help/suggestions

[mizbizzyb]

Hello,
My stepdaughter is visiting for the summer and her mom has laid down some strict rules for her hair...no perm (sorry, but baby girl needs a serious touch up!), no cutting, nothing besides nothing basically! But I have noticed that she has major split ends (about 4 inches and her mom refuses to take her to the salon nor doesn't like trimming) and she has my husbands super thick hair. She uses dookie gel and blue magic grease. I just shook my head at both products. I went out today and bought her some KeraCare shampoo and conditioner and pink moisterizer. Does anyone have any suggestions for her daily up keep to get her away from the above mentioned items? My husband thinks I'm retarded since I don't know, I have remind him I can wet my hair with some pink lotion, pull back and roll. We have two totally different textures of hair. Oh yeah, when I frowned on the use of grease, she asked what is she supposed to do cause her scalp flakes. My first answer was to drink more water (she doesn't drink enough in my opinion) and wash hair at least once a week. For a 12/yr old she has long hair and if taken care of properly it would be past her rear end....

Any suggestions before I return her to her mom next week???

Thanks bunches!

 

[caligirl]

No one "needs" a touch up. Maybe you should try wet setting her hair on rollers or by doing plaits.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

I agree that no one "needs a touch-up". And use that "blue grease" on the ends of her hair. Try some shea butter on her scalp. Have her wear her hair in a bun.
ETA: her scalp may be flaking because of touch ups

 

[longhairgoal]

I agree that no one "needs a touch-up". And use that "blue grease" on the ends of her hair. Try some shea butter on her scalp. Have her wear her hair in a bun.
ETA: her scalp may be flaking because of touch ups

That sounds good to me. I wouldn't do much more to it, otherwise her mom will be po'd. That's about all you can do at this point besides talking with her and educating her about proper haircare. Then, when she's able to make her own hair decisions, she can take better care of her hair.

 

[sylver2]

Everytime my daughter is visiting someone they beg me to give her a relaxer.
I won't allow her to get one until she's 16 17 and hopefully she won't want one then. She's 13 now. Her hair is also super thick and no one can seem to do it.
I put in the same products I do my hair. Wash it, condition with NTM, put Rusk smoother leave in conditioner, I blow dry it piece by piece with comb attached dryer then go back over it doing dominican blowout technique. I use jojoba oil on her scalp and thruout hair. She usually wears it in braids or ponytail. She wears scarf every night. I use to use pink lotion on her hair but it seem to only exacerbate the dandruff.

 

[mizbizzyb]

Okay, being a newbie...I'm confused on "no one needs a touch up". If she is going for the relaxed/straight look wouldn't it be wise to touch it up. I wish I had pics to show you what I'm talking about. I understand mom's reasoning of not getting perm while here cause we are returning her a week prior to school starting and I am guessing she'll put a fresh one in then...but she could have sent her here with a fresher perm. I think she just does this to make my job harder....evil lady!!!

Where can I purchase shea butter for the hair? And what are the benefits of using it?

 

[sylver2]

Okay, being a newbie...I'm confused on "no one needs a touch up". If she is going for the relaxed/straight look wouldn't it be wise to touch it up. I wish I had pics to show you what I'm talking about. I understand mom's reasoning of not getting perm while here cause we are returning her a week prior to school starting and I am guessing she'll put a fresh one in then...but she could have sent her here with a fresher perm. I think she just does this to make my job harder....evil lady!!!

Where can I purchase shea butter for the hair? And what are the benefits of using it?

I'm confused, does she already have a relaxer in her hair or no.

 

[mizbizzyb]

Yes she has a relaxer, but about 5 inches of new growth....that is out of control! At least to me it is. I can tell she is frustrated also, she even mentioned she didn't understand why her mom didn't give her a touch up before coming, she has never made her go this long....I'm telling ya, it is to get a me! But in the meantime, I would like her to use products that are more beneficial to her hair. I told her to call me when she was runnin low on stuff and I'd mail more to her....But where to start?

