My sister needs help too!

[bollyhair]

(This one is for my sister yall!) For the past 10 years my sister has worn microbraids and weaves off and on. Everytime she takes them out, she lets her hair breathe for a couple of months. Her hair is then virgin and healthy because she doesn't wear a relaxer when she wears these things. Then she puts in a relaxer (Affirm). She has 4b hair too. No matter how long and thick her hair has gotten, once the perm goes in, after a while (about 2 months) the crown area starts to break bald! She was told that she has the kind of hair that if she doesn't get a relaxer every 4-5 weeks, her hair snaps. What should she do? She was told that her hair can't take relaxers! But she really wants to be able to wear a relaxer because she doesn't want to wear her hair natural or even pressed. Plus she's sick of weaves and braids.

Again, what should she do? Her hair grows long and thick, just keeps breaking horribly.

 

[patience]

SHE NEEDS TO STOP TRYING TO FORCE HER HAIR TO DO SOMETHING THAT IT DOESN'T WANT TO DO!!! Relaxers ARE HARSH CHEMICALS!!! There is really NO such thing as a mild or "child's" relaxer. Her hair will probably continue to break if she keeps trying to force it. Everyone cannot take relaxers...I know people who've gone bald from having "mild" relaxers applied to their heads...and I DO mean their LITERALLY rinsed down the drain along with the relaxer...at the salon! I would hate for that to happen to your sister. Also, the constant braids and weave wearing isn't really healthy either.

If she INSISTS on having a perm, she should know that the breakage may be part of her reality regardless of how much she trims, deep conditions, conditioner washes, eats right, etc. Some things just should NOT be applied to the head....

 

[bollyhair]

Thank you so much. It's not that she likes perms, it's just that she can't wear her hair natural because of the texture, (unless she trains it) it is very, very course and dry. And her edges are practically gone due to braiding around the edges. I think she's afraid of going natural.

 

[patience]

No problem. Have you or your sister read the book "Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America" by Ayana D. Byrd and Lori L Tharps. This is an EXCELLENT book!

 

[bollyhair]

HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?

My fellow hair friends,...I know we can do better this! PLEASE PLEASE help my sister! She is sitting here next to me (literally!) almost in tears because she needs help w/ her hair. Ladies, if I have to hear "Why is no one responding to my question? I only got 1 response?" ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna,...

(BTW, she's still in the "lurking" stages,...ya'll know how that is! I'm trying to get her to join our board

but I really think more responses will seal the deal!

I'm CALLING ON ALL MY SISTERS IN THE NAME OF HAIR to help a sista (mine) out!:0)

 

[gabrielle2]

i agree with patience...i too have thick hair and sometimes i get frustrated. there are ways to moisturize the hair to keep it from being so dry. (also, adequate water intake along with a healthy diet) it seems like she hasnt taken the time to actually get to "KNOW" her hair and what she is dealing with. i went through the same frustrations at the beginning and found nappturality.com. i learned a lot about natural hair care and various things that can be used to help with moisture. it was trial and error and it still is. however, she has to be patient and take time.

it will not always come over night...but if she puts forth an effort..she will get there...

WISHING U BOTH the best!

 

[patience]

[ QUOTE ]
bollyhair said:
Thank you so much. It's not that she likes perms, it's just that she can't wear her hair natural because of the texture, (unless she trains it) it is very, very course and dry. And her edges are practically gone due to braiding around the edges. I think she's afraid of going natural.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, she can wear her natural REGARDLESS of the texture. She just has to use the correct products and techniques. The website that I sent you has plenty of information on that. My hair was coarse, dry and EXTREMELY thick until I began using the right techniques and products. Now my hair is STILL thick, but soft and WEll moisturized. Feel free to email or PM me if you like.

Also, if she doesn't like doing something, then she should stop! Period. Nobody HAS to have a relaxer, that's a CHOICE. If she doesn't like perms, weaves or braids then she should CHOOSE to do something else with her hair.

