PLEASE HELP THEM UNDERSTAND!!! (long)

[Wishin4BSL]

My fairly new friend is ALWAYS telling me that I have good hair because I am paranoid about it. She says that it looks like "white girl hair" (yeah, I know yah heard that one). She is always telling me to wear it down when we go out. One day, she wanted to flat-iron my roots and i said okay because I wanted to check my progress. I washed my hair and used my product, but I stopped her immediately when she started flat-ironing from root to tip on ONE section of hair like 5 times! I was reminded of this when I saw danysedai's post on straightening black hair. That's exactly how my friend was doing my hair! I was like WHOA MAMI! Then I proceeded to tell her that it's not about having good hair, you just gotta let go of that flat-iron because she was ironing it TOO MUCH! She said that she does it DAILY! I also found out that she relaxed every 4 weeks! She wouldn't listen and kept telling me that I have good hair and that's why my hair is so healthy. I really want to help her but she won't listen to me. My question is: Why do your black friends who KNOW about LHCF just assume that you just have "good hair" when they know how much you take care of it? Do they think that I moisturize and seal twice a day, wash once a week, clarify once every two months, bun it up, DC, relax every 8-10 weeks and stay away from direct heat for NO REASON??? Ladies, they just don't know....oh, wait....they DO know! I just don't get it! Does ANYONE understand that???

PS. She has a nice grade of hair but it's badly damaged.

 

[karezone]

Some of them know, they just don't care.

It comes down to what your priorities are, if you care about hair looking healthy and being long, you will pursue those goals by dc, relaxer stretching, and protective styles. If your priority is to look good.......

 

[crlsweetie912]

Great post. I totally agree. My mom, who uses a curling iron every day, washes her hair about once a month and never ties her hair up at night is the same way. She doesn't put any time into her hair. They don't see the nights you are up late dc, moisturizing, taking hrs to detangle your hair, etc. They think you wake up in the morning and it's just a breeze.

 

[Kimberly]

Great post. I totally agree. My mom, who uses a curling iron every day, washes her hair about once a month and never ties her hair up at night is the same way. She doesn't put any time into her hair. They don't see the nights you are up late dc, moisturizing, taking hrs to detangle your hair, etc. They think you wake up in the morning and it's just a breeze.

ITA with this...and if you do tell them what all you go through they look at you like your nuts...if they don't just tell you outright...

 

[crlsweetie912]

ITA with this...and if you do tell them what all you go through they look at you like your nuts...if they don't just tell you outright...

 

[Wishin4BSL]

I'm so glad you ladies understand. My friend told me that I don't need to do all of that to my hair. If I didn't, I'd be where she is right now.

 

[Sosoothing]

My fairly new friend is ALWAYS telling me that I have good hair because I am paranoid about it. She says that it looks like "white girl hair" (yeah, I know yah heard that one). She is always telling me to wear it down when we go out. One day, she wanted to flat-iron my roots and i said okay because I wanted to check my progress. I washed my hair and used my product, but I stopped her immediately when she started flat-ironing from root to tip on ONE section of hair like 5 times! I was reminded of this when I saw danysedai's post on straightening black hair. That's exactly how my friend was doing my hair! I was like WHOA MAMI! Then I proceeded to tell her that it's not about having good hair, you just gotta let go of that flat-iron because she was ironing it TOO MUCH! She said that she does it DAILY! I also found out that she relaxed every 4 weeks! She wouldn't listen and kept telling me that I have good hair and that's why my hair is so healthy. I really want to help her but she won't listen to me. My question is: Why do your black friends who KNOW about LHCF just assume that you just have "good hair" when they know how much you take care of it? Do they think that I moisturize and seal twice a day, wash once a week, clarify once every two months, bun it up, DC, relax every 8-10 weeks and stay away from direct heat for NO REASON??? Ladies, they just don't know....oh, wait....they DO know! I just don't get it! Does ANYONE understand that???

PS. She has a nice grade of hair but it's badly damaged.

Doesnt sound like your friend is ready to be swayed from what she thinks about hair and hair care. Maybe one day she will come around.

OT: Is hair 'grade' the same as hair 'type'? I have heard a few people I know refer to 'hair grade' since I moved here and I have not heard it before.

 

[InJesusName]

Sometimes it's just not worth the time to go through it with people who aren't willing to put in the time and effort of obtaining healthy hair. I used to be one of them. I kept my hair flat ironed or hot curled every day because it was easier to deal with. I went to the salon weekly (sometimes twice a week) because I did not want to deal with my own hair. Before joining this board, I read several websites and books that talked about frequent washing to obtain healthy hair, and I was like "Oh No !!" Finally, I decieded to TRY some of the suggestions on this board, and WOW what a difference! In my situation, I was a victim of lack of education and pure laziness which is unfortunately the case with many other women. There is no such thing as "good hair", just good hair care. The women that fight you will continue to have short, dry brittle hair while your will thrive.

