lol) she's getting all dolled up, asking me what she should wear etc. and I'm sitting there at home looking like Cinderella.

What should I do? Get over it on my own or let her know how it makes me feel?

Please do not quote
 
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I think it is rude for her to stay at your house and not even invite you out with her. If she wanted to leave me out she'd have to find somewhere else to stay.
 
Welp she should stay with the other friend since she likes hanging out with her so much IMO. What I really don't get though is why you aren't going to the event with your SO in the first place.
 
Um why not go with the SO? why are you bothered by her going when you could go with the SO..I mean he mentioned it right?
 
Why not go with your SO? He's the one that should have invited you, not your friend. It makes sense that she wouldn't invite you since she's going with someone you don't talk to. I'd be more offended about my SO not inviting me than my friend.
 
She's rude. How you gone come stay at my house and not invite me to the fun festivities??? Next time she should stay at the other girls house.
 
Girl I would go with SO with a quickness. Your friend is a controlling little heifer, wanna stay at your house, hang with someone else, and tell you where to go and be at. I would get dolled up and have a blast with my SO. They can go somewhere else:yep: if they want to. And in the future she needs to stay at your ex-friends house when she plans to hang with her.
 
I do that because you never know who's on these boards-
And then I have the nerve to delete them. I'm sorry :(
 
I really don't see the problem then. You should go with your SO.

If you are offering her a place to stay for free, then it's for free. She doesn't owe you her time or anything in exchange. If that bothers you, then let her know the terms of the agreement upfront.

For instance, I have a friend from Washington state staying with me this weekend. She's in town for a wedding. Last night she went out with a few other friends who will be attending the wedding. I wasn't offended at all. Just because she's staying with me doesn't mean she's obligated to drag me everywhere with her. I offered her a FREE place to stay and I meant it.

I had a distant family member call me out of the blue to let me know that they would be in town for a charity event (it was very last-minute) and asked if they could stay with me. I said "sure!". After her trip, I heard through the grapevine that she was offended that I didn't take time off from work to spend more time with her. :huh: I was like um... 'scuse me. You asked for a place to stay, not for me to be your personal tour guide and travel agent. If she wanted to turn her excursion into a full-on vacation, she should have planned ahead. I called and told her as much.
 
I don't understand why she isn't staying with the other friend? Do you have some luxurious palace? Is the other person a hoarder? What gives?

I don't get it. Your SO invited you and you should go. You are saying no to your man over some high school BS IMHO.
 
I'm torn between your stance and my feelings.
Perhaps those who believe its rude can explain more. I think the dynamics are slightly different than in the scenario you presented though Smiley.

ETA- ladies, I never said I wasn't going or said that I told SO no!
So if it's highschool stuff, why do I feel this way? Did I not develop properly?
I take it you think I should get over it? :$

Also Smiley, I've been in your shoes several times allowing friends and family to stay who have other plans that do not involve me. But this feels different.
 
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It's a different scenario, but the same lesson. Offering someone a place to sleep doesn't mean they owe you their time nor does it mean you owe them yours. I place to sleep is just that... a place to sleep.
 
Maybe I'm the odd one out, here. But honestly? I wouldn't care.

If I offer my home out of the kindness of my spirit, that offer would not come with strings or envy. And OP, basically that's it. You're jealous. And why? You have a nice SO willing to take you. Even if you didn't have a date, it shouldn't matter.

Let it go.
 
I'd be salty too. If my friend was staying at my place and didn't at least invite me (knowing good and well I may say no) I'd be mad. It's just common courtesy. Geez.
 
Fine 4s said:
I'm torn between your stance and my feelings.

Maybe it's something less obvious like maybe I'm jealous of their friendship maybe I don't want them being friends (none of these are at the forefront of my mind btw) but who knows what's driving these feelings.

Perhaps those who believe its rude can explain more. I think the dynamics are slightly different than in the scenario you presented though Smiley.

Nevertheless they are there...

