Should I get a relaxer?

[Vinyl]

I've been natural all my life, with 3 failed attempts to get a relaxer. The phyto relaxer sat in my hair with no pain, but it didn't take and washed out the next time I washed it. I also had horrible breakage/shedding after that. The other two burned and left scabs in my scalp. They weren't in long enough to take. I gave up after that. This was 3-4 years ago.

Since then I've been doing weaves and braids to grow my hair out. However, I never really feel cute in these styles. It's common for me to think that my hair looks "meh" but that I'll wear it how I really want once it gets longer.

I've been trying to decide between locks and a relaxer. I feel "safer" with the locks as far as retention/growth goes, but I worry that if I don't like the way braids look on me I won't like locks either.

On the other hand, I'm afraid that my hair is the type that just doesn't like relaxers.

I should also mention that I'm tender-headed to the point of needing pain pills to go to the beauty shop, so continuing to get braids/weaves isn't an option for me. It's also the main reason I haven't learned how to do any natural styles on my own. I usually just give up because it hurts so much.

Well anyway, hope this isn't too long! I'll be happy for any advice you guys can give me.

 

[Nonie]

Did you read JCoily's thread about relaxing? Read it here if you didn't. Next, sit down and write all the pros and cons of each style. Be true to yourself. If you choose one and it doesn't work, what will plan B be? For instance, if locs don't work, you can get them undone--although it's time consuming and not sure how your tender head will take that or BC and try something else. If you are relaxed and don't like it, you can transition or BC and try something else. In either case, you will feel better knowing you gave it your best shot. I don't know how much you know about locs but hanging around people with locs and hearing about their journeys and experiences may help you decide if that's what you want. I think Nappturality is an awesome place for this. As far as being relaxed, you can get a lot of support and advice here, so perhaps your questions along that line should be what do those with difficult hair use to relax. In other words, find out what products are strong enough for your hair but gentle on your scalp (if that's possible) but also safe for your hair. How about just texlaxing? Happily Me has waist-length hair and she texlaxes and has been very successful. Just take your time and do some research. Don't rush into anything. Don't let anything outside of you affect your decision. Make sure you will love the journey you take so you can give it your all and not get discourages at first base. Keeping a list of pros and cons as they come to you will help you in your decision. BTW, there's a sisters with locs group on this forum so maybe talking to people who just started that journey can help you get a feel for it. All the best in your decision.

 

[nappi]

i wouldn't get one if i were u....im also biased since im a nappy head

i think natural hair is so much more versatile

try some wigs if ur tired of weaves/braids

there are countless styles i luv em

 

[Vinyl]

Thanks! That thread is very helpful.

 

[msa]

Well of course I'm going to say no you shouldn't get a relaxer. I think there are 3 things you need to address first.

1)How has your regimen been as a natural? Have you done everything you can do to keep your hair happy? Is it well mosturized, DC'd, cleaned, and gently treated? If not, are there ways that you can improve. I've seen a couple different people's hair improve so much by DCing constantly, like every 2 days. Also, braids and weaves might not be for you, especially because synthetic hair can suck the moisture out of your own.

2) Is there an underlying reason that your scalp may be so tender? If not, then you'll have to work around being tenderheaded. I suspect that getting a relaxer may only aggravate that more.

3) What styles have you tried aside from braids/weaves? Have you tried twist, braid, or bantu knot outs? Twists/braids without extensions? E.Princess, a member here, has some great styles in her fotki using those. Have you done puffs, fro's, or pinups? There's so much you can do, and if you do it yourself then you won't have to worry about someone being gentle with your hair.

I don't know if this helped, but good luck on your decision.

P.S. You've tried to relax 3 times and it hasn't worked out right. I think you're hair may be trying to tell you something.

 

[Vinyl]

1)How has your regimen been as a natural? I DC/wash every two weeks, and in the meantime I use a water-based moisturizer. I haven't experimented much with the regime. When I first found LHCF I Co-washed daily, but I stopped because of the breakage problems.

