Do or Die...

[goldenslumbers]

Hello,
I've made many posts before on this forum about my situation with my hair. In short, for the past 3-4 years I've been straightening my hair at extremely high temperatures (415 degrees) with zero heat protection every week. I cut my hair 4 years ago and no exaggeration at all, has not grown a centimeter since then,which of course makes sense and as a result I have don't have a great deal of hair left. Earlier this year around April I started trying to take better care of my hair, taking supplements to grow it, getting moisturizing and protein conditioners, co-washing, deep-conditioning, etc. However I didn't stop straightening it weekly until summer began in the last week of May. I put in a full head sew-in weave (with a net) in three weeks ago because I was uncomfortable with the curly style of my hair and figured it would give me a little growth boost. The girl who did it for me did not braid the braids tight at all and left out my baby curls and edges, which are covered by bangs most of the time thank goodness.

Right before I put in the weave, I had done a protein treatment and had deep conditioned with a moisturizing conditioner, which is what I had been doing before. Despite my efforts from the month and a half before, my hair was still snapping close to immediately after strand tests. So, that was the condition of my hair before I got put in the weave.

Now here's my situation. I must have my hair straight. I do not consider it an option at all to "embrace my curls" or go fully natural. It's not for me. I went into the weave situation thinking I would have an extension of my actual hair that I could style as my own, but I just don't think weaves are right for me. I certainly like it considerably more than wearing my hair out, but it just doesn't work too well with me. I went into it thinking I could have several installs throughout the whole school year and go without touching my hair for several months, which seemed like a dream. Now with that being unrealistic...

I have two choices. Go back to straightening my hair weekly or get a relaxer.
I got a relaxer once 5 years ago, and that was when my hair began to take a turn for the worst. My mother put it in herself, and though she "followed all the direction perfectly", my hair was just a frizzy poofball and began falling out. By the time I washed it it was back to being curly as usual. So, with that experience in mind my mother is reluctant, but open to a relaxer, though she believes "relaxers make your hair very coarse and once you relax your hair you can't stop". Even with the past experience, my mother is refusing to bring me to a professional to get one done if I do and is insisting she does it herself. Hm. I may be able to convince her out of that.

I have gotten some suggestions for relaxers (and thank you for those suggestions, I'm looking into them) but I would like some more. Obviously the condition of my hair is not prime, I'll have to see how it is once I get the weave out. I have 3c hair. Obviously I don't want something so strong it will bring me back to square one, but I want something that will make me hair 100% straight. Is that possible?

I know getting a relaxer at this stage is not that great of an idea, but I can't go on with my hair natural It's either fry it every week or get a relaxer. Heat-less methods of straightening (roller wraps and the likes) don't seem to get results I'd like, and for someone who is very lazy and doesn't have too much time those methods just don't seem to work for me.

Sorry for the long and ridiculous post. Any feedback is appreciated.

 

[Dilettante]

Have you considered getting a wig? A lot of women grow their hair to amazing health and length by wearing wigs everyday while still pampering their real hair underneath. This way you could continue with your protein and moisture regimen until your hair is in better shape. At this point you've only really been heat free for a month, so IMHO a relaxer will probably do more harm than good right now.

And for goodness sakes get a heat protectant! There's a nice one by Tresemme that you can get at Wal-Mart, Target, and just about every drug store (black bottle with a red spray top).

Good luck! Don't give up hope

 

[ms.blue]

What are you moisturizing your hair with especially when wearing a weave?

 

[greenandchic]

I was going to ask if you've tried rollersets or wrapping (since 3c hair is easy to flatten without much heat) but I saw that you're not interested in it. LOL Are you sure your flat iron needs to be 400+ degrees with your type of hair? Have you tried a coller iron? And as Dilettante stated, use heat protectant!

 

[goldenslumbers]

Have you considered getting a wig? A lot of women grow their hair to amazing health and length by wearing wigs everyday while still pampering their real hair underneath. This way you could continue with your protein and moisture regimen until your hair is in better shape. At this point you've only really been heat free for a month, so IMHO a relaxer will probably do more harm than good right now.

