Talking about hair in front of...

[Fine 4s]

someone of another race.

Do you feel comfortable doing so? I was talking with a co-worker about hair and as soon as someone of another race came by I stopped talking or made the topic appear vague...

As soon as they left, I told her I thought she was brave for talking about hair in front of them to which she replied that it was an opportunity for 'them' to learn.

I think the mere fact that I thought it was 'brave' says alot about how I THINK they view my/ our hair and I could be very wrong...

What are your thoughts?

 

[Christa438]

I am comfortable talking about hair (it's my fav subject!) in front of anybody of any race including my own, but I find that I dont usually initiate the convos because 1. I think many people dont care about this topic that much in the first place and 2. many strongly believe the myths and I will let them stay "stuck."

At work during a break one time, me and my friend/co-worker discussed the good hair/bad hair topic and other people were listening to us. Of course we were on the same page though: We both believe good hair is healthy hair, and different does not = better .

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I really just don't care. I want them to learn more about my hair, instead of going on hear say. All my caucasians friends now know that I wash my hair at least 2 times a week, and they were just so surprised by it because "All black girls only wash their hair every 2 weeks erplexed"

 

[anon123]

I am comfortable talking about hair (it's my fav subject!) in front of anybody of any race including my own, but I find that I dont usually initiate the convos because 1. I think many people dont care about this topic that much in the first place and 2. many strongly believe the myths and I will let them stay "stuck."

ditto. i love hair talk and will talk about it with anyone! sometimes against their will.

 

[Neith]

If you really think about it... it's just hair. They have hair, we have hair.

I find that to black people especially, hair means more. It's a big source of insecurity.

I think it's best to work on getting rid of that insecurity and shame... it's beautiful, and there aint a damn thing wrong with it. Why should you have to be brave to talk about your hair?

 

[Fine 4s]

Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts, I think I'm going to change my approach.

Thanx ladies!

 

[ajacks]

If you really think about it... it's just hair. They have hair, we have hair.

I find that to black people especially, hair means more. It's a big source of insecurity.

I think it's best to work on getting rid of that insecurity and shame... it's beautiful, and there aint a damn thing wrong with it. Why should you have to be brave to talk about your hair?

Well said. ITA

 

[PinkSkates]

Originally Posted by Neith
If you really think about it... it's just hair. They have hair, we have hair.

I find that to black people especially, hair means more. It's a big source of insecurity.

I think it's best to work on getting rid of that insecurity and shame... it's beautiful, and there aint a damn thing wrong with it. Why should you have to be brave to talk about your hair?

This post should be a Sticky!

 

[JustKiya]

I LOVE talking about hair. I'd talk about hair to a bald-headed alien from Mars, if we happened to get on the subject....

Soooo, yeah, I talk about hair to anyone, of any race. I find most white people are actually curious - lots of questions they were too 'nervous' to ask, but my hairmadness made them feel okay to ask.

Black people generally look at me like I'm crazy - - sometimes I wonder if they think that with all this pure nappy hair I have, I don't have the 'right' to be quite so hairmad and happy about it.

 

[Fine 4s]

This post should be a Sticky!

I think it's best to work on getting rid of that insecurity and shame... it's beautiful, and there aint a damn thing wrong with it. Why should you have to be brave to talk about your hair?

Exactly my thought. It is/was ridiculous. My excuse for those emotions were:

a) need to educate or defend a negative comment or stereotype(which I hear often).
b) Getting an uncomfortable stare at my twists, fuzzies and kinks
c) Avoiding the desire to touch etc...
d) My OWN stereotype about how others perceive MY hair (which is unfair to them)

BTW, I do speak about hair in front of people of different races but only with people I perceive to be 'open minded.' I think it's easy to speak about hair in front of those we are already comfortable being around and that's no way to test those "insecurities." But today's a new day, I'm not going to run away from that anymore....you are RIGHT!!!!!

 

[ladylibra]

Soooo, yeah, I talk about hair to anyone, of any race. I find most white people are actually curious - lots of questions they were too 'nervous' to ask, but my hairmadness made them feel okay to ask.

this has always been my experience. people of different races who befriend me always have questions. my favorite one was this:

friend: can i ask you a personal question, Lady Libra?

me: you can ask me whatever you want, but if it's too personal you might not get an answer!

friend: well um... i was just wondering... um... don't take this the wrong way... but um... if black people only wash their hair every other week, how come they still smell so good?

me: what? wth are you talking about?

friend: you know... how do they go 2 weeks without taking a shower?

me: no you silly so-and-so, they just don't wash their hair when they take a shower! and just so you know, not all black people go long periods of time without washing their hair.

i jump in any convo i can cuz i'm a wanna-be know-it-all but hair convos especially. and i think it's good people of other races learn a thing or 2 about black hair, shoot black people period. stereotypes only hurt us in the long run... look at the state of our black hair care market.

