Dating men who are SERIAL TEXTERS!

[TG2000]

What do you ladies think about men who prefer texting over voice communication?

My SO and I got into and argument this weekend and we have been sending verbal assaults via text msg. ever since! I decided to pick up the phone and call. He ingnored my call and texted me saying he currently does not want to talk to me. He is such an a**hole! I am so tired of him hiding behind text msg. The argument was about text msg! He got mad at me for saying that communicating via text msg is for teenage love affairs not adult relationships. I continued to say grown men don't text arrangements for a date. Was I wrong?

 

[Irresistible]

What do you ladies think about men who prefer texting over voice communication?

My SO and I got into and argument this weekend and we have been sending verbal assaults via text msg. ever since! I decided to pick up the phone and call. He ingnored my call and texted me saying he currently does not want to talk to me. He is such an a**hole! I am so tired of him hiding behind text msg. The argument was about text msg! He got mad at me for saying that communicating via text msg is for teenage love affairs not adult relationships. I continued to say grown men don't text arrangements for a date. Was I wrong?

its just this day and age, me and the Mr can get into that phase too, its so stupid, because he will say 'I'm removing my texting feature' or 'Dont text me' AND I STILL DO AND vice versa, actually in some ways it allows you to say things without interruption (well except when their text is coming through lol)

I understand your perception of it , this is just tickling me to death, because me and the Mr have both said' damn we are adults doing this , LOL, I look at it this way, its still communication, I would rather he text me than not when we are having a hard time talking

eta I have learned he pretty much feels the same

 

[LovinLocks]

Girl, you know you ain't wrong . Stand firm so you don't fall for anything.

 

[Irresistible]

Girl, you know you ain't wrong . Stand firm so you don't fall for anything.

well the 'grown men' thing was kind of an insult, I'm sure she didnt literally mean it that way , to insult him, but I'm sure thats how he took it

 

[Irresistible]

I would say dont make a big deal out of it, at least he texted you the information , thats something, then without the insulting part, of age or maturity, just call him yourself and talk to him, when he does that,and/or let him know that you just simply prefer he talk to you/call you, leaving maturity out of it

I'm sure when he texted the arrangments , he figured you two would further talk, I really dont think it was that much of a jab to your relationship, not more than you likening his actions to age related appropriateness

 

[MD_Lady]

What do you ladies think about men who prefer texting over voice communication?

My SO and I got into and argument this weekend and we have been sending verbal assaults via text msg. ever since! I decided to pick up the phone and call. He ingnored my call and texted me saying he currently does not want to talk to me. He is such an a**hole! I am so tired of him hiding behind text msg. The argument was about text msg! He got mad at me for saying that communicating via text msg is for teenage love affairs not adult relationships. I continued to say grown men don't text arrangements for a date. Was I wrong?

No offense to the texters in the forum, but I couldn't agree with the bolded more. IMO, if he has something important to say, he needs to pick up the phone to say it. Again, IMO, texting is for quick messages (i.e. I'm at McDonalds, do you want anything?) not long, important conversations. Just like he ignored your calls, I think you should ignore his texts. Yeah, he was probably upset by your comment, but you two were arguing about texting so... .

 

[nychaelasymone]

men hate to talk (most) and texting gave them a gold card for non-verbal communication. I had the same problem and I fixed him one day, I didn't respond to his messages all day and figured he'd finally call. The man had the nerve to say, I should've texted him saying that I was ignoring his texts....ugh defeats the purpose. Having converstations via text is impersonal and rude (imo) and I will not stand for it in my relationships. It's okay to send me cute messages or tell me something short but I do not want to read pages of dialogue....call!!!

 

[Irresistible]

What do you ladies think about men who prefer texting over voice communication?

My SO and I got into and argument this weekend and we have been sending verbal assaults via text msg. ever since! I decided to pick up the phone and call. He ingnored my call and texted me saying he currently does not want to talk to me. He is such an a**hole! I am so tired of him hiding behind text msg. The argument was about text msg! He got mad at me for saying that communicating via text msg is for teenage love affairs not adult relationships. I continued to say grown men don't text arrangements for a date. Was I wrong?

