Rant/Vent: My BFs Son...plz ladies w/ blended families.

TamaraShaniece

TamaraShaniece

Ayurvedic Life
I've known my boyfriend for quit some years but actually started dating 17 months ago.

My boyfriend has a 5 yr old son... He is a really good, smart kid but when he doesn't get his way he has a bad attitude.

His dad has full custody of his son and its pretty much me and his son 24/7 on the weekend (because he works 3:30pm-11:45am).

I'm not sure how to address his sons attitude when he gets yelled at or in trouble. When I tried bringing it up before, my bf got really defensive like I'm telling him how to raise his son.

I don't tolerate certain things...since my boyfriend doesn't want me to discipline his child (which I don't want to do because I'm not his mom) I'm not sure how to address this situation.

Ladies who are dating/married to men with kids or have kids of your own. How should this situation be handled. I need ur wisdom.

(Ex: I went to give his son a bath, he wanted to get in the tub but I said no ur getting a shower. - he's mumbling under his breath w/ his arms crossed, not moving off the stairs or responding when I talk to him.) I don't tolerate this behavior. His son loves me but when he's told no, stop -he has a miserable attitude with everyone.
 
How do you react when.you see people you don't know children acting out? Just keep ya mouth shut and syh lol like you said you're not his mom and he clearly doesn't want you to act like it
 
So your BF expects his son to be with you all that time and not show you some respect?! Wow.

You are not his mom. You are not trying to be. However, your BF should lay down the rules and let his son know that he will respect you and do what you ask him to do in the household. He trusts you enough to leave him with you all weekend, right? Does he think you are trying to make his son do something unreasonable?
 
sunnieb said:
So your BF expects his son to be with you all that time and not show you some respect?! Wow.

You are not his mom. You are not trying to be. However, your BF should lay down the rules and let his son know that he will respect you and do what you ask him to do in the household. He trusts you enough to leave him with you all weekend, right? Does he think you are trying to make his son do something unreasonable?
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Hi sunnieb =D

Yes he trusts me w/ his son but he's comin from a place where if his babymoms boyfriend beat his son he wouldn't like that... So if I beat his son, his babymom would snap. But I'm not tryin to be his mom... I'm stuck when I say no. -yesterday he asked for ice cream...I said not until u eat lunch. Now he's standing by the fridge w/ his lip poked out. I asked him, do you want to sit down and eat lunch? No answer. Are you hungry no answer? So I just walked away.
 
nadaa16 said:
How do you react when.you see people you don't know children acting out? Just keep ya mouth shut and syh lol like you said you're not his mom and he clearly doesn't want you to act like it
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For real? :perplexed:

How can you compare a situation with a child on the street with one where the child is living under the same roof? That's why you see children acting out in the street half the time, because their parents don't discipline them.

It's not even about "trying to be his mom", he's a child and he needs to be taught to respect adults, period. OP, your BF is not doing you or himself any favors by not getting a handle on this now. I think you need to make another attempt to discuss this with him. Personally, if he still refused to do anything about it, he would need to find someone else to watch him. I think it's very unfair to expect you to deal with a disrespectful child every weekend.
 
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Personally I'm not understanding why you have to watch his son all weekend. Are you guys engaged?
 
So are you more frustrated with the 5 year old's bad attitude or your BFs seemingly lack of support? From your examples, the boy's behavior doesn't seem out of the ordinary. IMHO neither seem like spanking offenses. Are you allowed to discipline the child at all...send him to his room, timeout, no playtime?

Definitely continue to communicate to your BF your frustrations/concerns.
 
And to piggyback on CURLYCROWN, I would totally place the responsibility on your BF to set boundaries. He has to empower you and let his son know that you are on the same page.
 
You will have to bring it up and nip it in the bud. 5yo is a great age to mold behavior. You don't have to physically discipline to get a child to mind.

In fact, I think you handled the ice cream situation perfectly. It takes time to change behavior.

I have a 7yo...that age group can be strong willed and stubborn. They will push every boundary. How does his son behave when dad is there?
 
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Who was watching his child on the weekends prior to you?
How long have you been keeping his son on the weekends?
How a long did you know him before you started watching his child and who idea was it for you to keep him.
 
CURLYCROWN said:
So are you more frustrated with the 5 year old's bad attitude or your BFs seemingly lack of support? From your examples, the boy's behavior doesn't seem out of the ordinary. IMHO neither seem like spanking offenses. Are you allowed to discipline the child at all...send him to his room, timeout, no playtime?

Definitely continue to communicate to your BF your frustrations/concerns.
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CURLYCROWN Im not allowed to discipline. it's more of frustration from his behavior and my BF defensive attitude. Nothin that deserves a spanking but if I send him to his room, he won't move. He'll stand there w/ his lip pocked out.

-His son wanted a honey bun for lunch one day instead of his PB & J. I said no and to sit at the table and eat (he doesn't move).. I said we'll go to bed -he grabs his PBJ -I said sit at the table and he sits on the step to the kitchen. He can be sweet all day, wants me to read him books, we'll play Wii, etc...when he doesn't get his way -attitude, don't listen, don't answer u back, don't look ur way. Standing there w/ an attitude cause he didn't get his way.
 
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Mine has a fresh mouth and talks back a lot, she's14. I discipline (I don't punish) and give suggestions often. But we're all different an take parenting advice differently so I'm not going to judge. I'd be giving the child the evil eye or being strict behind his back. Lol
 
TayMac said:
You will have to bring it up and nip it in the bud. 5yo is a great age to mold behavior. You don't have to physically discipline to get a child to mind.

