Do you have an emotional connection with your hair? Please explain.

[Barbara]

Today Tyra said: "Do you have an emotional connection with your hair?"

I would say no in my case. About six months ago, my stylist finally trimmed off five inches, because the right side was longer than the left. If hair is to grow and look healthy, the ends have to be trimmed. I didn’t have a problem with that at all.

For years my former stylist would cut my hair every three months. Some of my friends, coworkers, and relatives would complain about how much was chopped off. They wouldn't dare allow that to happen to them, even if just one inch was trimmed off their hair.

Plus, I’m lazy with my hair anyway. I rarely wear it out, and I try to oil it at least once a week, and that is if I feel like it--whereas some of my friends oil their hair everyday.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

In a word, YES.

My hair means so much to me, on the surface its the mane that earned me the name "cameleon" I can go from edgy to, conservative, from kinky to bone straight. It helps me feel I look attractive with any look.

On a deeper level, my hair is the hair type that everyone called "bad growing up" I told my cousin when I was just a tike that I wanted her to do pixie braids in my hair like she had done hers, it took her hours because my hair was so thick and long and halfway in she took the comb and banged it against the chair making the rhythm she had heard in the brillo pad commercials and said SOS!! She thought she was so funny and probably didn't mean any harm but I can remember the shame that brought me to this day.

People called me names in school growing up because I had natural thick hair for much longer then the other girls I went to school with, girls would look at my hair and ask me when I was planning on "fixing" it, I eventually buckled under the pressure and relaxed in the tenth grade my hair looked fine even pretty at times but I never felt it reached its potential.

Finally when I got to freshman year of college I decided I didn't know how i was going to do it, but I was going natural once and for all, I had to learn everything 4a/b har likes thru trial and error (because i didn't know about sites like this untill three months ago) and my hair has thrived ever since....at this point I couldn't be more proud and happy with my hair. Now because of the length and thickness people tell me I have "good hair" which I have mixed feelings about.

Whenever I see a little girl with a puff or tightly kinky hair I go out of my way to tell her she's beautiful. Now I want to make it my mission to empower black women and let them know that god made no mistakes when he designed our features, and nothing about us needs to be fixed, I wanna let them know that they can have long strong versatile hair if they want.

I hope less little girls will have their self-esteem dashed because they don't fit euro-centric standards of beauty, I hope less little girls cry in pain as I did when they have their hair done and associate styling their hair with hardship, I hope we do our best to work with our hair rather then against it and no longer pass down the legacy of shame to our little girls.

So yes, I am very emotional about my hair, its been like a spiritual awakening for me.

 

[aquajoyice]

Great post Blackmasterpiece I couldn't have said it better myself

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Yes, because I work so hard at keeping it healthy and growing,it's like my baby.
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[mswoman]

Nope... one day I was just like it's really hot and I want to get it all chopped off. My daughter was on the edge of her seat and couldn't believe what happened.

I was watching a video and a girl in high school was crying as they cut her hair because she was so scared and not sure about it.... I personally think she shouldn't have done it falling all out like that is too much drama for a high schooler.

But I do feel like through my hair I can make a stand on what I believe if that makes since.. like my hair don't define me but I define my hair.

 

[Starronda]

IA...I also wanted to say nice hair girl!

Yes, because I work so hard at keeping it healthy and growing,it's like my baby.


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[SND411]

As much as I love hair, I want to promise God to never make it an idol.

 

[locabouthair]

As much as I love hair, I want to promise God to never make it an idol.

I'll admit I have a problem with this.

Hair was a big deal in my house and I got teased badly as a child because of my 4b hair. People told me if they had my hair they would get a weave, you got that n**** hair, I looked like a slave, etc..When I was in younger, kids tried to get me to eat foil "because it would make my hair grow"

I have a complex about my hair. And it's not the fact that I have 4b hair, I would wake up tomorrow with type 1 hair growing out my scalp and I'd still feel the same way.

I stopped talking to people about my hair because I just couldnt take the negativity anymore.

