How do you deal with other people's hair care practices?

[lilyofthenile]

I have family members who do all the wrong things - moisturising with oils, using a tiny comb to combo out the hair, dry combing, not letting go of bad ends... etc.

My reaction is quite simple, I don't do or say anything. But it's hard seeing some of my family members sporting very dry hair that is brittle and breaking off. It is hard seeing them saying they are moisturising their hair when they're applying oil to dry hair

I am more than happy to help them out in the hair care department, but I don't want to force it on them and I don't want to come over as a know-it-all either.

Some relatives/friends have listened and made some improvements, but others... not so much or at all.

How do you react towards people who do this sort of thing? Do you advice them? Do you leave it and move on?

 

[bellebebe]

Girl, talking to a rock will not get you anywhere. If they want advice, I will gladly share.

 

[AmyRose92]

Sometimes I speak, sometimes I don't. You'll be amazed just how backwards some of our folks can be when it comes to haircare.

Just the other day, me and Mom were standing in the bathroom. I was spraying my hair with glycerin, moisturizing with my shea butter mix and detangling my hair in sections with a large tooth comb. My mom next to me is using her comb that looks like this:

and she's just RAKING it through her dry, natural hair (not by choice! Her hair broke off so badly after repeated salon visits with no hair care :/) like it's some kind of silky weave. Here was the conversation:

Me: Mom, you know you're just damaging your hair when you comb like that right? Look at the kind of comb I'm using. It's a large tooth one and you're using a small tooth one. That's not good for your hair. I can't use something like that because my hair is so kinky.

Mom: My texture is softer than yours so I can do this with no problem

Me: O.O But you complain that you never have any hair on your head. There's a reason for that. If you don't see any progress, then your hair is breaking off at the ends. It's as simple as that.

Mom: *continues to rake her dry hair with the comb and shows me the hair left over in the comb* See? My hair's not breaking.

Me: *looks at the amount of hair in her head and SMH in my thoughts* Mom, you may not be able to see it but it's true. Hair that looks like it's growing is just hair that's breaking off at the ends.

Mom: WELL, I don't have time to sit here and moisturize and deep condition my hair like you do every week.

Me: .__________.

She did end up spraying her hair with my glycerin mix and moisturizing with some HairOne Morrocan oil thing she got at Sally's (it has mineral oil high on the list though xD) and braided her hair so I guess my ranting worked SOMEHOW. I think they'll only start to really listen to me when I get to APL. I showed her where the longest layer of my hair was (it's about 8 inches now so a couple of inches past SL) and she said "Hmph. Good for you."

Seriously, they'll only really start paying attention when we have the long hair to show for it. Even then, they might just play it off as if we took a magic pill or used some magic potion on our scalps to make it grow that long.

 

[Almaz]

Well in my family we don't really have those issues but I have people that I know they don't listen they chalk it to me having 'GOOD' hair I am like yeah if I treated my hair like you did I would be bald and busted around the edges and in the middle too

Stay doing you boo
Stay bald

 

[kupenda]

I just got my sister into hair care (somewhat) by showing her positive feedback. I told her how close she was to APL and that if she continues to take care of her hair then she will be there by her bday. I told her to protect her ends because they get most of the damage (all of her stiles are out. She only has one, which is straight down lol). I tossed out the gels that were bad and got her a satin scarf. We schedule a scalp oiling day twice a week and it has really improved her dandruff cuz that **** was deadly. And it doesn't hurt that she can see my progress and she knows I'm only an inch shorter than her although she's been trying to get length for yearssssss and I have been doing this for less than two. Sometimes I just massage her scalp and oil her ends for her. I know she isn't gonna moisturize, seal, cowash, detangle, etc


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Chioniso]

I have family members who do all the wrong things - moisturising with oils, using a tiny comb to combo out the hair, dry combing, not letting go of bad ends... etc.

My reaction is quite simple, I don't do or say anything. But it's hard seeing some of my family members sporting very dry hair that is brittle and breaking off. It is hard seeing them saying they are moisturising their hair when they're applying oil to dry hair

I am more than happy to help them out in the hair care department, but I don't want to force it on them and I don't want to come over as a know-it-all either.

Some relatives/friends have listened and made some improvements, but others... not so much or at all.

How do you react towards people who do this sort of thing? Do you advice them? Do you leave it and move on?

KumakoXsd Habits are very hard to break out of. A few years ago I thought that the only reason some black women had long and/or shiny hair was because (a) It was a weave, (b) they are mixed 'somewhere in their family tree' (c) 'good hair' (d) they had just that minute stepped out of a salon. It's only when I found out about LHCF that I was like 'wow - the way I treat my hair can make a big difference'.

