No WONDER I have always relaxed

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

feel like giving up… or going back to relaxers. Now I see why I didn’t do this before. How are you ladies doing it? my hair is always a tangled mess. It’s near shoulder length when I straighten it but if not it shrinks to a very short neck length. And it’s too much work to flat iron anyway, I thought a maxiglide would help but I can’t even get it right! I usually end up wearing wigs with a ponytail underneath and cover my hair with a silk scarf/wrap. But it’s so poofy I don’t even get it all into a ponytail. It looks pitiful. I have part curly and these limp ugly relaxed ends… detangling is the worst, I have shedding which I think contributes to the tangles and the tangles cause breakage. And I don’t know what I’m doing anymore!

I wash with OCT color therapy and follow with the cell therapy and then crème rinse. I feel so clueless right now. I know part is that I’ve been lazy. I wash like every other day or daily- I thought that’s what my hair needed… now I don’t know. I have to make time to do DC. Now I’m wondering if I’m using the right things. Is ORS mayo a DC or reconstructor or what? Do I need to use my Joico K-pak if I’m using that??? I’m just at wits end right now. I think I need to rebuild a regimen, or am not even sure I had one in the first place.

I don't want to go back to relaxing, I love the way my new growth texture looks but I refuse to do a BC....

 

[michaela]

Are you Combing Everytime you wash/co wash?

what other products are you using?
My big mistake as a natural was Not combing everytime i washed/ co wash!
My hair was a tangled mess!!

 

[ButterflyBeauty]

Breathe, Inhale (1, 2) and exhale (1, 2, 3) Relax.

Natural hair is a journey. It is about looking in the mirror and loving you and what you were given despite what society says. It is about loving your strands and being patient.
Now this website is great for advice, but you have to take everything with a grain of salt. We each have different hair, so what works for some may not work for others. You have to listen to your hair. I tried washing daily, but my hair likes every 3-4 days. My hair also likes thick and heavy conditioners and creams. It sounds like you may need to find a protecttive style that your are comfortable with. At first two strand twists were not my thing, but I kept working them and my hair likes when I two strand twist. Some people like puffs and pretty scarves.

You may need to deep condition and pre-poo for a while. I use avocado cream as a pre-poo, wash with aubrey organics honeysuckle rose , and then I DC under a bonnet with the Aubrey organics conditioner. Remember to seal you ends with castor oil. I also like to daily massage and condition my scalp with shea butter. I have thick 4a hair and I am growing out ear length layers I received about a year ago. My hair is now shoulder length. Give patience and love and your hair will reciprocate.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I love my hair... it doesn't love me! Lol... I think I may just wash weekly and co wash every other day or daily ... I don't know. I can hardly comb my hair when it's dry and it's no picnic when it's wet either. I guess I need to find a good detangling conditioner. I use V05 detangler, which I love on my dry hair sometimes. I love my new texture.... I wish I'd known what my natural hair looked like sooner or had patience or courage to not relax. I guess I need to well I don't know what I need to do! I know my hair likes thick, creamy cond too. I just cant seem to style it. It's like it's not long enough for certain styles yet it is thick as 5 bushes but it won't lie down and I don't like gel. I don't want to wear it straight- even when I try that, like I did yesterday, it was burning and the ends were gettnig frizzy. I wrap my hair with a silk scarf and nite at in the morning I wake with my hair all pushed to the top of my head in tangles. I need therapy just b/c of my hair. Lol. I shoulda never stopped taking my happy pills.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I like castor oil. Need to find some shea butter. thanks ladies.

 

[santwon]

Well, I think the solution may be in the problem. You don't have to bc/relax if you don't want to. You just need to re-evaluate some of the ways you deal with your hair. I know that one hard lesson is that you can't treat natural hair like you did when it was straight. You have to change the types of styles that you want to wear and you have to change the way you think about your hair as well.

Your hair DOES love you! You just have to find some ways to give it some love right back. Now, with that said, tell me (us) everything. Tell me your regimen, what products you're using, and how you're styling, then we can get you some more help. But here's what I've got so far, from what you've posted here.

Shrinkage is a part of being natural. You have to find ways to work with it and make it work to your advantage. Trust me, guys have to do this ALL the time (haha, that is SUCH a bad joke)!!

How long have you been transitioning? How are you detangling? You've gotta do it with wet hair, a wide tooth comb/your fingers, and conditioner. You've also gotta make sure that you start from the ends of your hair and work your way up.

As for the shedding, do the shed hairs have white bulbs on the end? If so, this will happen every day. If NOT, then your hair is breaking and you'll need to evaluate how you're taking care of it, or whether you want to go ahead and relax/bc. Your choice.

