I THINK HE CHEATED: STILL CONDUCTING MY INVESTIGATION

[MsDeeDee82]

Ok ladies,

Wow Wowo, ok today something told me to check my boyfriend's email account which I do rarely. I checked the sent and found something very interesting. She sent some girl several emails of pics of him. One pic said I am very strong HINT HINT( btw what is he saying). So i proceed to research on the email. MYSPACE, FB nothing. Something told me to type her name and oops where she works pops up. I call and pretend to ask for her but asking with an alias name. Confirmed I know where worked. I also found out she may leave in the same area I do. Will confirm tonight. This is the same guy begging me to marry him and buy a house and so forth. So my search contd. I was able to check his phone bill. He has been talking to her alot lately and not me espically at night. He is a very smart person so I have to come correct. I do not want to come off crazy but what should I do. I am at work about to explode. I do not want to tell anyone because I am embrassed. To make it worse my family loves him and he is always with me. When did or does he have time to cheat. My blood is boiling right now and I have to pick him up from work today because his car is in the shop.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Maybe he didn't actually do anything.
Maybe just talking.
You know he is going to turn this around on you? That you shouldn't have been looking through his stuff.

 

[Ms.Nigeria]

always follow your gut. Use prayer too

 

[lexi08]

At this point in my life, I would not do anything else. Honestly, I would just drop the dude without an explanation. I would not even divulge what I found. You may want to confront him or maybe not just prepare yourself for the consequences. Men usually lie even when they have been caught. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[song_of_serenity]

In a case like this, I think you need that strong undeniable information before you act. I hate to say "Wait it out" and see what happens, but as above poster said, it can easily be switched up on you plus he could say 'Only talking, what do you see that says cheating?!"

Even if he tried to pull the "privacy" card, if you have that bullseye, it wouldn't matter.

I don't know if he's cheating or not from that, but it's a red flag to me. Mailing pictures, late night calls. If it's not cheating, something is going on that may lead to it. And it's not on YOU to "nip it in the bud" because no one should play mama in the relationship. That's on HIM to parent himself in such matters.

Best wishes and I hope it is nothing, OP! Any way you can get text transcripts? Anything?
~*Janelle~*

 

[MzLady78]

double post.

 

[MzLady78]

Ok ladies,

Wow Wowo, ok today something told me to check my boyfriend's email account which I do rarely. I checked the sent and found something very interesting. She sent some girl several emails of pics of him. One pic said I am very strong HINT HINT( btw what is he saying). So i proceed to research on the email. MYSPACE, FB nothing. Something told me to type her name and oops where she works pops up. I call and pretend to ask for her but asking with an alias name. Confirmed I know where worked. I also found out she may leave in the same area I do. Will confirm tonight. This is the same guy begging me to marry him and buy a house and so forth. So my search contd. I was able to check his phone bill. He has been talking to her alot lately and not me espically at night. He is a very smart person so I have to come correct. I do not want to come off crazy but what should I do. I am at work about to explode. I do not want to tell anyone because I am embrassed. To make it worse my family loves him and he is always with me. When did or does he have time to cheat. My blood is boiling right now and I have to pick him up from work today because his car is in the shop.

No offense, but all of this right here is mad childish to me.

If you think he's cheating, you need to confront HIM.

Folks are crazy, people get killed over mess like this.

I haven't always adhered to this theory by my own admission and against my better judgement, but if you gotta investigate- it's time to skate.

 

[Harmony0221]

You know he is going to turn this around on you? That you shouldn't have been looking through his stuff.

At this point in my life, I would not do anything else. Honestly, I would just drop the dude without an explanation. I would not even divulge what I found. You may want to confront him or maybe not just prepare yourself for the consequences. Men usually lie even when they have been caught. I hope everything works out for you.

I want to tell you to wait it out but I know what it is like when you know someone is lying to you... you eventually explode..

You can lie about what you know ( tell him you feel like something isn't right between you and you want to know what's up and see what happens) and/or wait for concrete evidence but in my experience always go with your gut.

Also he may not be cheating he could just be flirting but sending pics is crossing the line.

And I am sorry this is happening to you.

 

[MsDeeDee82]

Yes he will throw the privacy **** in my face and I will confront him. I just went for a long walk to calm down because I am shaking right now. We just went on a cruise putting pressure on me and now this. He gots to be kidding. This is what I am going to do. I have to pick him up today after work.

My script.

How was your day. I have something to discuss. I have three questions for you. Please do answer truthful bc you know the God I serve. For the sake of respect for me you and our families please answer these. Even though you may think I may get hurt or upset.

1. Did you cheat on me
2. Are you talking to anyone else
3. Are you cheating on me?

His response: what are you talking about, I will say my gut, my heart is speaking and it doesnt sit right with me. Please answer the questions. No explaination at this moment is needed.

If he answers yes to anyone I will drive the rest of the way home in silence and think hard not to cut him in pieces, call the girl politely, and tell his parents and mine and let him deal with the rest.

 

[MrsWatson]

It might not be anything yet, but i can nearly guarantee that it soon will be...