I think it was more immature for him to not take your call then text you saying he aint taking your call, than it was for him to text you in the first place *That make sense*? But I do think that behavior is coming from him feeling 'insulted'

 

[TG2000]

its just this day and age, me and the Mr can get into that phase too, its so stupid, because he will say 'I'm removing my texting feature' or 'Dont text me' AND I STILL DO AND vice versa, actually in some ways it allows you to say things without interruption (well except when their text is coming through lol)

I understand your perception of it , this is just tickling me to death, because me and the Mr have both said' damn we are adults doing this , LOL, I look at it this way, its still communication, I would rather he text me than not when we are having a hard time talking

eta I have learned he pretty much feels the same

I don't mind texting, but I don't want it to replace voice communication. I have told him that I prefer to talk than text. I understand sometimes you may need to text a short msg but sometimes he text me questions that requires long a** answers! That irritates the crap out of me! Also, he travels with his job and I dont like the fact of him texting me goodnight or goodmorning! Those inital daily conversations and final nightly conversations should be verbal. I hate when he text me good morning! Pick up the dern phone! I remember one time he cancelled a date via text msg. I didn't respond to him via text in a week. Maybe I am being over the top! Maybe I did attack his manhood, but right now his manhood needs checking! I AM BOYCOTTING TEXT MSG FOR A MONTH! He better get wit it!

 

[QT]

IMO text messages are sooooo impersonal. My Sista is a texter. I will text a friend or something I want to say real quick. As for my DH and I need to hear and feel the vibration in his voice it’s so warm and comforting.

 

[TG2000]

I think it was more immature for him to not take your call then text you saying he aint taking your call, than it was for him to text you in the first place *That make sense*? But I do think that behavior is coming from him feeling 'insulted'

I agree. I called him and left a msg saying that if I insulted him, I apologize. I prefer voice communication over texting. He then AGAIN text me back saying "whatever"! He is just being a jerk right now. He better give me a phone call today or I am going to show him how immature I can be. I will break up with him via text msg!


eta: i am joking about the break up! (i think)

 

[Irresistible]

I don't mind texting, but I don't want it to replace voice communication. I have told him that I prefer to talk than text. I understand sometimes you may need to text a short msg but sometimes he text me questions that requires long a** answers! That irritates the crap out of me! Also, he travels with his job and I dont like the fact of him texting me goodnight or goodmorning! Those inital daily conversations and final nightly conversations should be verbal. I hate when he text me good morning! Pick up the dern phone! I remember one time he cancelled a date via text msg. I didn't respond to him via text in a week. Maybe I am being over the top! Maybe I did attack his manhood, but right now his manhood needs checking! I AM BOYCOTTING TEXT MSG FOR A MONTH! He better get wit it!

oh ok then, yeah he is taking it too far then thats very over the top with the texting , nah I wouldnt be having that either, now I see more of why you would say what you said to him. So really either he chills on the texting or he goes and finds himself a texting relationship if thats what he wants so bad then

 

[Irresistible]

sounds like something I would do

I agree. I called him and left a msg saying that if I insulted him, I apologize. I prefer voice communication over texting. He then AGAIN text me back saying "whatever"! He is just being a jerk right now. He better give me a phone call today or I am going to show him how immature I can be. I will break up with him via text msg!


eta: i am joking about the break up! (i think)

 

[Belle Du Jour]

To me, texting is for close friends and family and NOT for establishing a relationship. If a guy is trying to date me, it won't be via text. If he started texting me early in the relationship, I would ignore them and not respond. He will get the message and call if it's something important. If you have been dating awhile and have a history of responding to his texts, it's not to late to nip it in the bud.