Maybe you should shampoo less often, maybe not, don't know...depends on how active your life/routine are or if your scalp is acting crazily.

ORS mayo is a DC I believe.

Is your hair dry? Are you moisturizing it daily?

Ok, I'll stop now and leave some for someone else.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

Ok, so I was recently washing every other day, using the Ovation cell therapy system. I kinda got lazy and off track and haven't been DC-ing weekly. I usually end up wearing wigs daily b/c I can't seem to do anything else- mind you it was the same when I was relaxed. I'm not creative and I don't have a lot of patience. I really just get up and go hair. anyhoo, I am 16-17 weeks post, last relaxer on 01/26. I just got my last trim before mother's day. I don't plan to cut again. I have pics on my fotki, not updated but nothing's changed anyway!

It's hard finding the right products for my hair. Profectiv used to work a long time ago when I relaxed, now it dries my hair out. I like Elasta QP mango butter. It seems any silk protein product works on my hair. At night I used HE LTR and seal with castor or avocado oil. I use Silk Elelments Megasilk Moisturizing treatment whenver I can- remember and it works wonders.... I have all kinds of oils- sweet almond, peppermint, avocado, castor, rosemary, lavendar, tea tree- I really don't know how to use most of them! Lol. I started washing daily b/c I've gotten more consistent with working out recently. Yes, the hair shed has the white bulb attached. I try to detangle in the shower, I started out using my fingers only but I guess it's not doing the trick really.... Let's see what else ...I use a scalp scrub once-twice a month from Bain de Terre it's a sugar and fig scrub and it works good to remove build up on my scalp. I guess my main troubles are obviously patience but um mostly styling and detangling. I tried twistouts and braid outs but the top is poofy and the lower part of my hair is usually limp, stringy and HARD. I really like the way other ladies are rocking those looks too. I'm probably a 4b/4a so shouldnt' they work on me? erplexed So alas, I end up wearing a wig with a pitiful looking ponytail underneath. Funny thing is I KNOW my hair is growing, cause if I were to straighten it or blow dry it, it would be big and full, which I like.

 

[nakialovesshoes]

Check out some of Sareca's fotki journals for some product recommendations. I, too, used 2 use the ORS packet but it was good 2 me a couple of times & then it turned on me. I thought it was b/c of the cold weather. Well I tried it again this weekend & my hair just doesn't like it - after mixing it w/olive oil & SAA & doing a homemade steam treatment w/a wet towel & the bonnet dryer, my hair still wasn't really soft. I feel ur pain - I've been struggling w/staying natural myself. Luckily I bought some curlformers this weekend & 4 now I'm going 2 ride w/these. I can set my hair & get a nice spiral set w/o any heat. I don't know if u'd be interested but u might wanna try these out. I'm def not an expert on routines so I'm no help n that department. I just wanted 2 encourage u - u have all of the resources here if u wanna remain natural or even if u decide 2 go back 2 relaxing.

 

[Mortons]

I dont detangle when i cowash during the week. I wash DC then detangle in sections with a denman so I dont get overwhelmed. I blowdry and straighten to get optimal results. Its a struggle to straighten but once your technique gets better so will your results so keep practicing!

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

At least to me it sounds like your reggie might be a little too complicated. It has taken me quite a while to figure out my hair. You might just need some patience and maybe to go back to the drawing board with your routine.

My NG at 5 weeks used to really get to me! Now I can go for long periods of time and not really care, time and experience has just made me more patient. And I know it will get better.

Just take a step back and slow down. Maybe get some braids or something? And just take your time to figure out what you like, not what others are necessarily saying works for them.

Hang in there too! It will be OK

 

[ladylibra]

girl boo. you are transitioning, you know how hard that is? lemme tell you, i gave up after like 4 months, with just a few inches of new growth.

that ish ain't easy!

i feel for you, and i have mad respect for anyone who can do lengthy transitions. it is trying and you must be patient. i wish you all the best and hope some of the things ladies have been suggesting work out for you!

 

[nurseN98]

What helped me with my transition was using Hair mayo (either ors or the other one, they both work) on dry hair every night to keep it moisturized. Focus on the part where the two textures meet. Then co-wash in the AM. Try Pantene Hydrating curls or Herbal essences hello hydration for detangling once a week. I kept my hair bunned most of the time but getting a set, curlformers, anything that keeps you out of your hair for a few days at a time will make life a lot easier for you (if you do this then just put a little conditioner in some water and spritz a couple times a day). I transitioned for about 2 years and it didn't really get bad till the end...

 

[Mook's hair]

Hello, I am a long term transitioner. (no BC) I am 13 months into my transition. Cornrows are the main thing that keep me sane. I also have a lot of shedding and some breakage too. My hair is a chore but I keep on pressing forward.

