Boyfriend protesting protective styles

[Kaela]

Last night he made his opinion known. We have been living together for just under a year now, so he sees me dolled up and uglified alike. Thursday I rollerset my hair, and I've worn it down or loosely clipped up the last couple days.

Normally he acts like he doesn't care what I do with my hair, but yesterday it was this whole speech, including comments like "You act like it gets messed up or frizzes when its down, but it looks exactly the same when the evening is done" and "Its so pretty and long, but you always wear it in the stupid little ball thing, ALL THE TIME! You should wear it down all the time, it looks nicer".

In the past, I've tried to explain to him the Rules of growing hair, but his eyes glaze over like he's going to die of boredom. I didn't even bother last night and just said I'll compromise and try to wear it down on the weekends, and wear it in braidouts more often. He doesn't get it, that its a lot of work to wear your hair down and do it with minimal heat.

I'm surprised this didn't hurt my feelings, but I think its funny especially when he refered to the 'bun' as the 'stupid ball thing'

Whatever...
Anyone else encountering resistance?

 

[Wolftrap]

I can relate to you. I don't wear protective styles and this is one of the many reasons why. I do still think your hair will grow if you wear it down but I don't want to look like Ms. Crabtree everyday or like my grandma. If my hair is long I don't see the reason to wear it up all the time. I want it flowing and I want people to see it. My husband would have a fit if I wore my hair up everyday. He barely likes my scarves. He told me he is tired of going to bed with Tupac every night. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning he pulls that thing off. But that is something I will NOT compromise on.

 

[BrEE]

lol, your story is funny. just last week my boyfriend said my hair looks too big and makes my head look like a dome. i was trying to extend my relaxer and kept telling him this and how the only option i had was to relax or flat iron and how i dont use heat. his response was " i dont care just do something, your head looks big" . that big dummy.

 

[Kaela]

[ QUOTE ]
Wolftrap said:
He told me he is tired of going to bed with Tupac every night. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning he pulls that thing off. But that is something I will NOT compromise on.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thats so funny...my boyfriend is cool with the scarf, because he doesn't like it if my hair gets in his face. He doesn't even have a problem if I do two buns, or little braids or little pigtail braids (then I look like I'm 6 yrs old). I think its just the single bun he hates (because I'll wear that outdoors, everywhere).
Honestly I wear a bun because its simple and easy

and I get the benefit of protective styles.

I guess the protest is towards the lack of effort!

 

[Kaela]

LOL @ Bree

Ahhh that ain't cool. They don't get it, you can explain and explain it doesn't register.

 

[Angelicus]

Here's my vent: I have told my boyfriend about this site in detail. I've also told him about how I don't wear my hair down too much, and because of this, he is very supportive. Even when i have 2-3 months of new growth, he applauds me because he knows that too many touch-ups are a no-no.

Some of you may already know that one caucasian female dog told me that I look like a cancer patient with my hat and scarf on... and u know what... I do not care! my hair looks better than hers and i may look like a cancer patient now but let me tell u... my hair has retained at least 4 and a half inches of length (i had 2 trims) since may. I refuse to compromise my hair routine for anybody. if they dont like my little pathetic bun, they already know what they can do

Wolftrap u know i am going to be on your case until u give into protective styles like vaselined buns, braidouts, twistouts, and curly updos....

 

[Miosy]

My hubby complained a couple of times too but he didn't marry my hair, he married me

He does see the progress and I keep telling him to be patient. I guess men just love long hair.

 

[butterfly7]

I hear ya! My mom turned to me at church last Sunday and whispered "So how much longer do you have to wear your hair like that?"

 

[Lindy]

[ QUOTE ]
Wolftrap said:
He told me he is tired of going to bed with Tupac every night. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning he pulls that thing off. But that is something I will NOT compromise on.

[/ QUOTE ]

When I do my conditioner treatments on the weekends, I'll get up early, then come back to bed to sleep for an hour or so with my plastic cap on my head, and a bandanna tied over that. The first time I did it in front of my BF he rolled over and looked at me in my bandanna and asked me if I had just come back from robbing a liquor store!!!

