"Natural Hair Community My A**" -NikkiiDior

[LittleLuxe]

Exactly, because we are all human and we all go through our own problems in life.

I'm curious, do you think that other races go through problems like we do? Fighting each other over physical attributes?

I think we need to remember every race has their own issues and complexes and it can manifest just as negatively and divisively.

I forgot where specifically where I read it but I recall reading in a magazine once a Chinese girl saying she was essentially happy with her appearance. But while she was content living in California she'd secretly dread going home to visit her family.

This was because while she was thin by most American standards she was considered 'fat' in general by society back home. If she was eating in a restaurant she'd see the waitresses make certain expressions if she finished her whole plate or asked for dessert.

She'd also be scolded for her skin being too dark (living in California) by her Mom and would find tubes of skin lightening cream on her pillow at night. She also said her mom approached her one day saying she'd found a Dr. who did nose jobs for some daughter of her friend and was all excited because he was cheap and did a good job.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Exactly, because we are all human and we all go through our own problems in life.

I'm curious, do you think that other races go through problems like we do? Fighting each other over physical attributes?

Actually I do! I know so! One of my best friends growing up (Latina) wasn't taught Spanish and we actually learned it together in high school.

The prof even told her 'Do you know why you need to know Spanish? Because you're Mexican!!'

She told me a story about how girls who were nice to her did a 180 when they realized she didn't speak Spanish and how they used to laugh at her/make fun of her and call her 'gringa.'

Then my Godsister who's white and a brunette tells me how one of her cousins is treated as the holy grail because she's blond

Also I know with Indians and Latinos there's a color barrier too (ever watch a Lain Soap opera) There has to be if the majority of them have more melanin then I do!

 

[lesedi]

I've been taught recently that there's two kinds of light. 'yellowbone' and 'redbone'

where yellow is more alicia keys, lisa raye, mariah carey and red is saniaa laathan, beyonce, zoe saldana. So then by that thought she is in red category? (I've been told this many times and listened to arguments over it)

SO by that thought, yeah she is. I also think one of her white managers told her that he could sell her to the masses because she 'had light skin and green eyes' anyone who isn't crayon brown is light I think...right? All unimportant things if you ask me

i still don't get the yellow bone and red bone differences....If it's undertone then I'm confused because doesn't bey have yellow undertones?
And don't you get lots of darker people with red undertones? I don't know why people bother with these terms. We all know a light person when we see them

 

[PersuasiveBeauty]

Actually I do! I know so! One of my best friends growing up (Latina) wasn't taught Spanish and we actually learned it together in high school.

The prof even told her 'Do you know why you need to know Spanish? Because you're Mexican!!'

She told me a story about how girls who were nice to her did a 180 when they realized she didn't speak Spanish and how they used to laugh at her/make fun of her and call her 'gringa.'

Then my Godsister who's white and a brunette tells me how one of her cousins is treated as the holy grail because she's blond

Also I know with Indians and Latinos there's a color barrier too (ever watch a Lain Soap opera) There has to be if the majority of them have more melanin then I do!

I never stay on the Spanish channel because whenever I flip past there is that lady that does the talk shows and she talks too fast for me to keep up.

 

[PersuasiveBeauty]

I think we need to remember every race has their own issues and complexes and it can manifest just as negatively and divisively.

I forgot where specifically where I read it but I recall reading in a magazine once a Chinese girl saying she was essentially happy with her appearance. But while she was content living in California she'd secretly dread going home to visit her family.

This was because while she was thin by most American standards she was considered 'fat' in general by society back home. If she was eating in a restaurant she'd see the waitresses make certain expressions if she finished her whole plate or asked for dessert.

She'd also be scolded for her skin being too dark (living in California) by her Mom and would find tubes of skin lightening cream on her pillow at night. She also said her mom approached her one day saying she'd found a Dr. who did nose jobs for some daughter of her friend and was all excited because he was cheap and did a good job.

That is horrible!

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

i still don't get the yellow bone and red bone differences....If it's undertone then I'm confused because doesn't bey have yellow undertones?
And don't you get lots of darker people with red undertones? I don't know why people bother with these terms. We all know a light person when we see them

That's how I feel! I never knew about undertones until I started using foundation and colors that looked like they should have worked for my complexion didn't because they were the wrong undertone

Exactly I know 'dark' 'light' or 'middle' when I see it. IMO I really don't look at someone's race and go 'oh he's light for a...' or 'she's dark for a...' Just a general color spectrum for me. (shrugs) I guess that's why everyone who 'light' in the Black community goes for to 'middle' in my spectrum

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I never stay on the Spanish channel because whenever I flip past there is that lady that does the talk shows and she talks too fast for me to keep up.