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes she has a relaxer, but about 5 inches of new growth....that is out of control! At least to me it is. I can tell she is frustrated also, she even mentioned she didn't understand why her mom didn't give her a touch up before coming, she has never made her go this long....I'm telling ya, it is to get a me! But in the meantime, I would like her to use products that are more beneficial to her hair. I told her to call me when she was runnin low on stuff and I'd mail more to her....But where to start?

Is her mother perhaps letting her perm grow out, so she can transistion to natural? Whatever the case, I really believe that you should respect her mother's wishes.

 

[mizbizzyb]

I am respecting her wishes. I didn't want this thread to be totally about her needing a perm (I guess I was venting for me and her)....Just proper hair care products to get her away from the dookie gel and blue magic grease. Every time she comes to visit she awe's over my hair, and even though we have different textures/grades she would be able to blow my legnth away if she had the proper products...who knows mine may grow also.

 

[jainygirl]

Many shops have stylists that cater to little girls hair. Have her get her hair washed and braided, cornrowed (her own hair) or something that will stay for about 1 to 2 weeks until you take her back to the shop again. Plus she can do the things she probablly wants to do anyway like swimming and stuff. Yeah, definitely dont add any chemicals to her hair while she's with you.

My cousin did this when her husband's daughter who had natural hair stayed with them for 2 months during the summer a few years ago. The little girl looked nice all the time, her mom was happy that her daughter came back the way she sent her down and the little girl really liked going to the shop to get her hair washed and 'pampered'. She taught her to put her satin bonnet on before bed to keep her hair looking fresh and everything. Theyre never too young to learn good hair care. Plus my cousin who only has 2 boys didnt have to do a thing to her hair. Good luck -- jainygirl

 

[longhairgoal]

I credit hairlove with the following combo, which has worked miracles for me for extending relaxers: Kenra moisturizing shampoo >> Kenra moisturizing conditioner >> Biolage leave-in treatment.

Then, make sure you detangle hair in the conditioning phase, and then add jojoba oil to the roots and the length, all throughout. Then, comb the hair back in a pony tail secured with a silk scrunchie to dry, getting the edges straight with a fine-tooth comb. You can add the blue magic onto the ends and twist the back into a bun, and secure with another scrunchie. It doesn't take long, and it gets your roots straight -- especially if you add some of that frizz buster gel mixed with motions shine enhancing pomade to the edges and tie a scarf on it to lay it straight. Once again, I credit hairlove for this life-saving routine.

 

[mizbizzyb]

I credit hairlove with the following combo, which has worked miracles for me for extending relaxers: Kenra moisturizing shampoo >> Kenra moisturizing conditioner >> Biolage leave-in treatment.

Then, make sure you detangle hair in the conditioning phase, and then add jojoba oil to the roots and the length, all throughout. Then, comb the hair back in a pony tail secured with a silk scrunchie to dry, getting the edges straight with a fine-tooth comb. You can add the blue magic onto the ends and twist the back into a bun, and secure with another scrunchie. It doesn't take long, and it gets your roots straight -- especially if you add some of that frizz buster gel mixed with motions shine enhancing pomade to the edges and tie a scarf on it to lay it straight. Once again, I credit hairlove for this life-saving routine.

I'll try that later this week! Thanks for that tip.

 

[Victorian]

Well, if she's not trying to grow the relaxer out of her daughter's hair or something I have no clue why she would wait that long--unless she also thought the dandruff was due to the relaxer and wanted her to stretch her touch-ups to see if it helped (which it obviously isn't if she's got 5 inches of newgrowth and still has dandruff).
Nevertheless, even if she is due for a touch-up, you know how mothers are about their children's hair so you should just do your best with what you're allowed to do.
My guess is that her dandruff is due to too much stuff on her scalp. I agree with washing at least once a week, and I think you should at least try going for a while without greasing her scalp to see if it helps.
How does your stepdaughter normally wear her hair? Are her ends always loose? Maybe you can put it in a single braid and just use the grease on the ends since you aren't supposed to trim. It'll at least protect what's there. Or even a bun, if she doesn't mind wearing a bun.
Keeping her scalp clean and moisturizing and protecting her hair is probably the best you can do for her.
Keep that gel away!

 

[HoneyDew]

Is she okay with you getting it braided?

