How Do You End the Cycle of Low Hair-Esteem in little Girls? Share Techniques!

[BlackMasterPiece]

What do YOU do to end the cycle of Low Hair Esteem in little girls?

ESPECIALLY the girls with the type 4 range that has been deemed "bad"

Share techniques strategies!

What are you doing to end the cycle of self-hate in little girls?

I personally stop little girls I see with very tightly coily hair and tell them how beautiful I think they are and how beautiful their hair is, I sometimes have little girls look behind themselves in disbelief that I'm saying this to them then they lock eyes with me again and shyly say thank you with a huge smile it happens alot....I've had little girls stare at me for a few seconds as if to say, did she really just say that? and then they smile and say thanks...I think this can make a big impact.

As girls and as women we want to feel beautiful and our hair is a big part of that. When someone tells you the hair that naturally grows out of your head is ugly, you in turn feel ugly and inferior and start making associations to blackness and it can start to run very deep. What are your tactics to end this with the next generation?

Feel free to share your story!!

I was made fun of for all the attributes I've come to love about my hair the coils, the texture, the thickness I love it all!! But I think one of the biggest advantages I had was I had my mommy in my corner always telling me how beautiful my hair is natural and eventually......when I grew out of the phase where all I wanted to do was fit in with the HS crowd, her encouragement gave me strength and I'm now natural for life

 

[msa]

Well a few weeks ago I saw this girl in Whole Paycheck with her mom and her mom had short relaxed hair, but her daughter had the most gorgeous 4b hair I've ever seen in person. So I completely gushed over her hair and told her how pretty it was.

So my contributions are to compliment any girls I see with natural hair. And, anytime I hear people say ignorant things (especially around children) I make sure to correct them.

 

[almond eyes]

As I said before, I was the only African girl in my class. My mother used to put my natural hair in these complicated braided styles and I used to carry okra and rice to school. Thanks Mom!!!!!! I had a complicated sounding African name and the teachers made up a name for me which the children both black and white translated to monkey and called me as such. Among my African cousins I was also teased too because I was bone thin (read no booty) and very brown-skinned which is not considered the standard of beauty.

While I would not say that teasing made me stronger, it definitely helped me to study more and embrace wearing my natural hair and braided hairstyles. I like being an individual and standing out!!!!!!What helped was just having role models in my family that I could draw strength from. Now, the script has flipped and people are always telling me I have style and I stand out. I keep it humble because I have come a long way.

The best solution is to tell little girls to make the libraries their second home, I did and I learnt a lot and it made me excel in my class in high school where I was the only black girl in an all white class the only one who made it to an Ivy League school. Boy were those girls mad!!!!!!!

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[jamaraa]

Don't put all those huge barretts and hair thingies w/ the balls on them in a kid's head, esp if they have very short hair. Nothing was better than when I started doing my own hair (@9) and could choose NOT to use them. I wasn't even from a family that used them that much nor did I ever have short hair, so I would have REALLY hated it if I had to suffer like so many little girls I see w/ those things.

 

[Shananyganz]

I have a little girl that attends my church with the CUTIEST locs!! She is all of 5 or 6 at the most and every time I see her I ask her about her hair or compliment the shells she has in it that day..SOMETHING. My fraternal twin baby cousins (almost 3) have different hair types, one is looser than that of the other, but I don't favor one over the other and tend to make a big fuss over both (hair).

I think positive, sincere, verbal reassurance is what I have to offer.

 

[aquajoyice]

This is a great thread BMP! I make it a point to give those gorgeous little girls and boys compliments on their natural hair. I have a little neice that always tells me my hair is pretty and long and I always tell her all of the things I love about her hair. And the list is long I feel it is soo important to ensure that our little ones are confident and love themselves. No one should be told that something natural to them is bad ever.

 

[AllAboutMoi]

I have from day one admired my daughters hair. I would tell her all the time that her hair is so pretty (which it is) and I wish mine were like hers. Well now I am trying to back it up and transition. She loves when I wear braid outs because it looks more like hers.

She thinks her hair is the bomb!

 

[MangaManiac]

Yeah Almond Eyes. I also made it to an ivy league and my parents would take me to the library almost every day growing up and we always had tons of books in our house.

