I Hate My Hair!!!!! *Vent*

Stiletto_Diva

Stiletto_Diva

Well-Known Member
So I've been fully natural for about 6 months now and I'm starting to hate it. Its too short to do anything with. Twists look a mess on me and the only way I wear my haie is in a wash and go with the edges pulled back ( not too tight). I have tons of single strand knots and it seams like my hair has stopped growing. The ends are forever tangled. I mean I can spend my sweet precious time detangleing a section of my hair, and less than five minutes later the ends are right back tangled. I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I miss my hair!!!! My hair use to be APL and before I cut my relaxer off my hair was shoulder length. Then I got this "great idea" *sarcasm* to go natural. Now my hair is neck length and not growing. I actually need to cut about two inches off because of the damaged ends. The damaged ends came from only wearing wash and gos, but thats the only style that looks good on me:wallbash::wallbash:. I Think I'm just going to get a weave until my hair is longer, cause I'm seriously considering shaving my head and wearing a wig.

Sorry ya'll I just needed to get that out
 
hey girl, I feel you. I've been natural for 6 years and am just getting the hang of it. Try a heavy protein treatment like Apoghee and then wash it out with shampoo. See if this makes your ends tangle less.

I am a 4ba natural and it worked for me. If you are uncertain about protein, just do a small section to try.

It's not easy but once you find what your hair likes, it's smooth sailing. Good luck!
 
i would be lying if I said what your feeling right now isn't understandable. I think the advice for a protein treatment given and your to throw a protective style on it is great. How about commiting to a time period (6 months, year) of protective styling (weaves, braids or twists) anything that long term puts your hair away. Thats what I'm doing and I have seen tremendous results. All the manipulation of wearing consistent wash and gos seems to be your problem, so the little to no manipulation on a protective style should be your answer. HTH and God Bless:)
 
Don't hate your hair girl, appreciate. Just give it some time. It will grow and before you know it, you will ask yourself "so this is what I've been missing." You will just love the healthiness of your natural. Believe me, I know. I was in your shoes. When you said it isn't growing, it is. The curls are just tighter when natural and you just can't visibly see it. Take a part of your hair and do a press out for length checks every once in a while and take pics at certain angles and you will see some results.
 
Girl I feel ya on that one, I think that all naturals have been in your shoes. Your in between phases and it's a mutha to live through. I would say you need another 3-6 months to get beyond that phase. I've been natual almost a year and I've been in love with my hair the last um...2-3 months. Before then I liked it and had days where I loved it but it was a hassle and a half. Also it didn't feel like it was growing then one day I washed my hair and and I was combing out those dang tangles and I was like whoa where did this length come from. I thought it was some tangles that were caught up in my hair so I gave them a tug to get them loose and I was shocked that it was mine.

Your hair is growing when you are natural it is soooooooooo hard to see growth. I think that you should wear it in a protective syle and keep those ends protected until you have a little more length.
 
I sooooooooooo feel you here. What I did might not be popular - but it got me through. I had two styles - one casual, one dressy - and that's ALL I did for a little under a year. They were protective styles, I put them in at the start of the week and ignored my hair all week long, then started over.

I suggest experimenting with a variety of protective styles - flat twists, cornrows, bantu knots, finger coils, wigs, weaves (though these are last on my list, because you don't learn how to handle your hair that way) and find one or two styles that you really like, and can do, and stick to those until your hair is long enough to do more with.

Patience is crucial..... :yep:
 
Thanks ladies. Its just that nothing seems to work. I can only style my hair if it is wet. If its not wet my hair is a dry mess. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, keeps my hair moisturized. I've tried glycerin, Elasta QP mango butter, castor oil, nothing works besides water. And don't let me go to sleep. I have a dry smashed 'fro when I wake up and again, nothing but water can help it.

ETA: Dont let the Avi fool you, that was back in the good ole natural days, when my hair acted like it had some sense. For the past few weeks my hair had taken on a life of its own and just started acting a fool.
 
Girl, I feel you completely! Wow wow wow, I feel like you're reading my mind!! I have been wearing wash- n- gos for awhile now, and I'm so tired of it. Twists just don't look right on me and I don't have the time to try much else. And because of this, my ends have become really damaged. I just came from the BSS purchasing hair because I am going to get a weave for a few months to help it grow up and to slow down on all the manipulation.
 
