Should I just give up???

TBird

TBird

Well-Known Member
I know there have been countless topics started about discourgement. But I've been a member of this board for nearly 4 months. I've done everything. CO washes, protein treatments, deep conditioning, leave-ins, oils, spritzes, protective styles, no heat, stretching relaxers, vitamins, water, carrots, exercising, protein shakes, serums, you name it and I've done it or am doing it. I've tried to be very consistent because I feel that is key. And yet my hair looks the same as it did 4 months ago. The one change I did notice was what MSM did for my hair. What am I doing wrong? Am I expecting too much. My hair was badly damaged from daily curling iron use and other things. Maybe it takes time to repair the damage and then start seeing real progress. My hair is a little longer but not much. Its already too thick. Its still dry, thin ends. And I am at wits end about what to do.
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What do I do!!!! I want to just say f*** it and just make sure my hair looks good even if it isn't healthy. Please help.
 
Nooo! Don't give up. If you have been using curling irons for a long time then the damage may be furtherup the hair shaft than it looks. Which means it will take a longer time to get past it than you think.
If it has been four months, and you hair grows 1/2 inch per month, then you probably have two inches of turnover on your head but not much real growth.
Meaning you have two inches (or more) of damaged hair that is still falling off, making you hair the same length but certainly in better shape as long as you have been treating it better.
I would say give it a year and see if you have made any progress. Believe me its worth it, one measly year compared to the possibility of the rest of your life of long healthy hair.
Just my .02
 
I feel your pain. And I have been feeling like that today as well. But the ladies have been giving some good advice and encouragement and we should both hang in there.

I guess I just haven't found that "magic" balance yet of protein, moisture, oil & whatever else. But I'm determine to keep trying.

(((hugs)))
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for you.
 
TBird, never say never!
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You can definitely make things turn around for your hair once you've found what really works for you - and it does take time. Sometimes it's best to simplfiy things for a while and let your hair be.

You've listed everything that you've done, but what is your current regimen?

Also, your focus should remain on healthy hair first so it can look good - you can do it!
 
TBird, when you say "a little longer" how much do you mean? 4 months, in the grand scheme of things, really isn't that long. You may just not have found the right regimen for you. And if you're trying all those new techniques at the same time, it will be hard for you to pinpoint which ones are working and which ones aren't
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I say try again with a simple regimen--you don't need to do any- and everything that's mentioned on this board.
I would start with evaluating the shampoo and conditioner you're using. They are the basis of the regimen and finding a shampoo that won't tear up your hair or dry it out, and finding a conditioner that consistently moisturizes and smooths is essential.
But before I go on and on about what to do, maybe you could tell us exactly what your current regimen is, and a little more about your hair. I'm sure the ladies here can help pinpoint some steps in your regimen that may be causing trouble
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Your problem is trying to repair the damage. You have to cut it off or the growth will keep breaking off and you wont see the growth.

Also do you keep switching things or have you put yourself on a plan where you wash on a certain day (and whenever you think more is needed) and condition and so on.
 
I agree with BlackCardinal. The best thing is to go through your current regiment with a fine toothed comb and check the ingredients of the products. It really is best to change one thing at a time to see what your hair responds well to.
 
Just hang in there and breath TBird. First off don't sweat it too much, stress can cause damage to your hair as well. All these ladies have given you good advice too. Going over your current regimen and products is a good idea. Try to simplify things and before you know it you'll see results. We can help you to if you want to post your regiem and your hair description. I just helped a friend and her hair is looking great. This board is full of experts. Damaged hair takes time to recover but you'll get there. We are all here for you girl.
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Awww TBird -- (((HUGS))) and don't give up. Besides, if you gave up, what ELSE would you do knowing what you know? I refuse to believe you would return to those bad hair habits after all this. Dude, you have NO CHOICE but to continue on this journey with the rest of us!

