my natural hair is stupid and refuses to be styled

CaraWalker

CaraWalker

Well-Known Member
i really have no desire to ever relax my hair again, but i feel so limited with style choices with natural hair. i thought being natural was supposed to give you double the style options?

my hair is the longest its ever been as an adult but its like it doesnt even matter because i lose all the length with shrinkage so what's the point? i tried ponytail banding this weekend and when i took it down, what a waste of time, i could have achieved the same results braiding it after shampooing. i cant even do a high bun because it shrinks and the topknot is smaller than a tennis ball - i cant even get it to fold over. so im just stuck every day pulling it back into a ponytail and balling it up, usually wearing a tie around headband.

this crap is real weak. i do not feel pretty at all. i noticed this over the weekend. its easy for me to put aside the things i would normally be doing because i don't feel like myself not being able to style my hair competently. i grew my hair out with sew ins, and i got attached to the length. like i said, i dont care about straight hair, and my own texture is very pretty and coily, but i'm just 100% not a fan of short hair.

i'm going to figure out how to do a fake bun and just do high buns and low buns, buy a lot of accessories, and call it a day. until my hair is some ridiculous length like WL it seems really useless to me.

/vent
 
Ahh I sympathise this is my world right here but I tend to keep my hair stretched, I bun, used to do phony Pony's but not so much anymore, braid outs, mini twists and twists outs. Have you looked on YouTube for various styles that's how I got inspiration when I was feeling bored. Good luck Hun

Hhg
 
bunnycolvin said:
i really have no desire to ever relax my hair again, but i feel so limited with style choices with natural hair. i thought being natural was supposed to give you double the style options?

my hair is the longest its ever been as an adult but its like it doesnt even matter because i lose all the length with shrinkage so what's the point? i tried ponytail banding this weekend and when i took it down, what a waste of time, i could have achieved the same results braiding it after shampooing. i cant even do a high bun because it shrinks and the topknot is smaller than a tennis ball - i cant even get it to fold over. so im just stuck every day pulling it back into a ponytail and balling it up, usually wearing a tie around headband.

this crap is real weak. i do not feel pretty at all. i noticed this over the weekend. its easy for me to put aside the things i would normally be doing because i don't feel like myself not being able to style my hair competently. i grew my hair out with sew ins, and i got attached to the length. like i said, i dont care about straight hair, and my own texture is very pretty and coily, but i'm just 100% not a fan of short hair.

i'm going to figure out how to do a fake bun and just do high buns and low buns, buy a lot of accessories, and call it a day. until my hair is some ridiculous length like WL it seems really useless to me.

/vent
Click to expand...


I FEEL YOU! my hair is almost BSL and shrinks to NL when air dried.:nono:

i have to wear my hair straight to see length.

i don't like short hair. i keep my hair stretched. i haaaate wash day because until my hair dries and is stretched over night it is too short for my taste with shrinkage. once i get the curls to stretch out over a day or two i can rock a banging big bun. but wash day is a bust.


last night i was lamenting not being able to wear a wash n go for the next 2 years because the shrinkage is too much for me.

keep the faith my sista! you need to learn some new ways to stretch.

is it possible to braid your hair wet, then the next day pull it into a ponytail and braid the ponytail and bun it....that way by day 2 you will have stretchier curls. that's what i do....but i am not sure if that will work for you.
 
OP have you tried to become a straighten natural.That is what I have decided to be. I flatiron my hair every 7 to 10 days and pin curl it. My hair has grown more this way then wearing it natural and everytime I wash it it goes back to it's natural state.
 
havilland said:
is it possible to braid your hair wet, then the next day pull it into a ponytail and braid the ponytail and bun it....that way by day 2 you will have stretchier curls. that's what i do....but i am not sure if that will work for you.
Click to expand...

i can try this but tbh i dont think it will work. my hair is, it bounces back on itself. i dont think it wants to stay stretched, and the only way it would is i think if its dry (the bad kind of dry). this is basically what i have been trying to do the past few weeks, and it doesnt get any longer than shoulder length. just coils and bounces back up, or gets matted-dry and tangly.

it doesnt help that i go to the gym and sweat it out everyday. i think im just stuck with this ridiculous shrinkage.

