Help! grandma wants to relax again

[Tamster]

Hi Ladies,

I could really use your help/advice.

My grandmother has very fine 3B/C hair. Lots of apparent heat damage. She rollersets weekly and dyes it black with a box color every 8 wks (about). She has experienced lots of breakage recently, so I did a deep condition for her with replenishing pak and an egg white. She complained about hardness but I conditioned with Aussie moist and she loved it.

Stopped the breakage in its tracks for about two weeks, and then it started again.

She has been complaining that her hair is frizzy...that after the rollerset after I did her hair that her hair was "big" "frizzy" -- I'm guessing not the sleek look she'd like.

Now.... I don't know how to rollerset. My mom or aunt does it for her, but what can I do?

She wants to relax again, and I don't think its a good idea considering the condition her hair is in. I think it will start breaking it even more, and I don't see the utility in it. Her hair is already basically straight.

Any advice? I will learn how to rollerset if need be, but how can I convince her not to relax, and any tips to get a smoother look with a rollerset ... or some other technique?

I'd like to restore some shine, and get her a smooth look. She wants straight hair, doesn't really approve of my natural or anything curly (sigh. )

But I want to help.

I will also try to sneak pics when she takes down these rollers... there's no way in HELL she'd actually let me take a picture of her natural hair (most likely).

Any advice is REALLY appreciated! I love grandma, I don't want her hair a mess. lol.

 

[dachsies_rule!]

Have you tried doing a ponytail rollerset. This lady on YouTube does one followed by a silk wrap and gets it pretty straight w/o the use of direct heat. There is some flickering in part I, but it gets better. She has 3B/C texture hair.

Part I http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7yRnkbDGxo&feature=related

Part II http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6cJWa01nXs&feature=related

 

[*CherryPie*]

Girl, your grandma ain't a baby. She is grown, and knows what she wants. Let her relax her hair if she wants to.

What makes you think her relaxed hair will be damaged. Who knows, her relaxed hair may be better for her than her natural hair.

It may be what she needs right now.

 

[changingSeasons]

AWW thats very sweet! I hope when I have grandchildren they will want to take care of me lol.

Well I wouldnt recommend relaxing if shes recently had breakage. It sounds like the protein helped for awhile. Maybe the breakage is being caused by the dyeing every 8 weeks?? Im not great at rollersetting, so I cant offer too much advice there. Maybe wrapping the hair at a DC? How often does she Relax?

Good Luck!

 

[Tamster]

Have you tried doing a ponytail rollerset. This lady on YouTube does one followed by a silk wrap and gets it pretty straight w/o the use of direct heat. There is some flickering in part I, but it gets better. She has 3B/C texture hair.

Thanks! I will definitely check this out. Could be part of the styling solution.

AWW thats very sweet! I hope when I have grandchildren they will want to take care of me lol.

Well I wouldnt recommend relaxing if shes recently had breakage. It sounds like the protein helped for awhile. Maybe the breakage is being caused by the dyeing every 8 weeks?? Im not great at rollersetting, so I cant offer too much advice there. Maybe wrapping the hair at a DC? How often does she Relax?

Good Luck!

Thanks, yeah I was just trying to be helpful [SHEESH! ]

... I was wondering if it could be the color too. She doesn't relax now, she's natural. I just think relaxing would speed up the breakage, that's why I was trying to find other solutions for her.

So you're saying I should try wrapping her hair with the DC in it?

 

[coupe2]

Hi,

maybe she's colouring all her hair instead of just the new growth and using a permanent dye, both would lead to over-processing, breakage/damage.

If she is, suggest to her to switch to semi permanent dyes and only colour her new growth.

 

[Tamster]

Hi,

maybe she's colouring all her hair instead of just the new growth and using a permanent dye, both would lead to over-processing, breakage/damage.

If she is, suggest to her to switch to semi permanent dyes and only colour her new growth.

Thanks. I bet you that is a big part of it. I'll check the box to see what kind of dye it is. She asked me to start coloring for her, so at least now I can make sure its going over the length of her hair. Thank you!!

Girl, your grandma ain't a baby. She is grown, and knows what she wants. Let her relax her hair if she wants to.

What makes you think her relaxed hair will be damaged. Who knows, her relaxed hair may be better for her than her natural hair.

It may be what she needs right now.

Ok... I'm pretty sure you are misunderstanding the intention of my post-- damaged hair probably doesn't more chemicals on it, and I was trying to figure out how to help her out by figuring out how to stop the breakage and style her better (for her, btw she asked). So........... yeah.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I guess I did, cause I kept reading you saying how she wanted to relax her hair, and you saying how you didn't want her to. Then you started asking for advice on alternatives.......but oh well.erplexed

Thanks. I bet you that is a big part of it. I'll check the box to see what kind of dye it is. She asked me to start coloring for her, so at least now I can make sure its going over the length of her hair. Thank you!!