And for goodness sakes get a heat protectant! There's a nice one by Tresemme that you can get at Wal-Mart, Target, and just about every drug store (black bottle with a red spray top).

Good luck! Don't give up hope

A wig would not work since I don't want something that looks "wiggish". I'm only 16 and and people would notice if I was wearing a wig. My mother would never let me get one either. And I have been heat free for two months. What I forgot to mention is starting late last year I got a good heat protectant that I was using to prevent further damage when I was straightening my hair.

I don't flat-iron my hair at 400 degrees anymore of course... I stopped doing that a while ago, it's something I did in the beginning that contributed to a lot of my hair loss. When I talk about not using heat protectant and flat-ironing at 400 degrees I mean like when I was 12 not now...

I'm moisturizing my hair with what I typically use to co-wash (Aussie 3 Minute Miracle), I've been told it works well as a moisturizer. I'm going to invest in a proper one once I have the money.

 

[InBloom]

A few things...

I'm not a hair guru, and I'm struggling myself with setbacks..mostly because I use more heat than I should and I'm relaxed. Those with long/healthy hair will tell you about avoiding relaxers, but mainly avoiding heat and try to manipulate as little as possible (Protective styles and such).

Seems to me that the more invested you are in the care of your hair, the better condition your hair will be in. Long-haired women will tell you that it takes a lot of TLC to get those beautiful tresses.

Some things to consider...

texlaxing or lye relaxers - less harsh on your hair.
rollerset/wraps - time consuming and difficult at first, but you will get the straight look you want with miminal damage (heat); this (IMO) is a much prettier result than flat-ironed hair.
wet-setting/wrapping - easier if your hair is short.
heat protectant if you must use heat.
turn down the flat iron---it probably doesn't take 415+ degrees to get your hair straight.

BKT? You should look into this (research) but it's also an option.

I'm sure others will chime in.

 

[genesislocks]

Have you considered a bkt treatment (formaldehyde free) instead?

If something is telling you a relaxer is not a good idea, then follow your gut. Getting a relaxer is more of a permanent decision.

There are few methods that are less-permanent worth a try. As mentioned, bkt treatments can loosen your texture while making it easier to straighten your hair with or without any heat use. They tend to last awhile too.

Or if you want to give your hair a break,

You could also try a full lace wig from aliexpress, these won't look "wiggy". just sew it around the perimeter of your head (or ask a friend or your mom to help you out). There are plenty of youtube videos on application techniques.

Good luck!

 

[Froreal3]

I'm no expert on straight styles, but I was going to suggest a BKT since most other options are out.

You are not giving yourself many options. Many other ladies with type 3 hair (and I think you are mostly 3B from the pics I've seen) are resistant to relaxers, so I think that would be futile.

So no roller sets, no relaxers, no flat iron/hot comb, no wigs, no weaves, no curly hair... Like I said, I'm no expert, but what other options are there for straight hair?

Honestly after reading all of your posts I think you need to transition or big chop the damagel, grow your hair healthy again and then begin to flat iron and or roller set w/heat protectant once it reaches a decent length. Buns may help since you don't like to see your hair curly. You can just gel the front and put the rest in a bun for the time being while your hair recovers. Your hair is 3B. Like a pp said, it will flatten easily with a roller set or light heat flat iron. Eventually you will get there, but you have to focus on the health first or your hair will never be able to withstand straightening the way you want it to.

 

[goldenslumbers]

I also forgot to mention I got a Brazilian Keratin Treatment three years ago. It was very expensive ($600, I had so much hair at the time they had to use extra) and once water went on my hair it was back to being curly. The stylist told us the more I put it in my hair though the more permanently straight it would be.

If I get something that only loosened my curls I'd be back to straightening it weekly again.

I was thinking of cutting my hair very short and just wearing weaves for a while, but again weaves just aren't for me I don't think which disappoints me. It could just be the woman who put it in for me though. I think if I cut it short I'd get some serious growth. I have baby hairs growing out like crazy at the front of my head that weren't there three months ago. I think my hair has the potential to be a fairly fast grower, but it just hasn't grown due to the condition its been in. However, if I were to cut my hair I'd still want to have it straight of course...