BUT even then when I knew, I thought, its too expensive to chuck out all my DAX and buy strange things like coconut oil etc, oh, its too hard, I don't like sleeping with a scarf.... so even though I did know a few basics about sealing moisture, using un-seamed combs, wrapping hair etc I hardly ever did it.

It's only a few months ago that I seriously decided things need to change.

So the first step is for them to SEE your lovely healthy hair and even then it could take time for them to decide they want the same for themselves and even after that more time for them to actually start doing things that help their hair.

An example is a friend I have who is an exercise 'nut' or another who only eats organic. I have researched into the harmful chemicals in our food and KNOW the benefits of exersise but to myself I say, all that organic is too expensive & I'm not fat so I'm not going to bother to exercise.

Sorry for rambling on but you get my point

 

[Kn0ttyByNatur3]

I know what you mean, OP. I used to try help my friends and stuff with their hair, but they can't break their habits.


I admit I couldn't either even after finding hair forums. I will always use grease on my scalp and hair. Try to go cold turkey with natural oils only but quickly fell off. Greasing in my DNA.

 

[SimJam]

I send them to hairboards, after I mention what I do to my hair.

they need to learn abt their hair and what works for them, as I wouldnt want to say use this that and the other (that I use) and it doeant work for them. It will only discourage.

I cant say that Ive been successful though

 

[diadall]

I don't give advice. Years ago my sister was practically shaving her eyebrows off and when I told her she should do that and that they looked better when she left them alone, she cried and didn't speak to me for weeks. She thought I thought she was ugly which hurt me because she is beautiful. She was young in her early 20's and experimenting with herself they way we all do. BUT sometimes when we make mistakes we want to help others so they don't repeat our past. Its best to let them learn on their own.

 

[MyCoilsGoBoing]

I don't. If they wanna be bald, I let them.

 

[RegaLady]

I don't. I have learned that the progress on your head is enough.

I remember when I started my journey I tried to get my sister hooked. But nope she wasn't having it. Fast foward a little more than a year later, when she saw the progress on my head after taking it down from a protective style, she wanted me to show her what I did.

So I am slowly incorporating practices that can help her. If I bomb rush her, she won't like that. SOmetimes people need to feel like they are in control of their hair instead of you.

Also people need to be ready on their time. Not when you decide its time for a healthy hair change.

 

[RegaLady]

I don't. If they wanna be bald, I let them.

YUP!!!

You can't care more about people, then they are willing to care about themselves. If they like their hair the way it is, I let them be.

 

[ladykpnyc]

If it's someone I'm really close to, I speak up. Most people in my family respect my knowledge on hair, so if I suggest something, they usually follow. If it's a cousin I don't care for, I keep quiet

I'm never forceful, I make suggestions and if they seem receptive, I help as much as I can, but if I see the again, and it looks like they didn't do any of the things I suggested, I don't go on the attack. I don't get worked up over other ppl's hair practices.

The only one who gets an earful is my sister. I take care of my niece's hair, so when they come to my house and I notice something wasn't done right, I go in on her! I don't want her ruining my progress.

 

[Curlykale]

My Mom has very short hair that doesn't reach ear length and she has been dreaming of long hair for a whole life. She has a uhm special personality. lol. transl: she doesn't (now I can say didn't because she is changing her mind) take my advice.

I went natural and I started mixing things in the kitchen. The first year she was suspicious and asked. So I gave her all the information needed, but it didn't work.

The second year she said "wait a minute" (my hair had grown).

The third year I gave her a water based daily moisturizer as a present. She was like "hmmm". I had carefully selected it looking at the ingredients and knowing that she is not used to greasy things and she wants it to smell nice. She tried it and she said "Wait! finally something that works". She has been moisturizing her hair daily with it for a year.

I give her a present every few months and, without realizing, she incorporates it in her regimen.

She uses heat daily: KCCC and sending her preserved flax gel has stopped her from doing that.

Presents, and my hair growing like crazy, are working. If she asks, I explain why those things work.

I don't know if she will take all my advice but I hope so.

 

[theLovelyStyle]

I leave it alone, but it kills me inside!

I usually jump in only when asked about my hair practices. I formulate the conversation in such a way that I am low-key giving advice.

Other than that, I never over step by boundaries. Some women can be a little touchy when it comes to their hair.

 

[jbwphoto1]

I have a male cousin about to turn 16 who has an afro puff that I'd fight for!

I asked him if he wanted some hair advice since his hair was growing so long. We talked a few minutes and he said okay. Mind you, this is the cousin my husband thinks could be my child in personality and habits.

He's already using a spray for moisture which seems to work, but I don't think he's using any oils and not sure if he uses conditioner. This weekend I'm picking up some Suave shampoo and conditioner and maybe an applicator bottle to put some olive oil in. I'll also talk to him about co-washes since he's an athlete. We'll see how these things work for him. Don't want to turn him into a product junkie.

