Forgetting About Protective Styling And Just Maintaining My Current Length?

[ForestRose]

I've been caring for my hair for so long and not being able to wear my hair the way that I'd like to wear it. I've put off dying my hair for so long because of my "hair journey" and I'm still not any longer than I was when I started.

My goal has always been to be able to do volumous braid outs at between BSL and MBL because I truly don't look good with hair that is styled outwards vs downwards. I have a round face. Plus doing braid outs at shorter lengths can be a lot more time consuming as they involve refreshing more regularly.

But now I'm thinking I've spent 2 years on this goal and got nowhere. I just want to dye my hair and wear clip ins to achieve a full and cute Bob style. I see people who have a similar type of hair as me and spend half the time caring for their hair has grown way past mine.
Yet I'm wearing my hair in PS that look bad on me and my hair hasn't done that much in 2 years.

Anyone else out there who has this feeling? If so then how did you solve? Did you have any regrets on the choices you've made because that's my biggest worry.

 

[toaster]

I struggled with this conundrum about two years ago. My hair got really long but I was too afraid to ever wear it out and enjoy it.

I practiced and mastered my twist outs and roller sets and now I wear my hair down whenever I want. What I found is that I don't want to wear my hair down more than once or twice a week.

I wear buns to work to look professional and because they are easy. If I'm going out with my friends I'll wear my hair down but by the end of the night it's usually in a braid or in a bunch because I get hot and want to be able to move around without getting caught on things.

Giving myself the freedom to wear my hair loose more often made my hair care journey much better. I'm glad I have enough hair to have waist length waves and a juicy bun.

I understand having hair goals and getting caught up in protection mode, but it's okay to let it all hang out sometimes.

 

[Guinan]

I feel ya sis. There needs to be a happy medium when on a hair journey; just like a diet. This past month, I've been wearing twistouts and braidouts but have been keeping the bottom section pinned up in twist (thanks to the suggestions of the ladies on this board). It looks like a curly bob. So I get to wear my hair out and semi protective style.

Try to have fun with your hair but realize the risk. For example I love hair color, but I know there is a risk that my hair can be badly damaged if not properly cared for before, during and after the color. I have no regrets. I was supposed to get my hair dyed this month, but instead I am postponing it until Jan due to issues that I am having with excess shedding. Instead, I'm getting box braids tomorrow and even that is risky but I am willing to accept those risk just to have a break from my hair and to enjoy my vacay

If your hair is unhealthy before ANY style, color etc...then it will only make it worse. If you have made no progress in the past two yrs, then you may need to re-evaluate some things in your reggie or health. I have been stuck at the same length for a yr and it's b/c of my rough detangling, poor diet, anemia and b/c I'm scissor happy. I have worked REALLY hard over the past few months on all of these issues that I was having. I now detangle gently, I have lost over 30lbs, I have stopped cutting my hair (I only do S&D) and I am still working on my anemia.


BTW.. What color were u thinking?

 

[Bette Davis Eyes]

I want to enjoy my hair. I can't style it. I refuse to pay someone to style it.

My hair shouldn't be in washngos due to tangles a lot,which means I lose length.

For years I didn't care. I just want to enjoy my hair.

Now, I'm trying to get to BSL, if I don't make it by March 2017, I will maintain what I have.

It's my hair and I should enjoy it no matter what.

No comparing myself to others on their journey.

 

[GGsKin]

The advice the ladies have given is good stuff.

There are many cute/ chic protective styles. I know I'd probably see faster retention if I protective styled but after doing so for my whole 2yr transition, I want to wear my hair out, and wet it regularly so I do. My hair is my pleasure so I want to care for it, play in it and enjoy it now, not just in the event that it finally reaches a length goal.

 

[Daina]

All these ladies have given you great, great advice! Your hair journey shouldn't be a source of this much stress and frustration especially on an ongoing basis. Take time to enjoy your hair, if coloring at this point in your journey is what you want then do it. Your HHJ doesn't have to end because you get color.

 

[HappyAtLast]

I feel you OP. Before I discovered hair boards, YouTube, protective styling, length goals, etc, I really, really enjoyed my hair - it never got past shoulder length, but I enjoyed it! My wash days were a time for pampering; I dyed it when I wanted; cut it in the latest styles when I wanted; and relaxed every 8 weeks like clockwork. I always felt pretty.

But the discovery of the above changed all of that and at first I felt great about "healthy hair" practices. But now, 5 years later, I feel imprisoned by them because the JOY is gone. In 5 years, I've BC'd to 2 inches, re-relaxed, grew to MBL, protective styled in 50-11 ways, transitioned, been a straight-hair natural, relaxed again - all in an attempt to find my hair joy again.

I'm still seeking my hair joy, and I feel I'm almost there. I refuse to feel joyless, frustrated, or stressed over my hair anymore - after all, it is just hair. Feeling joyful and pretty is now my hair goal!

 

[ForestRose]

Thanks for the responses.

I feel ya sis. There needs to be a happy medium when on a hair journey; just like a diet. This past month, I've been wearing twistouts and braidouts but have been keeping the bottom section pinned up in twist (thanks to the suggestions of the ladies on this board). It looks like a curly bob. So I get to wear my hair out and semi protective style.

