I Just found out that my MAN is living with another WOMAN

[madame.coco]

It is good you found out.

Be suspicious of any man with whom you are still just "talking to" for 3 years.

well it sounds like she was the one pumping the brakes on them becoming exclusive. &to echo what the other ladies have posted, having "talked" to the cat for three years does not promise you any kind of monogamy. that's the cold truth. after a while the waiting gets old. you're not seeing anyone else because you didn't have enough time for this one in the first place. sounds like a lack of communication to me. just take some time. breathe. think about the situation. the only person i see in this as really being in the wrong is 'ol girl for going through his phone and contacting you. she was definitely out of line for that.

God bless though, i know you're hurting regardless...

 

[tocktick]

How do you actaully PLAN on making it "official?"

I'm sorry but that makes me laugh.

Its it really like "yeah uhm, so we're going to become girlfriend/boyfriend on this particular day!"

*chuckles to self*

i find it quite unfortunate that in less than a month two women in their mid/late twenties on lhcf are willingly in title-less/non-exclusive relationships even after years together! plus, both relationships are/were rocky; much, much too rocky for something that isn't even an exclusive relationship. i'm not getting it...

 

[Empress Yahudah]

Sorry to say but u have to take this as a lesson learned. U 2 were not in an exclusive relationship so u can not be upset with him on how he chooses to occupy his time when ur not not around.

Its ok to hold off on plans of a commited relationship till u get ur life in order but that doesnt mean u have the right to have the person waiting to not live thier life. That's not how things work.

The only thing u can do is now that u are ready for a commitment see if he is ready too and have that talk and agreement on how the relationship will be from now on. Make sure he lets ol' girl now its over now.

Or just move on

 

[Mortons]

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. But next time please remember that talking, is for a phone call. There is no such relationship level as "talking" for grown folk.

 

[against all odds]

That boggles me too. How can you be "talking" to a guy for 3 years? Is that the new relationship pattern for the youngins?

nall son

He needs to get his ho's in check.

Who are you to him? Doesn't sound like you were in a relationship at all. Talking for three years does not equal relationship to me. Sounds like you were just something on the side. I'm sure you were surprised and I'm sorry you were hurt like that but I don't see how you could have had any expectations from a relationship like that.

Actually, the situation was perfect. With the OP out of town regularly, ol' boy could do what he wanted when he wanted with assurance that Op was very unlikely to just "pop up."

AND, she didn't have high demands on his time....sheeesshhh. I think traveling side jawns are the best.

But then I look at it from his perspective. Let's just say he wanted to be with her for the past 3 years, but OP was all about her career. That's cool and all, but if I were him, I wouldn't wait for shiznit. I would get my swerve on and tell her to holla when she was ready...come September

 

[LBoogie]

i find it quite unfortunate that in less than a month two women in their mid/late twenties on lhcf are willingly in title-less/non-exclusive relationships even after years together! plus, both relationships are/were rocky; much, much too rocky for something that isn't even an exclusive relationship. i'm not getting it...

Even more unfortnate that LHCF is not at all representative of the number of women that facilitated such nonsense this week alone.

I don't get it either...but one thing I do get is a man only does to you what you allow, so a part of me doesn't sympathize when people set themselves up to be kicked in the rear.

 

[jamaicalovely]

I say don't even waste your time trying to figure out chick is, how she got the phone, if she lives there, yada yada. Just move on sister. He's not worth it.

Men lie. Period. Keep it moving.

God has another plan for you.

 

[gabby1]

I will keep you in my prayers and I am sorry this happen to you.

 

[Vinyl]

While it's true that because they weren't in an exclusive relationship what he did wasn't technically wrong, I highly doubt that after three years he assumed the OP thought it was okay to sleep around. The man was sleazy either way; I'd honestly just ask him what he expected out of the relationship after all this time, but I wouldn't stay with him after that.

 

[chokolate miss]

How do you actaully PLAN on making it "official?"

I'm sorry but that makes me laugh.

Its it really like "yeah uhm, so we're going to become girlfriend/boyfriend on this particular day!"

*chuckles to self*

i was thinking the same thing. that sounded different...lol

 

[Ladyhenri]

I agree with the others...he was never your man cos you guys weren't exclusive...
Also, technically, he's not in the wrong. He can see whoever he wishes to if you guys are not an item.

 

[BKVincy]

WOW you ladies are no JOKE
LHCF keeps it real

Now I do agree with most of the posters as a grown woman there are certain things you should not be at when it comes to a man...


