A Whole HEAP of Problems

[KweenZ]

Well first of all let me say that I am 14..Second let me tell you what is going on. First of all my mom dosent just put the relaxer on my new growth she puts it on my WHOLE head. [She's extra hard-headed too and wont listen to me if I tell her to just put it on the new growth because she says 'then it will be all nappy and you will blame me']And second of all I have split ends a mile up my hair. And my mom dosent believe in cutting hair anymore. I dont know why not. And Im scared to cut it myself so I just leave it. And I also cant keep my hands out of my hair other than all that my hair is barely grazing my shoulders and I cant think of any protective styles that I can do myself[Im under-handed so I cant braid my own hair] So what can I possibly do? Help

 

[Nyambura]

Hi KweenZ

Welcome! You're taking a step in the right direction by seeking advice from this Board. I know the wise women gave me lots of advice that saved my hair. I wish I'd started at 14!

Do you think if you showed your mom books written by well-known black hair experts, she would change her mind about pulling the relaxer all the way through your hair? Lisa Akbari, Andre Walker (Oprah Winfrey's stylist), Cathy Howse, Carolyn Gray and Barry Fletcher come to mind. Some of them you can purchase through the LHCF website, and the rest should be available at chain bookstores like Barnes & Noble, Borders Bookstore, or online amazon.com.

In the mean time, give your hair weekly or every-two-weeks protein conditioning followed immediately by light moisturizing conditioner. The pull-throughs your mom does is depleting your hair of its natural strength and the protein helps temporarily restore some of that strength...so the hair won't break as easily.

Keep your ends moisturized (not the same as oiling or greasing) and cover them. Adrienne0914 is a member here too. If you click on her name, it will lead you to the link for her webpage, where she has a very helpful set of photographs that illustrate specifically how you can do this.

I hope more LHCFers join in. There's a lot of solid advice in this forum.

Good luck!

<font color="red">Edited to Add:</font> Would your mom allow you to get braided extensions? That way you can still care for your hair (since braids are not carefree but still require upkeep) but you can at least stop the damaging relaxer pull-throughs.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

The sounds like a sticky situatuion being that you are only 14, you may not be able to buy certain porducts for ur hair.

Have you tried doing the perm urself.

One great protective style is a wet ponytail, which anyone can do. How about trying to get to a beauty parlor, but then the money issue comes into play agin.
I cant think of much, but good luck.

 

[KweenZ]

Well, we have the Andre Walker book[Andre Talks Hair] But I dont know where it is. And I dont think that I trust myself to do my own perm and I really dont think that my mom would let me...

 

[katie]

Getting braids sounds like a good idea.There is a braid challenge going on right now.Do a search on it and find out how to care for braids.
Also,why not show your mom internet articles about caring for relaxed hair.She may pay that more attention and believe you about not touching up the whole head.

 

[cutebajangirl]

If you're mom is set in her ways and you are too young to defy her then you can do the following: there is a product called preservo chemical block by Avlon (the same people whoe make keracare, fiberguard affirm relaxers etc). So you can apply this to the hair that is already relaxed before your mom comes at you with the relaxer. This product will stop the relaxer from processing the already relaxed hair. It is kinda liquidly but the directions state not to put too much to make it wet so hopefully your mom won't even notice that you have something on your hair already. If you can't find this product you can do the same thing with a conditioner. But it won't work as well because the chemicals aren't the same. But I do think it will help some.

In the meantime you can start doing protein treatments like HiPro Pack. That one is cheap (somewhere between 3 and 4 dollars). Hopefully the other ladies here can make some suggestions.

 

[Nyambura]

Try to find Andre Talks Hair. If you've definitely lost it, try your local libraries and check out a copy. Go over the relaxer sections in the book with your mom. It's not only an educational opportunity, but an opportunity for you and your mom to share an experience in something that's of great interest to you both (your hair).

CBG's suggestion was terrific. Conditioner works to slow down the processing.

Good luck, KweenZ!

 

[HairFanatic01]

I would suggest you to get braids. I'm a little older than you and I find that wearing cornrows 2 months at a time does wonders for my hair. I get perms every three months and it stops the breaking completely. I go to a Jamaican salon in GA and they are excellent on hair care. I keep my cornrows in from 4-5 weeks at a time. I wash my cornrows 4 times a week with ORS Uplifting Shampoo, Use Infusium 23 Leave-In, Spray Surge Hair Revitalizer and put ORS carrot oil in my scalp 4 times a week. I take some supplements, but I think the main thing is stopping the breakage. I get trims once a year and with my braids I grow about 3 inches in 2 months once everything is said and done.