For me, I think the best thing to do for little girls aside from compliments is to lead by example. If I'm excelling in life while not always wearing my hair bone straight I think the younger ones will pick up on the surrounding positive energy and the blessings I receive in life.

My daughters will have long hair and so will their mother!

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

I praise their hair, no matter the texture,but I really go out of my way to compliment a child's hair that's deemed by society as 'bad.'

 

[almond eyes]

I agree MangaManiac lead by example so that even with teasing daughters will have good self-esteem.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I have from day one admired my daughters hair. I would tell her all the time that her hair is so pretty (which it is) and I wish mine were like hers. Well now I am trying to back it up and transition. She loves when I wear braid outs because it looks more like hers.

She thinks her hair is the bomb!

Wow, that's beautiful the best part of this is that she believes you, when I was very young, part of me thought my mom was "just saying that" because she's my mom but eventually in my late teens I came to discover she's been totally right all along

I also LOVE the fact that you're gonna begin leading by example because that will be the most powerful message you can send your daughte:r.

Kudo's to you!!

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

My 6 year old daughter came home on some "I want long straight hair like Hannah Montana" or "I want straight hair like yours momma" ish...that's when my transition began. I bc'd after an 8 month transition. I figured if I was gonna teach her that beautiful hair has nothing to do with being long or straight, then I was gonna do it by example. We've had several conversations since, and she is in love with her curls. I've even flat ironed it out to show her how versatile it is. She doesn't want hair like the girls at school anymore...problem solved.

 

[SHEANITPRO]

My daughter and I frequently share our tips with people who ask about her 4b MBL mane.

The flattery from others certainly boosts my daughters morale in taking extra special care of her hair.

 

[bedazzled]

WOW I am glad you girls are making efforts to reach out/make change in your community. It saddens me these days to see young girls, even as old as my age (20) speak badly about their hair. My bestfriend hates her hair (its natural) & she wants a relaxer so bad. She wishes her hair was blonde, wishes she had green eyes..the whole nine. So when she explains to me how much she hates herself it really makes me sad, because I want her to love herself since I love her the way she is.

With that said thats one of the reasons I want to go natural. Also I believe in the leading by example & don't want my future daughter(s) to think their hair is bad esp. since im a 4b gal. I have never (honest to god) have seen a natural child in my city (ims ure there is one)..everyone starts relaxing where I live as early as 3 - so I don't really know that many natural children (if any at all) to comment to & im too scared to comment to the girls who have relaxers because I don't want them to think that the only reason I am saying their hair is pretty is because its straight. :/

 

[jamaraa]

WOW I am glad you girls are making efforts to reach out/make change in your community. It saddens me these days to see young girls, even as old as my age (20) speak badly about their hair. My bestfriend hates her hair (its natural) & she wants a relaxer so bad. She wishes her hair was blonde, wishes she had green eyes..the whole nine. So when she explains to me how much she hates herself it really makes me sad, because I want her to love herself since I love her the way she is.

With that said thats one of the reasons I want to go natural. Also I believe in the leading by example & don't want my future daughter(s) to think their hair is bad esp. since im a 4b gal. I have never (honest to god) have seen a natural child in my city (ims ure there is one)..everyone starts relaxing where I live as early as 3 - so I don't really know that many natural children (if any at all) to comment to & im too scared to comment to the girls who have relaxers because I don't want them to think that the only reason I am saying their hair is pretty is because its straight. :/

Wow, just wow. Who the heck is putting this stuff on 3 year olds heads? smh

 

[jamaraa]

Much of this is about the parents. Part of it is that they don't want to care for the kids hair and/or they don't know how, so they take several short cuts. Relaxers, ratty braids in their hair for weeks at a time, braiding/plaiting too tightly, etc... Of course decorating their heads like Christmas trees doesn't help matters either.

Let's tell the truth, kids dislike it when they get their hair done and it hurts them. This isn't "society" doing this to them, it's their mamas. Many parents yank thru it and lack the right tools/patience. THAT'S where they get the negative attitudes. If you had someone yanking thru your head, why would you feel positive about your hair?

If you really want to give kids self esteem about their hair, you need to educate the parents on how to care for it. Many Black girls are victims of parents not knowing how to take care of their hair w/o hurting them. If you want to get rid of their negative attitudes about their hair, get rid of the source...ignorant parents. Someday there might be (or should be) some sort of community class on how to care for and maintain children's hair.