And wow I had no idea type 3 hair didn't respond well to relaxers. Maybe that explains my prior experience...

Ugh, I completely despise having curly hair. Has driven me to the point of mental insanity way too many times. I have no idea what to do! I think I'm just going to end up back where I was last year straightening it weekly. Of course the last year I dialed back on the heat. The minimum temperature may hair will straighten at is around 325 degrees. And with that temperature I need an infinite number of passes to get it straight. I just don't know what to do at this point.

 

[MileHighDiva]

goldenslumbers, have you considered buying some curlformers? When I do a curlformers set my hair looks chemically or thermally relaxed. On the second day, you'll have straight hair when the curls fall. HTH!

They have knock offs on EBay.

Sent from my Speak & Spell using LHCF

 

[Seamonster]

You are sixteen, and I am sure you are beautiful in any hairstyle. I hope some of the suggestions work for you. All I can say is have fun; enjoy every part of the hair journey.

I dyed my hair orange, and then cut it into a poodle cut when I was sixteen- best days of my life.

 

[virtuenow]

It sounds like you have burned your hair out. Been there, done that. You say your hair hasn't grown one centimeter since you cut it 4 yrs ago. You have Trichorrhexis Nodosa, no doubt. You have discounted the idea of rollersets, weaves, protective styles, and everything else. The fact that you want to continue w/the heat--and more than that, want to relax leaves me w/absolutely no advice to give you. I wish you well, though.

 

[SmilingElephant]

What makes you hate having curly hair so much that it drives you insane? I think you should address that first.

Your hair is naturally curly. You want it to grow...at least meet it halfway.

Im a type 3 as well...we may not struggle like the 4s but lemme tell you...type 3 needs some serious love and tenderness when it comes to growing it out bc it literally has a mind of its own.

Idk what answer you're seeking as i see numerous ladies have posted all possible options.

If u want it to grow you're gonna need to baby it for a while.

 

[curlicarib]

You are sixteen, and I am sure you are beautiful in any hairstyle. I hope some of the suggestions work for you. All I can say is have fun; enjoy every part of the hair journey.

I dyed my hair orange, and then cut it into a poodle cut when I was sixteen- best days of my life.

I shaved my head and carved all kinds of patterns/designs in my hair when I was 16. Drove my pastor crazy! Talking 'bout "succumbing to worldly influence". I was like, chill dude, I'm just have fun, not shooting crack or anything! Lol! Good times!

OP, it's summertime. I recommend continuing with your current routine for the rest of the summer, to get your hair was healthy as possible. then revisit what you want to do at with it at the end of summer. The goal being to have as healthy a head of hair as possible before adding chemicals tha could so more damage. Remember, adding chemicals to already damaged hair is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Evolving78]

get a relaxer.

 

[goldenslumbers]

I've decided after a talk with my mom yesterday that I'm just going to suck up my problems I have with the weave and get them for the rest of the school year. Hopefully they hold up. I'm now thinking that maybe I should cut my hair very short under the weaves.

 

[goldenslumbers]

virtuenow Yes, I'm definitely not exaggerating when I saw it hasn't grown even the smallest bit. In fact, it's gotten shorter from just breaking off. Since I started my rather loose regimen my baby hairs have been growing out straight into my face at a scarily fast rate. But, no growth in my actual head of hair (I'll have to see where I am after this weave is taken out...). So, after a search on that condition it definitely seems thats what I have. Is the only cure for that to cut all my hair off? It seems that way if the hair shaft can't repair itself...

SmilingElephant I just don't like curly hair. At all. Doesn't appeal to me. I am not attractive at all and on top of that having hair that I think is very attractive makes it worse. Straight hair looks better on me and I can style it and curl it in ways I couldn't with curly hair. I guess I'll have to suck it up and deal with it for a while to get it back to health.

