OMG This is Freaking Me Out!!!

tru4reele

tru4reele

Well-Known Member
Okay so this is my first thread but I just really need opinions. Let me first start by saying my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we have a great relationship. We tell each other everything. Well about a month ago he told me about a dream that disturbed me. He said he had a dream that me him and my best friend *Tammy* were all sleeping in one bed and she tried to have sex with him while I was sleep. Then they were about to get it on and I woke up and stopped them. He said they kept trying to have sex all throughout the dream but I kept popping up and stopping them. WTF!!! That **** really disturbed me when he told me. Mainly b/c I always thought dreams are a collection of your thoughts. So basically that means he was thinking about f*cking her right? He told me it was random and made him feel weird. Side eye. But the bad part is we all hung out and I was noticing things I probably wouldnt have noticed before. When we went over to her house yesterday he hugged her and said "you look nice"... I mentioned it later and he said I was insecure. I am not a jealous person but this dream freaked me out. He should have never told me right? What do y'all think. Exhale.
Freaked
 
why is he telling you? unless he's looking for permission to go for her or see if you'd be up for a tricycle (himym term). i'd be concerned unless he's socially awkward and tends to say things he should keep to himself. wtf
 
To *me*, it sounds like he wants Tammy but is constantly afraid you'll find out. Dreams like that don't come out of nowhere.
 
I know right? It was so off the wall but he knows I would never be into a tricycle. I was gonna hook Tammy up with his bestfriend and he commented to his friend that Tammy was not that cute but has a big butt. She does, can't miss it. I would NEVER tell him that was gonna **** his friend in a dream. But is it just a dream?
 
It sounds like in the spirit of how your relationship has worked in the past your boyfriend shared a dream that he feels uncomfortable about. He should have found someone else to share it with but he chose you because that's how you two have always been. Because of your reaction, he now knows that he cannot share everything with you. Don't go looking for confirmation of your suspicions because you will set your filter to only notice those things and basically you will skew what you find to fit your suspicions. You will drive yourself bonkers and get on his nerves in the process. I am not saying to ignore your gut feelings. I am saying to be rational and thoughtful not suspicious and irrational. Good luck.
 
He probably should not have told you about that dream. But as far as him interacting with her, I think you are more paranoid now so things that don't mean a thing do.
 
He probably shouldn't have told you. I have mixed feelings. One side of me thinks it's great that he thinks he can tell you anything. The other part is that he may be somewhat attracted to her. I also wonder what type of bounderies you have with her. Since she is single do you and your bf hang out with her a lot? As a married woman I find that I cannot hang out a lot with single women and my husband. Not that I get jealous or worried but if the guy is a good guy he will feel obligated to be the gentlemen to me and the friend and so he is opening my door and her door, paying for my meal and hers. My point is that boundaries can get a little blurred. Bf may start to feel sorry for her because she is lonely. She may start to bond with him as he treats her so nicely (like a bf would if she had one). I just don't like feeling like I am sharing my guy with anyone. Idk maybe I'm reaching but yeah that dream would make me uncomfortable.
 
Why does he need to tell her she look nice? Why arent you hanging out with her by yourself instead? Oh lawd! Now you got me sounding paranoid for you!
 
Maybe he didn't even have a dream.Maybe he just said that as a way to bring it up and see how you felt about it. But, if he did have that dream, he should have known better than to tell it.

*side eye* at that "you look nice* sht...
 
Is she cute? He probably is attracted to her. That doesn't necessarily mean he's going to do anything.

Just because you're in a relationship it doesn't mean you just stop being attracted to members of the opp sex, even if they are your spouse's best friend.
 
I'm probably wrong but...

It sounds as if he's already sleeping with her and is trying to set you up with the information so that it wouldn't hit you like a ton of brick when you find out.

It sounds as if he wants permission to sleep with her and etc. etc. etc.

Though you tell each other everything I find it weird that he'll share something like this with you. Would you have shared something like that with him? IMO a dream like that should make you feel embarrassed and try to push it out of your mind as quickly as possible.

I would feel strange if he was acting that way right after he told you about the dream. My bff's bf tells me random stuff like that "have you been working out lately?" and honestly I find it more creepy that complimentary so I avoid him like a plague. So I can understand how his comments to her can make you feel uncomfortable.
 
This is a tough one.....it was nice for him to tell you but I believe that some dreams comes from somewhere deeper; some of them reveal hidden desires, subconscious thoughts, and some are messages.

I also don't think you should go paranoid over noticing little things neither should you ignore them.

If it were me, I'd sit down and talk to my SO about this a little more; let him know your concern and really see where his thoughts are about your home girl.
 
To answer some questions. Tammy is okay when it comes to looks. Her face is not that cute but she she has a big butt. So u know how that goes. And we usually all three don't hang out. We did the other day because it was my birthday and it was other people there too. And I asked him why did he have to tell her she looks nice and he said he tells that to all women. His mom, sister, my mom... He does. We all rode with her to the club and when we got to the gas station he hopped out to pump her gas. I felt funny about that. He SHOULD have pumped it though as a man though right? OMG i dont wanna feel like this! But I still think dreams mean something. Tammy has been my bestie since 3rd grade and I'm 25. She would never sleep with him. I'm just wondering why he would have this dream.
 
OK so let's say that he did want to sleep with her. What can you do about that? Lock him in the basement? Try to prevent every single opportunity for them to be together? If people want to be together they're gonna be together.
You can't control people's feelings or change them. It is what it is.
If my guy wanted my best friend I'd be like "So what are we doing together?"