I DITTO what everyone else said and will add that it took years of damaging habits to wreak havoc on your hair and it will probably take years of good habits to fix the problem. Heck, I've been at this for about 3 years (only discovered LHCF a few months ago and I've learned tons in that short time). Four months is barely enough time to figure out what products and techniques work for you before you settle into your own comfortable routine. The first few months I bought so many different things and was switching and trying everything every other day that my poor hair didn't know how to react. I finally pared things down to the basics (products and routine) and after about 8 to 10 months on consistency, I finally saw the benefits. I also learned that "less is more" in terms of hair products and I am extremely discriminating in buying anything new -- I check ingredients first and then check my cabinet to see if I already have something similar (I usually do!). Just take a deep breath and remember: "It is always darkest just before dawn!" "It is always the stormiest just before the calm" Girl, your breathru is about to happen and all you need to do is to stick with it, run the race, stay the course, don't look back, it's just your hair blowing in the wind . . . GO GROW GO . . .
 
Ladies I feel so much better already. I can't thank you enough for the support. Here is what I'm doing currently...

Wednesdays I condition wash with Suave Milk & Honey or Coconut. Use NTM leave-in and EQP's mango butter for moisturizer and let airdry. On Sats I do a pre-poo treatment with Suave Coconut, pure coconut oil, and honey. I heat it put on plastic cap, wrap my head in heated towel for about 20 min-1 hour. Shampoo with Nexxus therappe deep condition with either ORS Mayo or Nexxus Humectress. Apply leave-in and moisturizer and let air dry. Daily I apply some type of moisturizer or oil, but oil tends to sit on my hair. I have extremely dry, course, and thick 4b hair. I'm relaxing every 8-10 weeks. I'm taking MSM and silica. I'm trying to be consistent about the water but ladies I luvs my Pepsi. So what do you think?
 
What you're doing sounds right. What type of moisturizer are you using? That's the only thing that I can think of that could be the problem.
Try to put down the Pepsi and pick up the water. Add a bit of lemon, lime or even orange to give it some flavor. Try it for a week. You'll surprise yourself. You might start craving water instead of Pepsi.
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Four months isn't very long at all. Don't give up.

I bet you have had some improvement, but don't see it because you are examining your hair so closely. Sometimes it takes other people to help us see things.

Hey, share with some of us your password to your photos, and let us help you guage your hair's progress
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I think your regimen sounds good! I would recommend, however, trying to clarify your hair maybe at least once a week since some of the products you mentioned using contain 'cones. It can build up on your hair - you're able to see this when your hair doesn't do what it normally does or if it appears somewhat dull. That may be your culprit! To remove build up, I use apple cider vinegar rinses because it's a natural antiseptic and leaves your hair soft, not stripped. HTH!
 
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TBird said:
Ladies I feel so much better already. I can't thank you enough for the support. Here is what I'm doing currently...

Wednesdays I condition wash with Suave Milk & Honey or Coconut. Use NTM leave-in and EQP's mango butter for moisturizer and let airdry. On Sats I do a pre-poo treatment with Suave Coconut, pure coconut oil, and honey. I heat it put on plastic cap, wrap my head in heated towel for about 20 min-1 hour. Shampoo with Nexxus therappe deep condition with either ORS Mayo or Nexxus Humectress. Apply leave-in and moisturizer and let air dry. Daily I apply some type of moisturizer or oil, but oil tends to sit on my hair. I have extremely dry, course, and thick 4b hair. I'm relaxing every 8-10 weeks. I'm taking MSM and silica. I'm trying to be consistent about the water but ladies I luvs my Pepsi. So what do you think?

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1. Your regimen sounds pretty good--I'm also interested to know what you use as a daily moisturizer. That could be the culprit. Also, if your hair already feels dry, I would opt for the moisturizer more than the oil
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2. How does your hair feel to you throughout the stages of your wash day? Does your hair feel super moisturized while shampooing/conditioning only to feel rough after drying? How do you air dry? Sometimes the specific air-drying technique used can make a HUGE difference (at least for me).

3. How long have you been using the NTM leave-in? I don't use it and don't know much about it, but I know that the way my hair dries is pretty dependent on what leave-in I use.

