For Those of You DarkButts Who Have Curly Hair

[aloof one]

Warning: The word Darkbutts was used as a term of endearment. Its called taking the word back Please look up the Young Berg Tragedy if you don't understand the point.

Disclaimer: The beliefs expressed by other people are not those of my own, I just happened to type them in this thread. Common sense would suggest that I don't view our hair as slave hair and I don't view my own hair as a "good grade," but I just wanted to add this to cover all the bases

So Darkbutts... Do you feel that people express more disbelief and skepticism toward your looser textured natural or texturized hair texture than they do our lighter (more Young Berg worthy) counterparts?

Sometimes I feel like the only reason people are so shocked or intrigued (and in a way that makes me uncomfortable, where they are digging through my hair, wanting to dig through my hair, making uneccessary comments saying my hair is a "good grade" of hair with a surprised look on their face...) is because they don't believe someone with my skin tone could naturally have hair that isn't (someone else's words, not mine) "slave hair." Sometimes I wear my hair straight, other times I just leave the conditioner in and wear it in a puff... When my hair is straight, no questions are asked. When its curly, I get a few double takes from white folks but they usually like/love it. When its picked or blown out, I get grins from white folks and yea they still like it. However.. with black people... whole nother story . They act like you wronged them as a people when your hair is kinky, and like you are wearing a bad wig when its curly, and like you finally cleaned up your act when you wear it straight. So when you come back with curly hair a few days later they think you didn't learn your lesson and want to give you the cold shoulder again.

Black people can be so cruel when they don't understand something, especially when it comes to hair, and especially when it comes to women. Im not talking about any particular event, because it seems like most events end the same way. Somebody asking about my hair, hearing but not listening to what I am saying, then cutting their eyes at me when they think I'm not looking. Then when you wear your hair a different way the same list of questions and ignoring answers comes back, and the dirty looks continue. Only when my hair is straight I get a break from black people. Now I admit my hair isn't something to write home about now, but its not horrible either. Sure, I'm half texturized and half natural... but so what, its my hair man! So I don't get why people have to act like I'm some spectacle. People don't stare when light skinned girls have curly/coily hair. And when light skinned girls whave relaxed hair, more often than not folks assume they have good hair or its naturally straight than they would if a darker girl had the same hair on her head... Most light skinned girls with 4b hair over here in these parts do relax, to be quite honest I think its been rare to see very light black women wearing their natural 4b hair and nobody can tell me different. Its a beautiful thing to see, but not very common. Which is why I think that everyone assumes light skin = good hair. And why we darkbutts are always expected to explain ourselves when our hair isn't 100% 4b. erplexed

I hope this all made sense. Its kind of a vent, but I would like to discuss, you know if anyone else noticed or had the same experience.

 

[naturalgurl]

I get the opposite. I don't consider myself to be light skinned, but there are some people who think I am. Anyway, when they see my tightly coiled 4 a/b hair they look twice. Anyone else out there get that?

 

[JustKiya]

One word. Brainwashing.

Actually, a whole (broken) sentence. Brainwashing, lack of using the brain God gave them, and general foolishness. *sigh*

 

[tinkat]

I get the opposite. I don't consider myself to be light skinned, but there are some people who think I am. Anyway, when they see my tightly coiled 4 a/b hair they look twice. Anyone else out there get that?

I am 4a too and people do look twice. I just assume that they are not use to seeing natural hair though bc I never see naturals in Columbia, SC.

 

[caribeandiva]

next time someone ask about your hair, keep your answers short, smile and keep it moving. you can't win with people who have that mindset.

 

[lovenharmony]

I don't consider myself to be light skinned, more medium (don't stone me if you do ) but yeah I do notice a difference of opinion about the texture of their hair when someone darker than my complexion has coily, curly hair. Usually they think that they have to be mixed with White, Spanish, Asian or the typical "she must got Indian in her family" BS I acknowledge their response as just plain ignorance on their part. A few years ago, I was thinking the same thing (yeah, I'm embarrased to admit ) but now I know there are many beautiful chocolate complexion sistahs with coily, curly hair. The thing that sickens me though is that I've had "friends" and family say that smooth, straight hair fits better on me because of my complexion! They'd say "you're too light to have an Afro" or "you're supposed to have that "good hair" since you're lighter". Having people say things like that to me just boils my bunions cause this frizzball of 3c/4a hair I do have is the hair that God gave me...so are they telling me that apparently God made a mistake and put the wrong head of hair on me because my complexion says so? Excuse me! God don't make no mistakes so obviously they don't know what they're talking about!

 

[aloof one]

I don't consider myself to be light skinned (don't stone me if you do ) but yeah I do notice a difference of opinion about the texture of their hair when someone darker than my complexion has coily, curly hair. Usually they think that they're mixed with White, Spanish, Asian or the typical "she must got Indian in her family" BS I acknowledge their response as just plain ignorance on their part. A few years ago, I was thinking the same thing (yeah, I'm embarrased too )

Dont be embarrassed, it takes a big person to admit that. Many wouldn't. A lot of people join LHCF and pretend like they weren't right up there with Young Berg on them brown gel comments, or that they didn't think every girl with a half a cm of NG needed a touchup, or that all people with 4a/3c hair were "mixed"

We need to stop frontin, people!