 

[bedazzled]

Much of this is about the parents. Part of it is that they don't want to care for the kids hair and/or they don't know how, so they take several short cuts. Relaxers, ratty braids in their hair for weeks at a time, braiding/plaiting too tightly, etc... Of course decorating their heads like Christmas trees doesn't help matters either.

Let's tell the truth, kids dislike it when they get their hair done and it hurts them. This isn't "society" doing this to them, it's their mamas. Many parents yank thru it and lack the right tools/patience. THAT'S where they get the negative attitudes. If you had someone yanking thru your head, why would you feel positive about your hair?

If you really want to give kids self esteem about their hair, you need to educate the parents on how to care for it. Many Black girls are victims of parents not knowing how to take care of their hair w/o hurting them. If you want to get rid of their negative attitudes about their hair, get rid of the source...ignorant parents. Someday there might be (or should be) some sort of community class on how to care for and maintain children's hair.

As a kid I actually liked the barettes, knocker balls (i think theyre called) & beads. Even my friends liked them...We thought we were fly.

 

[jamaraa]

Well I hated those things and they pulled way too much of my hair out too, those little knocker balls I mean. I wasn't tortured w/ barettes tho.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

DUDE, I LOVED those barrettes and hair thingies when I was a little girl. There was no more joy in the world than hearing my hair jingle as I walked. Shoot, my hair confession should be that I would still wear them if it was socially acceptable.

Don't put all those huge barretts and hair thingies w/ the balls on them in a kid's head, esp if they have very short hair. Nothing was better than when I started doing my own hair (@9) and could choose NOT to use them. I wasn't even from a family that used them that much nor did I ever have short hair, so I would have REALLY hated it if I had to suffer like so many little girls I see w/ those things.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

OMG I thought I was the only one!! sometimes I be lookin at these vids for styles for little girls and I be like damn if it wasn't so young lookin I'd totally put those clear and white beads on my braids!!

What!! I used to be stylin and profilin with my ribbons, barrettes & balls I used to LOVE getting new ones with my mommy and doin it up!!!

I have a feeling I'm gonna be the same way with my daughter one day

My mom put *just* the right amount of barrettes in my hair, I loved it I used to skip along and get a thrill outta my swang.

 

[Shoediva]

Its first starts with us as parents. A lot of little girls dont get to see all the beautiful natural hair styles that are available to them. All they see are pressed, relaxed and weaves/wigs. If they are exposed to more than just straight hair, this will cut down on our young girls feeling bad about their hair.

My daughter is 10 years old and her self esteem has been tried and tested by kids at her school for different things. (ie bullying and her height) my daughter is tall for a 10 yo she is 5ft tall. Her is natural 4b, although taking care of her hair is time consuming, I still wont put any chemicals in her hair. From the time she was about 4 years old, everyone suggested, kiddie perm, relaxer & texturizers. I was and still am very adamant about not putting any chemicals in her hair. I have explained to her over the years that I wont put a relaxer in her hair just to make things easier for me, as I want to leave it up to her when I feel she is mature enough to make this decision if she chooses.

She is ok with this as I sometime will flat iron her hair straight and she is happy with that. Since returning to this board, I have shown my daughter all the pics and youtube videos of all the pretty natural hairstyles and lengths and she has found a new admiration for her hair.

 

[Letta]

I haven't yet really been able to be around kids with natural hair except my godkids and they are TOO cute. I try to compliment them as much as I can. One is only 17 months but her hair is AWESOME. I'm sure shes not EXACTLY sure what I'm saying but she smiles anyway.