The only reason I'm interested in getting my hair long and back healthy is so I could wear it in straight styles. Even if it does regain health and thickness when curly, I'm still going to want it straight. So my ultimate goal is to get my hair healthy enough so it could handle a relaxer/thermal straightening.

 

[Anticipatience08]

I'm new this hair stuff so I don't exactly have any groundbreaking advice other than that you need to give your hair a break so it can get stronger. Don't think of it as a bad thing, though. You're doing it so that you are better off in the future. It's just temporary. That's what I constantly have to remind myself when I feel down about the fact that I've got to wear this weave in order to undo all of the damage I've done to my own hair.

I only wish that I cared enough to do better when I was your age! So kudos to you for even having the desire to make your hair healthy again.

But honey, it hurts my heart to read that you don't think you're attractive. I don't even need to see a photo of you to know that you are BEAUTIFUL! Please don't ever think otherwise. And your natural hair is beautiful too.

 

[jprayze]

There are many great suggestions already listed in the last thread you posted:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=688607

Since you are a member here, please take advantage of all the great knowledge that these ladies can provide for hair styling. Braids are a great option right now--box braids, sengalese twists...don't be afraid to try various options. Experiment! Have fun!

 

[FroFab]

goldenslumbers while I haven't seen your picture or read any descriptions of you, I'm sure that there is beauty within you, otherwise you would not be alive. While I know the angst ridden world of being 16 is tough (I remember the politics of high school) you have got to start somewhere with the self love. Beauty and attractiveness are manifestations of how you feel within. Even if no one else ever tells you you're beautiful I am. You are beautiful. Say it to yourself everyday, "I look fly/feel good/am hot, etc". This world will beat you down and it's not your place or your job to dig the hole and help put yourself lower.

You are beautiful.

 

[goldenslumbers]

Oh boy, not all this "you are beautiful" mumbo jumbo. Not everyone is physically attractive. I happen to be one of those people who isn't. I don't have "self-confidence" issues, I have a realistic view of myself and I am not that physically attractive. Hair is the only thing that can make me feel good about myself since I am not and it is something I can change.

Anyways... I asked my mom about cutting my hair short and getting a weave for the rest of the school year. She told me that would absolutely not be happening and I'm ridiculous for thinking that would happen. Okay then... So at this point I don't know what to do again, lol. I may be able to wear a weave for 2 more installs but I don't think my mom will let me cut my hair.

 

[naija24]

Oh boy, not all this "you are beautiful" mumbo jumbo. Not everyone is physically attractive. I happen to be one of those people who isn't. I don't have "self-confidence" issues, I have a realistic view of myself and I am not that physically attractive. Hair is the only thing that can make me feel good about myself since I am not.

I don't have anything to add to this thread except that you are SIXTEEN. Believe it or not, many girls at your age feel like they are the ugliest in the world. Hell, there will be some people who see you and agree with your negative opinion about yourself. But you don't have to succumb to the notion or idea that you're unattractive. You have as much power over how you feel and look as you do over your hair or clothes or whatever you choose.

I thought I was not attractive in high school. by college, WITHOUT ANY CHANGES TO HOW I LOOKED, guys were hitting on me left and right. It's how you feel about yourself, and yes, that will shine through. Eventually, everything else fell into place.

Also, if someone gives you a compliment, I suggest you accept it.

Maybe you should work more on your self-esteem and tell your mom about that. I think hair is the least of your worries. take it as you will.

 

[greenandchic]

goldenslumbers - I so wish I had this information available to me in my teens. I never had a relaxer but I was so hell bent on having bone straight hair, I used pressing combs and curling irons (flat irons wasn't en vogue) daily to keep my hair straight. Heat protectant wasn't used at the time - just plain ole grease. I hate, hate, hated my natural hair and loathed the summers when I had to take swimming per my mothers demand.

Sure I had a lot of fun with it; it was still long and thick and I played with color, cuts, Sun In, etc but I wish I embraced it more instead of stressing over it not being straight enough.

You ARE beautiful and I'm sure your natural hair is breathtakingly gorgeous.

