need to vent

[islangirl2002]

Hi everyone, I'm not new to the site, I just don't post much. Anyway tell me if I'm being childish about this. Ok so I'm a mother of 3 to include a 4 month old, a wife, work full time and attend school. So with that said I've been putting braids with extension in my 4 year old daughter's hair since April. Her hair is 100% natural. Anyway, I've been doing the crown and glory method with and but I only keep them in for 4 to 6 weeks at a time. Anyway, I sent her and her big brother to my parents house for the summer and to help my step mom out I got her hair rebraided before she left. Well af 6 weeks my stepmom took out her braids and took her to the salon to get her hair braided. After looking at her hair the stylist told her I'm gonna have to put a relaxer in her hair when she gets older because it's too thick and I'm not gonna be able to manage it. Before she could say anything else I told her I wasn't putting any relaxer in my daughter's hair. So she get's smart talking bout well I'm just telling you what the proffesional said and goes on to say how the stylist is educated in her field. She even went as far to say if I keep it natural it's gonna break. I told her no, and that her hair will break more if it was ralax. I got so mad with her. Then she (step mom) started saying how my daughter's hair is so nice and thick. Then in the same breath turn around and say if I keep it natural it's gonna break off. What the heck? I guess I'm mainly mad because of how she talked about natural hair like it's the worst thing ever. So am I being childish about this?

 

[january noir]

No, not childish one bit. Most people don't know the 411 on black hair. Your job is to educate them. That's why you're here on LHCF.

 

[ambs_0587]

No, you are not being childish. I hope she does not relax your babies hair behind your back one day.

Keep taking care of her like you have been doing and keep step mom away from her hair.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

This kind of thing makes me angry, too. You're not being childish. Not one bit. I've had lots of stylists say the same thing about my natural hair. That I NEED a relaxer/texturizer. It's unfortunate that this ignorance seems to be taught to them...where are stylists getting this idea from anyway, cosmetology school? I think that's kind of sick.

 

[Seraphina]

You're not being unreasonable here. A lot of people haven't caught on yet to the fact that black stylists are among the most ignorant people when it comes to our hair.

I really hope that none of this was said in front of your daughter. If so, you need to have chat with your step mom and make it clear that only positive things are to be said to/around your daughter in regards to her hair.

 

[mzteaze]

Not childish at all. Many women still believe that relaxers are the ONLY way to deal with their hair. Enough that it's not worth running your BP up over. As long as she didn't usurp your decision not to relax, I would have just thanked her for her opinion and keep it moving. Arguing with an immovable object does not work, results do.

 

[islangirl2002]

Thanks ladies. Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I knew there's a lot of ignorant people out there when it comes to hair but dang. It's what God gave us. I think my daughter was around when I was talking to her. But I always tell my babies how beautiful they are both inside and out. And I always compliment my daughter on how beautiful her natural hair is. I forgot to tell you guys, I told her I was gonna prove her and her stylist wrong when my baby is walking around with long thick natural hair down to her booty. LOL... When I said that her response was Well, I hope it's cute.. What??? Girls I'm getting mad all over again.

 

[PinkGirlFluff]

Tell her that you will have a cushion for her face when it falls on the ground at the site of your daughter's long beautiful hair. lol. j/k. Don't be as bad as me. hehehe.

 

[Evolving78]

i would have told her she was going to have some major problems in her life if she put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. i already let my mother know that i will raise hell if she ever tried to go that route with baby girl. she tried to shut me up by saying it was no big deal, but i told her she would have a fight on her hands if she tried me. that is my baby and i will cut anyone that goes against my wishes when it comes to my children. i am their mother, what i say goes and folks need to respect that.

sorry OP, i just got mad reading your post. no, you are not overracting. you are better than me though, because i would have been on the first plane smokin to get my kids back from her and my dad. i would take it a step further and cut folks off. (that might be overracting, but i have been known to leave and not deal with folks anymore when it comes to something i am passionate about, My Babies!) that's great that you are going to school, working full time, and raising your family. you gotta share your secrets on that!

 

[SunnyHoney]

I don't think you're being childish. Of course it's upsetting.

My concern, though, is that sometimes we hear stories of "those people", (the ones hating on a mother's choice to keep her daughter's natural), taking it into their own hands to relax the child's hair.

I just hope you made it PAINFULLY clear to her that despite her opinion, which you may never change (and shouldn't care if you do), that if she EVER took it upon herself to take YOUR daughter to a salon and have her relaxed, that she would not see that child again until college graduation! Sometimes older women think that by virtue of age, they have a right to "mother" other peoples children. Even if she never sees things your way, she better not lay a relaxer brush on that girl's head! I hope you make that clear to her, because as heated as you are right now, you'll be boiling if it came to that.

*as I was reading the original post, I was cringing, hoping that by the end of it you wouldn't say she had done that!*

So no, you weren't childish, but I hope that somehow this puts it into perspective that step-mom can have her opinion, as long as she respects your prerogative as the mother.

*hugs*

 

[SunnyHoney]

i would have told her she was going to have some major problems in her life if she put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. i already let my mother know that i will raise hell if she ever tried to go that route with baby girl. she tried to shut me up by saying it was no big deal, but i told her she would have a fight on her hands if she tried me. that is my baby and i will cut anyone that goes against my wishes when it comes to my children. i am their mother, what i say goes and folks need to respect that.

sorry OP, i just got mad reading your post. no, you are not overracting. you are better than me though, because i would have been on the first plane smokin to get my kids back from her and my dad. i would take it a step further and cut folks off. (that might be overracting, but i have been known to leave and not deal with folks anymore when it comes to something i am passionate about, My Babies!) that's great that you are going to school, working full time, and raising your family. you gotta share your secrets on that!

shortdub78, ITA

 

[Pompous Blue]

i would have told her she was going to have some major problems in her life if she put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. i already let my mother know that i will raise hell if she ever tried to go that route with baby girl. she tried to shut me up by saying it was no big deal, but i told her she would have a fight on her hands if she tried me. that is my baby and i will cut anyone that goes against my wishes when it comes to my children. i am their mother, what i say goes and folks need to respect that.

sorry OP, i just got mad reading your post. no, you are not overracting. you are better than me though, because i would have been on the first plane smokin to get my kids back from her and my dad. i would take it a step further and cut folks off. (that might be overracting, but i have been known to leave and not deal with folks anymore when it comes to something i am passionate about, My Babies!) that's great that you are going to school, working full time, and raising your family. you gotta share your secrets on that!

Thanks was not enough!

I agree with you X 10....

OP, sometimes people mistake your kindness as a suggestion.....As SunnyHoney said, make sure she is "PAINFULLY" aware of your wishes and understand the consequences of her EVER relaxing your baby's hair....

Hummmpphhh!! The nerve and ignorance of some people!