Natural Ladies: what if your Signaficant other doesn't like your natural swagger?

[kroeskop]

Ladies,

What if while you are on this natural hair journey, your boyfriend/ hubby/ honey bunches of outs calls you aside and says he doesn't like your naps/ curls but prefers your good one relaxer/ weave that you just chopped off?

He begs and please and says that he'd love you to keep the ish straight. Talk to me: will you run out to get that straightner to keep your man or will you stick up and defend your naps??? and why?

 

[Missigirl]

I was concerned about this too. I even set my hair with mag rollers to get it straight. He seems to like it better straight , but he loves what's under the napps more. He also understands this is something I want to try.

 

[silenttullip]

if my guy gave compliments when it was straight I'd get a relaxed quick but since he doesn't he can move on if he doesn't like naps reason why... Cause I went natural for the health of my scalp not just to do it

 

[*CherryPie*]

If natural hair would make him leave...then I say open the door for him!

But if he's a good man and just misses the straight look on you, I'd flatiron it for him periodically.

If I had a man that I felt I had to wear a certain type of hair for, or he would leave me, I'd question whether he really loved me. Who wants a man like that? That's too much stress.

 

[jayjaycurlz]

I'd defend my naps because it is a conscious choice that I'm making to breakdown my own definition of beautiful and releasing myself from the mental slavery imposed upon me by how 'others' define beautiful. Its a journey that I wouldn't expect him to understand, but appreciate. A kin to a journey to find ones true self. Being natural has given me more confidence, making me feel good in my own skin. Like I own this. If you know what I mean. My SO tells me the change in my attitude makes me sexy - who knew?

I would educate him on the versatility of natural hair and show him I look even better with my naps than I did without them. Don't get me wrong. Going natural isn't a license to not take good care of your hair. If you're SO's opinion is that straight hair is better, you've got to ensure your natural is on point. I please my SO by flat ironing my hair every now and then.

 

[Nonie]

I have never let anyone dictate what I do with my body so TBH OP, he'd just have to get used to it, coz if I like something, I will do it.

There have been several discussions along these lines and you can see my responses there. Even when he pointed out there's a style he didn't like, I didn't hate him for it or get mad. I found it hilarious coz I bloody love that style. I'm talmbout my tarantula do. More in the threads below:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=284103

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=195357

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=558757

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=505559

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=507907

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I went natural at the urging of DH so I cannot imagine him now saying he doesn't like it.
He seems to like my hair curly more so than straight. I have not worn my hair straight since April.

I get it that some men prefer straight hair; however, natural does not mean one can never wear straight hair.

 

[RegaLady]

If natural hair would make him leave...then I say open the door for him!

But if he's a good man and just misses the straight look on you, I'd flatiron it for him periodically.

If I had a man that I felt I had to wear a certain type of hair for, or he would leave me, I'd question whether he really loved me. Who wants a man like that? That's too much stress.

This!

Luckily Dh LOVES my natural hair. I was relaxed and weaved and he begged for me to go natural. It seems I am the one who missed relaxed hair from time to time(not often). But I benefit from natural hair more. As soon as my hair gets to its goal, I will wear it the way he would like me to (big and fluffy) and whatever I like to wear.

 

[MissDarcei]

I'm not natural but my boyfriend likes my hair straight or curly pretty equally. I think that's because he just likes ME. The texture of my hair doesnt seem to be that important to him. But if it was a big deal and he didn't like my natural hair then too bad for him! He should like me for me and not my hair. I wear my hair how I like, when I like. Sometimes it's straight, sometimes it's curly. It shouldn't matter.

 

[Poohbear]

I get it that some men prefer straight hair; however, natural does not mean one can never wear straight hair.

Exactly!!!

My current boyfriend has never been concerned with how I wear my natural hair. He just loves me for me.

Past boyfriends and guys that I've dated when I had natural hair didn't care either except for one short cocky guy who I only dated for less than 2 months thank God! He thought it was odd that I wore my hair natural but that didn't discourage me. I just let him out of my life and moved on.

 

[SmilingElephant]

If natural hair would make him leave...then I say open the door for him!

But if he's a good man and just misses the straight look on you, I'd flatiron it for him periodically.

If I had a man that I felt I had to wear a certain type of hair for, or he would leave me, I'd question whether he really loved me. Who wants a man like that? That's too much stress.

I often think that it's bc im just so used to being single. A dude making a big deal about how he'd "rather" my hair to look can kick rocks. In flip flops.

 

[Kdiamond19]

Last time I checked, the hair on my head is MY HAIR! I appreciate when he notices a style or mentions he likes my hair in a certain style, but to hold me to it is crazy.

I was not in love with my boyfriend's Rick Ross beard, but I have never instructed him on cutting it. Just recently he made the decision to cut it on his own. Thank You Jesus!!!!

 

[Ronnieaj]

My SO loves my hair natural, and he was with me during the transition, so it's a non-issue. He thinks it looks weird straight now. But to be honest, I would consider his opinion. I wouldn't necessarily change anything, but I respect his opinion and would consider what he likes. He knows I hate it when he's clean-shaven, but every now and again he'll completely shave just for the change. He promptly grows it back because I prefer the mustache, goatee, or full beard (wintertime, YAY!). My opinion's valid, but he's grown and will do what he wants, just like me.

For the record, every time we go to a formal event I ask him how he'd like me to do my hair, and he apparently prefers the blown-out twistout best . I can work with that.

 

[Southernbella.]

When dh met me, my hair was straight. That's what he was used to, so he didn't really care for the fact that I went natural. I transitioned for as long as possible, but I eventually cut it off because that was what I felt was best for me.

