Overly sensitive? Let's be honest.

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

We've already discussed if we are obsessed with hair, if LHCF is catty and if we are just addicted to LHCF but I have a question to pose- are some of us overly sensitive about our hair? For example,I have read many posts concerning how someone made a remark about one's hair and how they responded to those remarks and in some cases (I know I wasn't there to hear how the conversations proceeded),but some of the responses were kinda harsh. And how about if someone of another race (white) asks about our hair and makes ignorant comments .How do we respond? I just feel like some people just don't know about black hair (even some black people) and its endless possibilities and they don't know how to come off with their questions or comments. I really enjoy LHCF,but at times,I had to back off because I began to get frustrated with the progress of my hair (compared to others) and I even noticed I was getting overly sensitive myself when someone inquired about my hair. What do you all think?

 

[Karonica]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I even noticed I was getting overly sensitive myself when someone inquired about my hair. What do you all think?

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is that? Just wondering.

 

[Country gal]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

B- I haven't really noticed much sensitivity. I don't stay in the hair thread often. I do know that the relaxed vs. natural threads can be tensed. I think because influences outside the board make the topic of being natural and relaxed a sensitive subject. Could you give an example of a scenario in which some one may have been sensitive but don't mention a member's name.

 

[Isis]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I'm not sure if this is what you mean but I think some of us have experienced harshness and even cruelty when it comes to our hair - from coworkers, family and others. So LHCF can be a safe place to vent and share some of those experiences. I feel that's a healthy thing.

 

[aqualung]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I really enjoy LHCF,but at times,I had to back off because I began to get frustrated with the progress of my hair (compared to others) and I even noticed I was getting overly sensitive myself when someone inquired about my hair. What do you all think?

[/ QUOTE ]

I get it.

We are all at different stages in terms of reaching our goals. Our routines are staggered such that every weekend someone different is getting a touchup or having a setback or trying a new conditioner or ordering vitamins. I remind myself of this when my hair is in a bun inbetween touchups and I have no new personal hair care developments to report. (Then I live vicariously through other people's trips to the salon!

)

I get flattered when people ask about my hair. I'm frustrated with my detangling technique right now, so I'm not washing or conditioning again til the Elucence MB conditioner arrives.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Karonica said:
[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I even noticed I was getting overly sensitive myself when someone inquired about my hair. What do you all think?

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is that? Just wondering.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was just a general statement. What I mean is when people asking questions like- is that a weave or other questions.

 

[Country gal]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I know hair can be very personal for many of us. Our hair is our crowning glory. You could have on a slamming outfit but if your hair looks like ish well you know the rest.

This board helps me to not get frustrated with my hair. Posting my pictures was such a liberating feeling. It made me realize that I didn't have to have hair down my back for people to appreciate it. I love hearing the good stories of conquering our hair challenges. It is very inspiring.

 

[Karonica]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
That was just a general statement. What I mean is when people asking questions like- is that a weave or other questions.

[/ QUOTE ]

I understand now.

 

[katie]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

Sometimes I think people are waay too sensitve about others touching their hair.I would take that as a compliment because it means my hair looks very good.
I don't think the weave thing would offend me either for the same reason.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
katie said:
Sometimes I think people are waay too sensitve about others touching their hair.I would take that as a compliment because it means my hair looks very good.
I don't think the weave thing would offend me either for the same reason.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay-you get my point. I know some people have a petpeeve about someone touching their hair,but for myself,I don't mind. On the other hand, I really believe a stranger should ask and not just get in touch away. My comment about the weave was to make a point in that some people I know get offended when someone asks if their hair is a weave. They respond in this manner-"what-black people can't have long hair that's real?" When someone responds this way, I feel that they are obsessed and overly sensitive about their hair.

 

[A_Christian]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
[ QUOTE ]
Karonica said:
[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I even noticed I was getting overly sensitive myself when someone inquired about my hair. What do you all think?

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is that? Just wondering.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was just a general statement. What I mean is when people asking questions like- is that a weave or other questions.

[/ QUOTE ]


I admitt to being overly sensitive in regard to this question, but it's not when people ask. I've had people ask if I wear a weave and when I told them that I do not and that it's all my hair we went on to have conversations about hair etc... I have gotten offended when some have insisted that I wear a weave and went on to loudly yell it at the top of their lungs to anybody who was around

(mind you they were complete strangers and didn't know me from Adam). I do not find anything wrong with wearing a weave, in fact I would wear one if it was a really special occasion in order to add some color and fullness. My over sensitivity comes in when there is an assumption that a black women can't have long hair without it being a weave. It's not like we should really care about what other people think about something as trivial as our hair style, I know there's more pressing things going on in the world,lol. But I find the assumption to be really offensive. So I guess my answer is yes I am overly sensitive about my hair

.

