Been natural and relaxed...what have you learned??

[Ms_Twana]

After posting in another thread, I realized that I have learned a lot from being both natural and relaxed. I also learned that my opinion and the way I view things have changed as well.

I didn't really have much of an opinion on hair before I join LHCF. Soon after joining I transitioned and did the BC. So I had a little bit of what some people think of as the "natural view." I couldn't understand why some ladies would use the excuse "a relaxer makes my hair more manageble." I mean, come on....ALL hair is manageble whether it's relaxed or natural. It's all about learning how to care for what ever kind of hair you have.

Then, 2 1/2 year laters, I began to understand just what those ladies above were saying. MY hair then became unmanageble the longer it got due to the thickness in its natural state. Soooo....2 1/2 years after I hoped I would never get a relaxer again.....I got a relaxer again.

I have learned that those ladies that I spoke of above aren't necessarily saying their hair needs a relaxer to be tamed (like I thought they were saying). They were saying that having a relaxer makes their hair more manageble for their lifestyle. I'm sure if I had a different lifestyle, I would have been able to continue to devote 3 hours to wash, detangle, and style my hair. But, with my current lifestyle, I could no longer afford to offer that much time EVERYTIME I washed.

I still think, for me, that it was great that I had the chance to experience both natural hair and chemically treated hair. I think that it would be great if everyone could. But I also realize that not everyone can...for what ever reason they can't. So, I'm just thankful that I now have both perspectives, and that my views have changed.

Now what about you?? Have you learned anything?

 

[taz007]

I got my first relaxer at around 9 years of age and at the same time started taking care of my own hair. Needless to say, my hair looked like a HAM and promptly fell out. I keep getting relaxers for the several years. Then I went natural for about 2 years, then got relaxer again for my wedding and then went natural for 7 years. I realize now that the problem with relaxers back them was 1) not neutralizing properly and 2) lack of protein.

As you stated, the longer my hair grew the longer it took for me style it. My hair started getting dry and breaking because I just did not want to deal with it at times. Hair dressers would ask me not to come back to their shop as my hair was too thick.

Then my family grew and I could no longer spend HOURS getting my hair presentable. So I researched relaxers (and found LHCF) for a year before deciding on Phyto Index II. I did a "big chop" of my natural hair and applied Phyto last year in June. I have never looked back! This was the best thing that I could do for MY hair, time and family.

I never knew that being natural or relaxed made such a political statement until I found this board. I just thought that it was a personal choice .

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

I've been both, and although it takes me just as much time to do my 6" natural hair as it did bsl relaxed, I'm gonna have to side with natural. It's healthier, doesn't break (crosses fingers), barely sheds, and I have yet to see a split end. My natural hair is thick, tough, and unruly...much like me. I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way. Suits my lifestyle for now, we'll see what the future hold. I don't plan on ever going back to a relaxer, but that's more about inspiring mini-me to remain natural than anything else. She's actually the reason I went natural. I got tired of hearing "Momma I want pretty long straight hair just like you".

ETA: This is the 3rd time I've been natural in my life. I got my first relaxer in grade 5 at age 10/11. I transitioned for 2 years doing the c&g method at 19 and bc'd at 21. I got a texturizer about 6 months later and was over processed. My hair went from bsl to chin length in about a week. Relaxed from 21-28...natural again since Dec 08/08.

 

[Ms_Twana]

As you stated, the longer my hair grew the longer it took for me style it. My hair started getting dry and breaking because I just did not want to deal with it at times.

That was me, too.

 

[bluediamond0829]

I just had more issues when i had relaxed hair. Maybe it was due to me not taking care of it properly because i was one of those that would go to a stylist almost every week or two weeks and then when i tried to take care of it myself(HA), but it just may have been my fault with the lack of conditioning and using too many products because trying to develop a regimen can be hard sometimes. I just didnt want to have to rely on a stylist either. And I found that i worried about breakage, split ends etc. Oh and plus it was alot more expensive relaxed, i cant afford it.


I really perfer being natural. This is my first time going all the way natural(1 year and 8 months) since relaxing at the age of 15. I actually love the feel of my hair in the natural state. Its really easy to straighten my hair, so with that said i'll have to wait and see how it manages once it gets longer, hopefully i wont have to resort back to getting a mild relaxer.

