My Daughter wants to Transition....Please help!!!!

[Lavendar]

I have no idea what to use in her hair and I need suggestions for really moisturizing and detangling natural products. Nothing I buy in the store seems to work. I will be honest...I never knew how to take care of my baby's hair so I relaxed it when she was just 3!!! I know...BAD BAD MOMMY! But you have to understand...my mother never learned how to do hair and I had no sisters, plus I grew up in a neighborhood where I was the only chocolate child. NUFF SAID!!!! To give you an idea of her hair type....at the time I relaxed it, it was in a little 2 inch afro. She would scream when I came near her with a comb, so I relaxed it and it relaxed to just beyond her shoulders. Can you say MAJOR SHRINKAGE!!!! Now that she has gotten older, she wants no more relaxers and actually she has not had one for several months but it's getting rough. She still has a lot of relaxed hair and about 2 - 2.5 in of new growth. Actually, it's really pretty...lots of tight black coils and just a tad bit looser than before, but hard to keep moisturized and detangled. Her hair sucks up oils and moisturizers like a HOOVER! (Think Eddie Murphy in Harlem Nights when they locked the policeman in the bank vault and showed him how to breath so he wouldn't use up all his air!!! I love that part!!!)

Anyway, I will order whatever will turn her coarse, dry, beautiful hair around. I want this to be a wonderful, liberating experience for her. I need suggestions for everything from shampoos, to combs, to EVERYTHING!!! THANKS SISTAHS!!!!

 

[Sharpened]

What are you doing with her hair now? What products have you tried? Will she transition, if so, for how long? Have you tried cowashing?

 

[Cooyah]

Scurl for moisture, protective styles (braids, twists, check out Caisha aka Naturallady's fotki) and patience. Detangle ONLY WHEN WET and drenched in conditioner.

 

[hopeful]

Scurl for moisture, protective styles (braids, twists, check out Caisha aka Naturallady's fotki) and patience. Detangle ONLY WHEN WET and drenched in conditioner.

I agree with Cooyah. And don't feel bad about relaxing her hair so soon, I did the same thing when my daughter was almost 5 (for a dance recital!), six months later we started our transition, she transitioned for about 18 months and now she has been completely natural for about 6 months. Now that I know what to do for her hair it is a piece of cake. I found that I had to do a nice trim every couple of months otherwise the two textures became unbareable, natural and relaxed hair do not mix well. Like Cooyah said, patience is key. Hang in there, once she has more natural hair than relaxed the transition gets easier.

 

[Lavendar]

What are you doing with her hair now? What products have you tried? Will she transition, if so, for how long? Have you tried cowashing?

Just wash and condition once a week. Moisturize with Pantene oil moisturizer and seal with Surge Lotion #9 oil. Pull back in a pony tail with alcohol-free gel to smooth the hairline.

The problem is, I use products on her that I use on myself and that's not cutting it. Not only am I relaxed, but we don't have the same hair type at all. I need to be 3c/4a relaxed but think like a 4c natural!

 

[Lavendar]

Scurl for moisture, protective styles (braids, twists, check out Caisha aka Naturallady's fotki) and patience. Detangle ONLY WHEN WET and drenched in conditioner.

Okay...lot's of peeps mention the Scurl. I will give it a shot. Thanks for the detangling tip! I hope you don't expect me to do those braids and twists myself! I know...pitiful

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

I imagine that your daughter has 4a/4b hair from the way you describe the shrinkage. I would encourage you to read all the transition and natural threads....they are extremely helpful. I just completed my transition and after months of PJism the routine that I find most helpful to make my 4a/4b hair easy to detangle, moisturized, and soft:

Shampoo: Elucence or Cream of Nature*
Conditioner: Elucence or Motions CPR w/olive oil*
Leave In: Motions* or Giovanni Leave-In
Detangler: Africa's Organics Shea Butter Detangler*
Qhemets Olive Detangler

Apple Cider Vinegar Rinses before Deep Conditioning help alot too

For styling products I use Qhemets Heavy Cream and Carols Daughter Healthy Hair Butter and Mimosa Honey....for twists and buns.

Distilled Water sealed with Jojoba/Castor Oil Mix =
Soft Soft Hair I spray this one my hair every two-three days.

For conditioner washes: Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Hair and Scalp Treatment (not the conditioner) makes my hair the softest and the most detangled of any product I have ever used. Its my secret weapon and my "natural" product exception.

* These products worked very well for me but I no longer use them because I want all natural/organic ingredients.

HTH....I hope your daughter has a Happy Hair Journey!

 

[chica_canella]

Just wash and condition once a week. Moisturize with Pantene oil moisturizer and seal with Surge Lotion #9 oil. Pull back in a pony tail with alcohol-free gel to smooth the hairline.

The problem is, I use products on her that I use on myself and that's not cutting it. Not only am I relaxed, but we don't have the same hair type at all. I need to be 3c/4a relaxed but think like a 4c natural!

I think it's a little easier w/ kids than it is grown ups but what I would do is:

1.) Learn how to detagle her hair w/ your fingers first and the a large wide tooth comb.

2.) When you wash her hair put in in 4-6 braids and have something like 1/4 moisturizing shampoo and the rest a moisturizing conditioner. You can still was her scalp and wash the hair but when you take the braids out it will be easier to comb through.

3.) Deep condition weekly w/ Le Kair or some other moisturizing mask conditioner because she will need it since you said her hair is very course. And in no time you will notice that her hair feels less dry and stronger.

5.) Then use a good moisturizer, not something oily but something that actually infuses moisture into her hair not just coat it.