GodsPromises said:
OP have you tried to become a straighten natural.That is what I have decided to be. I flatiron my hair every 7 to 10 days and pin curl it. My hair has grown more this way then wearing it natural and everytime I wash it it goes back to it's natural state.
Click to expand...

yeah. last time i grew my hair out, i straightened it a lot and it all fell out. so my hair is too fragile for regular flat irons :sad:
 
Have you looking into any smoothing systems like design essentials or chi enviro? That will stretch your curls, make detangling much easier, and help your hair stay stretched. Hth
 
I completely understand OP. I don't have intentions of relaxing (anymore), but besides being able to go between a fro and straight hair, natural has made styling a pain in the butt. I actually don't care for most of the natural updos I see, but I drool over the tons that can be done on straight hair. I have the same issue with my hair not wanting to stretch much or stay stretched :/ . At MBL, it took days of stretching my hair out to get full SL hair.

I've been embracing shrinkage since the start of my hair journey and I'm officially over it. I'm incorporating heat into my regimen regularly. I still want to keep it to only once a month, wearing wash n'gos when my hair isn't straightened. Although I've cut a lot of hair since I started straightening, I enjoy my length so much more because it feels longer than it has for these past years.
 
has anybody been able to stretch with french braids? i keep hoping maybe two big french braids will weigh it down. but i dont even know how to french braid :thud:

bun life is wack.
 
havilland said:
I FEEL YOU! my hair is almost BSL and shrinks to NL when air dried.:nono:
Click to expand...
Damn. :ohwell: Mine is not as long. I was almost CBL in the back until last months trimming and even then in shrank to a twa :perplexed. Looks like it will be more of the same the next 12 inches.:nono:

OP, I've gone to straightening via curl sets. Have you tried that yet? If you can find a good anti-reversion product, this might help the styling rut.

Like you, I've been in a style boredom rut and too much heat will disintigrate my strands. However if not curl sets, low heat 250o on a flat iron every so often seems to be ok. Any hotter than that and I can smell fried hair.
 
OP,

I wholeheartedly emphathize with you but for starters I believe it's critically important that you change your attitute about your hair. The Good Book says that "...we are fearfully and wonderfully made" and "so a man thinketh so is he." There is power in your words so be careful what you say about yourself... Pray, ask for guidance and He will instruct/lead you to properly care for your hair in a positive manner.

It's also important that you be mindful about this phase that you're in so that you're careful not to repeat it. Look at it as a lesson learned. The ladies on this board are absolutely phenominal and offer a wealth of advice. Calm down, be patient and try to specifically identify what caused the problem and it very well could be an easy fix.

I wish you well and we're here if you need us! BIG hug...
 
have you tried curlformers? i refuse to try them cus it's too much work for me...i just wear a bun and forget about it...or a half wig or straighten it from time to time.

i have accepted (reluctantly) that in order to have long hair, i have to have unprocessed, heat free (for the most part) hair. if i want bouncy, straight, styled hair that is shrink free, then i have to relax and stay shoulder length....cus that's all i can accomplish with chemicals.

natural does have it's bad days, but look up Chica....i saw a bald lady today. looked like it was due to illness. that encounter def made me stop to count my blessings.
 
^^ I was just going to mention curlformers. It really stretches my 4a/b natural hair very well. Too well where it sometimes becomes to much for me to style and I miss the shorter length of my shrunken hair. I also work out so I put it up in a high ponytail during and take it down after.

I put it in two-four braids at night and it really stretched after that. I take down the braids and put it in a high bun before working out (I work out in the morning) or the sweat will just run down the braids and, in addition to being gross, will shrink it up again.
 