2) Is there an underlying reason that your scalp may be so tender? No idea. I didn't know there could be an underlying reason. I asked a few people on the board about it awhile back, and it seemed like something I just had to deal with.

3) What styles have you tried aside from braids/weaves? I stopped using extensions last year, but my natural hair in braids looks thin/scrawny. It's the main thing that made me think maybe I won't like locks. I've tried to do a Wash N Go, but that was about it. The tenderheadedness makes it hard for me to style my own hair, because I can never comb it out completely.

 

[yuriko]

Since you have tried three times, and it has not worked for you. I would not relax, even though I am relaxed, relaxer is not for everyone. If your hair is very short then maybe its worth another try, but if you have some length that you want to hold on to, I would forget about relaxing and go ahead with the locs

 

[msa]

1)How has your regimen been as a natural? I DC/wash every two weeks, and in the meantime I use a water-based moisturizer. I haven't experimented much with the regime. When I first found LHCF I Co-washed daily, but I stopped because of the breakage problems.

2) Is there an underlying reason that your scalp may be so tender? No idea. I didn't know there could be an underlying reason. I asked a few people on the board about it awhile back, and it seemed like something I just had to deal with.

3) What styles have you tried aside from braids/weaves? I stopped using extensions last year, but my natural hair in braids looks thin/scrawny. It's the main thing that made me think maybe I won't like locks. I've tried to do a Wash N Go, but that was about it. The tenderheadedness makes it hard for me to style my own hair, because I can never comb it out completely.

Thanks for answering.

I think with some tweaks you can improve your regimen in a way that will make things easier for you.

I think DC'ing every two weeks is just not enough for you. My hair used to be thin in twists/braids, and not that they're all of sudden super lush like Lynnie's, but they have greatly improved due to DC'ing. You definitely need more moisture and you should probably incorporate a bit of protein to keep your hair strong so that it won't break. Also, do you cover your head at night while sleeping? That makes a huge difference for me because the air from the heater/AC dries my hair out terribly.

As far as the scalp thing, do you have exczema or any other type skin condition? I know a couple of my friends were really tenderheaded until they took care of those things. If it's not that, then you just have to figure out a new method of combing so that it doesn't hurt as much (or don't comb at all). For example, you should be coming from the ends up to the roots and using a wide tooth comb, at least to start.

I think upping your moisture will really help make your hair easier to comb/detangle. When my hair is really moisturized I don't get tangles and my fingers just glide through. Also, you may need to start doing ACV rinses to get your cuticle to lie flat after you DC so that there's less likelihood of tangling and so your hair won't stick together.

 

[Vinyl]

How often do you suggest I DC? Maybe I could do DC every 3 days, and switch to a protein-based moisturizer?

I'll have to schedule an appointment with the dermatologist and ask. I actually never thought it could be a medical condition before. It would be great if it was and could be taken care of, though.

I'll have to look more into the ACV rinses.

Thank you for all the info! It's very helpful.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Hi, I can understand your feelings because I am severely tender headed and I have carpal tunnel in both hands. What helped me to keep going in my natural journey is You Tube videos, this site, and Nappturality. I was on You tube all day and I finally was able to do pain free flat twists that actually looked good enough to wear out my house. You may have to research the right products. What helped me this time was using shea butter and the Just for Me 2 in one conditioner detangler. Not only did it make twisting my hair a BREEZE, but it made my natural hair soft and moisturized! It usually takes me 2 hours to try to flat twist. With those 2 products, it took less than 30 minutes! I've BCd then relaxed 8 times before due to frustration. I was ready to give up myself too, but I was encouraged by the ladies to keep going. Please check out the You tube nappies because the info there is golden! I would've never thought to use the kids detangler, but I saw someone on YT using it and I used it. Now I can do my own hair without hurting myself and my scalp!:notworthy

 

[Vinyl]

Well, I went to the Dermatologist yesterday and they said my tenderheadedness wasn't medical. I'm pretty disappointed, I was hoping it could be fixed somehow. Oh well.