First exchanging pics and then talking on the phone at night?

I'd let go of him...or surely more heartache is to come...and you'll regret sticking around...

JMO

 

[Xavier]

double post.

It didn't sound like she[OP] was trying to start trouble she was just doing some research. I mean she does need to handle this with her man but most women do want to find out a bit of info about the chick as well.

You know women like to check the other woman out and do the whole comparison thing...

ETA: I didn't even see a double post when I quoted you.

 

[msdeevee]

Sorry...you're title alone had me laughing. When will men learn we gonna "investigate"

But really I feel you, that's why I can't snoop cause If I find something I'm calling you on it right away. I find that usually if you're looking for something you'll find it.

I hope he's not cheating. Some "woman" may be trying to get at him though.

I wish you the best.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Drop him tonight.
Seriously. And just see his response. You can even say something like, "I recently started having a bad feeling about things." I'd do this now to save yourself the heartache. The truth will eventually come out and by then you'll be a little less clouded to make a better decision.

 

[Syrah]

Ok ladies,

Wow Wowo, ok today something told me to check my boyfriend's email account which I do rarely. I checked the sent and found something very interesting. She sent some girl several emails of pics of him. One pic said I am very strong HINT HINT( btw what is he saying). So i proceed to research on the email. MYSPACE, FB nothing. Something told me to type her name and oops where she works pops up. I call and pretend to ask for her but asking with an alias name. Confirmed I know where worked. I also found out she may leave in the same area I do. Will confirm tonight. This is the same guy begging me to marry him and buy a house and so forth. So my search contd. I was able to check his phone bill. He has been talking to her alot lately and not me espically at night. He is a very smart person so I have to come correct. I do not want to come off crazy but what should I do. I am at work about to explode. I do not want to tell anyone because I am embrassed. To make it worse my family loves him and he is always with me. When did or does he have time to cheat. My blood is boiling right now and I have to pick him up from work today because his car is in the shop.

Why don'tcha plan a "dinner date" and ask him point blank? Not in the middle of an argument where you both are heated, but just straight up...tell him to get dressed, so he looks nice, you do the same - so you both are feeling good...and then just ask him...

I mean seriously, I know the routine can be fun for a while - but consider the energy you're having to expend just to determine whether or not your man is being true to you...?

 

[janiebaby]

It might not be anything yet, but i can nearly guarantee that it soon will be...

First exchanging pics and then talking on the phone at night?

I'd let go of him...or surely more heartache is to come...and you'll regret sticking around...

JMO

Yep, it looks like he's investigating his prospects. Be out or weather the storm...

 

[MzLady78]

It didn't sound like she[OP] was trying to start trouble she was just doing some research. I mean she does need to handle this with her man but most women do want to find out a bit of info about the chick as well.

You know women like to check the other woman out and do the whole comparison thing...

ETA: I didn't even see a double post when I quoted you.

Oh no, I totally understand why she did it. It's a natural instinct.

But IMO, it's unnecessary and has the potential to get ugly.

If some chick called my job over some dude, trust, I would be ready to whoop her ***, whether I knew I was the other woman or not.

I think she has all the evidence she needs to confront him without going that route.

 

[onyxdreams]

Honestly I think if your starting to investigate then you already know something is off with the relationship.I wouldn't confront him while driving even if you have planned the questions you are going to ask.You don't know what your reaction might be.Sometimes the best most graceful way to handle a situation like this is to leave him wondering. I'm saying it will be easy but detangle yourself from his life and move on.Good luck

 

[tocktick]

a few signs of cheaters:

secretly talking to other women at night - check.
emailing other women pics of himself - check
being sexually suggestive - check

if i were you, i'd have my evidence. the most important thing for me would be the lack of trust that led me to go playing detective in the first place.

sometimes, even when men are provided with a whole book of evidence proving they did something, they still deny it. it's common in cases where a gf has found out her man was cheating by looking at emails that the script gets flipped and dude comes at you from a "you invaded my privacy - you're in the wrong" angle.

once you have all the evidence you feel is necessary, i think you should just leave quietly if you can. no need for drama or disgracing yourself...just make a clean break. i'm not telling you to leave your man, just providing a friendly tip for what to do if you make the decision to leave. all the best!

 

[SqrpioQutie]

Ok ladies,

Wow Wowo, ok today something told me to check my boyfriend's email account which I do rarely. I checked the sent and found something very interesting. She sent some girl several emails of pics of him. One pic said I am very strong HINT HINT( btw what is he saying). So i proceed to research on the email. MYSPACE, FB nothing. Something told me to type her name and oops where she works pops up. I call and pretend to ask for her but asking with an alias name. Confirmed I know where worked. I also found out she may leave in the same area I do. Will confirm tonight. This is the same guy begging me to marry him and buy a house and so forth. So my search contd. I was able to check his phone bill. He has been talking to her alot lately and not me espically at night. He is a very smart person so I have to come correct. I do not want to come off crazy but what should I do. I am at work about to explode. I do not want to tell anyone because I am embrassed. To make it worse my family loves him and he is always with me. When did or does he have time to cheat. My blood is boiling right now and I have to pick him up from work today because his car is in the shop.

stop...

if you have to question it, then it's (the relationship) pretty much done...

you aren't doing yourself any good digging up more and more "dirt"...