 

[hopeful]

You've already gotten a lot of good suggestions. Have you asked her mother how you should handle her new growth? Have you asked her mother for advice? In any case, I really like the cornrow idea. Box braids (without extensions) are also good too. You can roll the ends for a curly look and she can wear them loose, in a ponytail or half up in a pony and down in the back. If you do this yourself be very careful with her new growth, as it will be fragile, particularly at the demarcation line, so be very gentle and go slowly when detangling.

I would also take the opportunity to encourage her to embrace and love her natural hair. I would say things like, "wow, look at your new growth, it's so coily," or "you are so lucky to have such thick hair, it's so pretty." Help her get to know the hair God blessed her with. And it would maybe be a good idea to not talk to her about different "grades" of hair, but rather the fact that all of us have different hair: thick, thin, kinky, coily, wavy, cottony. Tell her that it is all good hair and that it just gets even better with good care. Maybe the two of you can share the love of healthy, beautiful hair, among other things.

 

[Dolapo]

yeah use jojoba oil on her scalp instead of the grease. umm...dont use the pink oil, it'll make things worse and its one of the things that causes the scalp to flake. i agree on using the grease on her ends.

 

[mizbizzyb]

Is there anywhere in particular I can purchase "jojoba oil" and how often should she use it?

I do try and have talks with her about her hair, I am going to ask her how her mom takes care of her own hair to get an idea of what she may have access to already. But talks with her I have to tip toe around, cause I had an altercation with her mom a few years back and I already know she feels in the middle between me and her mom, which isn't an issue to me, just her well-being is. I think she knows that but her mom holds a grudge, which if I were in her shoes I think I might too (I doubt it though).

With the pink oil, I'll just keep it for myself ~ it doesn't dry my scalp out.

Thanks to everyone that has contributed their thoughts/ideas. She is very excited to get on a new hair care regime. I gave her the new products when she got home from working with her dad and she jumped up and down and first thing was "will my hair get as long as yours?". I just told her that chances are if she takes care of her hair, not only will it be longer, it will be healthier. She is sooo happy. My fear is she'll get home and momma will use them, which as a mom (only have 1 son- but if I had a girl..)...I can't really fault her . hahaha.

If you have more thoughts/suggestions keep 'em coming, we leave to take her home on the 28th.

I'm so glad I found this board!!

 

[Dolapo]

most health food stores have jojoba oil. i know vitamin shoppe has it

 

[lkg4healthyhair]

Personally I think Wild Growth Oil works well on wet hair for new growth. This may help soften it a bit. Maybe you can wash her hair then flat iron the new growth this should make it more manageable. Then put in a bun.

A ballet bun would be nice.

Of course heat is not necessary.

 

[KAddy]

I agree with the Wild Growth Oil recommendation, but she may not like the scent of that in her hair. I think the other suggestions were excellent. And since she has so much new growth, you need to remind her to be very gentle with her hair since she has 2 different textures and it can lead to breakage. I think braids are probably the best thing or a bun. Definitely have her coat her ends with a heavy grease or oil and bun it up, even if you braid her hair all back.

Wishing you and her much success!

 

[mizbizzyb]

I'm taking her friday to get it braided. We have family pics on Saturday and she wanted a flat iron, but I was thinking, not with those ends.

So, I'm taking her to the girl that braids my hair when I am about 4 months post relaxer.....

She says her mom uses tea tree oil (?)..what is that. And her mom uses regular hair products. I know it can cost a bit more, but why wouldn't you care for your childs hair like you care for you own?

I get mad when I see little girls with jacked up hair and their mom's hair is nice.

What is the tea tree oil for? Is this something she can incorporate into her regime as well?

 

[KAddy]

Tea Tree Oil is an essential oil that has antiseptic properties and can be great for the scalp, BUT it can be too strong if not diluted. If her mom uses that on her scalp neet (without diluting) that could be a reason she was having so much "dandruff" I think jojoba oil is a great oil for her scalp as it mimics the scalps own oil that it produces and absorbs well. Still be light-handed with it though.

I honestly don't think she needs to use Tea Tree Oil on a regular basis. You can add a few drops to her shampoo bottle (10-15) and that will be good as an added agent to cleanse the scalp, but it isn't necessary.

