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KrystalClear

KrystalClear

New Member
WARNING: BIG PICTURES, but I needed to show a close up!


I seriously feel alone in this hair journey. NOT that I don't feel support, but I feel like I have such a rare case on my head (literally). My hair is extremely thick, coarse, dense,coiled to no end, compact. It's just crazy. I can honestly see why my mom relaxed my hair. She had no clue as to what to DO with it. I get envious over the ladies who have manageable curls. I feel like I can't express myself with my hair. My hair is so coarse that adding color back to back within a week broke down the strand to a point of doing something GOOD in a sense. It made my hair softer because it broke down the strand. I know most people would go through breakage if they did that, but I didn't experience any. I do feel blessed to have such "durable" hair (lol) ... But I'm at my wits end. I'm really thinking about relaxing, texlaxing, cutting it - SOMETHING! I feel like I'd be "giving up" but then I also feel like maybe this isn't for me.

I see so many women with their hair long and relaxed and it's so lovely and looks so simple to manage. I know their is maitenence, but it's not the same type as natural hair. Especially mine.

If I had known all of the things I know now about relaxers and stretching for weeks, I bet my hair would have been fine. I would have probably not went natural. I went natural to obtain healthy hair. I know that relaxers are breaking down the strands, maybe that would be a good thing for my thick strands. It's pointless to have natural hair that I can't do anything that I like with. :nono: Maybe, I'm just venting or maybe I'm going to try to go through a new hair care journey to reach my length goals. I just don't know anymore! :wallbash:

Look at these coffee stirer coils, they are the craziest thing I've seen. They are literally springs because they snap right back! Yeah they may look cool, but that's all it is - looking cool. :/

2uykfls.jpg


2566536.jpg
 
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Wow...I think your hair is beautiful...I know thats probably not what you want to hear..But it is..Cheer up..I'm sure you have more hair twins and cousins than you are aware of ..You are so not alone
 
Frankly speaking OP, I love your coffee stirer coils :love:. but I understand your frustration with your hair. I sometimes get frustrated too.

I know that this may be an unpopular opinion, but you have to do what's best for you and your life style. Whether it's relax, tex, natural, you have to be happy with what's sitting on top of your head at the end of the day.

There are a few ladies on this board who BC'd then decided to go back to the relaxer, it's not the end of the world. With all the information on this board you may be able to successfully maintain chemically treated hair. Just take your time and think about it before you make a decision.
 
Traycee said:
Wow...I think your hair is beautiful...I know thats probably not what you want to hear..But it is..Cheer up..I'm sure you have more hair twins and cousins than you are aware of ..You are so not alone
Click to expand...


Thanks, but it's just at a point as to where I don't know what the crap to do with it. :/ I can only imagine when it gets long as your hair. I will probably be sick of it. lol! I have yet to find anybody that has the same exact coil as mine. And if they do then their hair isn't as coarse as mine. It's like thick as a thread. It's pretty much only soft when wet or flat ironed lol.
 
Thank you Firstborn2, I guess I feel like I'm giving up. Or like the people that know me as natural will make it a big deal. It's kinda funny because when i first went natural, I felt the way I feel now about relaxing.
 
I dont understand, I'm natural 4a/b and my hair coils up like that too. Natural hair is not that difficult, my hair behaves just like yours and many other naturals here.
If you cannot come to terms with accepting the fact that your hair cant do certain things, then maybe ur jes not ready to be natural now.
Going natural is much more than just wanting healthy hair, its a total change of MINDSET. You need to come to embrace all the shrinkage, coils, tangles, etc that comes with being natural. if not, then just wait till ur MIND is ready.
Otherwise, no hun, you are NOT a rare case; you are not the only one with hair like this. Many naturals have hair like yours and even worse, and are doing just fine.
 
whitedaisez said:
I dont understand, I'm natural 4a/b and my hair coils up like that too. Natural hair is not that difficult, my hair behaves just like yours and many other naturals here.
If you cannot come to terms with accepting the fact that your hair cant do certain things, then maybe ur jes not ready to be natural now.
Going natural is much more than just wanting healthy hair, its a total change of MINDSET. You need to come to embrace all the shrinkage, coils, tangles, etc that comes with being natural. if not, then just wait till ur MIND is ready.
Otherwise, no hun, you are NOT a rare case; you are not the only one with hair like this. Many naturals have hair like yours and even worse, and are doing just fine.
Click to expand...

I don't think as many naturals have coarse hair that won't get soft if their life depended on it. I have tried every method I could find on this website to soften hair. And maybe you're right about me not being ready .... a lottt of naturals have the ability to switch up from straight to curly and their straight hair is bone straight if they want. I would like to be able to have the versatility. I don't like overly afrocentric hair styles on me, it's just not my style. I don't find twists or any of the other protective styles too feminine for me. I'd like to be able to curl my hair from time to time. I just feel like my hair is resistant as heck and it's not allowing me much of the versatility so many naturals say they have. My hair is just there.
 
OP, I wouldn't look at it in terms of giving up, maybe you just aren't ready to deal with natural hair. It's ok to change your mind, we all have options. options are great.

