Can I be your boyfriend?

[yokoyokogirl]

Second date and we went to a very classy Chinese place, had a yummy meal, walked around this beautiful park/historic area afterwards and ended up getting dessert and coffee on the cafe terrace overlooking the port.

Loved it.

He paid for everything. We talked nonstop and he was super gentlemanly.

No gay/DL vibes, he seems very honest about stuff.

During the walk back to the car, he asked "So like I said I really like you and I want to ask if I can be your boyfriend."

It was so third-grade-circle-yes-or-no and random that I laughed, which wasn't the best thing, and said "Well I'd like to see more of you and I'm interested as well, and if you want to date exclusively, I'd like that." Was that wrong?

What would you have said?

 

[Rastafarai]

Is this the 34 yo dude that you weren't physically attracted to?

Based on your response it sounds like you were trying to appease him : "If YOU want to...I'd date exclusively".

Is that what YOU want? Depending on your goals, exclusivity should be reserved for those with intent to marry. Don't go wasting his or your time if you can't see yourself with him long-term.

 

[weaveadiva]

Based on your response it sounds like you were trying to appease him : "If YOU want to...I'd date exclusively".

i didn't read it that way at all. she specifically said she was interested and would like to date him exclusively

OP, i loved your response

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

It was so third-grade-circle-yes-or-no and random that I laughed, which wasn't the best thing, and said "Well I'd like to see more of you and I'm interested as well, and if you want to date exclusively, I'd like that." Was that wrong?

(Keep in mind this is coming from someone who has not had a date in 9 months, so maybee I well seem a bit pathetic/sappy.....) As long as he has NOT been imature in the past, that sounds okay to me. I thought that was sweet, actually.

 

[Taliah]

What did he say?

 

[anon123]

Is English his first language?

Also, is this the same guy that you said you weren't attracted to "at all" in a post not too long ago? I'm so confused. So after the first date you weren't attracted to him at all and were considering not even going out with him again, but after the second date you are now dating him exclusively? Am I misunderstanding something? If I am not, then yes, I'd have to agree with Rastafari and say it sounds like you're just saying what he wants to hear. You didn't even really like him the previous date.

 

[awhyley]

"Well I'd like to see more of you and I'm interested as well; so if you want to us to continue seeing each other, I'd like that."

I wouldn't have mentioned the exclusivity thing, if you're not sure about where this is headed.
How do you feel about him now after the second date by the way?

 

[melissa-bee]

I think it's sweet

 

[Filmatic]

I would have told him lets get to know each other more and revisit it in about 3 months. I've been there. Said yes to shut them up and then I feel stuck after really getting to know them. Make sure that is what you really want with him. Don't waste time.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Sorry I didn't give enough info.
(I'm always worried I give too much info and so this time, I tried to KIS)

Yes this is the same guy that I wasn't attracted to before. I did like his personality and we share a lot in common, but he wasn't someone who'd make me go "Daymn let me call my girl and tell her about this man right here..." still he is well kept, dresses nice, has nice teeth (which really is a biggie for me) and checks off on some other "musts" of mine.

English is NOT his first language. Ladies, I'm in Japan and the pickins for men of color is slim NEXT TO NONE......but he does speak English very well as he graduated from Alabama A&M.

The second date was fab. But I wasn't ready to really be bf/gf...I mean how does that even work??? Nobody says it, it just happens right?

Well he said he hadn't been interested in anyone else like me,in a long time, but I was thrown off by the "will you be my gf?" thing.

I have been going out on dates a lot recently and the men all seem immature, weird, or just not my type. But this guy is really interesting and while he's not as hot as the DHL man, he seems more concrete.

I'm going to keep dating him and see what happens, so long as he doesn't ask me to get married on the next date.

Thanks for the advice ladies!

 

[cheetarah1980]

Sorry I didn't give enough info.

The second date was fab. But I wasn't ready to really be bf/gf...I mean how does that even work??? Nobody says it, it just happens right?

Well he said he hadn't been interested in anyone else like me,in a long time, but I was thrown off by the "will you be my gf?" thing.

I have been going out on dates a lot recently and the men all seem immature, weird, or just not my type. But this guy is really interesting and while he's not as hot as the DHL man, he seems more concrete.

I'm going to keep dating him and see what happens, so long as he doesn't ask me to get married on the next date.

Thanks for the advice ladies!

