favoring one child over the other because of hair?

[NikStarrr]

That is really sad if that actually is the case. I have two sisters and we all have different hair. My oldest sister (who has a different dad) has hair that would be considered c-napp or 4c, or whatever they are calling it these days, and she's always had shorter hair. She has beautiful locs, now by the way. My youngest sister (we have the same father) is either a 4b or a coarser (than me) 4a, but she's pretty much had the same length and thickness as mine. I'm a 4a/3c. My mother NEVER distinguished or commented at any differences in our hair. The only thing that was noticeably different was that my sisters tended to cry and hated getting their hair combed, but we were just told that they were "tenderheaded" and I must not be. lol BUT....

OTHER PEOPLE, family members and non-family members were very vocal in our hair differences. I had older cousins who babysit us, and would spend all evening playing in my hair--packing it with grease & water, etc. It was other people that eventually made us aware that our hair was different and there was some obvious preference in what texture they liked. Looking back, I really feel bad and wonder how it may have affected them, especially my older sister since on top of that she is also the darker skinned of us all.

 

[Qualitee]

Do the little girls live in the same home?

 

[FlowerHair]

I've witnessed it, but in the opposite direction.

A pair of sisters I knew when I was a child had diff. hair types and the one with the 4b hair was greatly favored of the other who had 2c hair. Outside of the hair, they basically looked the same.

 

[mariofmagdal]

The way of the world should not follow you home though......my three youngest are 3 different shades and have 3 different hair types. 2 boys 1 girl. They go through the skin thing at school, we work it out at home. Among them, they had no idea that it mattered, and it does not matter to them at all, not to any of us ;0)

 

[niqu92]

OP, just wondering, is this the first time you've seen the girls look this different, or is it always like this? I wouldn't judge off of one instance. For example, I know there were a few times when I was little and we were about to go somewhere, so my mom told me not to go get dirty, but then I went out and played with my friends and she didn't have enough time to redress me before we had to go out...boy, was she mad! But yes, it could be a number of things (none good), like the other posters said, especially if this is a common occurrence.

No this isnt the first time ive seen them look this different.The thing is ive been to my friends church a couple of times and ive always seen these 2 little girls but i never ever ever would have guessed they were sisters because the 5yr old always looks so tacky,unkept,and her hair is always a HAM but the older one with the long hair always looks neat&clean and her hair is always done. I understand the point ppl are making about how the mom may not want to dress up the younger one because she might play outside a lot and may get her clothes dirty etc.etc. but the thing is its December and its freezing outside,the other day there was black ice evrywhere-thats how cold it is. So i doubt the kids would be playing outside...and even if that was the case youre suppossed to dress up your kids for church regardless. The younger one is never dressed up and her hair is never done while the older one always has these cute dresses and her hair is always combed out and put in pigtails. I myself was a very messy child so after a while my mom stopped buying expensive clothes for me because i would always get them messed up. But even then she made sure i always looked right,especially for church.
Like i said i was so suprised to find out they were sisters because i never even see the mother giving the younger child any attention,shes always with the older child.

 

[phynestone]

I've seen it happen.

Never experienced this. This is unfortunate.

 

[itsjusthair88]

There is no excuse for this. Sorry, there's no excuse. My sister and I are like that, or at least or family members wanted us to be: when we were younger, her hair was damaged because my mom let somebody talk her into relaxing it (my mom was a kid herself, just 19 when my sister was 3 and I was 1) and then she didn't know how to take care of it, but I was different; I never got relaxers as a child and so my natural texture was out and pressed and curled once a week. We BOTH have coarse hair, but my sister's was always short and broken and I always had long hair and you better believe my ignorant family made sure to comment. We discovered (in our 20's) that we both have coarse 3c/4a kind of hair and that there is no difference and if somebody in my family makes a negative comment about or naturals today I will cuss them out in a hot second, respect to elders be damned, they made my sister think she was less than she is and now that I'm an adult, I refuse to let them keep doing it.

 

[est.April1983]

I've never experience this as a kid growing up but I have friends and know people who still use the term "good hair" and it makes me cringe. My best friend was hoping for a girl child because her boyfriend is hispanic she kept emphasizing on how the girls hair would look. She had a boy though

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

This is very sad! I didn't experience this and I am so glad...my sister (who is closest in age to me) had light skin and wavy hair (3b, 3c) and I am very brown with extremely thick coils (4a). My sister terrorized me about being a "darkie" and my nappy hair, but my mom didn't ever comment on my skin color or dress us differently. She did have a hard time with my hair bc of how thick it was and frequently drafted ladies from church to do it bc she didn't know how to handle it LOL I got it done after Sunday School before the general church service She never distinguished between our hair types even though she had hair like my sister...I am very grateful for that bc I had enough self esteem issues from my sister

 

[AlliCat]