ETA: I too thought I was an ugly duckling in high school as so many girls and boys do/did. I found the less I focused on my appearance and more on other things in my life, the less I felt that way about myself. I still looked at every reflection of myself that came my way, but I was finally able to relax somewhat.

I look back at my high school photos going back almost 20+ years and dang I was cute! I had no idea I looked as good as I did, LOL. I'm sure you''ll have the same epiphany eventually.

 

[Ogoma]

Maybe your mom needs to come on here and give her take on your hair so the advice can be tailored to what she might be willing to concede to.

Anyway, all the best. I hope you find something that works for you. I know you are 16, but people are just giving you the 'you are beautiful' mumbo jumbo because they care. As you get older, you will appreciate strangers taking the time to try to uplift your spirit. It doesn't happen a lot for a lot of people.

 

[bronzephoenix]

Does your hair have to be BONE straight? Like flat, silky Caucasian straight? Or can it have some volume?
Because rollersets and wraps really are a great alternative to flat ironing, especially for those with a looser curl pattern...

Also if you DO go back to flat ironing, must you do it weekly??? Can you try stretching a few weeks to minimize heat usage? Maybe slicking hair into a bun for a week in between...? 325 degrees shouldn't require umpteen passes (IMHO). Are you using a quality/professional flat iron? Does it close completely and make full contact with hair or gap between the plates? Are you flat ironing the smallest, thinnest sections possible? Are you using the comb chase method to get sleek ends? If so, 2 slow passes with a good iron should be enough... 3+ is overkill.

How do you maintain your straightened hair overnight?

Honestly, it sounds like you want to maintain hair you weren't born with 100% of the time but aren't really motivated to do the work that comes with it... If you are naturally curly but want straight, long, healthy hair, it will be work, there will be extra steps, there will be precautions. We can't have everything we want from our hair without ever giving our hair what it needs. I think some of your expectations are a bit unrealistic... If your hair could withstand all that you want to do to it, you wouldn't be where you are now. Sometimes we have to accept the facts... Can't have our cake and eat it too, lol. You'll have to sacrifice something here...

Also, wigs have come a lonnng way. They don't have to look wiggy. Good luck!

Proverbs 31:30

 

[goldenslumbers]

bronzephoenix I would straighten it as straight as I could get it, then set it in rollers. But I wouldn't set my full head. I liked it straight near the top and roots and I would just put rollers on the ends of my hair.

I had to flat-iron weekly because when I straightened it on Sunday, my scalp would be extremely greasy by Friday and has to be washed out.

And it must just be all the straighteners I had because two passes would be in no way enough to straighten my hair.

The good thing I do like about my hair is that when it's straight it's extremely versatile. It will hold a curl all week and won't unstraighten at all unless it's touched by water. So, overnight I just would sleep on it. As a result of that the curls from the rollers would soften out and give me a bit of volume without anything frizzy ro ridiculous.

And you are absolutely right. I have big dreams for my hair but I'm impossibly lazy so it's hard to make them happen in addition to them being unrealistic, which I do realize.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm still going to stick with weaves though since I have some relatively expensive hair and my mother would never let me get a wig anyways. I also think a wig would look very odd on me since I have a very small face and frame.

 

[Andrea2012]

goldenslumbers I have seen your pics in the last thread and I thought "wow she is so pretty". I guess I can't understand why you don't see yourself as attractive. And there are SO many women who would just die for those curls you have. Like many of the others who've replied to your post, there really is no solution as you've ruled out anything that is going to save/better the health of your hair. If you keep frying your hair with that iron you will have a lot less hair than you say you have now and your self-esteem will not get any better with that end result. Your only option is to just wear your curls and stop furthering the damage that has already been done.
I have course hair and am transitioning to texlaxed. I love for my hair to be straight and smooth but I have not touched a flat iron in a very long time because I am focused on keeping my hair healthy and strong. I protective style even though I prefer to wear my hair out.
I just wish you would listen to the excellent advice that many of these ladies have already given to you. Especially those who have been in your shoes and have reaped the benefit of changing their attitude and habits to achieve long healthy hair. There is just no way around this. I'm sorry hun.