4. Can you think of a time when your hair felt better than it does now? Even if just a little bit. What were you using then? Any tried-and-true staples you used to use that you sort of forgot about once joining LHCF? Sometimes a return to old favorites is needed
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5. You really do need to moisturize from the inside. Trust me, I know it's hard. I used to drink root beer every day with lunch and dinner a couple years ago.
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It's hard to cut back on your favorite soda
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Let's say you have one of those 16 or 20oz bottles of Pepsi. Try to make it stretch throughout the day. Each time you want to take a drink of Pepsi, make a new habit of having a little water before Pepsi. If you drink enough water, you will be satisfied with a few sips of Pepsi, just for the taste instead of for quenching thirst.
Work your way up to more water and maybe only a 12oz can of Pepsi. And so on... It can be done, you just need to take your time. It takes almost a full month to really form a new habit. No need to go cold turkey--this is supposed to be a long-term change
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NaturalRox got a point about 'cones -- it took me months to realize that I WAS doing everything right and the problem was a "glosser" that i was using which was loaded with 'cones. Once I stopped using, it's been smooth sailing ever since. I don't go NEAR leave-ins with cones because my hair doesn't like and I don't like using clarifying 'poos -- both the 'cones and the clarifying 'poos leave my hair dry so I just stay away from both. My basic products do not have 'cones (therappe, humectress, headdress and sauve coconut or milk&honey for CW). I have a couple of questions:

1. do you dry in rollerset or loose?
2. what leave-ins & moisturzer are you using?
3. how do you style daily? any heat?

I too have thick course 4b hair and found that wash/condition/leavein/rollerset/dry keeps my hair healthy, moisturized and bouncy with having to do anythingelse in between washes. I no longer put any oils, grease, gels, or anything on my hair in between washes (I wash 2x a week, 1 with 'poo and 1 CW) and found that I do not need to add oils or serums to my hair in between -- whenever I do, my hair loses bounce and it just "sits on top". You may want to try NOT putting anyone on and see how it goes. I sleep in 2 large magnetic rollers (1 in front, 1 in back, easy to sleep) and finger comb in the morning. I only comb once a day, and that's at night when I massage and roll it up for bed. I don't own brushes anymore and I avoid 'cones like the plague. I also do regular ACVs (usually after the 'poo, but not when I CW). Ultimately, IMO, using less stuff and handling your hair less is the key . . .

I hope this helps and
 
Don't give in too quickly! I am a newbie like you and I agree that at times it seems overwhelming trying to figure out what is best for your hair. I look at some of the other board members beautiful hair and think that my hair has never and will never be like theirs but you know what...as I read the board I see that many of the members have been taking care of their hair much longer than you and I. Some have even had major setbacks and still hung in there, and I think to myself if they can do it there is no reason why I can't. And I am sure that you can too, we just have to be patient, even when it seem like it will take forever. I wish you the best of luck!
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PLEASE dont give up it took me awhile before I started seeing actual results, my hair gota little longer but still looked the same, please keep trying you have nothing to lose by trying. Just be patient, it was almost a year before I saw that my hair was actually shiny and "looked" healthy for a change. So dont give up, one day youll wake up and be shocked at your progress.
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Bless your heart. Take heart and remember that all the hair that was on your head 4 months ago is mostly the hair that's on there now. If you were not as gentle and caring with your hair before you came to the board--then that hair is still getting over "issues." Keep doing what you're doing, but definitely don't OVER DO it-- and the change will come.
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tbird, please look at my album in my short hair pics. That is pretty much how my hair has looked for the past several years. I never had hair much longer than that except when I was a kid.

My hair grew a lot when I cut the damaged hair off and left it alone for a long time. have u considered doing the same as in maybe getting braids or wearing a phony pony? It really worked well for me. A year later I had shoulder length hair that had snuck up on me!

Just since June I have started following a more intense regimen. Only very recently as in the last few weeks have I seen improvements. I promise u, one day you will wake up and start saying things like, wow my hair is soft, wow my hair is shiny, wow-my hair is really GROWING. Keep your chin up chica, u didnt damage your hair overnight so u wont have a head full of healthy flowing hair overnight wither. take a look at 6 months, Ill bet there will be a big difference.