Mz. Princess said:
Thanks ladies. Its just that nothing seems to work. I can only style my hair if it is wet. If its not wet my hair is a dry mess. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, keeps my hair moisturized. I've tried glycerin, Elasta QP mango butter, castor oil, nothing works besides water. And don't let me go to sleep. I have a dry smashed 'fro when I wake up and again, nothing but water can help it.

ETA: Dont let the Avi fool you, that was back in the good ole natural days, when my hair acted like it had some sense. For the past few weeks my hair had taken on a life of its own and just started acting a fool.
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Nothing? I think you are selling yourself, and your hair short. Nothing that you have tried has worked, and I seriously doubt that you have tried everything.

Instead of thinking that something is wrong with your hair, that will be fixed somehow with more length or a relaxer, realize that you just haven't found out what works for your hair, and what your hair wants, just yet. It's a subtle difference, but a crucial one.

My hair HATES QP Mango butter - turns it hard and unhappy. My hair hates cones. My hair hated castor oil before it was fully moisturized (which took me over 3 months to do). My hair hated too much glycerin - it had to be below a certain percentage before my hair liked it.

When's the last time you clarified? Are you using cones? Are you using products with mineral oil in them? Have you started using something new? Has the heat come on? Are you wearing different clothing? If you can only style your hair when wet, figure out a style you can do on wet hair, and roll with it.

Assume that if your hair is acting funny, it's because you aren't giving it what it wants - and work to figure out what that is. :yep:
 
JustKiya said:
Nothing? I think you are selling yourself, and your hair short. Nothing that you have tried has worked, and I seriously doubt that you have tried everything.

Instead of thinking that something is wrong with your hair, that will be fixed somehow with more length or a relaxer, realize that you just haven't found out what works for your hair, and what your hair wants, just yet. It's a subtle difference, but a crucial one.

My hair HATES QP Mango butter - turns it hard and unhappy. My hair hates cones. My hair hated castor oil before it was fully moisturized (which took me over 3 months to do). My hair hated too much glycerin - it had to be below a certain percentage before my hair liked it.

When's the last time you clarified? Are you using cones? Are you using products with mineral oil in them? Have you started using something new? Has the heat come on? Are you wearing different clothing? If you can only style your hair when wet, figure out a style you can do on wet hair, and roll with it.

Assume that if your hair is acting funny, it's because you aren't giving it what it wants - and work to figure out what that is. :yep:
Click to expand...

Nothing has changed. I clarified about a week ago, I don't use stuff with mineral oil, I'm not using anyhing new, Wearing the same clothes. Its like my hair woke up one morning and decided to act crazy. for as long as I can remember my hair has always had moisture issues, even when I was relaxed. When I went use to go to the salon to get my hair done my stylist would always say that my hair just ate up the conditioner. she whould always have to put about double the amount on. The weird thing is that even though my hair eats up moisture from products and stays dry, it takes forever to dry my wet hair. If I wash my hair in the morning and and just put oil on my hair it will still be wet at night. I'm so over it. I just bought some raw shea butter. I'm hoping this will help.
 
Chin up, OP. I've been natural for a few years and BC'd again 6 months ago...so I know it's not easy. Like you and many others, I have to co-wash my hair each morning. I've just accepted it as part of my daily routine. But you don't have to comb your hair everyday while in the shower. Just apply conditioner and run your fingers through it.

I can't remember if you mentioned Aloe Vera Gel, but you may want to give it a try. Available at Target, Whole Foods, Vitamin Shoppe, etc. I apply it to my wet hair and seal with Castor Oil. My 4b hair stays soft all day...and I'm generous with these two staples.

Do you have a Denman brush for the tangles? :yep:

Do you deep condition?

Have you tried an overnight conditioner?

I understand your frustration but it gets better. I'm really looking forward to the progress my hair will make in the months to come and I hope you'll feel the same! :grin:
 
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Sorry to hear things have been so frustrating. If it's any consolation, if you haven't straightened your hair in a while it's probably longer than you think it is (shrinkage can really hide growth for a long time--I know from personal experience).
 
Sounds like you need Roux porosity Control, it will help your hair absorb moisture.
Mz. Princess said:
Nothing has changed. I clarified about a week ago, I don't use stuff with mineral oil, I'm not using anyhing new, Wearing the same clothes. Its like my hair woke up one morning and decided to act crazy. for as long as I can remember my hair has always had moisture issues, even when I was relaxed. When I went use to go to the salon to get my hair done my stylist would always say that my hair just ate up the conditioner. she whould always have to put about double the amount on. The weird thing is that even though my hair eats up moisture from products and stays dry, it takes forever to dry my wet hair. If I wash my hair in the morning and and just put oil on my hair it will still be wet at night. I'm so over it. I just bought some raw shea butter. I'm hoping this will help.
Click to expand...
 