In fact, I think you handled the ice cream situation perfectly. It takes time to change behavior.

I have a 7yo...that age group can be strong willed and stubborn. They will push every boundary. How does his son behave when dad is there?
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Yes he behaves that way- but he writes it off cuz his attitude comes from his mom...but he will discipline his son if he needs to.
 
If you want to save your relationship and your sanity have someone else watch the child.

I don't think it's fair for you to play stepmom to a kid that doesn't respect authority. Plus you have no say in his upbringing because you don't have a ring on your finger. This is how kids get hurt and end up on the news (not directed at you OP I'm sure you're a good person).

This might eventually hurt your relationship.
 
TheEspressoHair said:
CURLYCROWN Im not allowed to discipline. it's more of frustration from his behavior and my BF defensive attitude. Nothin that deserves a spanking but if I send him to his room, he won't move. He'll stand there w/ his lip pocked out.

-His son wanted a honey bun for lunch one day instead of his PB & J. I said no and to sit at the table and eat (he doesn't move).. I said we'll go to bed -he grabs his PBJ -I said sit at the table and he sits on the step to the kitchen. He can be sweet all day, wants me to read him books, we'll play Wii, etc...when he doesn't get his way -attitude, don't listen, don't answer u back, don't look ur way. Standing there w/ an attitude cause he didn't get his way.
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No discipline at all? I thought this was live in situation...uhh...I would tell BF he needs to make other arrangements for his son while he's working. Are you at least getting paid for your babysitting services?
 
bighug::bighug:...This does not seem to be working out for you. I think he should make other arrangements. Let him find another attendant to keep this child. He is mistreating you. Perhaps refusing to keep the child and handling your own affairs for awhile or telling him so will help the man see how wrong he is. It is not appropriate to allow a child to have his own way and ignore responsible adults. If you married the man the child and the man would continue to treat you the same way sis.:perplexed
 
sunnieb said:
So your BF expects his son to be with you all that time and not show you some respect?! Wow.

You are not his mom. You are not trying to be. However, your BF should lay down the rules and let his son know that he will respect you and do what you ask him to do in the household. He trusts you enough to leave him with you all weekend, right? Does he think you are trying to make his son do something unreasonable?
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I agree. Either the boy is going to respect you or he needs to get a baby sitter. U can't act up in school, so same rules apply. U got a problem with me and your son can't respect me, then don't leave him with me.
 
What I got from this was.... you stay with your boyfriend on the weekends to babysit his son. *blank stare*
 
MzLady78 said:
For real? :perplexed:

How can you compare a situation with a child on the street with one where the child is living under the same roof? That's why you see children acting out in the street half the time, because their parents don't discipline them.

It's not even about "trying to be his mom", he's a child and he needs to be taught to respect adults, period. OP, your BF is not doing you or himself any favors by not getting a handle on this now. I think you need to make another attempt to discuss this with him. Personally, if he still refused to do anything about it, he would need to find someone else to watch him. I think it's very unfair to expect you to deal with a disrespectful child every weekend.
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Firstly I didn't get that she lived with him.
Secondly that's not her child. He has clearly gotten defensive when she tried to displine his son so he clearly does not want her to. If she can't handle that then maybe that isn't the situation for her.
Re the bolder what does that have to do with op? she's not the parent he is she has no say in the matter if he doesn't want her to.
@mzlady
 
Ooo just reread op. I thought you all were together on the weekends. So you watch his son for.him while he's at work and he doesn't want you to discipline him? Oh nah. You getting paid or nah? Where's FelaShrine :look:
 
I know it's not the same but when ever I babysit my friends kids or my little cousins all I have to say is would you like me to call your parents and ask them? And they fall right in line. Maybe if you tell him you are going to call his father he might fall inline.
 
That's interesting. BF wants you to help him look after his son but won't step in when you're being disrespected? I would be careful, I have heard of women who've been told in the end, I only married you so you could look after my mother/ my kids or whatever the situation is.

Also bare in mind that no-matter what tricks and tips you get from here, if your BF is not willing to step up for you, this will forever be a problem. IA, this is a child. The problem is not the baby. It's your BF!!

Fine 4s said:
Mine has a fresh mouth and talks back a lot, she's14. I discipline (I don't punish) and give suggestions often. But we're all different an take parenting advice differently so I'm not going to judge. I'd be giving the child the evil eye or being strict behind his back. Lol
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:nono: Don't do this. No need to be vindictive towards a child.
 
Either he needs to hire a babysitter or he needs to allow you to discipline the boy. Disciplining does not only involve spanking but he needs to allow you to discipline that boy so he isn't walking all over you. If not he can hire a babysitter with the money he's making while he's at work right? :look:
 
Also, I think maybe talking to the son when you guys are buddies again and asking him why sometimes he doesn't like to talk to you. You might be able to solve the problem that way.

Perhaps at his mom's house he's given everything he wants, so can't understand why he can't get the same treatment when he's with you. And why should he be told no by you, who's not his mother? That's just one way of thinking about it. Who knows how he's processing all this? Just remember he's 5.
 
You should be able to set the boy straight especially since your boyfriend isn't present. Someone has to do it?!

When does he get to see his son if he's always working when the boy is there?

That's problem number one IMO.
 
FlowerHair said:
You should be able to set the boy straight especially since your boyfriend isn't present. Someone has to do it?!

When does he get to see his son if he's always working when the boy is there?

That's problem number one IMO.
Click to expand...

He has custody. I'm assuming during the week.
 
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