Go check out Miss Marie's transition album. HEre's her profile.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=4738

This will help you know that it can be done and see that you aren't the only one who had hair struggles. Also go to visit Lauren450 and DenverGirl

Then when you want to remember whether this will be worth it. Visit
LynnieB
Lady Libra
Kemi21
Sera25
Queeny20 (take a good long look at her little girls' beautiful tresses too)
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=3526

I have cornrow tutorials in myvideos on my fotki site. In case you don't know how. If you use cornrows for your braidout that will help to cut down on the poofiness.

Maybe you should lay off of the OCT products for a while. Sometimes your hair may just need a change.

Also you really should abandon trying to Dry comb your hair. Lynnie B taught me that lesson.

And lastly. I've stopped washing/ cowashing my hair loose or at least not the whole head. When I waash or cowash it is almost always braided or cornrowed. I don't have to detangle as often and when I do detangle it's not that horrible anymore.

I saw in your album that you had tree braids when you were pregnant. Perhaps it is time to go to some kinky twists or braids again.

Hope this helps.

 

[audacity.]

how long have you been transitioning?

is it the detangling that is getting to you, the shrinkage, the way your hair looks? what is bothering you most?

if it is detangling, you should definitely be DCing at least once per week. for me, the more moisturized my hair is, the easier it is to comb it out. also, section your hair in small sections when you comb it out and please take your time! you don't want to rake through your hair and cause unrepairable damage at that delicate line of demarcation.

if it is shrinkage, i think wigs and hiding your hair is the best thing.

if the scraggly ends bother you that much, keep doing what you are doing by hiding your hair and taking care of it or slowly start to cut them....not BCing, but trimming a little at a time to hurry you along to being natural.

i have found that transitioning is very trying, but it really is mind over matter. just be patient with your hair and soon, it will be over

hth!

eta: yes, check out mook's suggestions, get you a transitioning partner. i also have pics of my transitioning hair in my albums...good luck and if you need my feel free to pm me

 

[BklynHeart]

I transitioned for 15 months by wearing cornbraids or individuals. That helped me a lot. For the last 4 months I wore wigs and cornrolled my hair underneath. You might be manipulating your hair too much.

 

[Jynkx]

And lastly. I've stopped washing/ cowashing my hair loose or at least not the whole head. When I waash or cowash it is almost always braided or cornrowed. I don't have to detangle as often and when I do detangle it's not that horrible anymore.

this tip has saved my daughters hair big time. i suggest washing your hair in braids. i used to spend 4+ hours combing her hair. now that i do this we get right through and no more tears.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

Thank you! I am definitely going to try cowashing in braids. I don't know how to conrow to save my life!! LOL. Is that the same as doing French braids? I can't do those either! I realize my hair needs more moisture than I thought so I'm going to cowash daily. I have been cutting back on the OCT. I plan to only actually wash 2x/wk.

Hello, I am a long term transitioner. (no BC) I am 13 months into my transition. Cornrows are the main thing that keep me sane. I also have a lot of shedding and some breakage too. My hair is a chore but I keep on pressing forward.

Go check out Miss Marie's transition album. HEre's her profile.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=4738

This will help you know that it can be done and see that you aren't the only one who had hair struggles. Also go to visit Lauren450 and DenverGirl

Then when you want to remember whether this will be worth it. Visit
LynnieB
Lady Libra
Kemi21
Sera25
Queeny20 (take a good long look at her little girls' beautiful tresses too)
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=3526

I have cornrow tutorials in myvideos on my fotki site. In case you don't know how. If you use cornrows for your braidout that will help to cut down on the poofiness.

Maybe you should lay off of the OCT products for a while. Sometimes your hair may just need a change.

Also you really should abandon trying to Dry comb your hair. Lynnie B taught me that lesson.

And lastly. I've stopped washing/ cowashing my hair loose or at least not the whole head. When I waash or cowash it is almost always braided or cornrowed. I don't have to detangle as often and when I do detangle it's not that horrible anymore.

I saw in your album that you had tree braids when you were pregnant. Perhaps it is time to go to some kinky twists or braids again.

Hope this helps.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

how long have you been transitioning?

is it the detangling that is getting to you, the shrinkage, the way your hair looks? what is bothering you most?


It's all the above. And just until recently it was the detangling and shrinkage. Before I didn't really have an issue. I could rollerset with no problem. Now it's totally out of the question. I am going to try DC-ing 2x a week.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I transitioned for 15 months by wearing cornbraids or individuals. That helped me a lot. For the last 4 months I wore wigs and cornrolled my hair underneath. You might be manipulating your hair too much.

Yeah, I think you're right. I don't know how to do many styles- esp braids. So I plan to get it braided up this weekend by a friend.