Ho do you tell a persistent hairdresser no without feeling bad?

[Mystic]

I haven't been to a salon in over 5 months and I decided that I wanted to have someone relax my hair for a change. This salon was recommended here but they will not relax your hair unless they do a deep conditioner on you first. Armed with my knowledge here, I was totally convinced that no one would cut/trim my hair but now, I am so disappointed in myself because that is exactly what happened - I was totally convinced by this hairdresser that I needed a trim. At the moment I needed to exercise all my hair knowledge and refuse the trim, I felt cornered and so I caved in and allowed her to give me a trim...., CUT! as a matter of fact. I have worked so hair for the 2inches of growth I got over the past 3 months and its now gone because a persistent hairdresser decided I needed to have it gone. What is wrong with these people? If I said no, why do I have to feel guilty about my decision? Not only did I have to pay $90 for washing and treating but now I am so aggravated when I woke up this morning and realized that the hair growth goals I set for myself is no longer going to happen anytime soon.

I am torn though because she did such a great job on my hair - my hair has never looked so good and I liked her while I was there. I wish I could do my hair the way she did - all she used was the Ionic blow dryer and the roots came out so straight..., better than a relaxer! I want to go back to her (I cannot find anyone else that makes my hair looks so good) but I need to find a way to tell her in a nice firm way that I do not want a trim and not feel guilty about it. (You know how it is when other people are in the salon and think you are trying to hold onto dead ends......, it can be so humiliating). I don't think my hair ends were that bad. Her salon has the best of hair products and she talks alot about healthy hair, etc., but she is adamant that hair must be trimmed every 4 weeks!! Plus she recommends that I come to her salon once every week - that's not gonna happen, hell no! Can you imagine the money I would be paying on my hair!! Anyway, has anyone had a similar situation? How did you handle it?

 

[morehairplease]

First, I completely understand where you are coming from. Second, don't beat yourself up about it. I am saying this from experience(I allowed this to happen to me two weeks ago). I was totally irrate the first week but since then I don't feel as bad. I have yet to find out how to firmly say NO to a stylist. It seems like such an easy thing to say but yet I find it hard to do....odd,huh .

 

[Koffie]

Learn to do your own hair or tell her "I DON'T WANT MY HAIR CUT!!!!"

That's the best I can do for ya

 

[keldevine]

that just happen to me with my new hair stylist. I have been going to him every week for 4 weeks now. the first time I whet to him he said I needed I trim and that I sould trim my hair every six weeks. So I started going back forth with him about trimming your hair on and as needed basis. My hair has grown out so much because I have been caring for it myself, therefore i was not going to let a scissor happy stylist cut my hair. So anyway, my sylist said I needed I trim and I told him politely no thanks I will get one later. Just yesterday, I got my hair done again, and I told my sylist that I wanted my hair feathered. He said I can not do this because I needed a trim. Then he started getting an attitude about the situation. He was like, "i am not going to be going though this every time I do your hair. Then he caught himself and laughed it off. Then he was like this is your hair so you can do whatever you want and I said I know!! The bottom line is I was not going to let him pressure me into getting a trim. I am glad I was strong enough to tell him that. I worked so hard for my hair to be this length to let my hairdresser cut it off. If your hairdresser does not want to listen to your wishes because you are paying your money find another hairdresser. Where I get my hair done there are 3 or 4 other sylist that can do some hair and I do not have a problem with taking my $50 someplace else even if it is in the same salon. Don't fell bad, it's YOUR HAIR AND YOUR MONEY. Also, if you like how your hairdresses styles, maybe you could find someone you trust to trim your hair like a friend or family member.

 

[CandiceC]

I feel your pain. I had to leave my stylist of four years because she got comfortable and started cutting on my hair too often. Never again will I give in to stylists wanting to cut on my hair if I don't want them too. I'm not getting a trim after my next relaxer in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm going to be firm and say no.

 

[hopeful]

I think it's all about priorities. What is more important to you? Being polite and nice? Or reaching your goals? The next time you go to her be very clear, "Please do not ever cut or trim my hair without my permission. I will let you know if I want a trim. If you ever think I need a trim, please let me know and we can discuss it." And when you come back the next time, say it again, until she finally says, "I get it." And always keep your eye out for the scissors. If she is not respectful of your wishes then it's back to priorities again. What is more important, beautifully styled hair that you can't replicate and that is not growing out the way you want, or hair styled good enough and growing out the way you want. Once you get real clear, it won't be that hard to say no to or walk away from a disrespectful hairstylist. Your feelings are just as important as hers. If she is adamant about trimming every four weeks you will never reach your goals, it's not even my hair, and that pisses me off.

 

[MissYocairis]

What is more important, beautifully styled hair that you can't replicate and that is not growing out the way you want, or hair styled good enough and growing out the way you want....If she is adamant about trimming every four weeks you will never reach your goals, it's not even my hair, and that pisses me off.