BUT at the same time. a little sympothy doesnt hurt; help the girl lick her wounds and then please dont beat me up now....

 

[tarheelgurl]

WOW you ladies are no JOKE
LHCF keeps it real

Now I do agree with most of the posters as a grown woman there are certain things you should not be at when it comes to a man...


BUT at the same time. a little sympothy doesnt hurt; help the girl lick her wounds and then please dont beat me up now....

Yeah you are right.......a spoon full of sugar will help the medicine go down.

 

[Xavier]

Hope you are feeling better today OP.

Did you get to talk to him yesterday?

 

[envybeauty]

WOW you ladies are no JOKE
LHCF keeps it real

Now I do agree with most of the posters as a grown woman there are certain things you should not be at when it comes to a man...


BUT at the same time. a little sympothy doesnt hurt; help the girl lick her wounds and then please dont beat me up now....

Nah....not this time.

No offense to the OP but there are far TOOOOOOOOOOO many women out there badmouthing Black men and labeling them as cheaters, misfits, liars, etc. ........when all this time, the women are the ones in the wrong. If a woman tells a man she is not ready to be in a relationship, then why bad mouth him when he acts like he is not in a relationship.

Too often women say one thing and mean another. Making her look bad, making him look bad............and when enough women do it................we all look bad.

 

[Hadiyah]

Nah....not this time.

No offense to the OP but there are far TOOOOOOOOOOO many women out there badmouthing Black men and labeling them as cheaters, misfits, liars, etc. ........when all this time, the women are the ones in the wrong. If a woman tells a man she is not ready to be in a relationship, then why bad mouth him when he acts like he is not in a relationship.

Too often women say one thing and mean another. Making her look bad, making him look bad............and when enough women do it................we all look bad.

Yeah, I'm with you on this one..op ..((HUGS)) but really we have to take some responsiblity for outcomes that weren't to our liking.....

Please run far, and continue to focus on your career and goals, maybe it happened for the best, b/c now you will have time to get into the dynamis of relationships, this mishap may have opened the door to a meaningful relationship.

 

[Tarae]

While it's true that because they weren't in an exclusive relationship what he did wasn't technically wrong, I highly doubt that after three years he assumed the OP thought it was okay to sleep around. The man was sleazy either way; I'd honestly just ask him what he expected out of the relationship after all this time, but I wouldn't stay with him after that.

He probably expected to be able to live life as a single man (because he is) until September, when she stopped traveling and was ready to make it "official".

It sucks for her and she can be mad, but since they weren't "official" what did she expect?

 

[FlawedBeauty]

um, i really dont see what the problem is other than he is messing with an immature chick who plays phone games. u weren't official sooooo...i dont get it. he's not cheating if you're not together.

Jessy 55, we going to make it official that we were going to be in a relationship in Sept after 3 years. The reason i waited 3 years is due to my high demand job that required me to treval for long periods of time and after giving the job 3 years of my time, i am now able to settle down without being in that hign of deman and still have time for our relationship.

 

[envybeauty]

While it's true that because they weren't in an exclusive relationship what he did wasn't technically wrong, I highly doubt that after three years he assumed the OP thought it was okay to sleep around. The man was sleazy either way; I'd honestly just ask him what he expected out of the relationship after all this time, but I wouldn't stay with him after that.

Did she tell him that? She told him she didn't want to be in an exclusive relationship so why would he assume monogamy comes with nonexclusivity.......

 

[gmw]

nall son







Actually, the situation was perfect. With the OP out of town regularly, ol' boy could do what he wanted when he wanted with assurance that Op was very unlikely to just "pop up."

AND, she didn't have high demands on his time....sheeesshhh. I think traveling side jawns are the best.

But then I look at it from his perspective. Let's just say he wanted to be with her for the past 3 years, but OP was all about her career. That's cool and all, but if I were him, I wouldn't wait for shiznit. I would get my swerve on and tell her to holla when she was ready...come September

I have to agree with this.

 

[gmw]

I agree with the others...he was never your man cos you guys weren't exclusive...
Also, technically, he's not in the wrong. He can see whoever he wishes to if you guys are not an item.

I agree with this too!

 

[Crystal]

Men lie. Period. If his lips are moving.. He's lying. I get so sick of men sometimes. Good Luck to you though. I hope this all works out.. sounds like a tricky situation.

 

[Syrah]

Men lie. Period. If his lips are moving.. He's lying. I get so sick of men sometimes. Good Luck to you though. I hope this all works out.. sounds like a tricky situation.