 

[Dolce_Dawn]

Is Affirm a LYE perm? Why is your sis so against pressing?

 

[patience]

[ QUOTE ]
bollyhair said:
And her edges are practically gone due to braiding around the edges.

[/ QUOTE ]

Perms and Relaxers have the SAME key ingredients as Drano and Nair Hair Remover. If you don't believe me, walk into Wal-mart or a beauty supply store and pick up a bottle of it. In NAIR, the key ingredients are calcium hydroxide, sodium hydroxide and potassium thioglycerate (memory serving correctly). When was the last time you've seen a salon with plumbing problems?...If it will take off the hair on your body and dissolve the hair from a clogged drain then it can SURELY damage and dissolve the hair on your head...

Just some food for thought...

 

[bollyhair]

[ QUOTE ]
patience said:
[ QUOTE ]
bollyhair said:
And her edges are practically gone due to braiding around the edges.

[/ QUOTE ]

Perms and Relaxers have the SAME key ingredients as Drano and Nair Hair Remover. If you don't believe me, walk into Wal-mart or a beauty supply store and pick up a bottle of it. In NAIR, the key ingredients are calcium hydroxide, sodium hydroxide and potassium thioglycerate (memory serving correctly). When was the last time you've seen a salon with plumbing problems?...If it will take off the hair on your body and dissolve the hair from a clogged drain then it can SURELY damage and dissolve the hair on your head...

Just some food for thought...

[/ QUOTE ]

WOW!

Now, that's deep! And Affirm is a lye-based perm,too.

 

[patience]

Lye perms usually use sodium hydroxide
No-lye perms normally use calcium hydroxide
Curly perms usually have that potassium thioglycerate (memory serving me correctly)...

...the MAIN ingredients in hair removers such as NAIR 4-minute version...

 

[Dolce_Dawn]

Hmmm... would she be preming the new growth or is she natural now (after all the breakage)? Does she think a press wouldn't last and that's why she doesn't was her hair pressed? When it IS relaxed, how does she take care of it (wash, cond, dry, heat-style if any)

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Sounds like her hair needs some tlc and moisture. The problem may not necessarily be the relaxer but the care she is giving her relaxed hair. I have 4 something hair and I keep my hair moisturized to combat breakage and it works. I am able to extend my relaxers to 12 to 16 weeks with no breakage. What is her routine outside of braids?

 

[bollyhair]

[ QUOTE ]
Dolce_Dawn said:
Hmmm... would she be preming the new growth or is she natural now (after all the breakage)? Does she think a press wouldn't last and that's why she doesn't was her hair pressed? When it IS relaxed, how does she take care of it (wash, cond, dry, heat-style if any)

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, I gotta be REAL CAREFUL w/ this response

because my answer is liable to get me a BEAT-DOWN!

She now has raggedy

microbraids that have been in WAY TOO LONG for my taste (but who am I to say,...I have my OWN hair issues

(see my other posts)), and she's afraid to take thiem out because she doesn't know what to do w/ the hair. Her last relaxer she cut it into a short style (think HALLE BERRY in "Boomerang") and it was cute for a minute. I think that she is from the school of "Girl, Black people don't have to wash their hair often" and she was CONSTANTLY keeping a curling iron (daily) because it was such a short style that she couldn't really roll it

. So now I think that the reason I've seen these microbraids in her head for LONGER THAN THEY NEED TO BE

is because she doesn't want to deal w/ her hair again. And I really think that she equates a "natural" 4B hairstyle as "making a statement" ("militant",perhaps) hair and that will not go w/ her professional career.

 

[patience]

Natural hair and professionalism DO go hand in hand just fine IMO. However, she NEEDS to learn to care for her own hair!!!! Period. No one else can do that for her. Like Gabrielle2 has said, dealing with hair is trial and error. That goes for chemically treated as well as natural. However, it's HER hair and she NEEDS to learn to care for it. Stop being afraid of yourself Girl!