Hmm I think its something deeper. Maybe it has to do with the age difference? like birth order?? I know my parents dressed me up and took more pics of me than my little sister, simply because I was their first born. Now it wasn't as dramatic as this because me and my sis are 10 years apart, so we didn't "grow up" together.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

so tonight my friend invited me to this christmas party at her church ( i just came back from it) and while i was there i noticed this 7-8 year old girl with long shiny&wavy butt-length hair. She was wearing brand name clothing and looked very "well-done."As i was watching her i noticed that she was very spoiled&bratty and treated all the other girls like ****.Her mother was also giving her a lot of attention.
A couple minutes later while i was sitting down a little girl..i'd say she was about 5..came up to my friend crying about how her sister hit her etc.etc. and when i asked who her sister was my friend pointed at the girl w.the long hair. I was in total shock because the 5yr old was dressed in clothes that looked like they came from k-mart[and they didnt even match..], looked really dirty(she looked like she hadn't taken a shower in a week...literally), and when i was wondering why she looked so unkept while the other girl looked like she just modeled in an add for Oshkosh b gosh, i noticed she had very kinky,short NL hair
I mean maybe their treatment had nothing to do w.their hair but in my opinion i think thats the main reason why
And just to add both of these kids were the same complexion,they were dark-skinned so i know for a fact it has nothing to do w.their complexion (ex. favoring a lightskinned child over a darker one)

has anyone else witnessed this or experienced this with an older or younger sibling???

That could be true, but they may have different fathers and that could have something to do with it.

 

[shunemite]

It could be sooo many things besides hair. Remember in Tyler Perry's Family Reunion there was molestation of one child and not the other so the child who was not molested was favored? It could be that too. Or, in the case of two siblings I know, one looks just like his dad and the mother broke up with the dad so she couldn't stand him. She favored the daughter who didn't look like the father.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

I've witnessed it and I think it's sad. My future hubby has type 2 hair. I have all types 3c-4a/b. When our children get here, they will all be loved and treated equally, regardless of the skin color/hair type.

Thatissomemonkeydoodlefoolishness.

 

[Almaz]

I would not be suprised I have had older friend I mean like in their 60s tell my how some people in the family looked down on them because of their colour.

One friend from Louisiana told me that as a child becuase he was so dark. (This man if he were not Gay he would have been my husband because looking at him is like drinking a bowl of hot chocolate with your eyes. He is tall well built and beautiful like an African Adonis. REALLY and he is like 62 now. But he said in his family the treatment was much different.

His grandmother would not even allow him in her house becuase he was dark like his mother. His sister on the other hand was fawned all over and treated like Queen Elizabeth II. He is 62 now and when he talks about it it still bothers him. I have heard this same kind of story from different people over the years.

Another lady I know personally had 3 beautiful chidren with her husband. Her kids are what people would call the light skinneeeddddd "Good haired people" Whatever smh. She broke up with him got with a white guy had a baby with him and treats that child like he is the second coming REALLY REALLY DAMN Really.

 

[prettybyrd]

I'm disturbed that the child complained to your friend OP, that her sister was hitting her, and not her her mother. That makes me think this is about more than hair. Makes me wonder what's going on in that household. I can't imagine why a child would expect a stranger to do something to her sister for hitting her when her mother was right there. Hmmm...

 

[bride91501]

I happened upon this post again, and I can't help it- it's making me so angry.

My 3 daughters are 3 different shades of black (light, medium and dark), have 3 different hair types (coarse 4b, medium 3c/4a, and thin 4a), and my oldest has hazel eyes. I have always been very conscious of NEVER comparing one to the other and not allowing others to do so either. I tell each of them how beautiful she and her hair is on a daily basis, and I NEVER complain to them about doing their hair b/c I don't want them to internalize it and start to associate their hair with something negative.

My oldest is light skinned with lighter eyes, and these 2 things make her a frequent "target" of stranger "compliments". Now, don't get me wrong, she is GORGEOUS (gets it from her mother's side ), but her sisters equally so, even without these so-called "preferred" attributes. It just makes me so mad that people are just continuously passing this slave mentality on to future generations.....

*ok, vent over* You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming....

 

[Guitarhero]

so tonight my friend invited me to this christmas party at her church ( i just came back from it) and while i was there i noticed this 7-8 year old girl with long shiny&wavy butt-length hair. She was wearing brand name clothing and looked very "well-done."As i was watching her i noticed that she was very spoiled&bratty and treated all the other girls like ****.Her mother was also giving her a lot of attention.
A couple minutes later while i was sitting down a little girl..i'd say she was about 5..came up to my friend crying about how her sister hit her etc.etc. and when i asked who her sister was my friend pointed at the girl w.the long hair. I was in total shock because the 5yr old was dressed in clothes that looked like they came from k-mart[and they didnt even match..], looked really dirty(she looked like she hadn't taken a shower in a week...literally), and when i was wondering why she looked so unkept while the other girl looked like she just modeled in an add for Oshkosh b gosh, i noticed she had very kinky,short NL hair
I mean maybe their treatment had nothing to do w.their hair but in my opinion i think thats the main reason why
And just to add both of these kids were the same complexion,they were dark-skinned so i know for a fact it has nothing to do w.their complexion (ex. favoring a lightskinned child over a darker one)

has anyone else witnessed this or experienced this with an older or younger sibling???

I wonder if the little 5 year old was dirty because she's 2 years younger and was playing before the party and there was little time to get ready. The 5 year old might also become just as bratty in due time and Kmart clothing is fine. Maybe she was dressed in her play clothing? I'm not saying this couldn't have at all been the case of preference but without knowing the family, I wouldn't assume such at all.