 

[hothair]

Honestly? I couldn't care less. I may make basic suggestions, but I don't push if they're interested I give them a basic regimen and KIM

 

[silenttullip]

I've said things before BUT now I just do as one other suggested and send some products as gifts... What I'm really working on is getting my length to bsl or wl and THICK so then if they're sitting at the same point they were YEARS ago they'd be forced to ask.
In most cases focusing on my own flow helps others seek info.

 

[divachyk]

Typically, I simply ignore it unless it's my mom/sister. I won't let them go astray but anyone else, so be it.

 

[Tiye]

Sometimes I speak, sometimes I don't. You'll be amazed just how backwards some of our folks can be when it comes to haircare.

Just the other day, me and Mom were standing in the bathroom. I was spraying my hair with glycerin, moisturizing with my shea butter mix and detangling my hair in sections with a large tooth comb. My mom next to me is using her comb that looks like this:

....

I had no idea that comb was a lhcf no-no .....

 

[Stepiphanie]

I don't offer advice unless I'm asked. When I first started my hhj, I offered advice and even suggested the forum to some, but soon realized that people are gonna do what they want.

Even with my mom, I just couldn't bother anymore. She insisted that sometimes you "need" to run the relaxer through your hair erplexed So I let her do what she wants. While her hair struggles to make it to full neck length, my proof is in the pudding, and I have no problem flaunting my lush hair that I take care of!

 

[choctaw]

I don't

 

[koolkittychick]

I don't offer advice because most of my relatives and girlfriends have longer/thicker/softer hair than me, so I have nothing to say about anything to them.

 

[Lucie]

I don't give advice unless I can feel that vibe that a woman is truly a Niko's Cousin waiting to be discovered.

I used to give advice and when the woman supposedly wanting to grow longer, healthier hair discovered it wasn't a magic monkey sweat pomade from the wilds of Africa she lost interest. Ironically, I am a KISS natural sister, so all I had was 3-4 tips to provide.

It's a slippery rope after that discovery which usually makes me regret my lost breath and time that can never be given back.

 

[Harina]

Sometimes I speak, sometimes I don't. You'll be amazed just how backwards some of our folks can be when it comes to haircare.

Just the other day, me and Mom were standing in the bathroom. I was spraying my hair with glycerin, moisturizing with my shea butter mix and detangling my hair in sections with a large tooth comb. My mom next to me is using her comb that looks like this:

.

I had no idea that comb was a lhcf no-no .....

I think it is if you have dry natural hair. I'd imagine someone with well moisturized relaxed hair or a certain type of natural hair could get away with using it. I know that would never work with my hair, despite certain hair braiders saying it is okay.

 

[youwillrise]

i didnt know i was supposed to deal with it. other adults can make their own choices about their hair and anything else. usually if you try to make suggestions, they take it as you thinking you "know it all" - hair advice, i think, should only be given if asked.

 

[Charla]

That's the exact comb I had, but when I got it home and examined it, I realized it was all seamed up everywhere. It was ridiculous...and sharp edged. So I told my DH I'm going to buy some Hercules Sagemann combs and I told him the price.

He was like, "Why do you have to spend so much on combs?"

I said because their seamless. And I took this conair and showed him the seams, and I said, "What happens to a thread that you run it along those seams repeatedly?"

He said, "It shreds....buy your combs." So I ordered the jumbo rake and contour comb!

 

[Allandra]

Girl, talking to a rock will not get you anywhere. If they want advice, I will gladly share.

Yep, exactly.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I agree with Divachyk, immediate fam (mom and sister) are the only ones worth lecturing really.

My sister is the biggest tomboy around and hates hair care, but the moment she saw PS was growing my hair, she started doing it too! Lol start girl.

Also my mom has started to use leave-ins in her hair, although she still believes, 'hair grows faster dirtier' and 'water wasn't mean for our hair'

I can't even imagine trying to tell my 'holier than tho' fam about how to do their hair. That just SPELLS trouble...even if they are cbl with brittle, dry hair, now if they were cbl with strong growing hair, that'd be waaay different!

 

[Christa438]

I know, right. We all want to help our fam/loved ones. (In my case, my close friends actually have long thick pretty hair, and my friend with short hair even has such thick healthy hair). From experience, I would let them just ask for hair care advice. Just wait til they ask. I been snapped on b4 and Im the type to snap back shoot (may love u to death but im not gon take that ) so... I learned to just do me and mind my own business and let them do them. Trust me when I say you will show them better than you can tell them. Eventually, they will start coming around in their own ways. You'll see. They may not even go on a whole "journey," but you'll notice the little changes or improvements they have made. You may also notice that you start to get way more questions about products to use and things like that.