How should I approach my stylist????

[ttlayli]

Well, I LOVE my stylist very much!!! She's been doing my hair since I was seventeen (Im 23 now). She has always been there for me....she even does my hair for free 90% of the time....since she understands I'm a starving student! So I do appreciate her and care for her a lot. The only problem I'm afraid of, is when I go back to see her (I don't know when) and how she'll react to my hair. I have been doing co-washes, oil rinses followed by condish and coconut oil....NO COMBING....except for finger combing occasionally....and my hair has been responding GREAT!!! But I'm afraid when I see her, she'll be pissed and go through her tirade of talking about my hair and disagreeing with everything I have learned on this board. I know that she's gonna wash my hair like 5x "UGH, what's in your hair??? It's GREASY!!", then when she can't comb through my hair.....EASILY with a reg. comb....she'll be even more pissed and comment how my hair is nappy. And it seems like SHE LOVES trimming....which I really don't wanna do...everytime she TRIMS....it looks like a CUT! Do you ladies go through this as well?? How do you handle it???

 

[almondjoi85]

mmmm sounds like a tough situation. Just be honest with her, tell her that you have a certain way of handling your hair and it works for you. Be firm, but polite. IDK this is a hard one.

 

[lizjoseph]

-First off, since you know how she's going to react about the co-washing and oil rinsing, etc...just don't tell her! LOL!

-Next you mentioned that she likes to shampoo alot to get the "grease" out you rhair, if this is that case, how do you feel about bringing in you own clarifying shapmoo or asking her to use a clarifying shampoo on you? That way all you need is 1- 2 washes and you're done.

-Third, about the detangling, is she mositurising your hair enough so that combing through it is easier? Are there any products that you use yourself that you know for a fact make your hair more manageble? If so, bring those with you and tell her "This makes MY hair soft, can you please use it?" Also, as usual, make sure she is DC-ing on you.

- Last, bring a wide tooth comb with you!! This way she has no excuse as to why she can't comb through you hair nicely.

-As far as the trimming....girl , you know what we have to say about that! Tell her nicely "You know what, I don't think I want a trim this time, maybe next time." or "I'm in a rush, I don't have time for a trim, maybe next time." or tell her straight up "I'm trying to grow my hair out and don't want a trim until abosolutley necessary" If she says it is necessary now, tell her you just really don't feel comfortable getting a trim at this moment and stay firm (not rude or nasty, but firm) Better yet, call her in advance and tyell her you're coming in just for a wash and set (or whatever you normally get) and tell her that you don't want a trim this time. That way, when you get there, you've already established with her what you want and she'll know head of time to not push it on you. If she still does, just reinforce that all you want is (blank) Hope that helps!! Good luck!

 

[caramelcutieinva]

I would tell her before you start I have been trying some new things with my hair and this is what I would like done

I would like it styled like ---------- ( fill in the blank)

I don't want a trim today .... maybe we can schedule that for another upcoming appointment

oh and by the way I know my hair will be hard to detangle , so I brought my own shower comb with me.


I think its much easier if you tell them on the front end.

 

[ttlayli]

Thanks for responding! I feel like a punk though!!! It's so sad!! The problem is, is that SHE DOES NOT LISTEN!! erplexed She call's me her "lil sis" and since I'm an only child, I assume this is how it supp. to be . Meaning that even if I brought my own products in...."No!" and the reason she doesnt like a lot of grease in my hair....is because she likes my hair super bouncy (which I love) so I understand....but not when she puts dishwashing liquid on it! Like my mom said, I'm just gonna have to get some courage and find my voice....I feel like a child when she speaks to me about my hair....and it's so sad...makes it worse because I do really care for her...and she's done a lot for me. I'm just gona have to say no....when I know I'M RIGHT.

How can I can control the trimmings??? I wanted to wait at least a yr before I trimmed again....but I'm afraid when I do tell her to trim....she's gonna practically give me a cut! Do you ladies tell your stylists EXACTLY HOW MUCH you want trimmed??

 

[BotanyGrl]

Thanks for responding! I feel like a punk though!!! It's so sad!! The problem is, is that SHE DOES NOT LISTEN!! erplexed She call's me her "lil sis" and since I'm an only child, I assume this is how it supp. to be . Meaning that even if I brought my own products in...."No!" and the reason she doesnt like a lot of grease in my hair....is because she likes my hair super bouncy (which I love) so I understand....but not when she puts dishwashing liquid on it! Like my mom said, I'm just gonna have to get some courage and find my voice....I feel like a child when she speaks to me about my hair....and it's so sad...makes it worse because I do really care for her...and she's done a lot for me. I'm just gona have to say no....when I know I'M RIGHT.