 

[Choclatcotton]

I always get a stank look from AA and I feel betrayed, They tend to look at you like you are a trader to where your hair natural. Then they cozy up to you when you wear it straight. Caucasians on the otherhand, compliment me all the time weather straight or natural. Its all just ignorance, I think our natural wave pattern variations are beautiful

 

[Cheleigh]

People ask me "how did I get my hair like that" every now and then. But I think while some people think I have a texturizer, I think most folks figure that my hair is kinky and frizzy enough to be considered just plain old nappy, because almost no one declares surprise that I'm a "darkbutt" (my goodness that's an ugly term) with coily curly hair.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I get this all the time!! People SWEAR I have a texturizer or some type of chemical in my hair b/c I dark skinned, so the curls can't naturally be mine... I used to get offended, but I have since learned to stop stressing what other people think.

 

[ImFree27]

yup some people are miseducated. I was at sixflags 2 weeks ago at the water park geting on the slide and the girl who was working it asked where i was from and I said louisiana, and she said, "you're not from jamaica or no where, and I said no, she said are you sure you don't have have anyone mixed in your family,, because us blacks don't have hair like that" I just laughed and went down the slide... Once we are informed and proprely educated, then I think these respones will be lessened.. It's so crazy...

 

[aloof one]

I get this all the time!! People SWEAR I have a texturizer or some type of chemical in my hair b/c I dark skinned, so the curls can't naturally be mine... I used to get offended, but I have since learned to stop stressing what other people think.

Hi!

 

[ellennicole]

I'm not sure if skin tone has anything to do with it at all. I find it interesting that black people are fascinated by other black people with curly or loosely textured hair in general. I really HATE the term "good hair" and it really makes my skin crawl whenever people say that about my hair.
I do find that people don't believe that I haven’t done anything to enhance my curls and I get a lot of questions about the products I use whenever I wear my hair curly.

This may be politically incorrect but whenever I talk about wanting to do something with my hair to make it dealing with it easier sometimes people go on a whole tirade about how my hair is different than theirs and how I don't have the same problems and issues b/c I don't have "real black hair..." smh...

 

[naturalgurl]

So this thing is broader. I thought only lighter people with 4a/b hair got bashed. I didn't know darker people with curly hair get called liars when asked if it's texlaxed or something. I never considered it strange. What the hell does skin tone and hair texture have to do with each other? I saw a white woman a couple of months ago and she had a gypso fro. It was her natural hair, no perm, none of that. I bet she really knows how it feels for people to tell her that her hair texture and skin tone doesn't match!

ETA~ What about Asian Indians and Pakastani people who are "DarkButts" and I mean dark that have straight hair??? Oh, that's not a black issue I guess...

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Hi!

Hey girl!!

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

ITA, it is ignorance. My coworker (who is finnnnne as hell!!! ) always tells me that I have pretty hair, but then if follows with, are you mixed???

 

[Oasis]

I'm not light skinned or mixed, medium toned, I guess, but people are surprised that my hair is as nappy as it is.

They, for some reason, were expecting me to have 3c curls instead of 4z.

The joke's on them.

 

[Reinventing21]

Yeah, it's irritating. The other day a Mex girl says to me talking about a morena dominicana, 'well she's got hair like yours' rolling her eyes as if it were so obvious. My hair is type 4, this girl is type 3, but because the girl is more 'black' in appearance, she assumed her hair would be like mine. That day the girl had her hair flat ironed and it looked as naturally straight as anyone with type 1 hair, BUT the Mex girl just assumed it was like mine, whatever...

 

[Miss*Tress]

I must be an exception because I never get the sort of reaction you all are posting about. It's really rude to comment on a stranger's appearance unless it's to give a compliment.

 

[naturalgurl]

I'm not light skinned or mixed, medium toned, I guess, but people are surprised that my hair is as nappy as it is.

They, for some reason, were expecting me to have 3c curls instead of 4z.

The joke's on them.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I get this all the time!! People SWEAR I have a texturizer or some type of chemical in my hair b/c I dark skinned, so the curls can't naturally be mine... I used to get offended, but I have since learned to stop stressing what other people think.

You know you got chemicals on your hair gal. Well, at least your best friend says you do

 

[joyandfaith]

I think we break the cycle by not giving any energy to it. The next time someone makes some asinine comment about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" just simply nod your head as if to say "interesting" and walk away. 9 times out of 10 they'll probably feel dumb and think about what they just said.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I must be an exception because I never get the sort of reaction you all are posting about. It's really rude to comment on a stranger's appearance unless it's to give a compliment.

So true! Most of the people that have asked me are not strangers, they are coworkers, family and friends. I don't think all of them are trying to be malicious, they just didn't know that Black girls can have curls. Others are just brainwashed.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I think we break the cycle by not giving any energy to it. The next time someone makes some asinine comment about "good hair" vs. "bad hair" just simply nod your head as if to say "interesting" and walk away. 9 times out of 10 they'll probably feel dumb and think about what they just said.