But I had lots of thin ends and breakage and I cut off three inches and I felt free

 

[Shananyganz]

I'm honestly on the fence. Prior to my journey to natural headedness... I gave two rips about cutting my hair into a short style...to even it out...or for a trim. In other words, I didn't mind the scissors if they served a purpose..but scissor happy folk, could miss me with allat. Now that I am all natural...and moreso into the overall care of my hair, I can't say for sure if I have an emotional connect..but then again I can't say I don't. What I do know is that I'm a little more sensitive to what I refer to as ignorant thinking. Telling me I have that 'good hair' is the WRONG thing to say if you aren't saying if from a healthy, well taken care of standpoint. Telling me that at the perfect age to relax your daugther is 4 years old...wow. The more I think on it, maybe its not an emotional connect to MY hair as much as it is an emotional connect to HAIR period. I'm with BlackMasterPiece, I heard all the bad growing up, so I make sure to let the little ones know..."T'ain't a thing wrong". Truth be told we spend so many of our adult years trying to get where THEY are at 7 and 8.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

IA...I also wanted to say nice hair girl!

Thank you sweetie

 

[TeeWhyAre]

Yes! For reasons that are difficult to explain. But, I do. Same as I have an emotional connection to my breasts and my hazel eyes. They are a part of me and I care for it very much. I try to show every part of me that I love and appreciate it, even when no one else does.

So, this hair care journey is an expression of self love. Of taking care of myself. I never knew how to care for my hair and though I probably didn't need it all my mother knew was to stick a relaxer in my head every few weeks. She stopped that when she couldn't afford it, my hair broke off something terrible from the neglect and I never knew, even all the way through high school and some of college, how to care for my natural hair.

So, caring for my hair is about caring for me, I guess. I hope that makes sense.

 

[MonPetite]

Not any longer. Ironically I have less of an emotional pull about it having gone natural TWICE (I'm natural for good now), then when it was relaxed and long, blowing in the wind. I've come quite a long way, come to think of it.

 

[NYAmicas]

I do. If my hair isnt looking right then I dont feel right and will be in a sour mood.

 

[Kerryann]

I wasnt attached to it until i came here but hey its not so bad i always remember the phrase your hair is your beauty so i have to keep my mane in tack and plus i started to neglect myself up to a point so i had to get myself together

 

[ceebee3]

Yes, I was taught as a child that my hair was a connection to my creator.

 

[Lucie]

Yes, I do. My hair is like my baby. I know her cries. When it does one thing, I know what she wants. At first I didn't but now I just look and know. I can only share this on LHCF. My relatives would be rolling their eyes at me, LOL!

 

[brucebettye]

I am connected to my hair and I love it, but lately I have been wanting to chop it to about 3 inches. I may once I get to my goal weight. I think I feel this way since I have finally figured out how to retain my length and take good care of the hair. All I really want is healthy hair and I have that and I do not care about the length at this time.

 

[chebaby]

no. i dont think so. it used to be a emotional connection when i was relaxed because i thought i was ugly without straight hair. when i learned to love myself i knew that it was just hair. meaning i didnt have to have bone straight hair to be pretty. so i big chopped and i love my hair and my self even more. i can shave my hair right now and still fell beautiful. as long as im natural and my hair is healthy then im good.

 

[NikStarrr]

no, not emotional. Strictly vanity. lol

 

[Ivey14]

Hmmm...it's not so much of a connection that I have with my hair, it's more of me trying to make it more manageable and look nice. I don't care if it's curly and poofy, straight or wavy, as long as it looks presentable and I can style it the way I want it, I'm happy. But there was a looong while that I hated my hair only because I didn't know how to deal with it. It was always such a hassle and I envied the girls with "easy" hair. My mom being light-skinned couldn't take it and she relaxed my hair for a while. I loved how easy and tangle-free it was after a fresh relaxer. But yeah, I just wanted hair that wasn't frizzy, knotted, and all over the place! I wanted it to behave!

It wasn't until just recently that I've decided to embrace my curly hair more, now that I know how to handle it. I like it now, it has personality! Now, I only want long waist length hair just to say I was able to grow it that long...want to achieve that at least once in my life! Once it gets there, I think I won't pay as much mind to it anymore....I'll probably cut it all off or not. Whichever. As long as my hair is healthy and continues to grow, I'm a happy camper.