I've been natural 98% of my life, sometimes I think about relaxing my hair from time to time, out of frustration and when I see some pix of relax heads, simply beautiful. Don't worry about what others are going to think, who cares...I've learned that someone will always have something to say.

I'm looking at your siggy now, sigh... I think I have a crush on your hair...lol
 
naturalbrownbarbie, you just made me sign in lol. i totaly feel you on this, no matter what nobody say, if you want to change your hair, CHANGE IT!!!!!!

i was sooo tired of my natural hair, and now its swinging!! yayyyy,(will post pics soon lol)

some naturals are going to tell you to deal with you natural hair and try to learn more about your hair. but i say, you already KNOW your hair, right!! so if you dont like it, change it.

natural dont work for everybody. it worked for me, but i was just bored with is.

you could try texlaxing it(shrugs) im just saying lol....

i feel so much better now that my hair is texlaxed, it hangs about 8inches longer tooo, WITHOUT ME STRETCHING IT , i was tired of pulling it in back to do a length check. wooooahhhhh i feeel it swinging on my back, hooot hooot!!!! sorry, im just happy and i completely know where your coming from!!!
 
1st off OP I love your hair. The definition of your coils is gorgeous.

You sound very frustrated and that is ok. :hugs:

Is your hair more manageable when wet. From your right lower siggy pic, your hair seems so soft and lush. Do you tend to have problems keeping moisture in? You maybe having a bad hair day/ week/ month.

My only advise is not to do anything (like relax) while you are frustrated and by all means don't give up. Your hair really is beautiful. I love the color also.
 
i'm really not sure if i understand the problem...but we have same texture. i have those same "coffee stirer coils" too. sooo...idn. please explain.
 
CrackersPhinn has a thread a while back that you might want to look up about going what is best for you at the end of the day.

While there are variety of textures and we all somewhere have some hair cousins and twins, there are more factors besides curl pattern and "look" that determine how our hair behaves and how it responds to certain methods. Hopefully this thread will give you some more advice or info about dealing with a particular problem but at the end of the day, no one is coming into your house to do your hair for you so you have to decide what to try next in your quest for whatever your hair goal is.

Having very thick coarse hair can be a unique challenge. I myself am on the opposite end of the coin with fine thick hair and it has its set of unique challenges too.

Have you tried straightening it more often? Some ladies fine that after they have gained a certain amount of length, their hair is easier to manage when kept straight more often than not. There are plenty of good youtube tutorials on how to straighten effectively if you need more tips. Some ladies also use color to help soften the hair and make it more receptive to conditioning treatments and styling so if that seems to work for you, consider it a blessing in disguise :lol:

But seriously though, you are the one that has to do your hair and no one else. Make the decision for yourself. Don't feel guilty about making the right choice for you right now, regardless of what it ends up being.

I do love your hair btw :)
Good Luck! :bighug:
 
NaturalBrownBarbie said:
I don't think as many naturals have coarse hair that won't get soft if their life depended on it. I have tried every method I could find on this website to soften hair. And maybe you're right about me not being ready .... a lottt of naturals have the ability to switch up from straight to curly and their straight hair is bone straight if they want. I would like to be able to have the versatility. I don't like overly afrocentric hair styles on me, it's just not my style. I don't find twists or any of the other protective styles too feminine for me. I'd like to be able to curl my hair from time to time. I just feel like my hair is resistant as heck and it's not allowing me much of the versatility so many naturals say they have. My hair is just there.
Click to expand...

See, thats wat am saying. You are not fully ready to accept your hair. And I truly understand babe, trust me, my hair is like dat. You will be surprised at how many naturals have hair like dat. have you checked out Mwedzi? She is my ultimate inspiration. Her hair is like ours and she is almost waist length! Even Sera, that one is already waist length! But it takes dedication, patience, more hard work than others and complete submissiveness to your hair.

I cant get my hair to stay soft unless I have blowdried with a silicone protectant. See, even in my avatar, my hair is HEAVILY blowdried yet it looks like i jes combed it out, doesnt look anywhere near straightish! My hair only gets soft when wet with conditioner. And my hair has never gotten bone straight, not even with my maxiglide on the highest setting. I cant rollerset if my life depended on it and i cant do wash n gos. even my twists shrink up soo much that doing twist outs is a hot mess.

But thats the thing, I have come to work with my hair, not against it. I have come to embrace the fact that my hair cant get bone straight, cant roller set, cant be combed dry, cant show length, cant do frizz-less twist outs, takes 1hr of patience to gently detangle, etc and I have learned NOT TO FORCE IT to do those things.

To stay natural and to love being natural, you must do what YOUR hair likes, not necessarily what you like. You must not FORCE your hair to do what it isnt meant to do. If you dont like afrocentric hairstyles and you know those are what ur hair likes, then dont stay natural cuz u will be making ur hair do what it cannot do and the journey for you will be unpleasant.