 

[Ramya]

IMO He may not have cheated yet... but he's preparing to. Red Flags flying everywhere, listen to your gut.

 

[Syrah]

Oh no, I totally understand why she did it. It's a natural instinct.

But IMO, it's unnecessary and has the potential to get ugly.

If some chick called my job over some dude, trust, I would be ready to whoop her ***, whether I knew I was the other woman or not.

I think she has all the evidence she needs to confront him without going that route.

Plus, it's starting to get a little "out of hand" when folks want to get other people involved in a situation. I mean, calling me at my job? What gives you (general) the right to think that your relationship warrants a phone call at my job - regardless of who you think I may be involved???

I'd be PISSED. Calling at my job cuz you think your man is creeping around...???

Nah, take the evidence you've got, go out to dinner (so you're in a neutral, non hostile environment) and ask him straight up. Don't wait until you're in the midst of an argument to throw it is in his face so he can react defensively...just ask him straight up.

"I'll have the pomegranate martini".
"Single Malt on Ice"..."so why are we here?"
"well...here's what I think is going on. Out of respect for me, why don't you tell me what you KNOW to be going on..."

 

[Tarae]

Yes he will throw the privacy **** in my face and I will confront him. I just went for a long walk to calm down because I am shaking right now. We just went on a cruise putting pressure on me and now this. He gots to be kidding. This is what I am going to do. I have to pick him up today after work.

My script.

How was your day. I have something to discuss. I have three questions for you. Please do answer truthful bc you know the God I serve. For the sake of respect for me you and our families please answer these. Even though you may think I may get hurt or upset.

1. Did you cheat on me
2. Are you talking to anyone else
3. Are you cheating on me?

His response: what are you talking about, I will say my gut, my heart is speaking and it doesnt sit right with me. Please answer the questions. No explaination at this moment is needed.

If he answers yes to anyone I will drive the rest of the way home in silence and think hard not to cut him in pieces, call the girl politely, and tell his parents and mine and let him deal with the rest.

And if he says no? Then what? And then call the other lady for what, confirmation?

Sending pics to other females and night time calls that used to be reserved for me would probably be enough. Hope you figure it out though.

 

[firecracker]

When you go looking you will find something. Did you suspect he was cheating and that is why you went thru his personal belongings? I don't think you should ask him anything because your not going to get the answer you want. What do you want to do from this point anyway?

 

[treybaby2005]

At this point in my life, I would not do anything else. Honestly, I would just drop the dude without an explanation. I would not even divulge what I found. You may want to confront him or maybe not just prepare yourself for the consequences. Men usually lie even when they have been caught. I hope everything works out for you.

I am so >>>here<<< with what you just said.Nobody has time for that foolishness.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Invite him to dinner have the chick there...

*shrug*

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

i read something very useful on lhcf once. it goes something like, "to wonder is to know." i'd talk to him, mention the evidence and proceed from there. but you already know the answer or you wouldn't be doing all this digging. if i wasn't going to stay with him i'd be planning my exit strategy rather than a discussion though.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

Even if he is "just" talking with her late at night and sending flirty emails, that's still a problem for me. You already know that he has done at least that much.
I know that I would not be able to hold on to that and be O.K. I would confront him calmly and ask what's up with her and why is he sending another woman photos. Whatever the answer is, it needs to stop.

 

[Ramya]

Even if he is "just" talking with her late at night and sending flirty emails, that's still a problem for me. You already know that he has done at least that much.
I know that I would not be able to hold on to that and be O.K. I would confront him calmly and ask what's up with her and why is he sending another woman photos. Whatever the answer is, it needs to stop.

EXACTLY. It doesn't even matter what the answer is. The activity needs to stop period.

 

[Lenee925]

I busted my guy flirting with some skank online, not because I was snooping but by a divine alignment of planetary bodies. He was flat out busted and said he was just flirting and didn't mean to hurt me blahX10. In my heart I knew we had a fight and he was trying to get back at me by trying to act like an internet player. Long story short, I went over to his apartment looking smoking hot and was ready to tell him that "I know you didn't cheat technically but I have to nip this sh*t in the bud like right now, I will not tolerate this childish behavior from you". I was ready to end it all if he continued the path of dishonesty no matter how harmless and playful. I also reminded him that I, unlike him, don't have to be an internet flirt because I can have the real thing at any time. By the way he had tears in his eyes and 2 dozen long stem roses and champagne chilling when I got there. We told each other everything and promised never to keep any secrets again. Did he cheat? no. Did he understand he hurt me with his childish internet games? you bet. Men do really, really stupid things for no apparent reason sometimes. You could be the best girl in the world to them and they'll still find a way to *** it up.

 

[Evolving78]

i have been there and done that and i'm sorry about what you are going through right now.
i'm going to pray for you because i feel everything that you are feeling and then some!