Newbie in need of warm words

[Grand Prix]

Hi everybody!


I’m new! Well, sort of. I’ve been lurking here forever (a little over a year to be more precise) and that’s just about how far I am into my transition to natural hair.


Reason I just had to get out of my posting shyness is because I’m getting a little discouraged. The first few months of my transition were fairly easy. I had just discovered bantu knot outs through this site and in fact my hair looked better than ever. After I was about 8 months post however they just made my hair look a little les huge than it was, but huge not the less. Plus my relaxed hair doesn't hold curl very well as well as my new growth. So it has been buns and ponytails (on good hair days) from then on.


If I want to wear my hair down my only option is to flat iron, which I never did before this year because it simply kills my ends. It still does. The last time I ironed my hair, it reverted in a day. A day! This was about six weeks ago and I’ve felt so discouraged since.. I’m going away for a few days next week and I have no idea how I should wear my hear. Cowash, airdry and bantu every night just so I can wear a bun the next day? Great way to spend precious holiday time..


What’s not helping is when I feel this way my mother will tell me in a comforting tone that my hair type is meant to be relaxed. To be honest, until I found this board I thought the same. I saw all these posts of what I thought were crazy people cutting all their pretty relaxed hair off so they could wear their hair natural?? I actually remember as a kid being thankful to God for having let people invent relaxers so that black women can look beautiful too.


For idiot mindsets like these I really want to be natural and appreciate what I have. I don’t even like straight hair on me, so why am I “supposed” to relax? I’ve thought of texlaxing too, but relaxers have made my hair so dry and brittle and broken my hair off so bad simply don’t want to go near that stuff again.

So.. what am I supposed to do now? I’m just so tired of transitioning, of my hair, of being so obsessive over it. There are much bigger problems in the world and I’m feeling all sorry for myself because of hair.

 

[Grand Prix]

Oh and here are some pictures to give you an idea of where I am with my hair.

 

[jamaraa]

Your hair looks marvelous and will be gorgeous full natural too! Don't get too discouraged...going natural (despite the high number on this site) is walking the road less trod in real life, so be prepared for negative reactions. Life's short and it's your hair, so don't worry about it.

Black women look marvelous w/ hair in whatever state....NEVER forget this!

I don't know what to tell you about doing your hair tho. I've been natural all my life pretty much, so I don't know how to 'transition". Other members will...I just wanted to say, keep ya head up.

 

[anon123]

Welcome! I don't know much about transitioning styles, but I'm sure you'll find lots of info here. I think it'll be better once you don't have to try to blend the textures.

 

[WaistLengthDreams]

I can't really give you any advice on dealing with your transition, but I just wanted to say that your natural hair is gorgeous and if transitioning is what you want to do then keep on going! From what I understand there are going to be rough patches throughout the process and you've just got to push through them. Asking for help will definately help you to get through the tough times and I'm sure some transitioners/naturals will soon chime in with some great advice to help you through. Also, there is a transitioners support group thread on here, have you checked that out yet?

oh and of course

 

[Bella_Atl]

You're hair is Beautiful!! It's the relaxed hair not acting right with the natural hair not the other way around. And when you are done transitioning you'll see that. I would google holiday hair buns or holiday updos. There are some really cute quick and easy styles out there.

 

[YankeeCandle]

From your dejected description, I expected the mix of relaxed and new growth to look a hot mess, but that first picture is absolutely lovely. Your curls look moist and shiny to my eyes. Can't WAIT to see what you look like when your whole head is natural!!

 

[Shananyganz]

From your pictures, it looks as if you have quite a bit of length, have you thought of getting your own hair braided in a style? I did that for a little bit (a few days) while I transitioned and I was only about shoulder length. I also wore braids with extensions, not sure if you would be open to that, since some people don't care to add hair. I read that some ladies did straw sets on their journeys. Have you tried braid out or twists outs?

Transitioning can be a discouraging time (as well as enlightening) all around. People are used to seeing you a certain way and feel they should voice their opinion or they have a certain mindset and want to voice that too. All the while, you are dealing with VARIOUS textures that don't want to cooperate even on a good day. You have come SO far, I didn't make it a year as planned, I did 6 months and chopped. I think there are a lot of options for you other than straightening your hair, which is not bad, but you admittedly advised that you see damage when you straighten. Your hair is at a fragile state (relaxed and natural) so maybe you'll be able to utilize some of the aforesaid suggestions.

I hope it all works out for you!!

-S-

 

[Foxglove]

I have problems with reverting too. Maybe you could straighten for the first day then after your hair reverts try some other styles like braidouts or twistouts. You could also try straw sets or flexi rod sets

 

[darlingdiva]

Welcome aboard!!!

I don't have any transitioning advice, but, as another poster mentioned, check out the transitioner's thread. I'm sure that they have tons of great tips in there.

Also, disregard the people who have nothing positive or helpful to say. There's always going to be those people who are going to say something discouraging, but you can't allow yourself to be discouraged by them.