I swear I was in the exact same boat almost a month ago. I finally found my voice and left I didn't even say bye, I'm not coming anymore. My hair is important to me and when I felt that I was thru being looked at crazy and shushed every time I had a question or concern... I decided it was time for me to become a Do-It-Myself Girl! I miss her though and it's only been almost 4 weeks I need a support thread for "leaving your stylist"

 

[Maynard]

Dishwashing liquid?

 

[ttlayli]

I swear I was in the exact same boat almost a month ago. I finally found my voice and left I didn't even say bye, I'm not coming anymore. My hair is important to me and when I felt that I was thru being looked at crazy and shushed every time I had a question or concern... I decided it was time for me to become a Do-It-Myself Girl! I miss her though and it's only been almost 4 weeks I need a support thread for "leaving your stylist"

Awwwww! I feel ya tho girl, cuz I love my stylist soooo much! She just gets on my nerves when it involves my hair! I'm a do-it-myself when I'm natural...but straight? Whoa. I NEED HER!! That woman can just flat iron my hair and im good until I decided to wash again. I'm just not gonna tell her what I'm doing and look stupid when she asks what I did to my hair...or what I havent done! HEHEHEHE But imma raise HELL if she even comes near me talkin about I need my ends trimmed

 

[ttlayli]

Dishwashing liquid?

Yes! There have been times when I would "gel" down my edges with AP Elasta's Glaze AND curling wax ( I KNOW I KNOW!!!) and she would be heated!! She would complain the ENTIRE TIME washing my hair that it was greasy and after washing 4x, would go get some Palmolive dish soap. There's also been times where she just looked at my hair, thought it was too greasy and went straight for the dishwashing liquid.

 

[BotanyGrl]

Awwwww! I feel ya tho girl, cuz I love my stylist soooo much! She just gets on my nerves when it involves my hair! I'm a do-it-myself when I'm natural...but straight? Whoa. I NEED HER!! That woman can just flat iron my hair and im good until I decided to wash again. I'm just not gonna tell her what I'm doing and look stupid when she asks what I did to my hair...or what I havent done! HEHEHEHE But imma raise HELL if she even comes near me talkin about I need my ends trimmed

I'm pulling for you But I'm stubborn and I'm never going back

 

[Moroni]

Yes! There have been times when I would "gel" down my edges with AP Elasta's Glaze AND curling wax ( I KNOW I KNOW!!!) and she would be heated!! She would complain the ENTIRE TIME washing my hair that it was greasy and after washing 4x, would go get some Palmolive dish soap. There's also been times where she just looked at my hair, thought it was too greasy and went straight for the dishwashing liquid.

Alright. That's IT! I've been reading through this thinking...."Love her as a friend, fire her as a stylist!"...And I read she's putting DISH SOAP in your hair????!!! Girl, "Whar yo' mama at???" If it's out of the question to go home or get money from home for what you need, then sell something, if necessary, to pay for someone who's going to SERVE YOU!!! Otherwise, it's just a matter of time until you're here starting another thread entitled: "Look at what this **##%%!!! B***ch did to my hair".

 

[ttlayli]

I'm pulling for you But I'm stubborn and I'm never going back

LMAO!! Thanks girl....even though I know u were shaking ur head!

 

[ttlayli]

Alright. That's IT! I've been reading through this thinking...."Love her as a friend, fire her as a stylist!"...And I read she's putting DISH SOAP in your hair????!!! Girl, "Whar yo' mama at???" If it's out of the question to go home or get money from home for what you need, then sell something, if necessary, to pay for someone who's going to SERVE YOU!!! Otherwise, it's just a matter of time until you're here starting another thread entitled: "Look at what this **##%%!!! B***ch did to my hair".

I know, u r sooo right! I think I put up with it because my hair is NOT easy to deal with...but ever since I've been wearing it natural and doing a lot of things mentioned on this board, my hair has been coming out pretty nice. I know I wont see her for prob. another couple of weeks (like 6-8) so hopefully by then I have the courage to speak up (yes, i know, im a punk! )

 

[silverlotus]

Honestly, I don't think you should go back. She seems rude, disrepectful & mean. For real, what good stylist would put dishwashing liquid in her client's hair?? You should not feel guilty about wanting your hair to be taken care of properly & her calling you "lil' sis" is no excuse for her to be bossy. It's better to just pay the money for a stylist that cares for your hair & respects your wishes. Good luck!