LOL!!! That's another topic for another day!!

 

[Raspberry]

I have noticed this as well. I have a young cousin who just turned 4 who had MBL fine 3bc hair, both parents are black, he is a dark skinned little boy. Now let me tell you, he HATED his hair. I never met someone so tenderheaded in my life. Aint no gel in the world that could tame his hair, 5 seconds after doing his hair he would have flyaways. People would practically beg to do his hair, tell him what a pretty girl he was, mess up his curls. People assumed that becuase he had a looser finer texture that everything was all honkydory. His mother cut it for his 4th birthday and he was sooooo happy. To be honest...all that hair "feminized" (I know thats probably not a word) him and kept a lot of people treating him like a baby. He looks like a boy now and is proud to tell you that he doesnt have long hair anymore.

My coworkers daughter hair is the same as my cousin (she is mixed though) and....yeah her hair is a frizzy halo in a heartbeat. Half the time her daughter gets her hair redid more than once a day becuase styles just dont keep. So whoever said that looser textures mean easier upkeep have no clue what they are talking about.

I agree I have some biracial female relatives and their hair textures are all slightly different from one another. One has the so-called grease and water hair that many black women envy .. another has 3b/3c curls that took her years to learn how to care for, and yet another is in between the two. The one with 3c curls was often called "Brillo" in high school and jad a hard time with dryness and frizziness ...now she texlaxes maybe twice a year and the bulk is reduced and she rocks a curly wash-n-go style. At family reunions some of my other monoracial relatives take turns cooing and stroking/petting their hair which I can tell makes them uncomfortable after a while (it's kind of creepy IMO). Even though my relatives react to their natural waves/curls way more positively then when I was natural lol it doesn't negate the fact that they had their own haircare journeys to work through.

They also had their own racial identity journeys they worked out in different ways.. that's a separate tangent I guess but to reduce their personal story to "but black men like you better" is kind of silly..not to mention not all of them even dated/married black men

ETA: I will say that none of my biracial relatives would make a video claiming that their hair story is just like their monoracial counterparts though..

 

[Tamster]

This is sad... people are so.. extra. i mean really? this is a hair thing, and you are gonna ignore her? really? wow. I feel bad for her.

To answer the question about colorism in other races (or at least differences...) light is right is an extremely pervasive thing...

I knew a girl in college who was a dark skinned thai. She was adopted by a white family. In college, she went back to thailand for the first time since being adopted (i think on study abroad) and they cursed at her, replaced her lotions with lightening creams, called her dirty and a whore on the street, wouldnt treat her right in stores... the whole 9... she knew what they were saying because she can understand the language.

She was so happy to be in Thailand and I think was finding her family but at the same time she was happy she didnt grow up there. They treated her horribly.

 

[Raine054]

I feel for her but lighter skinned blacks experience favoritism among blacks and whites. That is the nature of colorism. That doesn't make any of what she experiences justified but it deserves to be acknowledged.

It's funny because I recently had a conversation with one of girls I tutor. She was upset that kinkier hair textures are usually excluded from natural hair ads and various print media with Zoe Saldana being touted as the average black girl when we know this is not the case. There has been this shift that embraces bi-racial, lighter-skinned, and racially ambiguous women as the new black and I'm wondering if other Black women feel slighted. I think Black women just want an accurate representation of our makeup to be portrayed in society.

 

[niqu92]

Actually I do! I know so! One of my best friends growing up (Latina) wasn't taught Spanish and we actually learned it together in high school.

The prof even told her 'Do you know why you need to know Spanish? Because you're Mexican!!'

She told me a story about how girls who were nice to her did a 180 when they realized she didn't speak Spanish and how they used to laugh at her/make fun of her and call her 'gringa.'

Then my Godsister who's white and a brunette tells me how one of her cousins is treated as the holy grail because she's blond

Also I know with Indians and Latinos there's a color barrier too (ever watch a Lain Soap opera) There has to be if the majority of them have more melanin then I do!

yupyuuup one of my friends in puerto rican but she's dark skinned. at my school theres an latin american student association so she signed up and went to the 1st meeting when she went everybody just stopped and stared at her.and it wasnt until they called her name (her last name is Martinez) that everybody was like
i dont know why hispanics try to act like there arent any dark/black hispanics..especially colombians.one of my friends is colombian and she aaalways talks about how white colombians are and how a lot of them are blond blahbleh and then one day i was like "...umm eileen colombia has the 3rd highest number of black people in the western hemisphere. there are more black people there than in haiti and jamaica combined."
and you know what this fool said? "oohh yeah but they dont count" nono:

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I feel for her but lighter skinned blacks experience favoritism among blacks and whites. That is the nature of colorism. That doesn't make any of what she experiences justified but it deserves to be acknowledged.