Ex: Say you and a guy have plans and he texts you to confirm some detail rather than calling you like a gentleman should. You don't respond. He will either send another text, call to follow up, or not contact you again assuming you got it. What do you do? The correct response is make other plans if he doesn't call to follow up. Sounds harsh, but remember ladies, men respond to actions not words. When he calls to find out what happened with the plans and says "but I texted you!" you respond as sweetly as can be, "I'm sorry, I don't accept texts." Just my $0.02

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I agree. I called him and left a msg saying that if I insulted him, I apologize. I prefer voice communication over texting. He then AGAIN text me back saying "whatever"! He is just being a jerk right now. He better give me a phone call today or I am going to show him how immature I can be. I will break up with him via text msg!


eta: i am joking about the break up! (i think)

You can't just tell a man when you want him to do something. You have to show him. If he doesn't call you, I suggest you get lost and have some fun! Do NOT respond to his texts or e-mails (he's lost that privilege until he calls you). Trust me, he will get it. When he calls, you'll CALMLY explain to him how texting makes you FEEL. He can't argue with your feelings, right? Especially if you say it in a calm, sweet manner. If you take my advice, please let us know how it turns out.

 

[TG2000]

You can't just tell a man when you want him to do something. You have to show him. If he doesn't call you, I suggest you get lost and have some fun! Do NOT respond to his texts or e-mails (he's lost that privilege until he calls you). Trust me, he will get it. When he calls, you'll CALMLY explain to him how texting makes you FEEL. He can't argue with your feelings, right? Especially if you say it in a calm, sweet manner. If you take my advice, please let us know how it turns out.

I will take this into consideration. My BFF said the same thing. I will keep you ladies posted. Just a lil history about us We started out having great voice communication. Then one day at work he texted me a naughty msg. This was how we started txt'ing more frequently. Then I guess he became more obsessed with txt'ing.

Just in case you ladies are wondering if he has contacted me, well yes he has via TXT MGS! He asked if I were still upset. WTH!

 

[Butterfly08]

I agree. I called him and left a msg saying that if I insulted him, I apologize. I prefer voice communication over texting. He then AGAIN text me back saying "whatever"! He is just being a jerk right now. He better give me a phone call today or I am going to show him how immature I can be. I will break up with him via text msg!


eta: i am joking about the break up! (i think)

BWAHAHA!

You can't just tell a man when you want him to do something. You have to show him. If he doesn't call you, I suggest you get lost and have some fun! Do NOT respond to his texts or e-mails (he's lost that privilege until he calls you). Trust me, he will get it. When he calls, you'll CALMLY explain to him how texting makes you FEEL. He can't argue with your feelings, right? Especially if you say it in a calm, sweet manner. If you take my advice, please let us know how it turns out.

Uh, I wish that were the case. Losers do.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

No, you weren't wrong. My SO is a serial texter when he's pissed with me, he won't pick up his phone, but he will text and im up a storm...HOWEVER, if I ignore his messages, he calls, so maybe you shouldn't feed into his avoidance by answering him. When he sees that you don't respond to text messages, he will be forced to call you to either check to see if you got his messages, and to see what you have to say.

 

[Irresistible]

I will take this into consideration. My BFF said the same thing. I will keep you ladies posted. Just a lil history about us We started out having great voice communication. Then one day at work he texted me a naughty msg. This was how we started txt'ing more frequently. Then I guess he became more obsessed with txt'ing.

Just in case you ladies are wondering if he has contacted me, well yes he has via TXT MGS! He asked if I were still upset. WTH!

My advice is to be very clear on when texting is ok and not ok, very clear. Because it would not be good in the long run to shut down any possible avenue of communication, I say this because long term you dont know what you will go through , there have been times when I really got feelings out and points across via text and it was better for that particular time than any other way, I am not in a dating relationship though, its serious and we talk all the time and are together all the time and I can count on our communication never being just reduced to texting at any time, its just another form we have availiable , and I'm glad I left it open and didnt shut that down for us, because there were times it just worked out well for us. and at times even especially for me, So had I shut that down , I wouldnt have been able to at times say things in text I knew would reach him, that wouldnt in a conversation at that particular moment. So let him know the morning and night texts are not ok, making plans etc. let him know when he is texting if you really want to or need to talk to him instead of text, other than that if its not really important or critical or disrespect, keep it an avenue that's open , it could be something YOU use later in way that he understands and can recieve and/or hear your feelings. In other words be careful not to shut down totally with blanket statements such 'texting is not for adults' when it could possibly be a tool you need and can benefit from later. you need every avenue possible to communicate with a man