...........ITA!!!!! ​

 

[katie]

You may feel bad in the moment but you will feel much much worse when you don't make your hair goals. At the end of the day they are still pocketing X dollars of my money anyway so they shouldn't care if I'm a biyatch about trims and since it is MY money I shouldn't care that they think I am one either.

 

[Lady_Lioness]

It's your hair...she's just the stylist...you let her know what YOU want and she is suppose to listen and do as you say...not the other way around...whether she is a wonderful stylist or not your hair comes first...if you didn't want that trim she should have never done it...I feel like she disobeyed you and I definitely wouldn't go back...but that's just me... I hate people who are so persistent and feels as if they know more than you...If i say "NO" no means no...case closed.

 

[Phoenix]

I've had similar experiences with braiders. No matter how many times I tell them not to make the braids too small and not to braid my edges, they insist on doing it or they try to persuade me that it's not going to look good. I finally had to just ask them, why do you just refuse to do what I ask you? They were looking at me crazy and rolling their eyes, but I was sick of paying for something other than what I wanted. I will probably go back because they do really good work, but I'm going to make it plain that I expect to get what I'm paying for. I'm also learning to braid my own hair so I can save some money and get exactly what I want.

 

[Supergirl]

It's your hair and your money. You are in control. I have found that it works to sit down with a potential stylist before she/he does your hair and explain your philosophy on trimming. Be sure that they understand that you've had negative experiences in the past with stylist saying they are going to trim, but then you end up leaving with hair that is inches shorter.

You call the shots. You not only determine when you want your hair trimmed, but how much you want trimmed.

I sat down with my current stylist before she first did my hair and we had this talk. Now I have been going to her for over two years and she is familiar with my desires about trimming. She is so respectful of my wishes and never tries to force or pressure me to do something different than what I like. If I tell her an inch then that's exactly what she does. She has moved her salon and it's kind of out of the way now, but I still go because it is worth it to me since she cares enough to respect my wishes.

If you want to reach your hair goals, you WILL learn to say what you want and not be talked into something else.

 

[Supergirl]

Oh and did I mention that I went to another stylist this past summer for a wash and set. Her personality was great and my hair was styled beautifully. (better than my current stylist). But then this lady proceeds to tell me that I needed 6 inches trimmed from my hair and that we could do it gradually. (look at my avatar; that pic was taken the month before this stylist told me that--does it look like 6 inches need to be trimmed? I THINK NOT!) Anyway, even though this woman styled my hair beautifully (I was looking for a wash and set stylist closer to home and was going to keep my regular stylist as my relaxer stylist) she never saw me again.

 

[Dlene]

I have been in a similar situation as ivanay has; the only thing is my stylist wants to trim my hair every relaxer (even when my ends look fine). I have to be respectful because I am only 17. I can't find a new lady to do my hair because I don't know of anyone else around here and I am afraid to switch up relaxers (even if another hairstylist relaxes hair with the same type of relaxer my current stylist uses). What should I do because it is kind of a catch-22 situation?

erplexed

 

[NYCQT16]

This is off-topic but kind of similar: I hate returning things. Today tho, I bought this item from the body shop. I don't even know why I bought it. I think it's b/c I asked the price and was browsing around and just felt I should buy. So anyway, as I leave and get further down the street I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the feeling of what have I done? I knew I didn't want it and still went along and bought it. So I marched myself right around and returned it. When the cashier asked me why, I plainly told her that I realized I didn't need it. Now I NEVER return things in that fashion (like right after I bought it ), but I realized I had two choices: I could go home with something I didn't want and feel BAD ALL DAY, or I could return it now and feel BAD FOR THE MINUTE

The whole point of my story is to say that now I realize I'd rather feel bad for a minute (the time it takes to tell a stylist "DO NOT TRIM MY HAIR PLEASE"), then for a whole day or longer when I look at my hair and see all my hard work gone down the drain.

 

[Mystic]

This is really a very interesting thread and I thank everyone for their input. My boyfriend was like, babes, your hair is shorter now but don't worry about it - it will grow back. I am just going to have to start my journey at the length I am at right now. I will weave my hair up and forget about it - hopefully in March I will be on track again. I am not usually a weak person or someone who is easily influenced but for some reason, hairdressers tend to get the worst out of me and that's why I have been doing my hair myself for the past 5 months. It is the most strange thing that when you say you do not want something you are paying for, some hairdressers get an attitude. For me, the worst thing is to have a woman with attitude doing my hair. Honest to God, one used a scissors and mistakenly cut out the entire top of my hair - to the scalp - because I told her I didn't like the way she did the weave and I wanted it re-done properly. I was blinded with fury! I was so enraged, I lost it! I walked out of the salon and cancelled the credit card payment immediately. I didn't want to get into an argument with another hair dresser and that is maybe why I gave it. To all the ladies with wonderful hairdressers who listen, congratulations.

 

[indefinite]

Hi Ivany,

I think your hair looks great and healthy. It looked like it could have used a dusting. I love the blunt healthy looking ends. I bet it will grow in no time now

 

[Mystic]

Thank you Indefinite - that's a booster!!