Try to have fun with your hair but realize the risk. For example I love hair color, but I know there is a risk that my hair can be badly damaged if not properly cared for before, during and after the color. I have no regrets. I was supposed to get my hair dyed this month, but instead I am postponing it until Jan due to issues that I am having with excess shedding. Instead, I'm getting box braids tomorrow and even that is risky but I am willing to accept those risk just to have a break from my hair and to enjoy my vacay

If your hair is unhealthy before ANY style, color etc...then it will only make it worse. If you have made no progress in the past two yrs, then you may need to re-evaluate some things in your reggie or health. I have been stuck at the same length for a yr and it's b/c of my rough detangling, poor diet, anemia and b/c I'm scissor happy. I have worked REALLY hard over the past few months on all of these issues that I was having. I now detangle gently, I have lost over 30lbs, I have stopped cutting my hair (I only do S&D) and I am still working on my anemia.


BTW.. What color were u thinking?

I know my hair grows and I'm very health conscious so I doubt it's nutrients issues. I am gonna start taking vitamins soon though.

But my hair breaks no matter what. My main issue is that the back and a section at the side is a very fragile 4c and the rest is a lot easier to manage (but still fragile). So no matter what I do I always get little strands of breakage. I've done everything from finger detangling to getting a texturiser. The only time my hair retains length is when it's in a PS with extensions like weave/braids/twists but I really don't think that's a solution because when I do decide to where my hair out I still won't be able to keep it healthy when it's longer.

So I'm kinda of just thinking it won't really make a difference anyway. I was thinking a colour that is on the ash hair colour scale. So an ashy blonde or brown. I know it's pretty hard to get ash blonde with our type of hair because bleach tends to turn it orangish not greyish. But I plan on experimenting with my bangs first (because of how well it grows) then going for the rest if I'm brave enough.
I might also try ombré clip in too to test it out it looks on my skin.

Before there was a small section of my hair at the front that I henna'ed, bleached then texlaxed (pretty much straight) and it didn't break more than usual so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed.

 

[ForestRose]

All these ladies have given you great, great advice! Your hair journey shouldn't be a source of this much stress and frustration especially on an ongoing basis. Take time to enjoy your hair, if coloring at this point in your journey is what you want then do it. Your HHJ doesn't have to end because you get color.

I'm hoping not. I'm just gonna do it. I'll probably make another thread about how it goes. It'll probably take me a bit of time as I want to do it right. I'll either be warning everyone or saying go for it lol.

 

[ForestRose]

I feel you OP. Before I discovered hair boards, YouTube, protective styling, length goals, etc, I really, really enjoyed my hair - it never got past shoulder length, but I enjoyed it! My wash days were a time for pampering; I dyed it when I wanted; cut it in the latest styles when I wanted; and relaxed every 8 weeks like clockwork. I always felt pretty.

But the discovery of the above changed all of that and at first I felt great about "healthy hair" practices. But now, 5 years later, I feel imprisoned by them because the JOY is gone. In 5 years, I've BC'd to 2 inches, re-relaxed, grew to MBL, protective styled in 50-11 ways, transitioned, been a straight-hair natural, relaxed again - all in an attempt to find my hair joy again.

I'm still seeking my hair joy, and I feel I'm almost there. I refuse to feel joyless, frustrated, or stressed over my hair anymore - after all, it is just hair. Feeling joyful and pretty is now my hair goal!

How comes you've done so much over 5 years? Was it that you were itching for a change or did your hair become damaged and unmanageable overtime?

 

[Daina]

I'm hoping not. I'm just gonna do it. I'll probably make another thread about how it goes. It'll probably take me a bit of time as I want to do it right. I'll either be warning everyone or saying go for it lol.

@xxlalaxx, I want to suggest you invest in Olaplex especially since you want to color on the blond spectrum. I would use steps 1 and 2 even while you're testing the color on your bangs. I would transition to step 3 once you've colored for continued maintenance.

 

[HappyAtLast]

How comes you've done so much over 5 years? Was it that you were itching for a change or did your hair become damaged and unmanageable overtime?

No damage, just trying to seek what would make me happy.

 

[ForestRose]

@xxlalaxx, I want to suggest you invest in Olaplex especially since you want to color on the blond spectrum. I would use steps 1 and 2 even while you're testing the color on your bangs. I would transition to step 3 once you've colored for continued maintenance.

Thank you. Yeah if I do any treatment to my hair I'm definitely gonna use olaplex when I dye my hair. Heard great things about them since they came out. Can it be used without dying your hair? In terms of hard (protein) treatments I've only used the aphogee 2 step and haven't noticed much of a difference

 

[Daina]

Thank you. Yeah if I do any treatment to my hair I'm definitely gonna use olaplex when I dye my hair. Heard great things about them since they came out. Can it be used without dying your hair? In terms of hard (protein) treatments I've only used the aphogee 2 step and haven't noticed much of a difference

Yes I use it and my hair was not colored treated. Just started dyeing my grey hair about 4 months ago.

 

[beingofserenity]

I think what you use on your hair, and how well those products are nourishing, hydrating, strengthening, etc., you hair is possibly more important than protective styling.

Whenever I've protected styled in long term, hide your hair styles, I never really felt a real benefit from them. The condition of my hair sucked, it was tangly and dry and broke off. A good protective style to me is anything that is low manipulation, but not necessarily no manipulation. Putting your hair up, wet sets, and anything where your hair isn't rubbing against stuff and you don't have to comb through it everyday while in a curly state to maintain works.

I think that you should go for the style that makes you happy right now and focus on maintaining the health and beauty of your hair while it's colored.

 

[Misseyl]

Growing hair takes time and patience. Everyday I can see my hair gives me joy. I'm nowhere near my goal of bra strap but I'm enjoying getting there. As long as I follow a regimen that supplies my hair with moisture, I believe bra strap is not far away. I would love to have color but I know it's not good for me so I Henna whenever I have an overgrowth of grays. I would love to have length but I don't wear wigs or weaves so I just enjoy what I have by taking pictures and go to Youtube to look at women whose hair I admire for inspiration.:.