It's funny because I recently had a conversation with one of girls I tutor. She was upset that kinkier hair textures are usually excluded from natural hair ads and various print media with Zoe Saldana being touted average black girl when we know this is not the case. There has been this shift that embraces bi-racial, lighter-skinned, and racially ambiguous women as the new black and I'm wondering if other Black women feel slighted. I think Black women just want an accurate representation of our makeup to be portrayed in society.

Wow!!!! Thank you!!! This is sooo true! Everytime America portrays a 'Black woman' or features the new 'it Black lady' she's mixed, or light. And yes Raine I do feel slighted because when I look at Blacks in real life, the majority of us aren't Zoe's complexion or racially mixed. (Great grandmother was Native American, but I don't consider that enough to be mixed. I'm Black and will correct others in a heart beat )

Damn, so does that mean I can't represent the Black masses? Or do we just need more of a diversity? (IE popstars who will wear their natural dark hair color/hair texture?)

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

yupyuuup one of my friends in puerto rican but she's dark skinned. at my school theres an latin american student association so she signed up and went to the 1st meeting when she went everybody just stopped and stared at her.and it wasnt until they called her name (her last name is Martinez) that everybody was like
i dont know why hispanics try to act like there arent any dark/black hispanics..especially colombians.one of my friends is colombian and she aaalways talks about how white colombians are and how a lot of them are blond blahbleh and then one day i was like "...umm eileen colombia has the 3rd highest number of black people in the western hemisphere. there are more black people there than in haiti and jamaica combined."
and you know what this fool said? "oohh yeah but they dont count" nono:

(facepalm + sigh)

 

[DaughterOfZion1]

I do accept all people as part of the natural movement/group whether or not you have 3a curls or 4bcdefg curls.

BUTTTTTT,

are we really going to pretend that its not easier to care for hair that is looser? That you may not deal with as many knots and terrible tangles?

That blowdrying is a bit easier when your pattern is looser? That your hair tends to grow a bit faster because a)the oil doesnt have a problem traveling up the hair shaft like it does with 4b hair (as much trouble I mean) b) less tangling/knotting up?

My thing is its OKAY to admit this. It's just truth (most of the time, not all of the time). You should see my girlfriends hair that is 3b/4a (they are Nigerian girls). Wow. lol

We understand they have struggles too. I'm not saying that they don't, but PLEASE let's not try to pretend some things aren't easier for them as a result of their texture.

 

[song_of_serenity]

^ Yes, but to treat them like they are some anomaly and "don't belong" is where her video is coming from. We as naturals are all in this together, to treat someone like an outcast because they have a looser (or tighter) texture is just plain wrong when they're looking for knowledge and sisterhood like everyone else.

Yeah, I've had people make comments about my hair and how it "grew so fast" and how I can just "snatch it back in a bun like nothing" because of the texture but guess what? I've seen people on both spectrum, looser AND tighter than my own have their own share of issues. Different, but issues and both are wanting the same thing. Healthy natural hair.

 

[CrissieD]

I love how people like to say looser textures are easier when they have never had that type of hair growing out of thier scalp. Easier to straighten, sure but thats about it. I have 2 cousins that I talk hair with 1 is 4a/b and 1 is 3a, my hair is basically 3c. My 4b cousin can do twists /twists outs, fros, and can got from super sleek and straight to super kinky afro. My 3a cousin's can straighten easily. Thats about it. If she wants BIG hair she has to WORK.

Sent from my Super Kewl EVO... Please blame the phone for the typos

 

[LovelyNaps26]

"Let's not act like you don't get more acceptance from men because you are light skinned with "good hair" ...Nobody should be rude to you. They should embrace you. I believe that you go through equal hair issues with maintenance and retention as well... But don't sit up there and front like society does not give you a privilege because of your light skin and hair texture. You want us to pretend like it's not there? Girl go turn on BET."

SMH at this Youtube comment.

This comment was very rude and uncalled for. However, I do remember this being said in a very similar way in that thread on the Dark Girls documentary months ago in ET and there were a lot of co-signers. Not justifying intra-racial divisiveness but acknowledging that there was preference and privilege based on phenotype as apart of this country's unfortunate history of dividing us against ourselves.