 

[scoobygirl]

I like my new hairdressers but they are a little trim happy. They like to trim with every relaxer, and considering I touch-up every 7-8 weeks that is too soon. When the topic of trimming came up, I just told them that I prefer getting my hair trimmed at Hair Cuttery/Cost Cutters/Univeristy Salon because of the discounts I get. For some reason it is easier for them to accept cost as a reason to say no than just my word.

 

[kizzylonghair]

I hear you, I have a really good stylish. I have no problems with how she relaxs my hair see NEVER misses a step.

However we really dont get on when we mention the word TRIM
I only go to her every 12 weeks so I cant really say she is scissor happy.
But her attitude is like she is doing me the greatest service, she is watching my hair grow and retain jst under 2 inches at my relaxer. and feels that I can only maintain it by a trim every single time (See doesnt see all the work I put in up to week 12)

The thing that upsets me is the fact she is so demanding. Last relaxer I really put my foot down and said no

Its my hair, No wonder is women find it so hard!!!

 

[hopeful]

I have been in a similar situation as ivanay has; the only thing is my stylist wants to trim my hair every relaxer (even when my ends look fine). I have to be respectful because I am only 17. I can't find a new lady to do my hair because I don't know of anyone else around here and I am afraid to switch up relaxers (even if another hairstylist relaxes hair with the same type of relaxer my current stylist uses). What should I do because it is kind of a catch-22 situation?

erplexed

Girl, everything we've said to the OP applies to you too! 17 or not you deserve the same respect. I tell my 6 year old and 13 year old all the time that it is okay to stand up to adults or people in authority when they are wrong or trying to get them to do something they are uncomfortable with. I tell them all the time that if the adult doesn't like them speaking up for themselves, send them to me and I'll make it even more clear. Don't let your stylist bully you. Just say, I'd like to skip the trim this time. If she ignores your wishes you gotta have faith that you can find a more considerate stylist. Can your mom, an older sister, cousin or aunt help you with this?

 

[Mystic]

Hi Hopeful!

Nope, not where I live. My family lives in different states - unfortunately. I am not sure if you are familiar with Philly but it is really hard to find a really good hair dresser so when you find one that knows a little bit about hair care, you try to compromise. Like Superstar said, I am just going to have to sit her down and have a trim talk with her and then see how she responds. If the result is bad attitude, I will have no choice but to continue my hair care at home.

 

[Dlene]

Girl, everything we've said to the OP applies to you too! 17 or not you deserve the same respect. I tell my 6 year old and 13 year old all the time that it is okay to stand up to adults or people in authority when they are wrong or trying to get them to do something they are uncomfortable with. I tell them all the time that if the adult doesn't like them speaking up for themselves, send them to me and I'll make it even more clear. Don't let your stylist bully you. Just say, I'd like to skip the trim this time. If she ignores your wishes you gotta have faith that you can find a more considerate stylist. Can your mom, an older sister, cousin or aunt help you with this?

Thank you so much Hopeful! I will really take this into consideration the next time I get my hair relaxed. If only I would have known earlier; I would have been past armpit length by now (but I will get there slowly but surely, maybe by next relaxer). LOL!!! Thanks again!!!

 

[lkg4healthyhair]

I agree it is easier said than done while sitting in the chair.

My advice is before she starts service on your hair tell her what you want and don't want done on your hair.

Let her know I dont' want it cut today. Just washed etc...I think this is the easiest way to avoid aggravation. I would even go as far as to keep repeating it until your hair style is done. For example....going forward I will be doing my own cuts because XYZ or I want my hair cut every months from now on because etc.

I think this gets rid of the anxiety also

 

[hopeful]

Thank you so much Hopeful! I will really take this into consideration the next time I get my hair relaxed. If only I would have known earlier; I would have been past armpit length by now (but I will get there slowly but surely, maybe by next relaxer). LOL!!! Thanks again!!!

You are very welcome. Glad I could help.

 

[Hair2day]

I've had similar experiences with braiders. No matter how many times I tell them not to make the braids too small and not to braid my edges, they insist on doing it or they try to persuade me that it's not going to look good. I finally had to just ask them, why do you just refuse to do what I ask you? They were looking at me crazy and rolling their eyes, but I was sick of paying for something other than what I wanted. I will probably go back because they do really good work, but I'm going to make it plain that I expect to get what I'm paying for. I'm also learning to braid my own hair so I can save some money and get exactly what I want.

It is so funning that you wrote this becuse this has happen to me twice. I currently have braids and I told the stylist I did not want the braids to small but guess what I left with small *** braids in my hair. You know that really pissed me off. I was just thinking I will have to take my business somewhere else. I am a hair stylist as well and the reason why I maintain the clients I have is because I listen to them. I have one client who I want to CUT that's right I said it CUT that (angel pasta) See Thru hair off but, my client insist on keeping her long hair. I don't want to cut her hair to be spiteful It is only for appearance reasons because her hair is growing just fine without the cut it just doesn't look as polished as I would like it (especially if the client is representing you when they leave the salon). Bottom line is if the client is happy then I am happy too.