With all that said, is an attraction growing on your part? Are you staring to find him sexy in any way? I still don't quite get if you're still in the wait and see phase or if you really like this man. If the jury is still out on how you feel about him exclusivity probably isn't the best idea and will just lead him on if the attraction switch doesn't flip for you soon. If you're interested but still on the fence then it's best to just keep dating him, but not exclusively. It's only been 2 dates. At least give it 4-5 dates before you go committing. Unless everything is totally different now and this man makes you swoon because if that's the case then congrats!

 

[Bunny77]

The second date was fab. But I wasn't ready to really be bf/gf...I mean how does that even work??? Nobody says it, it just happens right?

Not really. Whenever I've had a boyfriend, it was made clear that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. That's how too many women get themselves in trouble... thinking they're BF/GF and then when they start acting like that, men will be REAL quick to let those women know that they never said they were their girlfriends.

Now, a dude might not usually say, "Will you be my girlfriend?" or "Can I be your boyfriend?" but yeah, men definitely say something when they want to be exclusive with you.


I like the idea of continuing to date him, but I wouldn't date him exclusively.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Hey yokoyokogirl... this guy sounds sweet. I hope he starts to grow on you soon, attraction-wise.

You mentioned the pickings were slim men-of-color-wise... do you mean to say that men of color in Japan have few women to choose from? Or did you mean that you aren't meeting many non-Japanese and non-white men to date? Cuz I'm thinking if you are feeling restricted... why not broaden your base and consider dating different men.

 

[Poohbear]

Not really. Whenever I've had a boyfriend, it was made clear that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. That's how too many women get themselves in trouble... thinking they're BF/GF and then when they start acting like that, men will be REAL quick to let those women know that they never said they were their girlfriends.

Now, a dude might not usually say, "Will you be my girlfriend?" or "Can I be your boyfriend?" but yeah, men definitely say something when they want to be exclusive with you.


I like the idea of continuing to date him, but I wouldn't date him exclusively.

I totally agree. Communication is key, especially when it comes to the level of relationships. My current boyfriend asked me "Will you be my woman?" along with his reasons as to why he wanted me to be his woman and not just a "female friend". He seemed more concrete than the other few guys I was dating at the time so I said "Yes" to him and we became exclusive.

 

[tailormade84]

i think the way he asked was super sweet and endearing and (best of all) respectful...

im not a fan of your response....anytime someone puts their feelings out there and the other person laughs i cringe in my spirit and then you made it seem like you were only kinda saying yes because he wants to be your bf, not because you really want to be his gf
but it wasn't SUPER mean...just wasn't the kindest response.....shows you are really not that into him.....

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Hey yokoyokogirl... this guy sounds sweet. I hope he starts to grow on you soon, attraction-wise.

You mentioned the pickings were slim men-of-color-wise... do you mean to say that men of color in Japan have few women to choose from? Or did you mean that you aren't meeting many non-Japanese and non-white men to date? Cuz I'm thinking if you are feeling restricted... why not broaden your base and consider dating different men.

Thanks for the advice, as always.

There aren't many men of any color here, other than Japanese. I have met some White, Italian, German, and Indian guys here but they are pretty rare and usually they are married, dating Japanese girls, or gay.

For the most part, I can venture out there and say "most men don't come to Japan to date Black girls". As bad as it may sound, I think it is true. I have had some weird experiences: a single father, who asked me to marry him on the second date, a gay (I just like to sleep with men occasionally) bf, and a ton of guys who were either rude/wanted sex on the first date/secretly married/or weird.

I find that the fine looking men are usually trouble. And I really like a person's smile, maybe the most, but also if personality matches, I think it's a big factor.

So it is hard out here for a girl in Japan. I should have thought about that before I came over here, but I was married then. And at that time, never thinking I would divorce. So now here I am, 27, loving my job in Japan, but single and trying to mingle.

The second date was really romantic, which was a big seller. And he looked really nice too.But maybe I should still go out with a few other ppl just to keep "options open"...

 

[Sosoothing]

He may not be "HOT" but he sounds decent looking and more importantly it sounds like you are pleased with his personality. I thought it was cute how he asked you to be his girlfriend. While it was premature for you, he was direct, to the point and let you know what he wanted. Its something a lot of women would like to have...lol.

I was once someone's girlfriend for a couple of months without realizing it. He just assumed I was his girlfriend and never asked me formally and then had the nerve to be surprised when I told him I couldn't see him one evening because I had arrangements with another suitor.

Sometimes the best man for you will not necessarily be "HOT". Since you are not sure about how you feel, I say keep mingling while getting to know this gentleman too .