 

[BostonMaria]

I really didn't think it did... till I transitioned and had 10 months of bad hair days! The first 7 months I was a hot mess LOL Then after the BC I had to deal with short hair and to boot I had no idea how to style it.

How much did it affect me emotionally? I went from 125 to 157 pounds in less than a year!! That's how depressed I was. Still struggling to shed the last 15 pounds of my transitioning fat LOL

 

[keepithealthy]

When I was relaxed I really didn't because I would often cut my hair in short styles it didn't matter hair always grows back (that was my philosophy). I decided to go natural ...I don't really know why. Just one day I didn't feel like relaxing and the feeling grew till I just decided I would relax anymore. So I went online saw you lovely natural ladies on here and officially started to transition.

Now that I am natural I think I do. I was really shocked by the negative reaction I got from people "black folk". I have found in my opinion that a lot of black people don't like there hair. The worst of course is my family. For example we went out to eat and I wore my twa with a headband and relative says "Oh you didn't do your hair today." Or "so your going natural so your gonna put a texturizer in?" (ugggggghh no....natural means no chems). Or when another relative points to a friend of mines hair who is natural 3c 3b and says see her she has nice hair she can wear it natural.......................

Well it doesn't bother me. I have always thought that our hair was beautiful no matter what the type even when I was relaxed. I used to admire those ladies who would rock there natural styles. I'm embracing my hair and I love it! I'll never ever relax again. So I think that the experience of going natural has formed a bond between me and my hair. So I would have to say yes.

To all those out there who grew up hearing your hair was bad. I'm sorry that's so horrible. I have a niece who have 4z hair and I loved when my sister would put it in puffy twist when she went to school. When my sister went away for the weekend her grandmother relaxed it (she's 6). I said don't you miss your puffs and she said no because auntie at least my hair is long now. I was saddened by this. So I am always pointing out those with natural hair because I want her to know that her hair is beautiful and doesn't have to be long and straight to be beautiful.

 

[QBOE2001]

Wow...if you'd have asked that question a year ago I would have given a definitive no. Now I know the situation to be different. After completing chemo and watching others in my situation literally touch their head and have fistfuls drop out I know differently. Many a day I cried for them, and worried that I too would go down that path. Luckily my hair loss was limited to one section of my head but the fear never really goes away. And while I know that hair (or lack thereof) does not truly define who I am, I could never truly embrace the idea of me without it. Perhaps it would be different if I chose to shave it all off but when that choice is not yours to make you tend to view the situation differently. Each morning I wake up and give thanks to god that my hair is securely anchored to my head....and each night I rejoice that for the most part I managed to retain at least one thing that made me recognizable to me. Am I emotionally attached? Definitely!!!! Why? Perhaps because I am a creature of habit and as such, on some sub conscious level I need to look in the mirror and see an image that reflects continuity...almost as if to say...Yes! I'm here and I'm whole and cancer did not get the best of me. I'm doing just fine and can take whatever life dishes out and still maintain my swagger. What can I say.....i'm vain I guess....good thing I realise my limitations....LOL

 

[clever]

nope.......

 

[beans4reezy]

My hair is definently emotional for me. Growing up, my hair was the WORSE of the WORST. I am Haitian and was always called, "Tete Gridap", which loosely translated meant, kinky, hard to grow hair. It is a name that sticks with me till this day.

I now feel like my journey isn't about me anymore, it is about them. To prove all the naysayers wrong. I am taking it one day at a time, but emotional yes it is. I am pretty sure that I will be moved to tears once my hair goals are ulimately met and in His name, they will be.

 

[keepithealthy]

Wow...if you'd have asked that question a year ago I would have given a definitive no. Now I know the situation to be different. After completing chemo and watching others in my situation literally touch their head and have fistfuls drop out I know differently. Many a day I cried for them, and worried that I too would go down that path. Luckily my hair loss was limited to one section of my head but the fear never really goes away. And while I know that hair (or lack thereof) does not truly define who I am, I could never truly embrace the idea of me without it. Perhaps it would be different if I chose to shave it all off but when that choice is not yours to make you tend to view the situation differently. Each morning I wake up and give thanks to god that my hair is securely anchored to my head....and each night I rejoice that for the most part I managed to retain at least one thing that made me recognizable to me. Am I emotionally attached? Definitely!!!! Why? Perhaps because I am a creature of habit and as such, on some sub conscious level I need to look in the mirror and see an image that reflects continuity...almost as if to say...Yes! I'm here and I'm whole and cancer did not get the best of me. I'm doing just fine and can take whatever life dishes out and still maintain my swagger. What can I say.....i'm vain I guess....good thing I realise my limitations....LOL

I watched two of my sisters lose there hair to chemo ... but praise God that they were not defeated and there hair is on the grow.