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I am WL stretched and my hair falls just past my shoulders when curly(via braid outs and twist outs). I just had to accept my shrinkage. I found that using heavy products as leave ins(SM deep treatment masque and souffle, shea butter, etc.) help a lot. Also, double sealing helps (modified from 1ballerina on youtuve). Double sealing is basically applying a leave in and shea butter on wet hair and braiding. Then, I take the braids down the next day and apply heavy products again and braid or twist. This process leaves my hair stretched and moisturized for days. Hope that helps!
 
Seems like more of a short hair problem than a natural hair problem.....try researching different setting/stretching methods (ie curlformers...flexirods).....or just get a weave in a natural texture if your feeling the long hair itch...
 
TonicaG said:
OP,

I wholeheartedly emphathize with you but for starters I believe it's critically important that you change your attitute about your hair. The Good Book says that "...we are fearfully and wonderfully made" and "so a man thinketh so is he." There is power in your words so be careful what you say about yourself... Pray, ask for guidance and He will instruct/lead you to properly care for your hair in a positive manner.

It's also important that you be mindful about this phase that you're in so that you're careful not to repeat it. Look at it as a lesson learned. The ladies on this board are absolutely phenominal and offer a wealth of advice. Calm down, be patient and try to specifically identify what caused the problem and it very well could be an easy fix.

I wish you well and we're here if you need us! BIG hug...
Click to expand...

This is probably the best advice I have ever read on this forum....sometimes we are our own worst enemies. OP, you have done good thus far...you now know all the things that didn't work for your hair. Stretching prior to styling will get you far in this natural hair game. Braids after washing, roller sets, curlformers, flexi rods are great for curly/kinky hair. I wouldnt recommend twists after washing as it's not enough tension to stretch the hair out fully. After stretching and fully drying, then you can go on to proceed with normal styling. Stretched hair is a nice foundation for juicy buns, updo's, ponytails etc. without the tension headaches. lol Good luck!
 
havilland said:
have you tried curlformers? i refuse to try them cus it's too much work for me...i just wear a bun and forget about it...or a half wig or straighten it from time to time.

i have accepted (reluctantly) that in order to have long hair, i have to have unprocessed, heat free (for the most part) hair. if i want bouncy, straight, styled hair that is shrink free, then i have to relax and stay shoulder length....cus that's all i can accomplish with chemicals.

natural does have it's bad days, but look up Chica....i saw a bald lady today. looked like it was due to illness. that encounter def made me stop to count my blessings.
Click to expand...

bolded exactly this! :nono: i will give culformers a try but they look a little complicated for me.

SouthernScienceNerd said:
I am WL stretched and my hair falls just past my shoulders when curly(via braid outs and twist outs). I just had to accept my shrinkage. I found that using heavy products as leave ins(SM deep treatment masque and souffle, shea butter, etc.) help a lot. Also, double sealing helps (modified from 1ballerina on youtuve). Double sealing is basically applying a leave in and shea butter on wet hair and braiding. Then, I take the braids down the next day and apply heavy products again and braid or twist. This process leaves my hair stretched and moisturized for days. Hope that helps!
Click to expand...

i know my hair needs to be weighted down otherwise its like cotton. but ive been scared that too much product will make it hard. i'll check out the vid you recommended!


ChocolatePie777 said:
Seems like more of a short hair problem than a natural hair problem.....try researching different setting/stretching methods (ie curlformers...flexirods).....or just get a weave in a natural texture if your feeling the long hair itch...
Click to expand...

have you seen people in here say that their WAIST LENGTH hair falls just below their shoulders shrunken? some of yall just really cant help yourselves. let me give you an e-hug.
 