I'm really starting to think that there is whole different group in the hair forum than in ET/OT b/c y'all are more sympathetic than I expected. Maybe b/c she's not famous.

Anyway, yeah, the whole thing is silly. That lady was mean to snub her at the hair expo

Returns to hiatus.

 

[pureebony]

The world we live in doesn't seem like its progressing at all.

 

[whiteoleander91]

I feel like people are always trying to compare apples to apples, go straight across the board.

Ex: I'm x skin color and have x curl size. I was always picked on because of it. Tangles are the bane of my existence. But because you never were picked on about your skin color and detangling isn't that hard for you, you obviously have it easy.

The problem with that: Maybe the person really didn't get picked on for their hair or skin color. Maybe detangling really isn't that hard for them. Just because that is your biggest/main issue and isn't for her, doesn't mean by default she has it easy. Maybe she used to get picked on for the clothes she wore in grade school. Maybe her family struggled to keep food on the table, and that was tough for her. Just because something is a big pain for you to deal with and isn't for the next chick, doesn't mean life is smooth sailing. Ppl always want to compare like this when it comes to hair; detangling is hard for me, it isn't for you, wash and go's are hard for me, it isn't for you, therefore you MUST have it easy. Seriously?? Maybe you don't have a problem with breakage or split ends, but she is always having to deal with it, maybe retention is easy for you, she struggles to hold on to every inch, maybe finding products that work for your hair is super easy, but for her takes months to find just 'okay' stuff. Should she say that you have it easy, soley because of that? ("she" as in random chick, no one in particular.) We all have issues! Just because I don't have yours or you don't have mine, doesn't mean either of us has it easy. We just have different problems.

 

[CrissieD]

yupyuuup one of my friends in puerto rican but she's dark skinned. at my school theres an latin american student association so she signed up and went to the 1st meeting when she went everybody just stopped and stared at her.and it wasnt until they called her name (her last name is Martinez) that everybody was like
i dont know why hispanics try to act like there arent any dark/black hispanics..especially colombians.one of my friends is colombian and she aaalways talks about how white colombians are and how a lot of them are blond blahbleh and then one day i was like "...umm eileen colombia has the 3rd highest number of black people in the western hemisphere. there are more black people there than in haiti and jamaica combined."
and you know what this fool said? "oohh yeah but they dont count" nono:

Don't count? I would love to hear her say that to FH's big black Colombian family

Sent from my Super Kewl EVO... Please blame the phone for the typos

 

[reeko43]

My mom has 3b hair and gray green eyes and has many stories of how she went through hell because of it. She was called a witch and people would constantly yank on her "white people hair".

My mom may not have exactly the same issues with hair as maybe a 4a/b, she just has different ones. My mom could never wear braids or afros which she loves. She really couldn't maintain most styles because her hair would always crawl into a cloud not long after her hair was styled. My mother's hair is also fine so she really didn't have a lot of style options. She got perms for many years which she said made her hair more manageable. Mom has wished for different hair many times and would often state she was envious of how versatile she thinks my hair is. Grass is always greener............

People should stop projecting their negative experience on others and be happy that more and more people are experiencing the beauty of natural hair regardless of type.

 

[Dominicanatural]

yupyuuup one of my friends in puerto rican but she's dark skinned. at my school theres an latin american student association so she signed up and went to the 1st meeting when she went everybody just stopped and stared at her.and it wasnt until they called her name (her last name is Martinez) that everybody was like
i dont know why hispanics try to act like there arent any dark/black hispanics..especially colombians.one of my friends is colombian and she aaalways talks about how white colombians are and how a lot of them are blond blahbleh and then one day i was like "...umm eileen colombia has the 3rd highest number of black people in the western hemisphere. there are more black people there than in haiti and jamaica combined."
and you know what this fool said? "oohh yeah but they dont count" nono:

I don't mean to steer the thread too far into another direction, but I have had a million and one experiences just like your Puerto Rican friend as a black Latina. But, I wish somebody would tell me I "don't count" either as Latina or black so that I could slap them with their own ignorance.

 

[Qtee]

Lanre1777's font is VERY familiar...

Lanre1777's comment is crazy..I mean what Perks is she talking about..was I not in the meeting when the "perks" were handed out. Can someone point me toward the direction of these "perks"..Cause I feel jipped...I'm light and bright for no reason cause I didnt get the perks..

 

[lovegymnasts]

I feel for her but lighter skinned blacks experience favoritism among blacks and whites. That is the nature of colorism. That doesn't make any of what she experiences justified but it deserves to be acknowledged.