 

[JollyGal]

Yes.

My hair is my covering. It's my crowning glory. It's part of my beauty.

My hair is just as important as any other part of my body therefore I must treat it right. I must care for it. As with my other body parts, if I injure my hair (or damage) I feel the pain and I cry.

Afro I agree with you. I have an emotional connection to my hair but must not make it an idol.

My hair has been through a journey with me from birth up until now. It's like my baby it misbehaves when I treat it wrong and it achieves so much when I treat it right.

I too agree with blackmasterpiece. My hair was called alien and out of this world (not in a good way) because the only black kids in my private school had relaxed hair yet there I was wearing my natural puffy curly hair. It was worse because the white kids loved my "cool" hair but when black people are few and far between they tend to group up against anyone who is different.
"When are you going to get a relaxer?" "Combs must run away from your hair". These comments lead to me abusing my healthy SHL length hair to an abused and traumatised ear length hair. My mother had glorious hair (still does) but it is naturally blonde. I couldn't related to blonde hair so that is why I listened to my peers.

Thank God I got self esteem.

So yes to your question. I adore hair. All colours and textures. I also make sure I'm not snobby when it comes to educating other black women about their hair.

 

[Nice Lady]

I have an emotional connection with my hair. My hair is not my idol--I think I spend more time focusing on helping others and how I can bless someone today in my personal life. An idol would be switching something out place of a higher source or other priorites.

However, I am investing time, effort and energy to get my hair to long lengths, and I will be mad if I have a major setback. It is time that my money on my hair payoff(prior to my HJ, I spent a ton of money regularly getting braids and weaves). I am still kinda of livid from a trim that I feel was a cut in July 2009(I know I need to get over it). I have always hated when hairdressers cut my hair prior to HJ and be driven to tears especially when my features cannot support short hair.

Sometimes, I even do positive affirmations for my hair in the morning(My hair is getting longer, thick, healthier, fuller and stronger)--but I believe it is listening(just kidding) in preparation for work.
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[ChristmasCarol]

I'd have to say "no". I've never given much thought to my hair. I'd have it done at a salon regularly for a few years, other years I'd wear it naturally. Hair was never a big issue for me and I've only just begun to research how to care for it properly. Just ignoring it all these years must have worked, though, because it's always been very thick and would grow out quickly. I kept it at shoulder length because it was manageable at that length. I also didn't want the "she think she White" comments. Now I want to grow it out to at least bsl/mbl because I'm bored with it and I'd like to see what it will look like.

 

[GreenD]

In my perm days I loved my hair and could've been considered emotional because I've always gotten compliments on my hair and was even voted for being the female with the "Best Hair" in high school. So I've always loved my hair and was sad when it would break off and I'd have to cut it.

But now since my chop I'm IN love with it and my hair has a whole new meaning, and I now have a whole new meaning. I feel it's a direct connection to my past and I appreciate that more. I feel closer to my parents seeing the similarities in our hair types. It's funny because with my little afro I look so much like my mom and aunt (they're twins) when they were in high school. I even have a pic in which I resemble my dad with his afro as a young teen (before he started growing facial hair of course). It's been so enlightening to learn my hair's structure and how God created the most natural things on earth to not only nurture you, and your body, but your hair as well. So far my journey has been humbling and has made me a little more patient and gentler especially in dealing with and caring for my hair, and of course growing it!!

To me in this journey, I see things are coming around full circle and I'm learning how all the puzzle pieces fit together. I was born natural with a head full of curls, and thru trial and error I'm back at the beginning. I love my hair and am thankful and blessed to have ALL of it, kinks, curls and all!!