Oh yea thats another thing i forgot to add my hair is fine so when i would relax it would be so fine. Also my hair is much easier to care for with being natural and im around so many natural friends, so I definetly dont feel out of place!!

 

[Junebug D]

Hope this one won't turn into another catfight, lol...

I've been both, and honestly I'm not preferring either at this point. erplexed I think my natural hair looks better because my hair is fine. My freshly relaxed hair always made me look like a wet baby seal. And I just can't stand thin-looking hair, on myself included. See my natural straightened hair in siggie, that ain't hot to me. Natural hair automatically gives you some volume, fullness and texture. No one has to see my scalp this way.

I was texlaxed at one point, by accident though and I didn't know what I was doing, didn't like that much either because it tangled as much as (if not worse than) my natural hair did, and it wouldn't hold natural styles like twists as well. That was lose-lose.

As for my natural hair... well this is my first time growing it out for this long since I've been natural. And I'm at wits end and ready to chop it off again. It's always so dry no matter WHAT I put on it or how often (zero porosity here). It tangles and knots badly unless I put it in twists-- which take multiple hours.

Straight hair emphasizes how thin and fine my hair is; and is painful to deal with if you are not SL and can't ponytail/bun easily or wear the messy look without looking a mess. Natural hair is painful for me to deal with beyond 4 inches because of the styling time, the chronic dryness, and the tangling if you do not do time-consuming protective styles.

 

[Whimsy]

I voted for i have been / love both.

I learned that my hair is versatile no matter what, and that it's DRY AS HECK and thirsty no matter what.

I intend to stay natural after my transition.

 

[Shandell]

I've been both, and although it takes me just as much time to do my 6" natural hair as it did bsl relaxed, I'm gonna have to side with natural. It's healthier, doesn't break (crosses fingers), barely sheds, and I have yet to see a split end. My natural hair is thick, tough, and unruly...much like me. I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way. Suits my lifestyle for now, we'll see what the future hold. I don't plan on ever going back to a relaxer, but that's more about inspiring mini-me to remain natural than anything else. She's actually the reason I went natural. I got tired of hearing "Momma I want pretty long straight hair just like you".

ETA: This is the 3rd time I've been natural in my life. I got my first relaxer in grade 5 at age 10/11. I transitioned for 2 years doing the c&g method at 19 and bc'd at 21. I got a texturizer about 6 months later and was over processed. My hair went from bsl to chin length in about a week. Relaxed from 21-28...natural again since Dec 08/08.

OT: your fro is the TRUTH!

 

[Cheleigh]

I was relaxed for 21 years, and natural for 3. For ME, at this point in my life, I've learned that I have thin strands, and looking at my mom, gran, will have thinning hair when I'm older. So, making the decision to go natural was a good one for me, because I think I would have needed to do so at some point anyway.

I don't mind straight hair on me, but I think I look better as a natural. I used to hate dealing with my hair. After being natural, I realized that it wasn't so much I hated dealing with it, but that I hating trying to maintain my bone-straight hair. For ME, my life is easier overall as a natural.

 

[NikStarrr]

I've been both. I've liked both, but I like being natural the most. I like that my hair feels strong, healthy and resilient. My hair has grown sooo much since my BC--and I feel like I will soon reach lengths that I never could when relaxed/texlaxed.

 

[GoingNatural]

I voted "I've been both, and I like being natural better." Only because, FOR ME, I like the versatility of being natural.

I think if I had this board when I was relaxed then I would have had a much better experience and wouldn't of ended up losing my hair--although I think I still would have ended up natural out of curiosity.

Relaxed and Natural, I know now to use limited heat, limited manipulation and cowashes are heaven on earth!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I've been both relaxed and natural and I have come to realize that I prefer strait styles on me. Textured styles is also nice, but I am very limited in my ability to do them and it takes me 3 hours to do a simple flat twist style all over. It does take me less time when my hair is strait to style and care for. For the health of my hair being texlaxed would be more healthy because I would use less heat to style my hair and less manipulation would be needed. Being natural showed me how to be able to stretch my relaxers for a longer period of time. Right now, I am still natural, so I am talking about past experiences with my hair. I am researching products like diva smooth or caramel treatment. I'm still trying to see what things can help me make my hair happy.