Your hair is very pretty, btw!

 

[Isis]

Thanks for responding! I feel like a punk though!!! It's so sad!! The problem is, is that SHE DOES NOT LISTEN!! erplexed She call's me her "lil sis" and since I'm an only child, I assume this is how it supp. to be . Meaning that even if I brought my own products in...."No!" and the reason she doesnt like a lot of grease in my hair....is because she likes my hair super bouncy (which I love) so I understand....but not when she puts dishwashing liquid on it! Like my mom said, I'm just gonna have to get some courage and find my voice....I feel like a child when she speaks to me about my hair....and it's so sad...makes it worse because I do really care for her...and she's done a lot for me. I'm just gona have to say no....when I know I'M RIGHT.

How can I can control the trimmings??? I wanted to wait at least a yr before I trimmed again....but I'm afraid when I do tell her to trim....she's gonna practically give me a cut! Do you ladies tell your stylists EXACTLY HOW MUCH you want trimmed??

From what you posted, it seems like what you love most about your stylist is that she does your hair for free most of the time. Otherwise, your post sounds like you are afraid of how she would react to you taking your hair into your own hands. She sounds very controlling and your mother is right--you have to find your own voice and say no. What a great opportunity your stylist is giving you to learn to set your boundaries.

Remember, it's your hair and you can decide at any time to cut those strings to your stylist. As for me, if I went to stylists, I would not feel comfortable going to one whom I knew would be angry at me about my haircare. She would have to go.

BTW, your hair looks very pretty in your avatar.

 

[DivaRox]

Finding your voice may come a little easier once you're able to pay for your services. I'm not sure how I'd handle it. My first inclination would be just to not go back since it sounds like she does several things you're uncomfortable with.

Or, clarify/poo well before going and eliminate the need for her to use those products.

Your hair is very nice so maybe it's more bearable. My hair gets treated way better and does not look like that so maybe I ought to start slapping it around a little bit

 

[ttlayli]

Isis: Yeah everything u said was pretty much correct...I mean I do love her as a person (even though like I said, she irritates me sometime) but her doing my hair free free puts the icing on the cake. And I guess I feel like I CANT say MUCH if I'm not paying....erplexed

silverlotus: My mom said the exact thing...she was actually surprised that my hair hasnt fell out yet...

DivaRox: I feel this is also true...since Im not paying I feel like I have "no right" to speak up....which is more motavation for me to get a lil job to pay for great service!

And thanks for the compliments ladies!!! Its been a love/hate relationship with my hair....so I'm blushing right now! :blush3:

But this something that I need to work on personally....I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TYPE TO NEVER SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF IN CASES LIKE THIS....its really sad. I used to say when I was 17, that when I got older I was gonna for sure change...but I still havent. I guess this will be the ultimate test for me.

 

[seraphim712]

Isis: Yeah everything u said was pretty much correct...I mean I do love her as a person (even though like I said, she irritates me sometime) but her doing my hair free free puts the icing on the cake. And I guess I feel like I CANT say MUCH if I'm not paying....erplexed

silverlotus: My mom said the exact thing...she was actually surprised that my hair hasnt fell out yet...

DivaRox: I feel this is also true...since Im not paying I feel like I have "no right" to speak up....which is more motavation for me to get a lil job to pay for great service!

And thanks for the compliments ladies!!! Its been a love/hate relationship with my hair....so I'm blushing right now! :blush3:

But this something that I need to work on personally....I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TYPE TO NEVER SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF IN CASES LIKE THIS....its really sad. I used to say when I was 17, that when I got older I was gonna for sure change...but I still havent. I guess this will be the ultimate test for me.

I don't mean to be blunt, but I think she's using the 'I'll wash your hair for free' trump card just to have control over you and your hair. Usually when you do go to a stylist(a good one anyway), they are the ones that ask you first how you want your hair to be treated, and leave the door open for questions that you may have. They don't give advice unless it's asked for(or really needed), and they don't do any extras such as cutting your hair and call it a trim. They also will use the products you brought in without question or rejection. A good stylist is there to service you because you took the time out of your busy schedule to pay them to do your hair, tip them extra and become their walking advertisement. I agree with the other ladies and think that you should pay for your services from now on so at least you have something to fall back on if they try to act crazy on your hair. I know you have a close relationship with this stylist and believe me when I say it's hard to break that stylist/client connection, but there is a time when you have to bring out tough love. You and your hair deserves better and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable and afraid everytime you visit your stylist. Sorry for the long winded post. I just don't appreciate over controlling people...