Anyway, he's used to it now... Funny how when we first met, I wouldn't dream of coming to bed in a scarf or sponge rollers, and now I'm like f*&k it, if he wants to see my hair looking nice the next day, he'll have to deal with this!!

 

[Wolftrap]

[ QUOTE ]
anky said:
Wolftrap u know i am going to be on your case until u give into protective styles like vaselined buns, braidouts, twistouts, and curly updos....

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah I know. Come summertime I will be doing daily conditioner washes and wearing my hair wet and wavy so that is a protective style. right? I'm just not doing any this winter. So I will give in when the weather warms up.

 

[Lindy]

[ QUOTE ]
bree said:
his response was " i dont care just do something, your head looks big" . that big dummy.

[/ QUOTE ]

That is toooo funny!!

 

[debyjay]

Hehehe this is funny. Mine doesn't mind at all and I wear a bonnet to bed which is not even a little cute.

Last year was my fist time wearing braids and he loved it. I wore them for 6 months and of course I had to wait a week before relaxing, well, we went on a cruise for that week coz I had about 5 inches of new growth and did not plan on running into people I know. I'm wearing them again and wouldn't you know he wanted to know when I'm taking em out so we could plan another cruise! I love this guy way too much to tell him that I now know how to tame that new growth. I could totally rock a twist out with the aid of S-curl. But he does not need to know that.

 

[reggie56]

I think this whole thing is sad. Compromise is good, but the things we go through to please men...even at the expense of our healthy hair...

I wonder if white men care so much about their women's hair. Seems so superficial.

 

[Wolftrap]

[ QUOTE ]
debyjay said:
Hehehe this is funny. Mine doesn't mind at all and I wear a bonnet to bed which is not even a little cute.


[/ QUOTE ]

Oh man. My friend wears a bonnet to bed and one night her husband told her "Why grandmother what big eyes you have" LOL

I was laughing so hard and just typing this I am still laughing.

 

[kaykay]

My friend has this problem but she sleeps on a satin pillow with her hair in a ponytail. I thought this was alright up until now.

 

[beana3]

wolftrap, that tupac joke is too funny lol!!!

 

[Kaela]

I just see the whole situation as funny. He doesn't love me any more or less or see me any differently, he just has a preference, which is fine, really. I'm certainly not going to bend over backwards to completely accomodate that, though. I have preferences on how his facial hair is shaved, and how is hair is cut as well, and keeps it neat for me....but the difference is his grooming isn't a detailed or time consuming as mine. He doesn't see hair care or hair growing as a goal, similiar to how you form goals in physical fitness...
I didn't want this post to scare ladies away from protective styling

.. I mean, if a guy takes it *that* seriously, then there is a problem deeper than hair here.

 

[DragonPearl]

I hear you guys! I wore my hair in protective styles for about 6 or 7 weeks, until my dh finally complained that he had not seen my hair out in weeks. I explained to him that I was doing protective styles to grow my hair, but he said it was a lot of hassle just to grow some hair, and that he missed how carefree I used to be when I didn't used to worry about growing hair.

I have to say that my dh is the kind of guy who thinks short hair is cute.
Ya know, I think he is right, so now I made adjustments. I wear protective styles 5 days a week, and let my hair be crazy and out for 2 days before washing it.

 

[cutebajangirl]

My boyfriend loves my buns. He thinks they are sexy. He has no problem with protective styling and will get up and cover my hair if the scarf falls off. We spent the first four years of our relationship with my hair in a ponytail or what he called the "tassel" because it looked like a tassel on a curtain. So anything now is an improvement.LOL.

 

[Kaela]

[ QUOTE ]
cutebajangirl said:
My boyfriend loves my buns. He thinks they are sexy. He has no problem with protective styling and will get up and cover my hair if the scarf falls off.

[/ QUOTE ]

That is so sweet!!!!

Good for you two!!