Girl, you driving yourself crazy! I still say it was just a dream
 
Maybe he finds her sexually attractive....but that's all. Doesn't mean he plans to doink her. Besides, men think about sex all the time! The only unusual thing here is that he told OP about his dream.

He isn't the first guy to dream about his partners BFF, sister, mother, whatever.

Can you imagine if the tables were turned? He'd freak out if she casually mentioned a hot dream about is boy. oh...wait a minute....he may be freaky. Never mind. LOL!
 
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I think at this stage it is paranoia for you to be concerned over the 'you look nice' comment. I agree with an earlier poster to stay rational throughout this.
 
intergalacticartist said:
OK so let's say that he did want to sleep with her. What can you do about that? Lock him in the basement? Try to prevent every single opportunity for them to be together? If people want to be together they're gonna be together.
You can't control people's feelings or change them. It is what it is.
If my guy wanted my best friend I'd be like "So what are we doing together?"

Girl, you driving yourself crazy! I still say it was just a dream
Click to expand...

This is an excellent point and I believe one of the secrets to happiness: understanding and accepting that you can only control yourself, period, and heck half the time we can't even control our own thoughts and feelings.

tru4reele said:
So what about him pumping her gas?
Click to expand...

That's what I was talking about in my post. That's what gentlemen do. Open doors, pay for meals, pump gas, etc.

Why don't you just have a talk about it and how you feel. No need to be accusatory but this needs to be discussed or it will most certainly fester. It sounds like you care about each other a great deal and have a good thing going on.
 
Brownie518 said:
Maybe he didn't even have a dream.Maybe he just said that as a way to bring it up and see how you felt about it. But, if he did have that dream, he should have known better than to tell it.

*side eye* at that "you look nice* sht...
Click to expand...

My first thought....and interesting that all three of you were in the bed together...sounds like a fantasy.
 
ambergirl said:
My first thought....and interesting that all three of you were in the bed together...sounds like a fantasy.
Click to expand...

:yep: He ran this fantasy by her in form of a "dream" to test her response. I'm sure he expected, or at least hoped, for her to say, "Well, why don't we make that dream a reality? Let me go call up my girl and set it up." :lol:


Men ain't slick.
 
ambergirl said:
My first thought....and interesting that all three of you were in the bed together...sounds like a fantasy.
Click to expand...

MissMasala5 said:
:yep: He ran this fantasy by her in form of a "dream" to test her response. I'm sure he expected, or at least hoped, for her to say, "Well, why don't we make that dream a reality? Let me go call up my girl and set it up." :lol:


Men ain't slick.
Click to expand...


:lachen:yall thinking 3some?

OP, I would ask him if he is looking for a 3some with you and Tammy.


ETA: OP, has he ever expressed his desire for a 3some? or expressed that his fantasy is to have one?
 
So I talked to him about it again and he said he has no control over his dreams. He said Im way finer than her and he looks at her like a sister cause he has known her for 5 years as well. He agrees that he should have just kept it to himself but the dream bothered him. Oh and he said maybe I am jealous of her and that's why I am accusing him of things. He is not used to me acting like this. I just won't say sh*t else about it and stop digging for a problem. I am not jealous of her.
 
That is quite disturbing, but in all honesty...I'd be more concerned if he DIDN'T tell you about his dream than the fact that he did. :look:

The fact that he told YOU about his dream tells me that he must really TRUST you, and so he must feel like he himself is trustworthy. :yep: Trust me, when men go and cheat, they rarely go tell their woman about it. If they're telling YOU about it, then it probably means there's nothing to worry about. If he's HIDING something on the other hand, THAT's when I'd be more suspicious.

I'd still keep your gf close though. :look: I mean....idk.....I just don't trust certain things.

I would try to lessen your feelings of insecurity, and just realize that sometimes men have wild dreams! Women have them too! :look: Next time just tell him that you just had a dream about (insert actor's name here) and see what his reaction is. :giggle: Maybe then he'll realize how hearing HIS dream may have made you feel a little insecure.
 
To answer the 3some question: he has asked me in the past would I ever do something like that. We've been together for 5 years so there is very little we have not talked about. We have a very good sex life and talk about freaky stuff all the time. however he knows I am not into girls or threesomes and I don't think he would want me to do one.
 
How come he have to say you might be jealous of her? Wth does that have to do with anything? He could've left that out. Otherwise I like his explanation. But the you might be jealous is bs -- Negro you said you had a dream about trying to have sex with my best friend! How in the heck is that not going to be bothersome?
 
I don't like the sound of him.

He tells you he wants to fcuk your best friend, and then turns around and tells you you're insecure.

I can't judge your relationship because I'm not in it but from an outsiders perspective he sounds like a punk-a$$ knee-grow.

I would have locked him off for that, but that's just me.
 
tru4reele said:
To answer the 3some question: he has asked me in the past would I ever do something like that. We've been together for 5 years so there is very little we have not talked about. We have a very good sex life and talk about freaky stuff all the time. however he knows I am not into girls or threesomes and I don't think he would want me to do one.
Click to expand...

You may have to explore this further. Maybe not right now but at some point. I'm old school and I'm assuming much older than you, but dh has never suggested such a thing to me. Maybe it's a fantasy or maybe it's a wish or a goal. Who knows? At some point you will need to know, especially if you guys plan on marrying. Some people really want to do 3somes and whatnot, not judging, but if you absolutely know you don't roll like that, honesty is paramount. No man is worth sacrificing yourself for:nono:. That wish will need to be squashed or homie will need to find another chick and leave you
alone. Fantasy is one thing, a wish or goal another. Hopefully it really was just a dream and he is not seriously interested in a threesome. Wishing the best for you.
 
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