I know I got my 1st relaxer when I was about 6 or so. I thought thats what I was supposed to do. My mom likes to tell me this story about her coming home from work and I was crying and I told her the kids at school called me black barbie. Why I was crying is beyond me but the girls at school LOVED my hair. There werent too many black girls and DEF. not too many black girls with my length. My mom would send me to school with one hairstyle and I'd come home with a completely different one. It got to the point where my mom said "You better tell them girls to stop messing in your hair. I work too hard to have them messing it up after I spend all that time making you look nice"

I think it would be a good idea to maybe start a foundation or organization for black girls or just young girls in general to motivate them to enjoy their hair. Let them know that they don't have to be relaxed but if they do, then they have to make that decision on their own and make sure they care for it. I think we would be good role models on how to explain to girls how to be proud of their hair and not let the media dictate their beauty. We come on here and get a lot of support and guidance from each other already. I think we can put that same support and guidance into young girls to feel good about themselves and I'm sure if we get a good enough response Michelle Obama may wanna get in on the action

 

[shunemite]

Show the kids some people who look like them and have long hair!

4b hair. Me. All I heard was how ugly my hair was. Except from my mom. She grew my natural hair down to my shoulders, then I took over and here we are. I remember the first time I heard that I had "ugly hair". It was in 4th grade, a girl with 3a hair touched mine and said, "eeeew your hair is hard," and everyone around me concurred. So it started. It was all I heard especially from relatives. How my hair didn't grow, how so and so had good hair, and soon I joined them singing the "I'm ugly" song. I just thought my hair couldn't grow coz of what I never saw. It wasn't until I came to these boards that I'm beginning to change. Slowly.

If your kids see themselves in the mirror through someone else who is beautiful and has their features, they will accept themselves. Don't let your kids play all the time with people who call their natural features names.

 

[Summer79]

This is the reason I went natural. I was having a daughter and the age of something something lol I had no idea what my natural looked like. I was relaxed from 3yrs of age until right before I had my daughter. I had not a clue what I was workin with up there really. I grew up pretty much the only black girl in school with a black mother that knew NOTHING about my hair so we were in the salon, so when money was tight my hair was NOT....so hard for a kid to go through. I swore if I ever had a daughter she would not feel unpretty because of hair and wanted her to learn to love what God gave her from head to toe, in order to do that for her, I had to do the same. I'm so happy to have a 3yr old who has no clue what a relaxer is, can't sleep without her "night cap" as she calls it, and also says "mommy my hair is beautiful, curly hair is the best hair!" So not just my daughter but all little girls that are OUR babies, you can best believe I give a compliment. I think once all our babies learn to love themselves not only would low self Esteem (hair induced or otherwise) not be an issue but we would have less domestic violence, kids doing drugs etc. This just really gets deep for me because every little girl deserves the right to feel pretty in her own skin, god doesnt make mistakes ya know.

 

[30something]

Self-esteem in general is too heavily weighed by ones own physical appearance. What we really should do is tweak our goal plan, we need to teach little girls that they should not seek so much validation of their selves including their hair from other people's opinion. We can teach them that type 4 hair is amazingly beautiful... well.. Ok now that type 4 hair is beautiful, what about other things? What about weight, skin tone, height, eye and so on? Can't fit everyone into the box.. so how about we make it so it isn't so important to fit in the box

 

[DarkVictory]

I think we would be good role models on how to explain to girls how to be proud of their hair and not let the media dictate their beauty.

IMO that's a really important factor. TV, videos, etc do not show the range of human appearance - not just for us - look at how mainstream entertainment shows the majority of White women as thin, tall, under 25, usually blonde. It contributes to the overemphasis on appearance that others have mentioned in this thread.

I know this is an "outside" suggestion, but how about turning off the TV sometime and looking at some African art? Expose kids' minds to a different way of looking at themselves and the world?

 

[leleepop]

I went natural myself, i have type 4 hair. I always convey confidence when 'm in public. I have two boys and they are educated on all their history, including regards to natural hair and beauty. If I have a girl she will be natural and learn to accept and appreciate her own texture. I take one day at a time.

 

[chosen1]

Yes, we need to stop little girls from having inferior attitudes in general. I have a 2 1/2 year old and I speak well over her everyday. I tell her how beautiful, blessed, prosperous and successful she is and will be. I do the same for other little girls.

 

[Whimsy]

I think hair is the least of the self-esteem problem plaguing little brown girls, but kudos to you all for your attempt to make the girls you meet feel better about their hair.

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

I think hair is the least of the self-esteem problem plaguing little brown girls, but kudos to you all for your attempt to make the girls you meet feel better about their hair.

I balance my praise of the physical with compliments about intelligence, talent, and wit. Little girls of all races everywhere need to know there is more to life than being cute.