 

[ladytea]

Funny you ask - I just had this conversation last week. I voted I love both. What I learned is ... the problem I had with my relaxed hair is the problem I have with my natural & texlaxed hair. It's dry and fine. It needs regular protein, deep conditioning and oil - consistently. Had I figured this out when I was relaxed I probably would still be relaxed.

I'll probably stay natural or texlaxed because I'm in love with my curls and miss them when it's straight. But my what a difference this knowledge makes! For me relaxed, texlaxed or natural is not a political statement. Different strokes for different folks. So who knows what I do in the future.

Great thread Twana.

 

[Poranges]

I've been both natural and relaxed and didn't have my hair relaxed at an early age, so I experienced both and truthfully I LOVE both, BUT however, I more so love the straight sleek look because it looks better on my face, my face is sorta long. I had a big poofy long afro, but I straightened in constantly and it became damaged, so then I relaxed and had to cut my BSL afro to SL because my ends were literally see through...then I began to neglect my hair and got frustrated and cut it in a pixie cut. I rather relax every 4 months then straighten ever 5-7 days, so I do. When I reach my goal length, I want to enjoy in for a loooong time and I'll be relaxed, so for the next 20-25 years or so, then I'll probably just go natural and sport curly styles from then on, who knows? But I Like both and think they're both versatile...straight suits my style right now better though. I won't say dealing with relaxed hair is necessarily easier. But I HATED wash day as a natural, my hair was EXXXXXXTREEEMELY coarse.

 

[exoticmommie]

I have tried both. Tried going natural twice. I personally prefer relaxed. I don't know why, but if I went just one day without combing/detangling my hair, it would get matted and or knotted. It really drove me crazy, plus it hurted. And with my life style I don't have time to detangle my hair everyday. Plus with my hair texture (which is fine by the way), I have more versatility to do different styles. I like straight styles, but me and heat don't get along to well, period. I have to keep it to a minimum and relaxed hair allows me the straightness without all the blowdrying and etc. I sometimes which I had strong 3 category hair so I could have the versatility, without chemicals. But I am what I am.

 

[metro_qt]

In my adult life i've been both...
A relaxer mishap back when i was 22 caused me to do the big chop, before it was even cool to do that.. lol

I grew my hair out natually for 6 years, and realised that the more my hair grew, the more i couldn't control it... my hair was breaking my combs, breaking my hairdresser's combs...

I had knots galore in the shower, my hair would dred and mat up like carpet...
in 2006 I even had bald spots where my hair fused together by itself, and had to have people try and take it out for me....

2007 i am officially texturized/texlaxed... each time i go to my stylist, i tell him to leave the texurizer in longer so that my hair relaxes more...

I only go once a year, or once every 8 months to minimize the damage, but keep my hair combable for me....

i'm now at midback, 3 inches from waist, so i guess it's working for me...

 

[msa]

I've never had a relaxer (and never will) so I can't answer. I just wanted to say that this is a great topic OP and I've enjoyed reading the answers.

 

[fe6968]

I love both, being texlaxed is easier for me

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I've been both - after finding the boards and learning proper haircare.

I retain length much better relaxed than natural.

For right now that's what's driving my hair goals so I'll ride this relaxer thing out until I hit goal. If at some point I'm content with short hair I'll go back to being natural.

The one thing that I've learned is how to effortlessly stretch my relaxer without breakage.

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

OT: your fro is the TRUTH!

Awwww bless your heart. Thank you and

I've been both - after finding the boards and learning proper haircare.

I retain length much better relaxed than natural.

For right now that's what's driving my hair goals so I'll ride this relaxer thing out until I hit goal. If at some point I'm content with short hair I'll go back to being natural.

The one thing that I've learned is how to effortlessly stretch my relaxer without breakage.

Your mastered your rollerset, it looks flawless!!!

 

[ayanharr]

Relaxed or Natural - Less is More.