Since she is getting her hair braided, just make sure she has a good product to keep her scalp and hair moisturized. I don't wear braids, but when I wear a twist-out or something, I retwist at night and I would use Wild Growth Oil on my scalp (every few nights) and spritz my hair with a liquid leave-in so my hair and scalp wouldn't be dry.

ETA: Source: http://www.teatreeoiluses.com/
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Tea tree oil has been proven to be a powerful yet natural antiviral, antibacterial, antifungal medicine (essential oil). [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It is being used as a very effective first aid remedy and against countless skin ailments, infections, cuts, scrapes, burns, insect bites and skin spots etc. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Tea tree oil is effective against nail fungus, ringworm, athlete's foot, dandruff, acne, blackheads and many types of infestations including lice, mites, scabies and mosquitoes etc... (For humans and animals alike)[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Tea tree oil is not just soothing and disinfecting, it is capable of penetrating into the lower skin layers with its anti-inflammatory, disinfectant, analgesic (pain-killing) and cicatrizant (wound-healing) qualities.[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It has a diaphoretic effect - It promotes sweating - which enhances the body's own natural preventative response when threatened by infection. [/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Tea tree oil exhibits expectorant and balsamic characteristics, which are especially beneficial in the case of throat or chest infections, having a generally soothing and clearing (mucus-expelling) effect on the entire respiratory tract. It is also effective against head colds.[/font]

[/font]

 

[onepraying]

I'm taking her friday to get it braided. We have family pics on Saturday and she wanted a flat iron, but I was thinking, not with those ends.

So, I'm taking her to the girl that braids my hair when I am about 4 months post relaxer.....

She says her mom uses tea tree oil (?)..what is that. And her mom uses regular hair products. I know it can cost a bit more, but why wouldn't you care for your childs hair like you care for you own?

I get mad when I see little girls with jacked up hair and their mom's hair is nice.

What is the tea tree oil for? Is this something she can incorporate into her regime as well?

I'm taking her friday to get it braided. We have family pics on Saturday and she wanted a flat iron, but I was thinking, not with those ends.

So, I'm taking her to the girl that braids my hair when I am about 4 months post relaxer.....

She says her mom uses tea tree oil (?)..what is that. And her mom uses regular hair products. I know it can cost a bit more, but why wouldn't you care for your childs hair like you care for you own?

I get mad when I see little girls with jacked up hair and their mom's hair is nice.

What is the tea tree oil for? Is this something she can incorporate into her regime as well?

I agree with using the Jojoba oil, also the wgo.

If she wants a flat iron, straight style for the pic then you may want to consider giving her a nice frenchroll to hide/protect the ends with nice tendrils. Check out my step-daughter's album. Before she left to visit with her mom, we used the Maxiglide(flatiron) and I pinned it into a nice neat and elegant french roll.

Also, S-curl or Sta-So-Fro would have helped you plow through the 5 inches of newgrowth.

HtH

~op~

 

[onepraying]

OT: Hey KAddy! My husband and I use 2 drops of the Tea Tree oil in peroxide and gargle. Helps fight gingivitis and other diseases.

 

[mizbizzyb]

I agree with using the Jojoba oil, also the wgo.

If she wants a flat iron, straight style for the pic then you may want to consider giving her a nice frenchroll to hide/protect the ends with nice tendrils. Check out my step-daughter's album. Before she left to visit with her mom, we used the Maxiglide(flatiron) and I pinned it into a nice neat and elegant french roll.

Also, S-curl or Sta-So-Fro would have helped you plow through the 5 inches of newgrowth.

HtH

~op~

Your step daughters hair look close to what I am dealing with. How do you like the Maxiglide flatiron? I remember seeing on tv somewhere but don't remember where and it looked like it worked really good.

 

[KAddy]

OT: Hey KAddy! My husband and I use 2 drops of the Tea Tree oil in peroxide and gargle. Helps fight gingivitis and other diseases.

Hey girlie. I add a little Tea Tree to my regular mouthwash for this same reason. I would be too nervous to use peroxide as I would be scared I might swallow some.