 

[Isis]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I think some of the sensitivity also has to do with years of history and challenges many of us have had growing healthy long hair. Certain comments and actions one person might brush off will trigger someone else deeply.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
A_Christian said:
[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
[ QUOTE ]
Karonica said:
[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I even noticed I was getting overly sensitive myself when someone inquired about my hair. What do you all think?

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is that? Just wondering.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was just a general statement. What I mean is when people asking questions like- is that a weave or other questions.

[/ QUOTE ]


I admitt to being overly sensitive in regard to this question, but it's not when people ask. I've had people ask if I wear a weave and when I told them that I do not and that it's all my hair we went on to have conversations about hair etc... I have gotten offended when some have insisted that I wear a weave and went on to loudly yell it at the top of their lungs to anybody who was around

(mind you they were complete strangers and didn't know me from Adam). I do not find anything wrong with wearing a weave, in fact I would wear one if it was a really special occasion in order to add some color and fullness. My over sensitivity comes in when there is an assumption that a black women can't have long hair without it being a weave. It's not like we should really care about what other people think about something as trivial as our hair style, I know there's more pressing things going on in the world,lol. But I find the assumption to be really offensive. So I guess my answer is yes I am overly sensitive about my hair

.

[/ QUOTE ]

I get what you are saying and no,there's nothing wrong with wearing weaves (properly done,that is

),but I am talking about how it seems some people wake up ready to go off or get mad when someone asks about their hair, in an ignorant type of fashion. Now, for those strangers who persisted in telling YOU that YOUR hair was a weave

 

[katie]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I think it's a bit much when someone hits someone for touching their hair.That sounds like plain ole battery to me.I don't understand how that can get someone so angry.

 

[Isis]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

One sensitivity example I experienced in the past when my hair was about mid-back length (not healthy though) was when a friend I had not seen in a long time complimented me on my hair length then reached out to touch my hair. She dug her fingernails into my scalp to see if there were any tracks. She even drew some blood.

and seemed surprised and jealous when she couldn't find any tracks. I felt angry, offended, hurt and violated. That was the last time I allowed someone to touch my hair without my permission.

 

[A_Christian]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

Lol at

. Although I got offended it was actually pretty funny in retrospect. It's like how is somebody gon' tell me what's growing out of my own scalp,lol.

And I'm surprised people still have the nerve this day and age to touch people's hair when they don't know them. I can see how someone would have a quick negative reaction when caught off guard. Having a stranger put their hands in your hair could be viewed as a violation of "personal bodily contact," lol. I don't know what to call it, but you all know what I mean, there's unspoken rules about the kind of contact we expect strangers to have with us. Like we would look at somebody like they had lost their mind if they walked up to us and started touching our jewelry, ran their hands across our freshly manicured nails, or ran their hands across our outfit and started saying stuff like "wow this fabric is soft"

So I could see how someone could act out of character if a stranger put their hands in their hair. But I'm glad you started this thread, it's reminding me to be prepared not to react harshly or to hurt someone's feelings in the event that someone would make a comment or even touch my hair in the future. Some people really don't know the "unspoken" rules of personal space or tact etc... so to them touching someone's hair or making seemingly rude comments about other's appearances is no biggie.

 

[Isis]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I agree A Christian. I feel it has to do with respecting someone's boundaries. We all have personal boundaries or that "unspoken rule" you mentioned of space. Some wouldn't think twice about crossing that line. Usually they have had their boundaries violated at one time or another and never dealt with it so it's no biggie to them. I keep that in mind.
I do know I repect the boundaries of others and will ask first before even thinking about putting my hands anywhere on their bodies.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Isis said:
One sensitivity example I experienced in the past when my hair was about mid-back length (not healthy though) was when a friend I had not seen in a long time complimented me on my hair length then reached out to touch my hair. She dug her fingernails into my scalp to see if there were any tracks. She even drew some blood.

and seemed surprised and jealous when she couldn't find any tracks. I felt angry, offended, hurt and violated. That was the last time I allowed someone to touch my hair without my permission.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you kidding me?