I've been both but my hair is stronger and more versatile in it's natural state.

 

[Itllbeokbaby]

i've big chopped twice. i loved the ease of natural hair - but my husband could hardly look me in the face (truth; but he came around). i relaxed and big chopped again. the second time, but the longer it became, the more time it took to style. i was going through alot at the time, and needed to attend meetings, and appointments, and could not spend time doing my hair. i had to focus on my son, as well as the rest of my family. i relaxed, slicked it back, and kept moving.

i voted been both, prefer relaxed. when i get older, i might go natural again.

relaxed was/is quicker and less time consuming FOR ME.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I was first relaxed in elementary school, natural in college, and permed it for college graduation. I wish I knew the things about hair that I know now. My hair is very thick and very course (I've taken 2 relaxers in one day no breakage!) and my hair just won't quit.
Now that I'm relaxed I still have to maintain, and I worry about breakage wayyy more. I just want to see how long I can grow my relaxed hair before I reconsider going natural again.

 

[mscocoface]

I have learned that both require common sense knowledge and some education about the basic facts of both types if you want to keep the hair on your head healthy.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I don't remember my natural curls since mom relaxed me at age 10.

I am transitioning to natural now and love my curls so much more than my relaxed hair. I think if I had only texlaxed instead of going bone straight aka "the wet dog look" then I might have kept relaxing. As of now, I think I will keep up with my transition and stay natural...albeit with BKT every few months to stop the frizz and reduce styling time.

 

[Ramya]

I've been relaxed, texlaxed, and natural. I prefer natural hair. It fits me better and is much easier. Even when my hair was relaxed, I had to straighten it. So I figure if I have to do all that with relaxed hair, I might as well be natural.

 

[NaturallyGraceful]

Been relaxed most of my life & natural for almost 3yrs now & I have to say that I prefer natural. For me, it is more work, but still worth it. I like having the option of being kinky or straight when the moods hits.

 

[Southernbella.]

Been both, prefer natural. I have way more options and I don't have to get touch-ups anymore. Can't beat that!

 

[Ms_Twana]

Hope this one won't turn into another catfight, lol...

I've been both, and honestly I'm not preferring either at this point. erplexed I think my natural hair looks better because my hair is fine. My freshly relaxed hair always made me look like a wet baby seal. And I just can't stand thin-looking hair, on myself included. See my natural straightened hair in siggie, that ain't hot to me. Natural hair automatically gives you some volume, fullness and texture. No one has to see my scalp this way.

I was texlaxed at one point, by accident though and I didn't know what I was doing, didn't like that much either because it tangled as much as (if not worse than) my natural hair did, and it wouldn't hold natural styles like twists as well. That was lose-lose.

As for my natural hair... well this is my first time growing it out for this long since I've been natural. And I'm at wits end and ready to chop it off again. It's always so dry no matter WHAT I put on it or how often (zero porosity here). It tangles and knots badly unless I put it in twists-- which take multiple hours.

Straight hair emphasizes how thin and fine my hair is; and is painful to deal with if you are not SL and can't ponytail/bun easily or wear the messy look without looking a mess. Natural hair is painful for me to deal with beyond 4 inches because of the styling time, the chronic dryness, and the tangling if you do not do time-consuming protective styles.

Awww.... I'm sure you'll get to the point where you are happy with your hair. I do feel you though.

Relaxed and Natural, I know now to use limited heat, limited manipulation and cowashes are heaven on earth!

I rather relax every 4 months then straighten ever 5-7 days, so I do. When I reach my goal length, I want to enjoy in for a loooong time and I'll be relaxed, so for the next 20-25 years or so, then I'll probably just go natural and sport curly styles from then on, who knows? But I Like both and think they're both versatile... But I HATED wash day as a natural, my hair was EXXXXXXTREEEMELY coarse.

ITA with the quotes above.


Thanks for the responses ladies. It's been great reading them. Keep 'em comin.

 

[delitefulmane]

The one thing that I've learned is how to effortlessly stretch my relaxer without breakage.

JColiy what do you do to prevent breakage while stretching? My sis has started to strecth her relaxers but I don't know what to tell her to do to combat breakage.