 

[queenofmean68]

Okay, first of all it may not be the relaxer that is the problem. What is she doing to her hair AFTER she gets a relaxer? Using a lot of heat? Pressing the edges? Going back into micros right after? Freshly relaxed hair and braids = DAMAGE!!!

Secondly, what strength of relaxer is she getting? I know that many beauticians do not take the time to ask a client questions and make bad decisions. For example I had taken my hair out of braids that I had and my hair "looked" like it needed an extra strength relaxer. Thank God I looked at that tub of relaxer and stopped her before she burned all of the hair off of my head. I told her that my hair is fine and only needs a mild relaxer. Even though your sister's hair is thick and may seem "tough" it may be the strength of relaxer that is causing excess damage. Why not get a texturizer instead? Her hair may not be bone straight, but it will loosen the kinky curl pattern and her hair will be manageable.

Finally, tell her to go to a dermatologist. There could be something more serious going on than too tight braids and chemicals.

[ QUOTE ]
bollyhair said:
(This one is for my sister yall!) For the past 10 years my sister has worn microbraids and weaves off and on. Everytime she takes them out, she lets her hair breathe for a couple of months. Her hair is then virgin and healthy because she doesn't wear a relaxer when she wears these things. Then she puts in a relaxer (Affirm). She has 4b hair too. No matter how long and thick her hair has gotten, once the perm goes in, after a while (about 2 months) the crown area starts to break bald! She was told that she has the kind of hair that if she doesn't get a relaxer every 4-5 weeks, her hair snaps. What should she do? She was told that her hair can't take relaxers! But she really wants to be able to wear a relaxer because she doesn't want to wear her hair natural or even pressed. Plus she's sick of weaves and braids.

Again, what should she do? Her hair grows long and thick, just keeps breaking horribly.

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Dolce_Dawn]

Ah-hah! So, it may not necessarily be the perm but maybe the perm in addition to the heat and management.

I agree w/Patience. Don't be afraid of your hair. Afterall, it is yours. Now is the time to assess the full damage and then baby and pamper. She MUST take out those braids. She can either go to a professional to get it done (no perming, yet. Just styled.) Or she can start her home maintenence. She needs a good nurturing poo, moisturizing con and a nice leave in will help, too. I personally don't towel dry my hair, but rather I put on my styling stuff (wrap lotion, leave in, etc) on wet hair then wrap it. She should be able to manage some type of wrap (you don't need long hair for that) and then let it air dry for maybe an hr. Then I would use a blowdryer and blow dry the rest (while still wrapped). I find that when I do it like this, my hair is much softer and shinier. Afterwards, I would comb it down (or up

depending on your normal style) and assess the damage. More than likely, she will need a good trim. Don't be scared, but like everyone agrees... you have to get rid of those damaged ends and start w/a fresh canvas. DO NOT use heat everyday, just the day of washing and then leave it alone!!! I have more suggestions, but I don't wanna bore you. This is the core of what I wanted to tell you. Pampering and maintenence is the key.

But pls for the love of God, take those braids out and start anew! You deserve it!!!!!

 

[sengschick]

There are several possible issues here. If she's relaxing herself after coming out of braids, she could be overprocessing her hair. Maybe she should have it done professionally this time to ensure appropriate application and application to the hair alone. I think we've seen plenty of examples of women here w/beautiful healthy hair that is chemically treated. Texturizing rather than relaxing super straight may help as well. It's even less exposure to the chemical, so less harm occurs. She also needs lots of protein and deep moisturizing conditioning to restore the proper moisture balance b/c her hair has been weakened by the braids. And by all means she needs to stay away from heat. Relaxing and heat is definitely too much for fragile hair. W/a relaxer or texturizer she should be able to rollerset her hair or wear air dry styles. Starting w/a good trim could prove beneficial as well, esp if the braids have been in too long.

Very Best Wishes!!