 

[Candiss]

Uh...seems like you aren't all that far off from her since you are talking about her "nice grade of hair" But anyhoo....WHY try to understand her? You have obviously done all you can to "educate" the unfortunate girl. Now just let it go, stop trying to understand why she keeps harrassing you by telling you how good you're hair is (I know, I know, it's a tough world!) And please, keep the girl out of your hair. 'Nough said!

 

[Wishin4BSL]

Uh...seems like you aren't all that far off from her since you are talking about her "nice grade of hair" But anyhoo....WHY try to understand her? You have obviously done all you can to "educate" the unfortunate girl. Now just let it go, stop trying to understand why she keeps harrassing you by telling you how good you're hair is (I know, I know, it's a tough world!) And please, keep the girl out of your hair. 'Nough said!

Well sorry if I used the wrong term when I said "nice grade." I didn't mean it like that and I didn't know I was going to be attacked for it and I am pretty far off from her since I understand good hair care but anywho...I just meant that I have fine strands and she has thick strands that could be healthier.

 

[Candiss]

Sorry, if I was harsh. Sometimes I forget which hair board I'm on

 

[zzirvingj]

My fairly new friend is ALWAYS telling me that I have good hair because I am paranoid about it. She says that it looks like "white girl hair" (yeah, I know yah heard that one). She is always telling me to wear it down when we go out. One day, she wanted to flat-iron my roots and i said okay because I wanted to check my progress. I washed my hair and used my product, but I stopped her immediately when she started flat-ironing from root to tip on ONE section of hair like 5 times! I was reminded of this when I saw danysedai's post on straightening black hair. That's exactly how my friend was doing my hair! I was like WHOA MAMI! Then I proceeded to tell her that it's not about having good hair, you just gotta let go of that flat-iron because she was ironing it TOO MUCH! She said that she does it DAILY! I also found out that she relaxed every 4 weeks! She wouldn't listen and kept telling me that I have good hair and that's why my hair is so healthy. I really want to help her but she won't listen to me. My question is: Why do your black friends who KNOW about LHCF just assume that you just have "good hair" when they know how much you take care of it? Do they think that I moisturize and seal twice a day, wash once a week, clarify once every two months, bun it up, DC, relax every 8-10 weeks and stay away from direct heat for NO REASON??? Ladies, they just don't know....oh, wait....they DO know! I just don't get it! Does ANYONE understand that???

PS. She has a nice grade of hair but it's badly damaged.

This is not to be offensive to you or your friend, but the moment someone tells me I have that "good hair" or "good grade of hair" I quiver at the sound of it.

And I've been getting it alot lately. In the elevator at work yesterday we are packed like sardines in a can and this guy on the elevator (all LOUD) is like "Girl, you got that GOOD HAIR. Waves just a poppin ALL OVER THE PLACE. People in my family ain't got hair like that-it's just nappy. So let me ask you, who in your family had the good hair??" As the door opens and I step off the elevator I only had enough time to politely say "Sir I don't know if I'm sure what YOU mean by good hair as I believe everyone has "good hair" if they take care of it and take pride in it, which every individual that has hair should do.".....as the elevator closed and about 20 people all looked at me like...



I know it's supposed to be a complement but erplexed

 

[BrownBetty]

How about when they try to convince you that you are part indian? Or dominican? Or something other than African? Please leave your friend be, when she is ready she will find you.

 

[gymfreak336]

Some people just don't want to get because of the effort involved. I go through this same thing with school sometimes but taking care of my hair has taught me to be consistent and that has transfered over into other things in my life. I was working out today and a lady was with her personal trainer on the treadmill beside me. He sees me all of the time and was complimenting me on how consisent I am. The lady sucked her teeth and said "she is already skinny so it is easy for her". Girl I hoped off and got my wallet to show her pictures of me 30 and 50 lbs bigger than I am now and how everyone has to start somewhere. By the time I left we were talkin about hair care and such. Everyone wants to glide over the lake like the swan but they forget about how hard their feet are moving under the water to make them look so graceful. The other ladies are right, when she gets serious she will be there ready to LISTEN.

 

[Sharpened]

Some people just don't want to get because of the effort involved. I go through this same thing with school sometimes but taking care of my hair has taught me to be consistent and that has transfered over into other things in my life. I was working out today and a lady was with her personal trainer on the treadmill beside me. He sees me all of the time and was complimenting me on how consisent I am. The lady sucked her teeth and said "she is already skinny so it is easy for her". Girl I hoped off and got my wallet to show her pictures of me 30 and 50 lbs bigger than I am now and how everyone has to start somewhere. By the time I left we were talkin about hair care and such. Everyone wants to glide over the lake like the swan but they forget about how hard their feet are moving under the water to make them look so graceful. The other ladies are right, when she gets serious she will be there ready to LISTEN.