ChocolatePie777 said:
Seems like more of a short hair problem than a natural hair problem.....try researching different setting/stretching methods (ie curlformers...flexirods).....or just get a weave in a natural texture if your feeling the long hair itch...
Click to expand...


this confused me.:lol::blush:

there are plenty of ladies on here that have waist length or longer hair that shrinks to their shoulder or shorter. that doesn't seem to be a "short" hair problem to me....but maybe short is considered knee length or shorter:lachen: whew! i need some of that knee length hair. sign me up!.:lick:
 
bunnycolvin said:
bolded exactly this! :nono: i will give culformers a try but they look a little complicated for me.

i know my hair needs to be weighted down otherwise its like cotton. but ive been scared that too much product will make it hard. i'll check out the vid you recommended!

have you seen people in here say that their WAIST LENGTH hair falls just below their shoulders shrunken? some of yall just really cant help yourselves. let me give you an e-hug.
Click to expand...

Um............? I'm not understanding......you said you can barely make a bun without it bekng too small so I'm assuming your hair is short?.......trust me I know all about shrinkage my hair is mbl-wl and doesn't even touch my shoulders shurnken but It is still possible for a waist length person to make a bun without strecthing(I do it all the time....just gather the hair in a ponytail and twist the ponytail in sections)......so assumed yours is not that long yet.......I'm not one to be put off by shrinkage....been there done that....sometimes in just takex patience ...a new apporach and distraction to get through it is all I'm saying.......I do not understand why you are offended by my comment and why I would need a hug 0_o
 
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ChocolatePie777 said:
Um............? I'm not understanding......you said you can barely make a bun without it bekng too small so I'm assuming your hair is short?.......trust me I know all about shrinkage my hair is mbl-wl and doesn't even touch my shoulders shurnken but It is still possible for a waist length person to make a bun without strecthing(I do it all the time....just gather the hair in a ponytail and twist the ponytail in sections)......so assumed yours is not that long yet.......I'm not one to be put off by shrinkage....been there done that....sometimes in just takex patience ...a new apporach and distraction to get through it is all I'm saying.......I do not understand why you are offended by my comment and why I would need a hug 0_o
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girl, go find another thread to post in.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncUmbgJHp-g

this is a video about the tension blow dry method. maybe this method is worth a try. you can protect you ends by holding them in your hand (watch video for technique) and maybe get the stretch you want.

i am going to try this myself tomorrow and see how it goes.
 
bunnycolvin said:
@havilland what do you use to moisturize and seal?
Click to expand...

i deep condition twice a week with a turban towel and use Kinky Curly Knot Today as my leave in and then follow with a nickel to quarter size amount of Hot Six Oil depending on how i am wearing my hair. if i am braiding it under a wig i use more oil, if i am wearing a pony or bun, i use less.

i also find that now that it's cold, an oil rinse works well too. i skip the KKKT and just apply the same amount of oil and them rinse it out.

i hope that all makes sense:yep:
 
havilland said:
i deep condition twice a week with a turban towel and use Kinky Curly Knot Today as my leave in and then follow with a nickel to quarter size amount of Hot Six Oil depending on how i am wearing my hair. if i am braiding it under a wig i use more oil, if i am wearing a pony or bun, i use less.

i also find that now that it's cold, an oil rinse works well too. i skip the KKKT and just apply the same amount of oil and them rinse it out.

i hope that all makes sense:yep:
Click to expand...

yeah. i used kknt after my shampoo this weekend and tbh i didnt notice any difference. maybe i should use it for trying wash and gos, but as far as post-shampoo, my hair came out the way it always does when i use any creamy leave in.

its weird not to really know the best thing for hair that grows out of your head :ohwell: im just trying a bunch of different stuff and seeing if any of it works. my hair is not hard to manage and it looks like i have learned how to keep it conditioned, but i bet it could probably be better. maybe i should just be glad i have that part under control now.
 
When Im feeling style challenged I usually hide my hair away for a bit under a weave or straighten it.

To find new styles try taking the time during you M&S regimen to play with your hair and practice styling in ways that suit your face and makes you feel pretty. This is a must for me. I normally play style my hair once a week, by finger combing/detangling it into different looks. Even if Im not 100% sure about a style, I will wear to see what reaction I get...some times good, some times not so good, but it does help with the boredom.

Good luck to you!!
 
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