Do you get the utmost encouragement

[Dutchess]

regarding your hair and all you do to take care of it? I am asking because my mother is my cheerleader.

She loves to see pictures of my progress and she follows my regimens verbatim. She gives me the utmost encouragement. However, there are some who see my progress and won't say a word to me. Example: My husband loves my hair and what I'm trying to do and he supports me 100%. He has asked me about my hair care regimen for his friends' wives and/or girlfriends who have seen my hair. They've asked HIM to borrow my haircare books, about hair websites, the products I order and use etc, etc. I would be honored to give them all the information I have, but they won't ask me. They're not shy, could this be undercover hatin? I always, always give compliments to them, and if they have something I like, I ask them about it. Imitation is a sincere form of flattery right? I don't want to keep all of this information to myself, I'm all for helping my sistahs. I feel they shouldn't ask my husband about my hair - they should come to me.

 

[Supergirl]

I wore my hair down the last time I went to church with my mom. When I walked into her house she said that the folks at church (the church I grew up in) were going to think it was a weave. Then she goes "Okay, let's do a challenge!" and she put her hand on my mid-back and said "alright, let's see if your hair can get to here."

It was funny because she has no idea that I do hair care "challenges" all the time. AND mid-back is my goal

 

[Stylepink]

Maybe they don't know how you'll respond. Next time someone asks your husband about your hair, you should call them direct instead of sending the info back via your husband. You could say something like, "oh my husband said you were interested in haircare and I have some info i'd love to share with you...."

 

[lalah]

are you saying that when they see you, they don't have the decency to to compliment your hair, but they go behind your back to ask your husband what are you doing to get your hair to grow? if so, I would not give them the info either. at least compliment me if you like my hair, especially if you want me to tell you the tricks of the trade and ask the source. I would wait until I see one of them again to see if they even mentions it to you.

 

[MissB]

My husband makes fun of me all the time and pretends he is not listening. Then he tells me that he is going to wash his hair with Kerastase or Bumble and Bumble.

 

[aqualung]

My boyfriend likes the ringlets down, but his compliments don't count so much. (It's like my mom telling me I'm gifted -- she's supPOSED to say that.) Anyway, I could shave my head bald as a turkey and he wouldn't raise an eyebrow.

The best compliment I ever received was from my superhot guitar teacher. I'd just had a touchup and rollerset, and my hair was hanging down. "Oh look!" he exclaimed out of the blue. "You have long hair. It hangs over the neck of the guitar." That man is ditzy, but $30/hour is worth the good company.

 

[cutebajangirl]

I think it is undercover hatin'. You are all adults right and therefore they should be able to acsk you directly what you are doing. I also thinks it serves to alienate you, that may not be their intention however. If you feel like sharing in the future when they ask your husband call them directly to respond or better yet tell your husband to tell them to contact you.

 

[Dutchess]

LOL Supergirl, you do have superhair and seem supernice. I wore protective sytles, braids for two years straight, trying to grow my hair, then I learned how to take care of my hair. It is really growing and looking nice. (now 23 inches long) Lalah, you got it exactly right, I never hear the compliments but they ask him stuff behind my back. I'll ask him, how come they didn't ask me about my hair and he'll say "is that a woman thang" LOL. I don't loan out my books but I did give him a few websites to check out LHCF included. I'm here to help but just be woman enough to approach me. A closed mouth don't get fed.

 

[shinyblackhair]

[ QUOTE ]
Dutchess said:
could this be undercover hatin?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yup

It's like they know your hair is all that and they are sooo jealous. But, of course they wanna know what you do to get hair like that. Asking you personally would be a compliment in and of itself, which being the haters that they probably are, aren't going to do. So they just ask your hubby...

 

[Dutchess]

I feel you cutebajangirl. Growing my hair wasn't easy, hey, give me the opportunity to tell about my struggle.

 

[Dutchess]

I feel you cutebajangirl. Growing my hair wasn't easy, hey, give me the opportunity to tell about my struggle. LOL

 

[Kaela]

Dutchess: I have to agree with the others that its kind of immature for them not to ask you directly. Oh well, thats their loss.

As far as encouragement, most of that comes from this board. My boyfriend doesn't really care, he tells me I should wear my hair down more because its pretty to him...
However, my after wash bedtime style tends to be a part down the middle with two buns in the back, and he thinks thats cute and calls it my 'Princess Leia' look (star wars). I think I look like a 6 year old, but its flattering, and he says it every time.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Supergirl what do you mean your goal is midback, it already looks that way to me!

Next time you're in church wear your hair in a bun and then in the middle of church take the pins out and shake all that gorgeous hair around. (Did anyone see when Portia DeRossi's character on Ally McBeal did this, it made all the women at the firm mad and jealous!)

Dutchess, shake them haters off! Seriously, I would call them directly and say my husband told me you wanted some advice... (if they take it nicely good, if they act stank then you'll know they're really hating)

 

[keylargo]

My cheerleader is my boss at work. I'm really fortunate to have great people to work with. I've had the same manager for the last three years so she's seen me and my hair go through many changes. I wore my hair loose today and she just went on and on with hair healthy it looks and how much it has grown. She wants me to wear my own hair (not the weave) down everyday. I had to explain to her that protective styles will be my primary hairstyle because I wanted it to grow out....even though she's white, she totally understood.

 

[diamond_nh]

Some of these ladies might find it easier to approach your husband than they do you. I mean they have to know you are going to find out. I would stop passing info through my husband and instead tell him to tell them to contact you. They want the info they should make the effort to get it and show some appreciation that you are the source of the info. Who know you could become close friends with some of these women and have a hair buddy to go shopping with and to get support from during hair struggles.

 

[Dutchess]

Shinyblackhair, I feel ya. Kaela, your boyfriend is sweet to encourage you like that. Diamond nh I don't know how many times I've seen some of these girls at different functions and social events and have given them compliments on everything from arched eye-brows to nail polish color, I'm just nice that way. I would love to have hair buddies - but being friends involves communication and mutual respect. The next time my hubby calls with questions, I'm going to tell him to put "Mary" on the phone or tell "Kim" to call me at the house, like ms. kenesha said. It not a big deal, and I don't lose sleep behind it, but this happened yesterday and I wanted to get some feedback from you guys. Thanks for your input and help, you guys are the best! One more thing, "Mary" asked if she could make copies of my books.

 

[cutebajangirl]

I am like you Dutchess, I have no problem complimenting people. However everyone is not like that.

 

[Supergirl]

Ms. K,

I don't know why I keep calling it mid-back; I just want 2 mo' inches girl

Dutchess,

Everyone seems to agree that these ladies are hating. I was wondering if maybe they are ashamed to admit to a stranger (you) that they want longer hair. Not that wanting longer hair is a bad thing, but many women don't think it's achievable and so feel silly even trying.

 

[Allandra]

[ QUOTE ]
Supergirl said:
AND mid-back is my goal

[/ QUOTE ]
Supergirl,

Aren't you already at mid-back? It looks like you're almost waist length imo.

 

[Dutchess]

I agree Supergirl, they better get with the program and put all that hatin' aside. I feel like I've opened the door as far as giving websites - now all they have to do is walk in.
Thanks again, Dutchess