Excellent post!

 

[seeminglysweet]

she will come around and begin to ask you for advice. She still wont take it but she will ask you for it. Just tell her that your hair looks nice because you take a lot of time to maintain it and since she insists on tell you that you have "good hair" let her know that white people have damaged hair and the texture or thickness of it doesnt determine the healthiness, proper maintance does.

 

[Saida]

My mom knows too, she just dont understand why I dont relax my hair, then when I went back for a vaction she saw my hair natural, and she was like, oh you have "good hair" MOM HELLO!!! she just dosent get it,

I must say her hair is pretty good looking though and long, thats why she thinks that her way is the only way

 

[princcessnadia]

Some people just don't want to get because of the effort involved. I go through this same thing with school sometimes but taking care of my hair has taught me to be consistent and that has transfered over into other things in my life. I was working out today and a lady was with her personal trainer on the treadmill beside me. He sees me all of the time and was complimenting me on how consisent I am. The lady sucked her teeth and said "she is already skinny so it is easy for her". Girl I hoped off and got my wallet to show her pictures of me 30 and 50 lbs bigger than I am now and how everyone has to start somewhere. By the time I left we were talkin about hair care and such. Everyone wants to glide over the lake like the swan but they forget about how hard their feet are moving under the water to make them look so graceful. The other ladies are right, when she gets serious she will be there ready to LISTEN.

Very well put...

 

[SerenityBreeze]

I think right now she may be in what I call that "know it all stage" I think a year from know after she sees no imporovement in her hair (perhaps even worsening) and your hair has grown 5-6 inches longer, she will begin to ask advise and listen to your best practices.

My girlfriend is -somewhat simular - She actually belives that heat is good for her hair and she must flat iron it every day. Meanwhile, her breakage is uncontrollable. Then when she picks up protien she overkills it and does not want to listen with a f/u moisturizer.

In due time she will come around. I agree with the other posts, not everyone is prepared to put in all of the hard work -- I love how gymfreak phrased it with the swan!

 

[blackbarbie]

Some people just don't want to get because of the effort involved. I go through this same thing with school sometimes but taking care of my hair has taught me to be consistent and that has transfered over into other things in my life. I was working out today and a lady was with her personal trainer on the treadmill beside me. He sees me all of the time and was complimenting me on how consisent I am. The lady sucked her teeth and said "she is already skinny so it is easy for her". Girl I hoped off and got my wallet to show her pictures of me 30 and 50 lbs bigger than I am now and how everyone has to start somewhere. By the time I left we were talkin about hair care and such. Everyone wants to glide over the lake like the swan but they forget about how hard their feet are moving under the water to make them look so graceful. The other ladies are right, when she gets serious she will be there ready to LISTEN.

I was going to make a point, but that was a great analogy you made. Enough said

 

[caribeandiva]

Everyone wants to glide over the lake like the swan but they forget about how hard their feet are moving under the water to make them look so graceful.

I love that quote! well said! my friends are kinda like that. since i'm fairly new with this hair care thing my hair has made noticeable progress yet. so they only advice about products since they know i'm an expert. they credit my thick, shiny hair to genetics. true, i've always had thick hair but it used to be light brown, dry looking and breaking. oh well, you can't force someone to do something they're not ready for. we live in a society of instant gratification. a world of befores and afters while skipping the in between (hard work) stage. when they're ready they'll come here.

 

[Wishin4BSL]

Thanks ladies. I hope she does make the change. She's a fairly close friend and I want better for her, especially since she's really into hair, makeup and fashion.

 

[Blackbird77]

Sometimes it's just not worth the time to go through it with people who aren't willing to put in the time and effort of obtaining healthy hair. I used to be one of them. I kept my hair flat ironed or hot curled every day because it was easier to deal with. I went to the salon weekly (sometimes twice a week) because I did not want to deal with my own hair. Before joining this board, I read several websites and books that talked about frequent washing to obtain healthy hair, and I was like "Oh No !!" Finally, I decieded to TRY some of the suggestions on this board, and WOW what a difference! In my situation, I was a victim of lack of education and pure laziness which is unfortunately the case with many other women. There is no such thing as "good hair", just good hair care. The women that fight you will continue to have short, dry brittle hair while your will thrive.

I was about to say something similar. And because of this, there will always be women with long hair (soon to be many of us) that these girls will continue to envy or pretend that they love having their hair short as a cover-up for their jealousy. It's this same laziness that prevents many people from accomplishing a lot of other things in life. So in a nutshell: As long as there are women who are too lazy to get their hair act together, we don't have to worry about everybody and their sister having bsl, mbl, or wsl hair like us. (That sounds so bad but at least I'm being honest ).