 

[Irresistible]

I will take this into consideration. My BFF said the same thing. I will keep you ladies posted. Just a lil history about us We started out having great voice communication. Then one day at work he texted me a naughty msg. This was how we started txt'ing more frequently. Then I guess he became more obsessed with txt'ing.

Just in case you ladies are wondering if he has contacted me, well yes he has via TXT MGS! He asked if I were still upset. WTH!

lol, thats just him testing the water first, just text him back that you would like to talk and you are not upset but just want to talk

everybody I know is a texter, my daughter, my sister, my mother, my man, I AM NOT but have found a way to keep it open to use for my benefit when it works for me as well. Try not to take this personal as something he is lacking for you or somehow not caring or whatever it is your feeling, and just talk to him about how you feel

 

[tiara76]

personally being a serial texter myself, I feel that its more impersonal than not....men Im not serious with we can have texting sessions all the time.....my best male friend is a texter too, however me and him set frequent phone dates to spend time talking, so I do feel that being involved with somebody on a more serious level would entail more personal communication....My ex texted and called a lot daily, especially at night before he went to sleep and first thing in the morning when I wasn't with him.....If I called and he didn't answer usually it was because he was in the middle of something and he would text back to say what it was and that he would call as soon as he was done....we could talk on the phone for hours about nothing sometimes and think it was the greatest convo

I would definitely not be okay with being with somebody seriously and texting was his "preferred" way of communicating

 

[glamazon386]

If it's somebody I just met I act like I don't have text messaging on my phone. Then they have to call if they want to talk to me.

 

[CaramelPrincezz]

My ex was one of those. He preferred to discuss things via text instead of just talking them out on the phone. Said he expresses himself better in writing...whatever. It got annoying. He would do that whole super long text thing than he can't answer the phone when I called. I also thought it was rather immature and he should be able to talk things out like an adult and not just text everything. I'm a big texter myself but I don't always feel like texting out long conversations and stuff. When it comes to relationship issues and discussions just pick up the phone. It's way more personal that way.

 

[envybeauty]

I used to be like the OP until I got over it. I hated communicating by txt msg. especially because my phone didn't have a QWERTY keyboard. So to type out one letter, I'd have to press all sorts of buttons and it was time consuming.

THEN, I was having it out with Mister. So I decided to go out (sans him). Well, while he was texting me, I was getting ready to go out (unbeknownst to him). It wasn't until I txt him back......"txt ya later, i'm leaving to go out now" that he got a clue. I realized then, that I loved texting because in between responses, I was able to curl hair, pick out clothes, wash up, etc. --------> all stuff I would not want to do while on the phone (speakerphone, earpiece or otherwise).

I then got the iphone and had to cut back drasticallly on my daytime minutes to have a decent phone bill. So now, if folks want to communicate with me during the day, they know a text will get them a faster response than a phone call.

My advice is to be very clear on when texting is ok and not ok, very clear. Because it would not be good in the long run to shut down any possible avenue of communication, I say this because long term you dont know what you will go through , there have been times when I really got feelings out and points across via text and it was better for that particular time than any other way, I am not in a dating relationship though, its serious and we talk all the time and are together all the time and I can count on our communication never being just reduced to texting at any time, its just another form we have availiable , and I'm glad I left it open and didnt shut that down for us, because there were times it just worked out well for us. and at times even especially for me, So had I shut that down , I wouldnt have been able to at times say things in text I knew would reach him, that wouldnt in a conversation at that particular moment. So let him know the morning and night texts are not ok, making plans etc. let him know when he is texting if you really want to or need to talk to him instead of text, other than that if its not really important or critical or disrespect, keep it an avenue that's open , it could be something YOU use later in way that he understands and can recieve and/or hear your feelings. In other words be careful not to shut down totally with blanket statements such 'texting is not for adults' when it could possibly be a tool you need and can benefit from later. you need every avenue possible to communicate with a man