Yes, they do.
Without question
It is especially and blatantly evident in the adoption of children. For seven years, I did most of the CPS adoptions for my county. Black children are at the bottom. Most non-black families will state that they are willing to consider any race of child, including bi-racial, except for black. Many will look at a bi-racial child but do not want information about a black one. Excuses are that a black child will not be accepted in their neighborhood or they do not feel comfortable raising a black child. If the child is light skinned with curly hair and bi-racial, it's a different tune.
Also, a light skinned child will get more interest and homestudies submitted than a dark skinned child.
That being said a white child trumps everyone. You may get 3 or 4 homestudies for a black child but get 50 plus, easily, for a white child.
This is the reality.
A black child, especially a black boy, is more likely (by far) to remain unadopted and in the system than any other race.

It's funny because I recently had a conversation with one of girls I tutor. She was upset that kinkier hair textures are usually excluded from natural hair ads and various print media with Zoe Saldana being touted average black girl when we know this is not the case. There has been this shift that embraces bi-racial, lighter-skinned, and racially ambiguous women as the new black and I'm wondering if other Black women feel slighted. I think Black women just want an accurate representation of our makeup to be portrayed in society.

I've felt like her for a long time. I have pointed this out in print ads, tv shows, and tv commercials to my friends and family.

 

[discodumpling]

What stuck out for me was she said she's been "going through it her whole life" ya know what GET OVER YOURSELF!

Yes I know that SOME people will treat me better because of certain physical attributes including my own family who took pride in those same attributes...but you know what you GROW UP and here is what I learned: BLACK IS BLACK IS BLACK IS BLACK...no matter where you are in the world. Hold your head high and be the QUEEN you were meant to be and KIM!!

 

[LittleLuxe]

Some of the responses in this thread are kinda interesting.

Realistically though being lighter doesn't really mean you're automatically accepted by whites, especially if you don't have a lot in common with them. Same with how 'black is black is black' isn't always true because other black girls will shun and roll their eyes at you for being 'yeller' and not black enough.

Your hair texture is either the best or worst of both worlds. Perhaps easier to detangle but harder to do any style with, or harder to maintain straightness when you do try to flat iron. I can understand her issues if she's getting it her whole life and at a hair expo she's pretty much ignored from the second she enters the door.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I've felt like her for a long time. I have pointed this out in print ads, tv shows, and tv commercials to my friends and family.[/QUOTE]

That feels good to know someone else like me feels that way I've started doing that to BET music videos/ads/ or whatever's on tv, but usually I get tepid replies from friends or family.

I'll say: BET/TV/THE MEDIA needs to be more representative of the actual black population.

Most responses begin or end with : Why does it matter? You're represented

It's kind of infuriating.

 

[Embyra]

texture and curl are different my hair is highly textured but i have a looser curl pattern a definite S shape

not sure why people arent seeing the difference in the two because ultimately your texture is going to have more effect on what people find ''easy'' than your CURL pattern

My strands are medium/coarse and my density is high i can tell you this my best friend when we were kids would break out into a sweat doing my hair as she found certain challenges in my hair that she doesn't have as a 4b

Nonie is clear example of a 4b on the board if i used her routine my hair would be TORE UP!! she uses NO oil.... NO leave in....and likes her hair BARE of products besides from her beloved scurl when he hair is out


So this so called easy crap is getting tired to me its ok to let go of your preconceived ideas on hair...

 

[Giselle685]

Her hair texture is more socially acceptable. I am 4b , I get compliments when my hair is done to suit me... However I do realize that her hair texture is more socially acceptable... Why do we ignore this?

The more people see 4b hair out and about.. I am pretty sure that what I mentioned previously will change. However , this is the case at the moment.

The reaction she got at the expo is similar to reactions 4bers/4cers get on the daily at work, during nightlife actitivities.. Etc with a few exceptions.

Let's not walk in a cloud.

However, the working goal of forums and expos as is to be welcoming. We are getting their slowly ..and I hope that things can change for the better for all of us.

 

[dicapr]

Hair is individual and there is no magic curl pattern that equals "easy" hair. My niece is 3a/b/c and her hair is not easy to do at all! It may "slick back" but she always has a fuzzy halo that makes her look unkept. Her hair tangles like nobody's business. Her hair is no easier than my 4a/4b hair-I actually think it is more difficult. But then again besides SSK I don't have issues with my hair. I've never experienced long detangling sessions, my hair is not dry, and with the right products I can slick it back with the best of them. I wonder how many people who talk about how easy it is to have 3 type hair have actually had to style it on the regular basis.