I say, relax for now and wait till you are able to work WITH your hair; till you are able to like what ur hair likes; till u are able to make a complete CHANGE IN YOUR MIND and attitude toward ur hair. :yep:
 
whitedaisez said:
To stay natural and to love being natural, you must do what YOUR hair likes, not necessarily what you like. You must not FORCE your hair to do what it isnt meant to do. If you dont like afrocentric hairstyles and you know those are what ur hair likes, then dont stay natural cuz u will be making ur hair do what it cannot do and the journey for you will be unpleasant.

I say, relax for now and wait till you are able to work WITH your hair; till you are able to like what ur hair likes; till u are able to make a complete CHANGE IN YOUR MIND and attitude toward ur hair. :yep:
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ITA, well said Whitedaisez...
 
thanks ladies. I just wanted to let the OP understand that u cant go natural jes because u liked how it looks on someone else. Everyone is different, so u must be ready to accept that ur hair may not turn out like that person's hair and u MUST be ok with that.
 
peeks head in quickly.. im relaxed and have seen alot of natural threads and vids about curl patterns (considering transistioning) and it seems that the longer your hair gets, the looser your curl pattern will be.. you have a lovely length now but maybe in time it will be looser..

and despite being relaxed, i still have a curl pattern.. not coffee stirrer curls, but straw sized curls when i let my hair dry.. it still curls up on its own into straw sized spirals.. so im not suggesting that you relax, but just know that relaxing doesnt have to mean you lose ALL of your curl pattern.. i wouldnt say im texlaxed because my goal is to get my hair straight.. but if i dont comb out my hair after conditioning, my curls spring back to life.. which makes me think that my natural curl pattern is probably very tight like yours. and i can easily rock a head full of curls or a straight wrapped hairstyle..
 
Wow. I wish my hair did coil up. It does not any more.... I mean - it just hangs out... with no curl. Just nap.... =)

Your hair looks great.
 
First, your hair is absolutely GORGEOUS! :drool:

I wouldn't make any rash decisions. You may want to braid or weave it up for a little while to see if this is a phase. There are many beautiful natural heads here that can help.

I was natural for 9 years and studied this board for about a year before I made the decision to relax.

You know your hair, you have to do your hair everyday, do what is best for you.
 
You are stressing yourself.

Why don't you set up an appointment to get a good press and curl or diy.

See if that gets rid of some of the drama and trama you are having. Then you can settle down and determine what it is you want.

Press and curl are not permanent but it will give you the swing and bounce you seem to be wanting right now.

Let us know what you decide and post pics when you do it.
 
You must do what makes you happy. But if you work with what you already have, you can capture a beauty that others fiend for. The grass is always greener. You have the perfecrt hair for thin locks. they would probably grow down to your waist and you can braid them and bantu knot them up until they curl, soo pretty.... If i had hair like your... gurrrrl... i would rock thin thin perfectly maintained locks, then can hang straight super sleek updo, change the texture...

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3012/3096623204_d38194729c_o.jpg
 
sweetashoneybabyluv said:
i'm really not sure if i understand the problem...but we have same texture. i have those same "coffee stirer coils" too. sooo...idn. please explain.
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mwedzi said:
Your hair is lovely. What is it that you want to do with it that you think you can't?
Click to expand...

I had the same sentiments as these ladies and the first thing that came to mind is I guessed you probably WNG a lot. Our type 4 hair left to its own devices would do just that. Why I don't think WNG is something for the tighter curls is exactly what I think is driving you nuts: tight clumped coils that would have to be painstakingly separated if you're to fully detangle.

I never let my hair get like that. I keep it stretched and strands separated. This vid I made of how I undo my twists gives you an idea how much effort I put into making sure I keep my strands separate:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jff-Uqfb_SA
And if you watch me twisting, I stretch the hair too so it's kept in a stretched state:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm0c7KPcj08
The only time you will see my hair like that is if I do a WNG on a small section of my head and that's usually coz I'm explaining something on the forum. I don't do this in normally. But I will also not leave it like that for long. You can even see that a WNG on my hair doesn't clump as tightly as yours because my strands have been kept separated for a long time and haven't been given time to get like yours. If you see my hair shrunken, it looks like wool coz it is almost a disease that I cannot stand to have strands not separated.

So my guess is you're feeling overwhelmed because you haven't put effort into preventing your hair from getting like that. Once you do, and if you can accept that our hair must be worn stretched if it is to be easily manageable, then you will have an easy time with it. If on the other hand you prefer to WNG, and wear it in ways that would be easier for a type 3, then you just have to be prepared for hours of detangling. I personally am so lazy that I just make sure my hair never needs detangling and this makes my life easy and the hair journey a breeze.
 
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Honestly, I don't see what the problem is. Becuz I So Love Your hair! But, you are the one who has to deal with it and maintain it, and if you aren't happy then Relax it, there is no need for your hair to cause all this stress to you, Just Do It! If you have tried everything and nothing is working for you then relax it. Make yourself happy! Not Us!

Again! LOL!! I lOVE Your Hair! You will ge support here no matter what you do, I have been BALD HEADED! I mean Kojak Bald LOL! & still got support on my bald head LOL!!
 
I say if you are unhappy with it and you know that you have given your natural hair your all then maybe relax or texlax. At the end of the day, it is your hair and you have to be happy with it. But I do think your coils are pretty.
 
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