Your hair looks great!!!

 

[Fhrizzball]

I would check out what other transitioners are doing and peruse through fotki's and youtube's Try incorporating more curly styles as well. Twists and curl seems to be really popular too. Your new growth is so luscious and you've been transitioning for a year with that length? I commend you.

 

[dynamic1]

During my lengthy transition I relied on the following styles

• rod sets,
• ponytail rollersets with steam rollers since the ends were relaxed,
• flat twistouts.
• If hair was flat ironed with extra curls, I would pin curl it to maintain the curls longer.

You can also try braidouts and regular twistouts. Try to (as hard as it will be) tune out other people. Try not to complain about your hair woes to people who think "you should just get a relaxer". Sharing your frustrations with them will just frustrate you further.

Good luck with your transition.

 

[MummysGirl]

Your hair is beautiful, your natural hair looks amazing. Please don't get discouraged... I don't have as much length as you do, I'm 10 months into my transition and once I found styles that worked for me - everything fell into place.

The 3 pics in my siggy are my main transition styles but I have some more in my fotki (Transition Styles Album). Youtube is also a good resource for seeing how styles are done...

Goodluck and HHG!!!

 

[Grand Prix]

Wow, thank you ladies so much!

Reading your posts is very encouraging.. And I know a lot of you have seen or even done the same, so your advice is great.

As far as styles.. I feel like I've tried everything. Braid outs used to be my staple style when I was relaxed. I wore it out every single day. Party because when I put it in a ponytail it would be all stiff and thin looking.. The problem now is that my new growth will be all full and often poofy, while my relaxed ends won't hold the curl well. It will come out all stringy. Same goes for (flat) twist outs.

Straw sets, though, I've only ever heard of. Where do you buy the, well, straws?

Braids I've thought about. It was the way I used to wear my hair when I was still natural. I know this would be great for my hair as I was past waist length then, but on the other hand, I live in the Netherlands and such a hairstyle would be considered rather childish. I do wonder if that's just me..

 

[Aspire]

Welcome. Your hair is beautiful!! If my hair looked like yours (and my sister's do) I would still be natural. Don't get discouraged. You just have to remember that your hair has new needs now - new products, new moisture/protein balance, new techniques.

There are some awesome women here who have made your journey and, like others said, they have some wonderful tips to offer. I have done it twice before with hair more tightly coiled than yours and no LHCF (how I survived is still beyond me - I should be bald). You are in the right place for info.

Also, a previous member did her transition and blogged it. http://maneandchic.com/ check out her site. She has transition Thurs and you can read her hair history during her transition. I found her site really informative for hair info. Plus she shows a lot of hair inspirations.

Good luck and don't give up.

 

[Aspire]

Straw sets, though, I've only ever heard of. Where do you buy the, well, straws?

Braids I've thought about. It was the way I used to wear my hair when I was still natural. I know this would be great for my hair as I was past waist length then, but on the other hand, I live in the Netherlands and such a hairstyle would be considered rather childish. I do wonder if that's just me..

BlackMasterpiece (I think that is the way she spells it) has a FABULOUS straw set in her siggy. She told me she uses normal drinking straws.

 

[sharifeh]

Wow, I don't have any advice, but your looks really gorgeous in both pictures!
good luck with everything! and Welcome!

 

[dynamic1]

Straw sets, though, I've only ever heard of. Where do you buy the, well, straws?

..

You can buy straws at the grocery store but you have to look around for varying sizes. Traditional straws were to small for taste. I looked for a Wendy's sized straw at first then moved up to Bubble Tea straws. You can search Amazon for the tea straws. I also used almost every flexi rod on this page. But started with red. http://www.sallybeauty.com/flexible-rods/HAIRAR4,default,pd.html?cgid=Hair14-01

Also, I really had to practice with the rods and straws, you really need to pull the new growth taut on the roller so it is less likely to poof. Also, what setting lotions, conditioners are you using for your twistouts?

 

[diva24]

What about braid outs or twist outs or braids or flexirod sets? You do not have to wash your hair everyday. Finding a style that lasts longer than a day will help ease your frustration. Also you have to realize your natural hair is probably not going to be sleek and smooth every day. If you are not okay with this notion then natural hair may not be for you.

 

[winnettag]

Your natural hair is beautiful and there is no such thing as a hair type that is "meant to be relaxed" unless you just want to.
If you haven't already, check out the transitioners support thread:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=56005

Good luck to you and HHG!

 

[locabouthair]

Your hair looks beautiful!

Maybe you can try half wig or rollersets?

 

[brucebettye]

Your hair is beautiful!!!! Don't let what your mom say get you down. I know I go through periods where I hate my hair put l look for hairstyles on youtube or on people's blogs and try a new style then I feel better. Don't give up because this website is a wealth of knowledge!!!!!!!!!

 

[SelahOco]

your hair is so beautiful! Have you tried a braid out or braided style. When you get the urge to do the big chop, you're going to be so happy. Your hair is curly, shiny, and 100% you!!!!