Can you have a phobia of a broken heart?

[Innocent_Kiss]

I'm pretty sure I have a phobia of dogs. Big ones, small ones, cute ones, stray ones - all of them. I live in one of the most impoverished crime stricken neighborhoods in the city of chicago, and my biggest fear turning the corner is if a stray dog is wandering the streets while I'm on my way LOL It's gotten to the point where I get terrified if I hear a dogs' chain, and sometimes it's only my keys jingling in my pocket! I'm wondering, though, can you have a phobia of a broken heart? Being betrayed?

This is so difficult for me to face, and I haven't consoled in anyone about it, but if I don't get a holt to myself, I'll ruin my relationship and myself. I feel embarassed admitting it. I've had my share of bad relationships and some bad experiences in life, but nothing that logically justifies my insecurities.

I believe it's safe to say I'm in a fulfilling relationship. My SO and I have been in a committed relationship for about a year. We're not perfect, but what is. We've had some run ins about outside 'others' ex girl/boyfriends, excessive flirting, etc but nothing break-up worthy. Regardless, I have this phobe of giving my heart away and being betrayed. The more intimate our relationship becomes, the more intertwined our lives become, the more nervous I get. The more I think of how much this is going to hurt if it doesn't work out. Yes, I KNOW this is RIDICULOUS and INSANE, but the first step to change is admitting, right? I need some advice. These insecurities have led me to be a major snooper, like, I should really consider a career in secret services. And honestly, it's a miserable life to live. How do I begin to confront this? How do I overcome it?

 

[chichibean]

I don't think there is anything crazy or ridiculous about it. But that's probably because I am the same way. I have had a few relationships in my life and I have ALWAYS had that fear. Mind you... I don't have ONE bad thing to say about my exes, they are all GREAT guys and the relationships just didn't work out. So I don't know why I have this phobia. I think I just know how much it would hurt if I was betrayed. My currentl boyfriend asked me if someone really hurt me once and I said "no, not tragically" but I think it's the fear of that unknown.

I am getting better and to be honest it has been better since I was hurt by a guy that I dated (only for a few months before my current SO ) but really liked. It was when I realized that I could be hurt deeply and that it's not THAT bad and that I will survive and never cease being me.

It's just like the dogs... when you spend time with a dog and see how lovable, and sweet they are (I'm a dog lover), your phobia will cease to exist. In a way... you may need to be hurt to get over the phobia... or you will really have to work hard to get past it before you drive your current boyfriend away... good luck I understand you're fears

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Thanks chichibean

 

[drasgrl]

Yes I think it's possible.

 

[TLC1020]

Yes, I had one for years, I would date but not allow myself to get seriously involved. I would tell guys I'm just dating to have fun..

 

[caribeandiva]

Yes, I had one for years, I would date but not allow myself to get seriously involved. I would tell guys I'm just dating to have fun..

me too. i've pushed away so many guys because of that fear of getting my heart broken. Now i'm getting my life together because i want a real relationship.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I have intimacy issues because of my phobia of getting hurt. I can date them, but crossing that line frightens me. I've been like this since the last time I got dogged out which was in 2004. I let my guard down one time in 2006 and I got hurt again. Now when a guy expresses interest in me I act like a scared five year old on the first day of school.

 

[vestaluv1]

I believe so, because I do.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

okay, ladies, so WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THIS?????????

Well, for myself, it's been miserable and consuming wondering his every move, or wondering if this would last, and all of those other really ridiculous things. So, these are the steps I've taken in my relationship. First, admitting I have a problem, which we've all done. Then, I realized, if I didn't overcome this, it would not only ruin my relationship, but my self esteem and serenity. So, I prayed. I see that this is something within myself. There's nothing my SO can do that'll overcome my insecurities. I have to triumph over this for myself. It's a process, but I'm willing to work to beat it. As far as my relationship, I explained to my SO my insecurities. I was honest. I've kept it in because I was afraid of "putting my heart on the line," but hell, it was always on the line. You take that risk once you become involved with someone. In my situation, me and my SO talked ALL DAY, every chance we got. Now, that its matured, we talk a reasonable amount of times a day. So, the less calls, was like hearing that dog chain. So, I'm making this huge deal about the calls, wondering if he's talking to someone else, wondering if he's loosing interest. It's unlikely, but possible. So, I apologized to him and told him that me being upset about silly calls was not to be a nag, but in reality, was about something more. It opened the floor for dialogue. Communication is so very important! So, my prayer for me, and you other ladies, is not for God to put our men in headlocks and make them stick around. But, in the event that after all of our love and committment to them, we happened to be betrayed or hurt, that he strengthens us so that we can take from that situation a lessoned learned, and move on with our lives. Amen!

So, have you all taken any steps?

 

[Spongie Bloom]

i have this too after i got my heart broken by an ex of mine two summers ago, i can date but when it comes to getting close...jeez erplexed the ex i started dating in january i looked for signs to why i wouldnt want to be with him and constantly re assuring myself that if we were to break up i would be alright... and then broke up with him at the first opportunity..i really do have issues dont I

 

[caribeandiva]

okay, ladies, so WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THIS?????????

Well, for myself, it's been miserable and consuming wondering his every move, or wondering if this would last, and all of those other really ridiculous things. So, these are the steps I've taken in my relationship. First, admitting I have a problem, which we've all done. Then, I realized, if I didn't overcome this, it would not only ruin my relationship, but my self esteem and serenity. So, I prayed. I see that this is something within myself. There's nothing my SO can do that'll overcome my insecurities. I have to triumph over this for myself. It's a process, but I'm willing to work to beat it. As far as my relationship, I explained to my SO my insecurities. I was honest. I've kept it in because I was afraid of "putting my heart on the line," but hell, it was always on the line. You take that risk once you become involved with someone. In my situation, me and my SO talked ALL DAY, every chance we got. Now, that its matured, we talk a reasonable amount of times a day. So, the less calls, was like hearing that dog chain. So, I'm making this huge deal about the calls, wondering if he's talking to someone else, wondering if he's loosing interest. It's unlikely, but possible. So, I apologized to him and told him that me being upset about silly calls was not to be a nag, but in reality, was about something more. It opened the floor for dialogue. Communication is so very important! So, my prayer for me, and you other ladies, is not for God to put our men in headlocks and make them stick around. But, in the event that after all of our love and committment to them, we happened to be betrayed or hurt, that he strengthens us so that we can take from that situation a lessoned learned, and move on with our lives. Amen!

So, have you all taken any steps?

yeah, i realized i had a problem a while back. i've been praying on it, asking God for advice. I force myself to be a lot more open with guys i like. It's working. I'm waiting patiently for God to send me my next relationship cause i know if i go look for one, it'll end choosing the wrong guy and then the cycle will start all over again. Yall pray for me.

 

[Kiadodie]

yeah, i realized i had a problem a while back. i've been praying on it, asking God for advice. I force myself to be a lot more open with guys i like. It's working. I'm waiting patiently for God to send me my next relationship cause i know if i go look for one, it'll end choosing the wrong guy and then the cycle will start all over again. Yall pray for me.

Wow, you sound just like me. I always stayed clear of relationships then, last year I prayed to God that he could help me from being scared all the time. Then, I got involved w/ the wrong one..I didn't totally open up though. As soon as I saw he was wrong for me I ran.
So now I'm praying God will help me be more open to give and receive love. Mine is certainly a phobia due to how my father treated me.