May I ask how you are moisturizing and with what products?

My Cap n Go method may help you. It's a no fuss way to keep hair moisturized (20% damp) 24/7 and still wear accessories and what not. It's still the wash and go result but without the terror to your ends.

It's in my journals section. In my regimen album I give a quickie overview but I gloss over the most important details there.

If it wasn't for this I never could've stayed natural.

I understand your pain. I BCed too soon. If I do relax again in the future and transition again I know to expect a LONG transition and keep my scissors down.

I chopped off 14+ inches of silky, healthy hair so I know how you feel, and I BCed to 2.5 inches that shrank down to .5"!!

Remember hair IS hair -you can do whatever YOU need to do to enjoy it as you reach your goals, whether you must take one step back to leap ten forward!

Hair should be a pleasure not a pain. It'll get better!
 
I like to DC with some heat also that helps a world of troubles. I don't co-wash every day. I can't handle it and since I've stopped I spend less time in the bathroom, less clogged drains and my hair has retained it's growth. I wash on Day 1 with poo and I only wash the scalp I try to keep the poo from my ends. On Days 2-4 I can get away with styling (puffs are my friends) I just dampen my hair with water from a spritz bottle or take a long hot steamy shower, seal with some oil or something and go. The beauty of a chunky fro is it doesn't have to be perfect and frizz can be your friend when you want it to be.
 
Mz. Princess said:
So I've been fully natural for about 6 months now and I'm starting to hate it. Its too short to do anything with. Twists look a mess on me and the only way I wear my haie is in a wash and go with the edges pulled back ( not too tight). I have tons of single strand knots and it seams like my hair has stopped growing. The ends are forever tangled. I mean I can spend my sweet precious time detangleing a section of my hair, and less than five minutes later the ends are right back tangled. I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I miss my hair!!!! My hair use to be APL and before I cut my relaxer off my hair was shoulder length. Then I got this "great idea" *sarcasm* to go natural. Now my hair is neck length and not growing. I actually need to cut about two inches off because of the damaged ends. The damaged ends came from only wearing wash and gos, but thats the only style that looks good on me:wallbash::wallbash:. I Think I'm just going to get a weave until my hair is longer, cause I'm seriously considering shaving my head and wearing a wig.

Sorry ya'll I just needed to get that out
Click to expand...


wow I know exactly how you feel!! I was feeling the exact same way this weekend, and I almost posted about it. I must have picked through a hundred single strand knots from my ends this weekend. My ends are also really damaged. I only realized this when I flat ironed my hair (the first time in 2 years) over the holiday. They get more damaged when I do wash and gos. And it doesn't matter how much conditioner I use or what leave in product/or no leave in, my hair is still dry. And yes I clarify once a week. And even after I spend 2 hours detangling, it will just get retangled soon after. I've been considering the R word, Relaxer, again. But but I'm going to try the salt/baking soda addition to see if that helps moisturize my hair.
 
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If you got the cash. SYNTHETIC KINKY TWIST...KINKY TWIST.

Girl go and get you some of the kinky twist hair in the purple and gold pack and get someone to twist you up. Thank the Lord for Kinky Twist I look amazing in them and they help during those times when I am fed up with the routine.

Yea...yea..what you are going through ain't nothin' new. We have all been there and made it out of it too. So trust you will make it out. With stronger and longer hair. Go with your first mind and get your hair done in a "protective" style that looks cute and keep hair off the brain for a few weeks.

Good Luck. You can do it.
 
rhlong said:
wow I know exactly how you feel!! I was feeling the exact same way this weekend, and I almost posted about it. I must have picked through a hundred single strand knots from my ends this weekend. My ends are also really damaged. I only realized this when I flat ironed my hair (the first time in 2 years) over the holiday. They get more damaged when I do wash and gos. And it doesn't matter how much conditioner I use or what leave in product/or no leave in, my hair is still dry. And yes I clarify once a week. And even after I spend 2 hours detangling, it will just get retangled soon after. I've been considering the R word, Relaxer, again. But but I'm going to try the salt/baking soda addition to see if that helps moisturize my hair.
Click to expand...