 

[ladylibra_30]

i thought my boyfriend was crazy when he said that my buns made me look like ms. pacman

i know good and well (and so does he) that i don't look like ms. pacman even if i tried w/all my might! he just likes my hair loose. period.

i put so much effort into my buns too (rosettes, flowers, side parts, bun on the side) so i know they look nice no matter what he says

ms. pacman my behind....hmmmph!

 

[sexycaramel03]

[ QUOTE ]
Kaela said: I'm surprised this didn't hurt my feelings, but I think its funny especially when he refered to the 'bun' as the 'stupid ball thing'

Whatever...
Anyone else encountering resistance?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah Kaela...that is kinda funny. I chuckled a little bit when I read that he refers to buns as "the stupid ball thing". The only resistance I recieve is from my aunt since I choose to stretch out my relaxer. I am currently 2 months post relaxer. I went home Valentines Day weekend to visit family and I had my hair in a bun. She said in front of everyone " I see you're wearing your hair nappy". I kind of laughed it off b/c I know she doesn't know better as far as hair care goes, but this is the 2nd times she's said something like that and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

 

[phynestone]

I told my boyfriend that I was going to trim my hair and he didn't want me to. After I protested, he said, "Fine, go bald then." He thinks the only way for a woman to grow her hair is to not cut it, which I don't necessarily agree with. He does like my braidouts, so I'm happy about that.

 

[sassygirl125]

[ QUOTE ]
The first time I did it in front of my BF he rolled over and looked at me in my bandanna and asked me if I had just come back from robbing a liquor store!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
He told me he is tired of going to bed with Tupac every night.

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Tracy]

My SO has always worn a du-rag to bed because he likes his hair to wave. I guess he just understands about protecting the hair at night. I put on mine, he puts on his, and we hit the sack. We even commisserate about the scarf headache we get sometimes when we tie them too tight. He reminds me to loosen it etc...

He knows all about the board and when I went through my protective styling phases he was really supportive. In fact I go through the phases so many times at this point that when he sees a bun more than two days in a row he's like... "Resting your hair again?"

He didn't like them at first - but he really appreciates all of the machinations (is that my Mom's own little ghetto word?

) I went through now that my hair has grown. He considers my hair EXTREMELY long now. He even brags to his friends. He teases them when they drool over celebs that have long hair.... "My baby has MAD hair...so I'm not pressed" he tells them.

 

[Nay]

My husband's reaction depends on the hair attire. If I wear my black smallish scarf to bed, he doesn't say anything. If I wear my LONG black scarf, he says, "Oh, so you're a black nun now?" If I wear my purple scarf, he politely asks me if I could put the black smallish one on.

Umm, it's nighttime and we're going to sleep. You wouldn't think it really made such a difference!!

 

[inthestars]

[ QUOTE ]
butterfly7 said:
I hear ya! My mom turned to me at church last Sunday and whispered "So how much longer do you have to wear your hair like that?"

[/ QUOTE ]

That was rude!

 

[Leonora]

I've heard similar remarks from my husband in the past but now, instead of complaining, he compliments me on how smooth and neat my bun looks. In the past, when he complained, I would cut my hair (keeping things in perspective), which he absolutely hates.

I know buns don't always look glamorous, but I try to be creative. I let my hair down 1-2x per wk, but not always. Most of all I like them b/c they're Q&E.
Stay strong.

Hair regimen: Wash & deep con-treatment 1-2x wkly, air dry; wet set occassionally, moisterize daily; DAX olive oil promade on ends.

 

[melodee]

My hubby won't dare say it to me, but he will comment how buns on others look like soomeone's too cheap to get theri hair did. He hated my lil curly puff phony I wore last summer when stretching out my relaxers.
I'm not sure if I like protective styles all the time, cause my hair sheds alot and when its' up for a few days I freak to see all that hair fall in the combout. Also the ends get shaggy when enclosed in upstyles. But I do wear them quite often.

 

[Leonora]

He sounds like a sweetheart, my husband does the same thing. He will even remind me to wrap my hair before bed. He doesn't care about the bun because I take it down when we're home.