...aww, sweetheart - who did you wrong?

 

[Syrah]

Even more unfortnate that LHCF is not at all representative of the number of women that facilitated such nonsense this week alone.

I don't get it either...but one thing I do get is a man only does to you what you allow, so a part of me doesn't sympathize when people set themselves up to be kicked in the rear.

:buttkick:

Exactly.

I hate listening to women walk themselves into a situation, KNOWING something ain't right and then turn around 3/6/18/24/60 months later and say "how did I get here?".

I know when I'm speeding that there's a chance that I'll get pulled over - and when that time comes, and the cop says "do you know why I pulled you over?" I can sit there and lie to his face (mainly because I don't feel like spending a Saturday in traffic school, and I'd much rather spend $300 elsewhere) - but really, I KNOW I was speeding.

Learn from it. Suck it up. Move on.

 

[Crystal]

...aww, sweetheart - who did you wrong?

I haven't been done wrong in years. I don't ignore the signs anymore and try to make sense and rationalize inconsistencies and untruth's. I guess with age comes wisdom and the amount of nonsense one takes decreases exponentially.

 

[lexi08]

I haven't been done wrong in years. I don't ignore the signs anymore and try to make sense and rationalize inconsistencies and untruth's. I guess with age comes wisdom and the amount of nonsense one takes decreases exponentially.

I understand where you are coming from. I have come to the conclusion that most men start lying about something as soon as they open up their mouth. Now that I am older, I smell the BS coming a mile away.

 

[Syrah]

I haven't been done wrong in years. I don't ignore the signs anymore and try to make sense and rationalize inconsistencies and untruth's. I guess with age comes wisdom and the amount of nonsense one takes decreases exponentially.

I guess I hear you, there's just a part of your original statement wreaks more of "SHe's been burned...BADLY" and less of "with age comes wisdom".

"ALL Men start lying the second they open their mouths..." - burned
"Learn to read between the lines and here what is and isn't being said" - wisdom.

 

[msdeevee]

Wow, I had to read this whole thread to see how this came out but I see OP has not come back or maybe doesn't like the responses that she has gotten.

Unfortunately for her though...y'all are right.

I guess I'm old school cause I don't get this "talking to" thing. I thought that was just for teens and real young adults. How you gone be talking to someone for 3 years?

Grown people date or are seeing each other exclusively (or at least they think so) and then they can say "my man"

If he is my man I'm gonna know where , who, what, when and why and how. How is another woman gone be living with him and I don't know it? I also agree that the text was just a womans trick to cause an uproar.

Not to blame the OP cause if all of this is true it is really unfortunate and I feel the pain. Like most women I've been there , not in this situation but others. I'm so glad I'm married now cause I can't do this new-fangled dating thing.

I also feel from the few responses from Op that maybe there is a language barrier so maybe we are not understanding the whole story. No offense , I just get that feeling from the wording of the responses.

If you're reading this OP, I hope you are well and finding peace.

 

[MsMellodyChicago]

TriniStarr..I am so sorry that this has happened. I know that you truly did not deserve this. I am sorry that my reply is somewhat late..but really the one thing that is most important at a time like this is you. You must walk away and for the love of all that is holy have no contact with him. You must break his hold on you by totally and completely not talking to him, no texting, no calling in the middle of the nite..and take the time to really think about this. It seems strange to me that you would find this out after three years. Had you never gone to his home, been in his car..been to his job..met some of his male and female friends? Just a few points to look back on.

Prayer at a time like this for your strength and to definitely keep you from acting on your anger is what you need. I would suggest you hightail it to a Christian bookstore and purchase "Prayers that avail much" it was compiled by a member of the Copeland family and Word Ministries Inc. Believe me when I say this and you dont know me but I have been hurt and thought I would just not make it but God had to heal my heart and the secret places where I had been hurt that would allow myself to jump into puddles of mud like the situation that you are in..and God healed me and through reading and praying and fasting my life on the inside that attracts and my life on the outside that reflects..have turned around and they have been blessed in so many many many ways I would need an entire lifetime to tell it all.

But know this you will live past this and you will be blessed..just turn to God and trust Him.

Be blessed.
MsMellodyChicago

 

[firecracker]

I understand where you are coming from. I have come to the conclusion that most men start lying about something as soon as they open up their mouth. Now that I am older, I smell the BS coming a mile away.

I think its even worst if you have been around or raised a male child. I think some of these fools are born with a lying for nothing gene!