All naturals short and long haired go through this battle with the single strand knots. Over the holiday I cut off so much hair. Going through and getting rid of those knots. My advice...

Stop the wash n goes. Do something to stretch your hair out. Or put it in twist. I usually put it in twist to stretch my hair and than undo the twist and pin my hair up in certain styles. You want to limit the opportunities that your curls have to wrap around each other.

Be careful of what materials you are putting on your hair. I now have to carry my satin scarf with me at all times. Because while I study I usually put a hood on in the library it is freezing. The lint from my hoody gave my hair things to knot up around.

I tried doing a blow out last week. But, I don't know if I like that. my ends were dry, but that was probably from the conditioner. And when I went to wash my hair yesterday..I am ashamed to admit this..lol..but I saw little broken ends certain places. I never really have that problem. So I don't think I'll be doing that again.

Anyways...I plan to be more intentional about stretching out my hair and keeping my ends moisturized so they can't wrap around each other.
 
I can totally relate to what you have been saying the first year was hard to adust to one minute it was so easy, it was so short and it was summer so I cowash for the first six months as it started to grow it started looking funny and I found myself struggling finding the best products and styles that looked good on me. Also I cannot style my hair unless it is moist so I spritz it with water and aloe vera juice when I don't cowash. Also you can put leave in conditioner or conditioner on your ends and follow up with avacodo oil or olive oil, and then shea butter this has worked wonders for my ends. Wonders do this twice a day every day. My hair has been through many changes. Now its getting longer and longer its a process that we all go through some hair grows faster then others and for me I just go with the flow, I don't try to make my hair do what it doesnt' like, mango butter and some of the other stuff mention didn't work for me but the simple stuff did. Since I been following this regiment I have very few issues with my ends. bobby pins are a great fine for short hair. I sent you a PM of a style you mght like try it over the weekend and see.
 
Hey there baby.....

OK - you have been given lots of advice.... I have been natural for ten years... TEN.

I cannot even believe that... Anyway.... you can do this!!! You must learn who your hair is......
And don't give up....
 
I'm in the same boat. My hair is so dry and I don't want to do anything with my hair in the mornings but I don't have a choice unless I want to go out looking a hot mess. I've also been feeling like my hair isn't growing for about two months now. So I'm about to braid it up and leave it be. I feel your pain 100%.
 
I'm going through the same thing the OP is except I've been going through it for the last ohhh...10 YEARS! NOTHING has made my hair moisterized and soft.....NOTHIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

Glycerin, was the only thing that worked.....for a minute. Then right back to crunch city I went!

Can someone....ANYONE list a bunch of products that will help with keeping my daggone 4B BRILLO hair soft. THAT'S IT! I love the bigness and fullness of my hair. I love the curls and the variety my hair affords me BUT....the dryness and the darn knots are driving me to drink! Water is the only thing that makes it soft.

Twist outs you say, sure okay. Now how do I keep them from tangling up and causing even more knots and crap!

I'm soo tired of my hair right now. The dryness, the dryness, the DRYNESS ARGGGGGG!

Just list them and I'll try them no matter how cheap or expensive......thanks guys!
 
rhlong said:
wow I know exactly how you feel!! I was feeling the exact same way this weekend, and I almost posted about it. I must have picked through a hundred single strand knots from my ends this weekend. My ends are also really damaged. I only realized this when I flat ironed my hair (the first time in 2 years) over the holiday. They get more damaged when I do wash and gos. And it doesn't matter how much conditioner I use or what leave in product/or no leave in, my hair is still dry. And yes I clarify once a week. And even after I spend 2 hours detangling, it will just get retangled soon after. I've been considering the R word, Relaxer, again. But but I'm going to try the salt/baking soda addition to see if that helps moisturize my hair.
Click to expand...

I'm thinking Texlax. When my hair was straight....dryness was NOT an issue. Why is this so darn hard to accomplish??
 
LynnieB said:
{{{hugs}}}

Comb coils:

http://motowngirl.com/content/Hair-How-Tos/Comb-Coils-Palm-Rolls.html

Coil tool:

http://www.bonika.com/coilcomb.html

They are gorgeous and can last:

http://hair.lovetoknow.com/Image:Nedjetti3.jpg
Click to expand...


See I LERVE LERVE LERVE your hair. That's where I want to be in six months. Growth is not a problem. I can't keep what hair I grow because of the dryness and then it proceeds to breakoff. I'm sure the OP can feel me.

Help us *hand out, lips poked out*
 
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