 

[melahnee]

girl I was in the same boat as you are in for years. I also have type 3 hair. and I also hated my curls and HAD to straighten them when I was in high school. I wish so so bad I didn't put it through everything it went through. It can be hard to get used to embracing your curls but when you learn to, you will LOVE them, coming from a serious ex heat addict. I'm not exaggerating one bit with that statement, my hair used to be the hair that you would see all over the sink and floor after I combed it, it was that bad. People really used to ask me what the hell I had done to my hair because of how long and thick it was at one point it also sucks in the beginning right after you quit because your hair is all over the place and it's a lot to deal with. but when your healthy hair takes over, you can't help but love it. this is hard to believe at the moment, I know. What gets my hair pretty straight are bantu knots and then wrapping it at night. Not white girl straight but it is a LOT straighter. However healthy, curly, crazy hair will ALWAYS look better than straightened, damaged, fried hair. ALWAYS, no matter how curly.

You are only unattractive if you believe so yourself and this will only get clearer and clearer as time goes by. I laugh at the times I cried when I was in grade school over the way I looked when absolutely nothing was wrong with me and nobody was really judging me when I didn't have my hair straight--being ashamed of myself is what made high school terrible for me. If I would have just not given a damn I would have had a smoother time. No one gives a sh!t about high school afterwards anyway, trust me. Your hair will still be on your head though, that's whose feelings really matter.

 

[SmilingElephant]

virtuenow Yes, I'm definitely not exaggerating when I saw it hasn't grown even the smallest bit. In fact, it's gotten shorter from just breaking off. Since I started my rather loose regimen my baby hairs have been growing out straight into my face at a scarily fast rate. But, no growth in my actual head of hair (I'll have to see where I am after this weave is taken out...). So, after a search on that condition it definitely seems thats what I have. Is the only cure for that to cut all my hair off? It seems that way if the hair shaft can't repair itself...

SmilingElephant I just don't like curly hair. At all. Doesn't appeal to me. I am not attractive at all and on top of that having hair that I think is very attractive makes it worse. Straight hair looks better on me and I can style it and curl it in ways I couldn't with curly hair. I guess I'll have to suck it up and deal with it for a while to get it back to health.

The only reason I'm interested in getting my hair long and back healthy is so I could wear it in straight styles. Even if it does regain health and thickness when curly, I'm still going to want it straight. So my ultimate goal is to get my hair healthy enough so it could handle a relaxer/thermal straightening.

I haven't seen a pic of u...so i dont understand why u dont think ur attractive. I'm gonna be mad honest with u....im the last person u would want to talk with about feeling unattractive. I have a huge gray/green birthmark that covers my whole right cheek....i also have a super crooked spine... my right foot stays swollen like a muffin...and im as thin as a rail...when i look in the mirror...i see a mutant. And i have lived with these feelings since i learned to recognize my face in the mirror as a toddler.

I still struggle big time with these feelings. But im old enough to recognize if they didn't like me then...we ain't partyin now.

If your curly hair is the only reason why feel ugly....coming from me personally. ..i beg u to do some soul searching love.

Im just now learning to even like myself...let alone love. Give yourself a chance. Trust me.

 

[Froreal3]

goldenslumbers I have seen your pic with your face and your hair before the damage. You are cute... nowhere near ugly. I'm just saying.

You need some self esteem. That's all. When you get that you will not have as many problems with your hair. Your mother needs to send you to a psychologist to work out your issues. That way five or ten years from now you will look on these threads, laugh and shake your head. You are very young right now, so trust me your outlook and ideas will change.

It is beyond hair with you. Deal with your issues first. In the meantime, chop the damage off and wear a weave/wig until you're comfortable with the length. Baby your real hair under the wig or weave to get it back to where you want it. Maybe put your mom on this forum so we can talk to her too and she can be on board.

Good luck!

Sent from my Snow White Frost Galaxy S4