 

[Irresistible]

that was funny, that not quite how I meant to use it to your advantage, but hey that IS one way

I used to be like the OP until I got over it. I hated communicating by txt msg. especially because my phone didn't have a QWERTY keyboard. So to type out one letter, I'd have to press all sorts of buttons and it was time consuming.

THEN, I was having it out with Mister. So I decided to go out (sans him). Well, while he was texting me, I was getting ready to go out (unbeknownst to him). It wasn't until I txt him back......"txt ya later, i'm leaving to go out now" that he got a clue. I realized then, that I loved texting because in between responses, I was able to curl hair, pick out clothes, wash up, etc. --------> all stuff I would not want to do while on the phone (speakerphone, earpiece or otherwise).

I then got the iphone and had to cut back drasticallly on my daytime minutes to have a decent phone bill. So now, if folks want to communicate with me during the day, they know a text will get them a faster response than a phone call.

 

[PRhair]

My ex was one of those. He preferred to discuss things via text instead of just talking them out on the phone. Said he expresses himself better in writing...whatever. It got annoying. He would do that whole super long text thing than he can't answer the phone when I called. I also thought it was rather immature and he should be able to talk things out like an adult and not just text everything. I'm a big texter myself but I don't always feel like texting out long conversations and stuff. When it comes to relationship issues and discussions just pick up the phone. It's way more personal that way.

I agree completely. When it comes to long conversations or important issues, a call is more appropriate.

 

[DaPPeR]

Lol just dumped one. Express yourself better over text my arse. OP your stories were funny.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

If it's somebody I just met I act like I don't have text messaging on my phone. Then they have to call if they want to talk to me.

I dropped a dude last month for this nonsense. I am not going to be texting incessantly like a teenager who lost phone privileges. He would be trying to have whole convos via text, and I just wasn't with it. I told him that I would prefer that we talk over the phone during the "getting to know you" stage. This fool called once and chatted for 25 minutes and thought he had done something. He went right back to texting talking 'bout "Well you can call me when you want to talk". I gently explained my preference again, and he continued to text. I ignored the texts after that and he eventually called talking about going on a date. I said sure and explained my text aversion AGAIN at dinner. This fool was STILL texting after that. Three strikes and you are out! Take your passive self on somewhere.

OP, I would nip it in the bud NOW. The problem with things like this (and more critical issues - porn, alcohol, lying, cheating, etc) is that when we start out excusing bad behavior, we set ourselves up to fail later when we want to address it. If men know out the gate what is acceptable and what is not, they will not continue to try their luck. I like a PP's suggestion to be calm and gentle in your explanation...I'll add "but firm" to that because he needs to understand that this is a no go. I mean, how can you take the relationship to the next level with that? Is he gonna propose via text and picturephone you a ring? If he couldn't man up, I'd be ready to tell him to beat it!

 

[TG2000]

I mean, how can you take the relationship to the next level with that? Is he gonna propose via text and picturephone you a ring? If he couldn't man up, I'd be ready to tell him to beat it!

You are crazy!

ETA: He finally called. We had a good conversation regarding our expectations of each other. I told him that verbal communication is best for me. He agreed that from this day forward, he will contact me via voice communication. I told him that I don't mind texting but I don't want it to replace our intimacy through voice communication. I told him that I like to be pleasantly suprised with his txts. I enjoy the "just thinking of you" txts. I don't want him to stop doing that. At one time we conversed an entire week via txt. That is when I got fed up. I am glad this is resolved.

 

[weaveologist]

Texting and emailing have replaced verbal communication and I hate it. Men think they can text you all week and expect the day come the weekend. OH HELL NO! Texting is not TALKING.