Ok... I'm pretty sure you are misunderstanding the intention of my post-- damaged hair probably doesn't more chemicals on it, and I was trying to figure out how to help her out by figuring out how to stop the breakage and style her better (for her, btw she asked). So........... yeah.

 

[Aviah]

I can never see how breaking, damaged hair would be helped by a relaxer, but if that's what she really wants she will go for it.

You could silk wrap it though...

 

[Platinum]

Hi there. Maybe you would like to consider using Henna and Indigo instead of boxed hair dye to see if that helps improve the condition of her hair. Many of the sistas on this site use Henna and Indigo. Check out these threads:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=335111

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=87256&highlight=henna

 

[babayred_86]

I agree with Platinum, the henna would help to condition and strengthen her hair

 

[Traycee]

Oh let Grandma do what makes her happy....

Kind of like when they tried to put my Great Aunt on a special diet...Her response to the Doctor was " I'm almost 80 years old I have dieted , raised kids etc....I'm going enjoy these last years so I'm going to eat whatever I want "

So many of us try to become parents to our parents / grandparents when they get older and make the last years of their lives miserable..Because they are not children

Let grandma do her relaxer if that will make her happy ...Its not dope...It's just hair...If she want to dye it blue ...You should help..hahahaha

 

[SignatureBeauty]

That is sweet you are trying to help your grandma, my grandma kept her hair in a short natural and never let it grow out because she said she knew she wasn't gonna do anymore than wash & grease it LOL!! Slapped a wig on for church that was it! But I think it is very sweet of you to try to help her hair out.

 

[Nali1987]

Oh let Grandma do what makes her happy....

Kind of like when they tried to put my Great Aunt on a special diet...Her response to the Doctor was " I'm almost 80 years old I have dieted , raised kids etc....I'm going enjoy these last years so I'm going to eat whatever I want "

So many of us try to become parents to our parents / grandparents when they get older and make the last years of their lives miserable..Because they are not children

Let grandma do her relaxer if that will make her happy ...Its not dope...It's just hair...If she want to dye it blue ...You should help..hahahaha

I don't grandma's going to be all that happy when she relaxs already damaged hair and it all breaks off though. erplexed Maybe her grandmother just doesn't know how to properly care for her hair and doesn't know that severly damaged hair just can't handle color+relaxer. I don't think she should stand by and watch her grandmother ruin her hair.

 

[topnotch1010]

I agree with this. Let her do what she wants to her hair. It's HER hair. SHE'S the one who has to deal with it daily.

I don't get people who try to tell other people what to do with their hair.

Oh let Grandma do what makes her happy....

Kind of like when they tried to put my Great Aunt on a special diet...Her response to the Doctor was " I'm almost 80 years old I have dieted , raised kids etc....I'm going enjoy these last years so I'm going to eat whatever I want "

So many of us try to become parents to our parents / grandparents when they get older and make the last years of their lives miserable..Because they are not children

Let grandma do her relaxer if that will make her happy ...Its not dope...It's just hair...If she want to dye it blue ...You should help..hahahaha

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

You say she wants to relax again right? So that means her hair is already relaxed. How long ago did she get her last relaxer?

Do you have a steamer or hooded dryer? You could do a deep treatment. If you don't, I used the method from the poster here who microwaved the water and used hot towels. It worked very well.

Sounds like she needs a routine of deep treatments before anything else. Also, I think it's nice for you to care so much about your Grands hair. I wish mine was still around to spoil like that.

 

[Tamster]

Hey folks.

I will definitely look into henna and indigo for the color for her, as well as the silk wrap. All of the suggestions are sounding good, and I'll do more research to make sure my technique is on point for her.

And to those who aren't quite getting it.... her hair isn't in great condition, and she keeps asking what she should do. So, I came to beloved LHCF for more ideas, because I wasn't able to help her.

So I guess I wasn't being very clear.

She's natural right now. Stopped relaxing years ago. But I guess because the rollersets aren't super smooth, she said she might relax again. But at the same time she talks about her hair breaking all over the place. So I'm tring to figure out a way for her to do all that she wants to do, get straight hair, dye it, and make it grow (she's mad cause its breaking, and I would be too).

I get that she will do what she wants with her hair and I'm not trying to tell her what to do, but she asked for advice and I'm asking you all for advice.

It really doesn't have to be all negative.

Thanks for the constructive advice to those who were understanding my request!

 

[Platinum]

I forgot to mention that since you're considering Henna and Indigo, check out our member Aggie's Fotki. She has a good recipe. Also, check out some of the Ayurveda threads. Ayurvedic powders and oils are inexpensive and effective treatments for damaged hair. (I'm not sure why I stopped using them )

Good luck!