She drew blood? Did your scalp become infected? Did you beat her down? I cannot believe the extent some will go to "see" is someone's hair is real. I am mad now and it did not happen to me.

 

[A_Christian]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

"Boundaries" that's what I meant, sounds a lot better than "unspoken rules of personal bodily contact" Lol

.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

Talking about boundaries:
Like I mentioned before,I don't mind when someone touches my hair but this past Sunday was a bit much for me...
I have my hair styled in two strand twists and much to my suprise, folks like them. Well, I was in line and something told me this lady was going to do something pertaining to my hair. She asked me questions about my hair and I felt her get closer and she guess what-she touched my twists. I guess when my voice got a little colder to her responses,she backed off. I mean, you don't know me-I don't know you. Just because we are conversating about hair,doesn't mean that you just point blank examine my hair,without asking. I should have rubbed the side of her hair in her bun.

 

[Dutchess]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I get asked questions about my hair, mostly is this my real hair. I can't wait to start explaining how I learned to take care of my hair and if they would like more information. They are just ignorant as I once was regarding proper hair care for AA's. I've even gone as far as letting someone see my scalp and feel that I didn't have tracks - no offense taken!

 

[Chipmunk]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I definitely am not overly sensitive when it comes to my hair. I have had strangers touch my braids, but usually they ask first. Even if they don't ask, I don't say anything. Sometimes I wish I would say something, b/c I don't really like these people touching me.

Maybe if it was my real hair I would be more vocal, I'll have to wait and see.

 

[Tracy]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I'm proud of my hair, but I don't consider it oversensitive at all.

I don't like people I don't know to touch me. Hair or anything else. I think it's rude. I also think it's rude to suggest that someone is "duping" the world with their appearance by intimating that thier hair is a weave. I don't take personal offense to it - but I understand why people do. It's like buying a house and inviting a friend over and having them say - "So? how much is the rent?" when you've told them it's YOUR house. It's not about the hair per se in that situation either. It's rude to backhandedly suggest that someone is lying about anything. Even if that's what you think, my attitude is: keep it to yourself. You won't kill anyone if you do. Some people have trouble with that concept.

 

[Isis]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

[ QUOTE ]
Dutchess said:
I get asked questions about my hair, mostly is this my real hair. I can't wait to start explaining how I learned to take care of my hair and if they would like more information. They are just ignorant as I once was regarding proper hair care for AA's. I've even gone as far as letting someone see my scalp and feel that I didn't have tracks - no offense taken!

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the key is that you let someone see your scalp and feel that you didn't have tracks. You gave your permission. When my hair is long and beautiful like yours is Dutchess, I may let someone see my scalp too if they have questions and share my hair care tips. They are most likely paying a compliment and showing their admiration. I would probably do this on a case by case basis though - not everyone has the same intentions.

 

[Boadicea]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I used to be sensitive about it (because it used to be a daily occurance and it was quite annoying) but now I'm not. But still, I don't want anyone that I don't know, unless I'm paying to have my hair done, to touch my hair without my permission.

One "friend" I used to have would sit next to me every day in the comp room and pat my head (and occasionally dig through my hair) while asking if it was real or not. I've had people, men and women, come up out of the woodwork and pull on my ponytail and then ask if it was real.

If someone is genuinely asking me to show my scalp to them or to see if I have tracks, I'll use my own hand, because at least I would know where it was.

With the way some people don't wash their hands or clean their nails, etc., I wouldn't want them playing with my hair. But that's just basic hygeine and manners.

I wouldn't call it sensitivity.

 

[Donda]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

To be honest it was when my hair was natural (it was chin length when pressed) that I got the most comments. Everything from non-black children wanting to touch my puff of hair (afro) now this didn't bother me they are children, I actually enjoyed it. Yet adults asking me how did I get my hair to do that, for some of us it grows that way duhhhhhhh

Then again I had countles sistahs coming up to me and ask where did I buy the hair to do my coco puffs? or where did I buy my wig (afro), becuase they would like to sport the "natural" look from time to time. It's mine, it's mine, it's mine!

It's almost like, it is impossible for YOUR kinky hair to look that good honey, so fess up where did you get it? HUH!

 

[Isis]

Re: Overly sensitive? Let\'s be honest.

I would agree that it's unsanitary for people to be putting their hands in someone else's hair. Remember Oprah's show on restroom hygiene and how most people don't wash their hands (and what's on their hands

)? I'm certainly not anal about this but I like my hands to be clean before putting them in my own hair.