4.) You can keep it in a little cornrowed-up do w/ her natural hair but don't braid too tight as to take out her edges and just put a scarf on it at night and when she wakes up in the morning just take the scarf off. Since you can't catch on enough hair to braid around her edges since it tends to be fine in those areas just put a dime size of moisturizer on it at night and smooth back w/ your fingers. After the scarf being on it all night they won't be frizzy in the morning but super straight and laid down.

But that's what I would do if I had a little girl.

 

[Sharpened]

Tools:
-Jilbere (or Conair) Shower Comb for combing hair wet and full of conditioner. You can find it at Sally's, Wal-Mart, or Target.

-Goody Ouchless Tortoise Brush for Coarse Hair to remove even more shed hair. You should be able to find it anywhere, but I know drug stores have them.

-If you want a comb with teeth closer together for combing small sections, try a seamless Mason Pearson Detangling Comb. This site has it the cheapest I have seen so far. I plan to get this one myself.

-Satin scrunchies or anything without rough edges for ponys and puffs. Some of the so-called "ouchless" bands still catch my hair and have a rough seam.

-Switch to natural oils and butters. Tons of info about those in here. You can use them as a pre-poo or to seal in moisture. Coconut oil is a good place to start, since it help hair keep its protein (plus you can eat it if her hair does not like it). Try the sample packs of Oyin and Qhemet for a good start.

 

[locabouthair]

Scurl for moisture, protective styles (braids, twists, check out Caisha aka Naturallady's fotki) and patience. Detangle ONLY WHEN WET and drenched in conditioner.

i agree. s curl will soften your hair like no one business. i worked for me when i was natural and im a coarse 4b.

 

[beyondcute]

I don't have kids yet but I defenitely now know what to do incase I marry a West African man and my kids have extremely course hair.

I think it's a little easier w/ kids than it is grown ups but what I would do is:

1.) Learn how to detagle her hair w/ your fingers first and the a large wide tooth comb.

2.) When you wash her hair put in in 4-6 braids and have something like 1/4 moisturizing shampoo and the rest a moisturizing conditioner. You can still was her scalp and wash the hair but when you take the braids out it will be easier to comb through.

3.) Deep condition weekly w/ Le Kair or some other moisturizing mask conditioner because she will need it since you said her hair is very course. And in no time you will notice that her hair feels less dry and stronger.

5.) Then use a good moisturizer, not something oily but something that actually infuses moisture into her hair not just coat it.

4.) You can keep it in a little cornrowed-up do w/ her natural hair but don't braid too tight as to take out her edges and just put a scarf on it at night and when she wakes up in the morning just take the scarf off. Since you can't catch on enough hair to braid around her edges since it tends to be fine in those areas just put a dime size of moisturizer on it at night and smooth back w/ your fingers. After the scarf being on it all night they won't be frizzy in the morning but super straight and laid down.

But that's what I would do if I had a little girl.

That first part was a joke right?

 

[so1913]

I don't have kids yet but I defenitely now know what to do incase I marry a West African man and my kids have extremely course hair.

I'm sorry, but.... HUH????!!!

Anyway

I think the ladies provided you with valuble information. Patience and a positive attitude combined with these tips should get you and your daughter on your way!

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

That first part was a joke right?

I'm hoping it was...

 

[beyondcute]

You may also want to checy out the transition sticky at the top of this board

 

[chica_canella]

message deleted

 

[chica_canella]

dleted because it caused confusion

 

[caligirl]

bump cause I wanna know what was wrong w/ what I said?

I hope this is not to personal, but are you black? Your comment just sounds like it came from someone who doesn't know anything about black hair, like that it comes in many different textures.

 

[so1913]

bump cause I wanna know what was wrong w/ what I said?

I think people are not responding because, 1) we are kinda "speechless" and completely dumbfounded by the comments and 2) we don't really want this thread to go off topic because that would ignore the point of the original posters purpose of starting this thread, for help and advice. You could start a new thread to discuss the topic, but I think we should leave this thread to it's original purpose.

 

[so1913]

Oh, ok. I think it kinda went off topic too when people were like, "huh?"

Do you mind if I pm you?



Ok, back to the question about her daughter's "4C" hair.

PM away....

ETA: I think people were simply acknowledging their confusion by the comment, however, no one took it off topic by going into discussion or asking for clarification. Not that it is a crime to go off topic, it happens all the time, but I think this topic could have completely taken over the thread

OP: How old is your daughter???

 

[Lavendar]

I want to thank everyone for responding to my "cry for help." Your suggestions were really on point. My baby really appreciates it as well, who by the way is 17.... still can believe it! I have ordered the sample pack from Qhemet and will try the S-curl as well. She is using Elucence con and poo right now, but a more moisturizing poo would be helpful. I can't wait until the Qhemet comes. Who knows, once I get her through this transition, I may begin one of my own. You ladies are a Blessing beyond words!!!:Rose:

 

[chica_canella]

I want to thank everyone for responding to my "cry for help." Your suggestions were really on point. My baby really appreciates it as well, who by the way is 17.... still can believe it! I have ordered the sample pack from Qhemet and will try the S-curl as well. She is using Elucence con and poo right now, but a more moisturizing poo would be helpful. I can't wait until the Qhemet comes. Who knows, once I get her through this transition, I may begin one of my own. You ladies are a Blessing beyond words!!!:Rose:

Well, we are on opposite ends of the spectrum cause I think I want a relaxer now. A Phtyo one at that! It seems like natural hair is too diffucult for me now. I don't know; I'm still weighing the options.