SequinsAndAbsinthe
Well-Known Member
I was offered a job October last year in a small town where I knew no-one. I decided to rent in a house-share until I knew more about the town.
One of my housemates is also my landlady. Let’s call her N. Nice as pie. White. A true romantic but has been unlucky in love. She only dates black, which is a hard ask in a small english town. Her ex-hubby is currently in jail - fathered a child with another girl whilst married to her. Her relationship prior to that ended after the guy made his side-chick pregnant and decided to set up two homes. She met someone on PoF last year and they’d been going steady for a while. They argue a lot and it always ends with - “I know you’re still on PoF”, “You have recently logged in, etc”. She spills and shares all her anxieties with me.
Fast forward…
I met a lovely guy on Tinder in December and we got on like a house on fire. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time but fell for his charm. He is a perfect gentleman, Cambridge-educated and lectures at one of the top universities in the country. Also white. I didn’t want to put a label on our relationship as it was early days, but he introduced to a lot of his friends and work colleagues and wanted me around him at socials which attracted the label of girlfriend pretty quickly.
He is romantic, generous, considerate, emails and messages me throughout the day even though he knows I can’t respond whilst at work. He is aways complimenting me, telling his friends how lucky he is to have met me, in an embarrassing, public way.
Anyway, I had gone off Tinder some time back after coming across too many pics of people I knew and feeling awkward about it. Deleted the app and sent Tinder a data deletion request. I was therefore oblivious to his online dating presence. Two weeks ago, the subject of Tinder presence came up and I said if we were to go exclusive, we’d both need to mutually agree to terminating our online dating profiles; he said he’d be rid of his and would just say goodbye to the people he was matched to that he’d invested time in. He felt it was only fair to do so.
Yesterday…
My landlady N confronts me in the kitchen and says she came across his Tinder dating profile? She said, she came across it at the weekend and it showed he’d last been active 5 days before then. I explained we had recently formally talked about our relationship, decided to go exclusive and he had deleted his app. However, the ‘active 5 days ago’ angle left a sour taste in my mouth.
I asked him about it by text. I was too shaken to call:
TEXT: Tuesday…evidently the default girls night in. Just enjoyed a tipple with N and K…relaxing (to begin with). K has had her mortgage approved. Congrats to her. Incidentally, you came up as a talking point. N had come across your Tinder profile a ‘couple’ of days ago as a potential match in ‘her area’. She gingerly asked if ‘everything was okay’. Awkward splutter of ‘yeah, all going great’ from me. “Oh, but his profile showed that he’s recently been active online” - “Do you trust him?” “Have you guys talked about online dating profiles” “Just don’t want you to get your heart broken”, et cetera. *Le sigh*. I’m flummoxed. Are you struggling to let go? Are you really that into this? I’m just feel a bit silly, is all, x
His response was one of surprise. He said he deleted the app when we’d talked about it. Had told his matches on there he’d met someone. I know Tinder is odorous for not cancelling your account on request, so I do believe him. But I also know that sometimes over-trusting, especially v. early in a relationship can set you up for a fall.
He was really remorseful and upset that the whole thing would change the way I regarded him, might shift the trust balance in our relationship. The whole thing led to a long, really emotional phone call and I was a weepy mess at the end of all of it.
I’m normally super-confident and self-assured. I don’t know whether this is a normal reaction or whether my landlady N’s personal relationship anxieties are beginning to rub off on me and I’ve been overly emotional about things. We have gotten serious super-quick. She has said the way we get on made her a tad jealous. She kept telling me its too good to be true. Part of me remains confident, the other has niggling doubts.
How would you ladies have dealt with this?
Have you that met your DH/SO online had anything remotely similar happen?
One of my housemates is also my landlady. Let’s call her N. Nice as pie. White. A true romantic but has been unlucky in love. She only dates black, which is a hard ask in a small english town. Her ex-hubby is currently in jail - fathered a child with another girl whilst married to her. Her relationship prior to that ended after the guy made his side-chick pregnant and decided to set up two homes. She met someone on PoF last year and they’d been going steady for a while. They argue a lot and it always ends with - “I know you’re still on PoF”, “You have recently logged in, etc”. She spills and shares all her anxieties with me.
Fast forward…
I met a lovely guy on Tinder in December and we got on like a house on fire. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time but fell for his charm. He is a perfect gentleman, Cambridge-educated and lectures at one of the top universities in the country. Also white. I didn’t want to put a label on our relationship as it was early days, but he introduced to a lot of his friends and work colleagues and wanted me around him at socials which attracted the label of girlfriend pretty quickly.
He is romantic, generous, considerate, emails and messages me throughout the day even though he knows I can’t respond whilst at work. He is aways complimenting me, telling his friends how lucky he is to have met me, in an embarrassing, public way.
Anyway, I had gone off Tinder some time back after coming across too many pics of people I knew and feeling awkward about it. Deleted the app and sent Tinder a data deletion request. I was therefore oblivious to his online dating presence. Two weeks ago, the subject of Tinder presence came up and I said if we were to go exclusive, we’d both need to mutually agree to terminating our online dating profiles; he said he’d be rid of his and would just say goodbye to the people he was matched to that he’d invested time in. He felt it was only fair to do so.
Yesterday…
My landlady N confronts me in the kitchen and says she came across his Tinder dating profile? She said, she came across it at the weekend and it showed he’d last been active 5 days before then. I explained we had recently formally talked about our relationship, decided to go exclusive and he had deleted his app. However, the ‘active 5 days ago’ angle left a sour taste in my mouth.
I asked him about it by text. I was too shaken to call:
TEXT: Tuesday…evidently the default girls night in. Just enjoyed a tipple with N and K…relaxing (to begin with). K has had her mortgage approved. Congrats to her. Incidentally, you came up as a talking point. N had come across your Tinder profile a ‘couple’ of days ago as a potential match in ‘her area’. She gingerly asked if ‘everything was okay’. Awkward splutter of ‘yeah, all going great’ from me. “Oh, but his profile showed that he’s recently been active online” - “Do you trust him?” “Have you guys talked about online dating profiles” “Just don’t want you to get your heart broken”, et cetera. *Le sigh*. I’m flummoxed. Are you struggling to let go? Are you really that into this? I’m just feel a bit silly, is all, x
His response was one of surprise. He said he deleted the app when we’d talked about it. Had told his matches on there he’d met someone. I know Tinder is odorous for not cancelling your account on request, so I do believe him. But I also know that sometimes over-trusting, especially v. early in a relationship can set you up for a fall.
He was really remorseful and upset that the whole thing would change the way I regarded him, might shift the trust balance in our relationship. The whole thing led to a long, really emotional phone call and I was a weepy mess at the end of all of it.
I’m normally super-confident and self-assured. I don’t know whether this is a normal reaction or whether my landlady N’s personal relationship anxieties are beginning to rub off on me and I’ve been overly emotional about things. We have gotten serious super-quick. She has said the way we get on made her a tad jealous. She kept telling me its too good to be true. Part of me remains confident, the other has niggling doubts.
How would you ladies have dealt with this?
Have you that met your DH/SO online had anything remotely similar happen?
erplexed
. Right from the beginning. I don't believe people switch off lying tendencies after time lol. If in this situation then I would feel I wouldn't know later in the relationship if he's telling the truth about certain things, or not which is a no, no for me. 