He got over it. What else could he do? To answer your question, I did it anyway. My hair, my choice.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

My DH already knows not to question my hair choices.

 

[Embyra]

My DH already knows not to question my hair choices.

MyAngelEyez~C~Uthats right girl keep him in his place

 

[Triniwegian]

If my hair was a dealbreaker then we do not need to be together.
Thankfully SO loves my hair and he prefers it natural, he even suggest styles sometimes. He is very invested in my natural journey.

Sent from my HTC EVO = TYPO GALORE!

 

[discodumpling]

After 21 + years DH KNOWS he needs to keep his mouth shut when it comes to my hair.

I am the only one who has to deal with it...I am not sacrificing my health for NOBODY. Relaxers & I will never ever be friends again in this lifetime.

...not trying to be HARSH BUT I really don't give a flying fuggggg what he thinks about my hair. He's cluless about what women actually go through to keep their hair str8 whether natural or relaxed. He hasn't put ANY work into this hair game so his opinion doesn't matter. AT ALL.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

Well I do value my dh opinion and if he hated my curls we would need to have a talk and I might compromise by straightening my hair more often but still stay natural because that was something I really wanted to do. Luckily he loves my curls so we don't have to go there.

Sent from my DROID3 using DROID3

 

[firecracker]

I'd say adios. Thank goodness my guy loves my napps especially my new age afro as he calls it. I'm too old and lazy to maintain straight hair so its Naps Fo Life! LOL

 

[LadyRaider]

Flat iron when you want to make him feel special.

 

[indarican]

when i first started transitioning i thought i would change back to relaxing if he really didnt like it, 11+ months later if he dont like it he can jump off the empire state building. I put to much time and effort into my head for his opinion to change my mind. if he loves me as much as i love me, my hair shouldnt even be a factor.

I asked him what he thought of it and he said he liked the curlies, as long as i dont have less hair then him hes going to like it.

 

[PinkGirlFluff]

I haven't had a man say they didn't like my natural hair so I'd look at a guy sideways if he had a beef with my natural hair. lol. Like on some "What you talkin bout Willis" side eye action.

I have noticed that men that were overly concerned with my style were not worth a grain of salt. My hubby loves the fact that I change it up but he is not pressing me about straight hair. Hell if he wants straight hair to feel on he can run his fingers down his chest hairs and use his imagination. I'm just saying.

I can compromise on a lot of things but my body is MY body. Love it or leave it alone. Luckily I went natural before we jumped the broom so he had an out if he couldn't handle some dang on hairs.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I've told my story before but I will mention it in brief.

My hubby HATED it initially. We argued, he embarassed me, yada yada, and I cried. I compromised and wore weaves and extensions while my short afro grew out...Well honestly I wasn't feeling it either, but a year later I decided to stop weaving it and I was already SL. Now when I cut it off, I had transitioned about 10 months and had about 3-4 inches of shrunken hair already...When he saw it longer (I'd straightened it) he backed off.
I learned how to take care of my hair, started wearing it in little twists..which he didn't like initially, but he watched closely. Now my hair is a little past BSB and he loves it. I think for most men its about length and neatness. He doesn't ever want me to relax it again...But yes, initially he was begging me to perm it...at any cost.....

sooo...no he didn't threaten to break up with me, but I did have to stand my ground. My hubby has a strong personality, and a weak willied woman would have folded....But I'm not her.....I was very subtle about standing my ground. I also made sure he understood that I was LISTENING to him, and not ignoring him or his feelings...So once or twice a year I will press it. He's only asked me once this year to press it, and it was for a wedding out of town in March of this year. He knows the dangers of frequent heat so he hasn't asked since. He also loves my twists and the styles I wear them in. He is used to it now. He brags to his friends about my hair and how natural hair can grow long as long as you take care of it....Many ppl would've said, let him go when I 1st BC'd....and it was a deeper issue at hand....CONTROL! (i'll admit)...He wanted me to look a certain way....and well...its just too bad....But I learned to step back, listen, compromise to a POINT....But its been 3 years...I'm still natural, and we're both loving it. Its certainly been a journey!

 

[Your Cheeziness]

I used to be die hard, "kick rocks if you don't like my hair", but I feel differently now. If a guy met you with a certain look and you completely switch it up, it's normal to feel some type of way about it. I'd feel some type of way if my SO made a big change to his appearance that I wasn't used to. I'd be like, "Sir. WTF. "

So, I think if you want to stay natural, do that. But, to make your SO feel like his opinion matters, there is nothing wrong with wearing stretched or straightened "compromising" styles on occasion. I don't feel like you're giving up your independence or anything like that by acknowledging his opinion.

 

[Raspberry]

When dh met me, my hair was straight. That's what he was used to, so he didn't really care for the fact that I went natural. I transitioned for as long as possible, but I eventually cut it off because that was what I felt was best for me.

He got over it. What else could he do? To answer your question, I did it anyway. My hair, my choice.

Southernbella. well hopefully he came to see the light because your hair is FRIGGIN GORGEOUS!

 

[southerncitygirl]

this is the reason i'm single...i do what i want to my hair cause its attached to my body, he would have no say

 

[curlyninjagirl]

I could NOT be with a man who wanted me to relax my hair. I can't even stand that ish from strangers. It's not just hair for me. Being natural is part of who I am; part of my identity. I know plenty of women that do not have to compromise who they are for their men. That's the kind of love I'm looking for.

 

[natural2008]

On to the next. You came into this world with natual hair. My SO loves my natral hair. At first he gave me the side eye but after you ladies taught me how to comb it, he tells me I now have skills, lol.

 

[Beautytalk69]

Dh was the one who convinced me to go natural. He would lose his mind if I relaxed again.
If I was with a man who didn't like it..oh well..he better learn!