If u arent taking pics, start now because I never would have thought my hair has been growing but by looking at the pics its obvious it has been making progress.
 
Many have given you great advice here. Like the others I agree four months is really not a long period of time. Continue with your regmin but give it a solid year. Everyone progresses at a different rate so don't be tempted to compare your progress to others. Just strive to keep on your current track.
 
4 months might not be enough time to see real change. My hair still suffers from damage done a year or two ago. I see this as a life long quest. Even if it takes 10 years to reach my goal, I'm getting there sooner or later...
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Tbird, please don't give. Are you relaxed, if you are I sugest you use braids, buntu knots, twists out, braids out and wash and go, so that you can grow out your hair, you will probably have to cut off your damaged hair. As some of the ladies said that the damage must have gone up further up the hair shaft. Continue with the protein treatments, daily conditioning washes. Your hair needs a lot of protein for strength and moisture. I myself had damage and I had to cut out my hair, my hair is now natural and I continue with my daily cw and shampoo my hair weekly. Try and cut of the heat as much as possible. You have a lot of ladies on the hair board, who will help you achieve your goal.
 
TBird, from reading your post, you and I seem to be having a very similiar problem. Your routine and regimen are very similiar to mine also. But one thing stuck out like a sore thumb in your post. And the reason it stuck out is because I am soooooo guilty of the exact same thing.

*************** WATER DEFECIENCY ***************
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I do not think I have had an entire 8oz glass of water in several weeks. Even when working out, I take a bottle of tea instead of water. This seems to be a common denominator in both our situations. We should become water buddies
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I'm putting down the coffee now & going get some water. You do the same (drop that pepsi.....).
 
Tbird, we have similar hair types and I struggled with a lot of the problems you're struggling with. I.e hard, dry,lack luster hair.

I 've been doing the haircare thing for almost 2 years and I just found what's working for me. Hopefully your journey to hair utopia won't be as long as mine.

I started using:
1. managing the balance between protein & moisture
2. natural oils (jojoba,rosemary, grapeseed and, extar virgin olive)
3. distilled water
4. Feria deep moisturizing conditioner
5. Biosilk Therapy
6. Shea Butter (this is my latest but GREATEST find).

Also, try not to manipulate your hair as often. I know some ladies wash their hair every day or everyother day but try doing the weekly thing for now. Daily only made my hair shed & break more.
 
Ladies I am almost overwhelmed with the support you've given. I must admit I'm having a very hard time finding a good daily moisturizer. I want to try rollersetting but I don't have the rollers. I haven't tried clarifying because I thought it would dry my hair. With ACV rinses do I let it sit on my head? I know I have to be patient. The last time I remember that I loved my hair was about 5 years ago before I chopped it off Halle Berry style. It was past shoulder length, shedding some, but flowy, and it seemed healthy. I was only washing when I felt like it, I was greasing my scalp, using the curling iron almost daily. Everything I shouldn't have been doing I was. But my hair seemed to grow. What's the deal. I'm thinking of going back to CON products which is what I was using back then. Also about my Fotki, yall I was really bored one day and decided to setup an account, but I don't even have a digital camera. I'm tripping. I've taking pics on a disposable and I'm going to take them to Wal-greens and have them put on disk so that I can upload them. Don't hate me I know I'm ghetto.
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Oh and I LOVE U GUYS!!!!!
 
I mostly use the oils after I wash my hair (most often during a rollerset). I usually mix one of them with a leave in or a serum. I.e 911 or Biosilk Therapy.

edited to say:
I use the shea butter for my daily buns or when I wear my hair straight. For my buns I normally damp my hair with a little distilled water and then apply the shea butter. I only do this every 2 or 3 days sine the shea butter keeps my hair really moist. For straight hair, I may mist or dampen my hair a little, appy shea butter and then wrap it. Sometimes I just wrap it for an hour before I'm up and out again. I must add that the shea butter really helped to ward of frizzies when I was in FL.
 
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