ETA- ladies, I never said I wasn't going or said that I told SO no!
So if it's highschool stuff, why do I feel this way? Did I not develop properly?
I take it you think I should get over it? :$
Click to expand...

To the bolded, I think we have all been clear about why it's rude. Do you disagree with us? No one said get over it, most of us are saying set better boundaries with your gf and enjoy going out with your SO. And as far as your friend being friends with the ex-friend, yes you have to get over that eventually. She can be friends with whomever she wants to be friends with, just doesn't have to stay at your house while hanging with her. Otherwise, the feelings you have about them being friends is just that, feelings, it's okay, it's an uncomfortable situation, and your friend isn't helping the matter. Situations like this are sad and feel icky, such is life. Sometimes the friend in the middle has to choose or the person in your position has to let the other friend go. I was in this position years ago and in the end I let the other friend go because I found it hard to be close to someone who was close to someone who didn't like me.
 
And I disagree with the place to sleep being just that. Your home is not a hotel and your are not the general manager. You are a person with feelings and this is your home. People who just want a place to crash can stay at a hotel IMO.
 
I think you should tell her how you feel. It doesn't have to be in a nasty way just let her know you feel a little used. I hope you do go to the event...that may open up some dialogue about the situation.
 
hopeful said:
To the bolded, I think we have all been clear about why it's rude. Do you disagree with us? No one said get over it, most of us are saying set better boundaries with your gf and enjoy going out with your SO. And as far as your friend being friends with the ex-friend, yes you have to get over that eventually. She can be friends with whomever she wants to be friends with, just doesn't have to stay at your house while hanging with her. Otherwise, the feelings you have about them being friends is just that, feelings, it's okay, it's an uncomfortable situation, and your friend isn't helping the matter. Situations like this are sad and feel icky, such is life. Sometimes the friend in the middle has to choose or the person in your position has to let the other friend go. I was in this position years ago and in the end I let the other friend go because I found it hard to be close to someone who was close to someone who didn't like me.
Click to expand...

I know that people will view this situation differently so I'm interested in the perspectives as it will help me understand WHY I feel the way I do.

The folks in this thread who think I should get over it (b/c that's how it was stated in my OP) obviously don't view it as rude. These interesting view points to me are both valid. I know that my feelings are a little hurt but that's just that. That doesn't mean I'm right either. It could mean that I'm under developed...emotionally LOL

My comment about HS stuff was directed ThickHair.
 
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hopeful
Your last post reminds me of what my friend would say.
She said when you and your SO go out of town you should stay in a hotel. This would eliminate all the other headaches that can happen. Good point lady!
 
Thats so trifling. I'd discontinue my relationship with her as well for pulling some mess like that. But thats just me.
 
Maybe the friend you're not cool with invited the friend who stayed at your house. It really wasn't her went to invite you to and she probably didn't wanna mention it so you wouldn't feel awkward.
 
Or maybe they were trying to have girls night and knew they couldn't ask you not to bring your boo.
Is this a ticketed event? There might only be 2 tickets
 
@Fine_4s here is what it is. You don't really want to go with your friend and your ex-friend. You just want the opportunity to turn down the offer to attend the event, and your probably also just want to know that she still thinks of you as friend who she'd consider for fun outings. You are hurt because you feel she has preference for the ex-friend over you.

It's like, you're good enough to open your doors and offer your bed/couch to her, but you're not good enough to be offered tickets etc to whatever/whenever. You are hurt and that's understandable.

If your friendship is valuable enough to you, then you should talk to her about how you feel. It doesn't even have to be tonight. If you've already agreed to allow her to stay at her place, then don't renege. Save the conversation for tomorrow so that she doesn't do that ish to you again. No one likes to feel used.
 
nadaa16 said:
Or maybe they were trying to have girls night and knew they couldn't ask you not to bring your boo.
Is this a ticketed event? There might only be 2 tickets
Click to expand...

LOL! I wish that was it, quick remedy to that one.
 
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