wow crazyabouthair, that IS busy! Im going into a full time LPN program in a few weeks which is 7-3 monday thru friday and Ill be working 20 hours a week, so Im going to be pretty busy myself but I dont have little ones on top of it all! I dont know what Id do!
my plan is when I dont have time to dedicate to my hair, just to make sure its moisturizes and in goes the phony pony, this has always been the easiest most low maintenance style that still looks presentable for me. If u can just take one day a week to do your hair, you could always pre treat with EVOO and conditioner for however long u want without heat. Just slap it in and put on a shower cap while u do whatever around the house,cook,clean and whatnot.
Most ppl wash in the shower and its better for avoiding tangles, but if it saves time from hopping in and out, wash your hair in the sink, deep condition with your cap(with or without heat-again u could just wear it around the house with a towel or scarf around your cap), THEN get in the shower to wash it out.
after that apply your products, put it in a ponytail, and let it dry. try more low maintenance styles that arent time consuming and are healthy at the same time. buns,french braids,french twists, phony ponies, braiouts, and bantu knot sets come to mind. these can all be done on damp or dry hair and are fast and easy to do.
HTH! good luck!