I'm going to do that from now on b/c hair is always a hot topic at my job (which is predominately white, so we are not the only one's with hair obsessions)

 

[aloof one]

So this thing is broader. I thought only lighter people with 4a/b hair got bashed. I didn't know darker people with curly hair get called liars when asked if it's texlaxed or something. I never considered it strange. What the hell does skin tone and hair texture have to do with each other? I saw a white woman a couple of months ago and she had a gypso fro. It was her natural hair, no perm, none of that. I bet she really knows how it feels for people to tell her that her hair texture and skin tone doesn't match!

ETA~ What about Asian Indians and Pakastani people who are "DarkButts" and I mean dark that have straight hair??? Oh, that's not a black issue I guess...

I think every race has issues about hair and skin color, and I do recognize that everybody else (Asians, Hispanics, whites, etc) got issues, but this thread is talking about us.

 

[Neith]

People as a whole, regardless of race have issues about skin color and race.

It's just more a slap in the face when it's someone of YOUR race that shows their ignorance.

I've had people ASSUME that I'm mixed or Hispanic... forget about asking me what my background is, they already "know"

I've never understood it... I don't feel that I look anything other than black.

One time AT WORK, this guy stops in the middle of the store and said "You're mixed aren't you?!" I mean, damn... why is that so important that you stop in the middle of a small crowd of people?

Another time I had been talking to this girl at work for a few months and I thought we were cool... come to find out, she thinks that I'm half white.

WHY do people assume that black people come in ONE flavor? We would be the only race that all have the same skin color, hair types and other features. People don't look twice if they see a blonde with curly hair standing next to a brunette with straight hair.

I even had to school MY OWN MAN. Even after spending nearly 2 years with me, about a month ago he said something about black people having only kinky hair. I had to ask him, do white people only have ONE hairtype? Why is it that black people are viewed as being some anomaly of nature? Unless we are mixed, we all have the same features? He knew what he said was stupid, so he didn't respond.

but... it's too much to ask for everyone to suddenly, magically become intelligent Sometimes even intelligent people have ignorance around the edges. I guess I'll always have to deal with it.
​

 

[naturalgurl]

I think every race has issues about hair and skin color, and I do recognize that everybody else (Asians, Hispanics, whites, etc) got issues, but this thread is talking about us.

I know this thread is about us. It just seems that black people put more emphasis on crap like this and give too much energy to it. Other races are more concerned with other things such as economic standing, religion and other "more important" differences. I was just showing how trivial this topic really is because if you look at it, it's totally crazy.

ETA~ I threw in the Asians so we could take a look and see hair and skin tone don't relate, not to take away from this topic. Didn't mean to offend.

 

[Christina Dior]

So this thing is broader. I thought only lighter people with 4a/b hair got bashed. I didn't know darker people with curly hair get called liars when asked if it's texlaxed or something. I never considered it strange. What the hell does skin tone and hair texture have to do with each other? I saw a white woman a couple of months ago and she had a gypso fro. It was her natural hair, no perm, none of that. I bet she really knows how it feels for people to tell her that her hair texture and skin tone doesn't match!

ETA~ What about Asian Indians and Pakastani people who are "DarkButts" and I mean dark that have straight hair??? Oh, that's not a black issue I guess...

See i didnt really think that but i know being lighter skinned some people looked at me funny like because im lightskin i should have "good hair" or they'll ask what im mixed with then say you look just black to me cuz of your hair than why u ask!!!!! or no offense to the mixed bi racial chicks cuz my pops is bi racial but they love to stare and say stupid things like how im light but my hair is 4b im like wth over the weekend i overheard this bi racial girl tell a white boy she dont wear weave cuz her mama is white so i guesse people with 2 black parents dont stand a chance of having long hair or a texture like hers i cant stand stupid people

 

[aloof one]

I know this thread is about us. It just seems that black people put more emphasis on crap like this and give too much energy to it. Other races are more concerned with other things such as economic standing, religion and other "more important" differences. I was just showing how trivial this topic really is because if you look at it, it's totally crazy.

ETA~ I threw in the Asians so we could take a look and see hair and skin tone don't relate, not to take away from this topic. Didn't mean to offend.

Who was offended?

I'm glad you offered your opinion

 

[joyandfaith]

See i didnt really think that but i know being lighter skinned some people looked at me funny like because im lightskin i should have "good hair" or they'll ask what im mixed with then say you look just black to me cuz of your hair than why u ask!!!!! or no offense to the mixed bi racial chicks cuz my pops is bi racial but they love to stare and say stupid things like how im light but my hair is 4b im like wth over the weekend i overheard this bi racial girl tell a white boy she dont wear weave cuz her mama is white so i guesse people with 2 black parents dont stand a chance of having long hair or a texture like hers i cant stand stupid people

Can we start kicking people in the back when they make comments like that? Did I just say that? Sorry...carry on...