 

[RegaLady]

I love hair conversations, almost to the point the people I am talking to, can get bored by it. But I love it! I talk to other races as well, I don't care. Sometimes they will even jump in on what they can do for their hair, or what cut or color they would like to have. The only thing that gives me insecurities about talking about hair with anyone, is that I don't want to come off shallow, and vain. But, other than that let the convo roll!

 

[JustKiya]

me: no you silly so-and-so, they just don't wash their hair when they take a shower! and just so you know, not all black people go long periods of time without washing their hair.

i jump in any convo i can cuz i'm a wanna-be know-it-all but hair convos especially. and i think it's good people of other races learn a thing or 2 about black hair, shoot black people period. stereotypes only hurt us in the long run... look at the state of our black hair care market.

I've gotten that one too!!! Esp. when I had dreads - I was just like - I KNOW you've heard of a SHOWERCAP, right? Silly people.

But you are absolutely right - stereotypes serve NO ONE - and when it's such an easy one to correct it's definitely worth it.

 

[chebaby]

i love talking about it infront of people of another race more so than AA people. i say this because the caucasions are the ones that compliment me more and show a greater interest in how my hair looks or how its growing. its a lot of them out there that really want to know about our hair.
example i showed this white guy(best friend on the job) a photo of ladylibra with all her curls. he said "how did she do that". he really wanted to know so i had to explain to him that all black people have curls its just that some are tighter than others and you have to learn how to take care of the curls. he couldnt take his eyes off her photo. and then he said "how come yours dont look like that". i had to tell him how i am relaxed and transitioning and the longer i go without a relaxer the more natural curls i get.
some of them are really interested.

 

[locabouthair]

I LOVE talking about hair. I'd talk about hair to a bald-headed alien from Mars, if we happened to get on the subject....

Soooo, yeah, I talk about hair to anyone, of any race. I find most white people are actually curious - lots of questions they were too 'nervous' to ask, but my hairmadness made them feel okay to ask.

Black people generally look at me like I'm crazy - - sometimes I wonder if they think that with all this pure nappy hair I have, I don't have the 'right' to be quite so hairmad and happy about it.

Me too.

But I don't talk about hair with anyone other than people on this site or my friend who used to be a member here.

Ive learned my lesson.

 

[ladylibra]

i love talking about it infront of people of another race more so than AA people. i say this because the caucasions are the ones that compliment me more and show a greater interest in how my hair looks or how its growing. its a lot of them out there that really want to know about our hair.
example i showed this white guy(best friend on the job) a photo of ladylibra with all her curls. he said "how did she do that". he really wanted to know so i had to explain to him that all black people have curls its just that some are tighter than others and you have to learn how to take care of the curls. he couldnt take his eyes off her photo. and then he said "how come yours dont look like that". i had to tell him how i am relaxed and transitioning and the longer i go without a relaxer the more natural curls i get.
some of them are really interested.

why you showin people mah hurr without mah permishun...

just kidding you know i don't care actually i'm flattered! :woohoo2:

 

[LayneJ]

I'll talk about hair with anyone.

My co-workers are always asking about my hair. If I do anything different, I'll hear about it all through the day. They wanna know how I did it, what I used to do it, and when I might do it again. Lately, I've been just wearing a puff to work, and I can feel the disappointment when I walk in each day with the same ol' hair. It's crazy.

 

[Whimsy]

I will talk about it if it comes up. I don't mind educating.

 

[LayneJ]

i love talking about it infront of people of another race more so than AA people. i say this because the caucasions are the ones that compliment me more and show a greater interest in how my hair looks or how its growing. its a lot of them out there that really want to know about our hair.
example i showed this white guy(best friend on the job) a photo of ladylibra with all her curls. he said "how did she do that". he really wanted to know so i had to explain to him that all black people have curls its just that some are tighter than others and you have to learn how to take care of the curls. he couldnt take his eyes off her photo. and then he said "how come yours dont look like that". i had to tell him how i am relaxed and transitioning and the longer i go without a relaxer the more natural curls i get.
some of them are really interested.

I get this one all the time, except in reverse. They wanna know why my hair isn't straight. erplexed

It's funny, because my sisters and mother relax, and once when they came in, my co-workers were buzzing about why their hair was straight, and mine was so curly. One of the guys actually said, "It's genes. Her mother and sisters have straight hair, and hers came out curly. Duh."

I didn't wanna embarrass him, because he really thought he was educating somebody, but I gave him the real deal.

 

[productjunkie814]

I LOVE talking about hair. I'd talk about hair to a bald-headed alien from Mars, if we happened to get on the subject....

Soooo, yeah, I talk about hair to anyone, of any race. I find most white people are actually curious - lots of questions they were too 'nervous' to ask, but my hairmadness made them feel okay to ask.

Black people generally look at me like I'm crazy - - sometimes I wonder if they think that with all this pure nappy hair I have, I don't have the 'right' to be quite so hairmad and happy about it.

My white co-workers and I would talk hair sporadically in the past, but since I BC'ed and am now natural they have been asking even more questions and have even gone out and done their own research on ideas and questions that I had about my own hair, lol! I was very surprised that they took such an interest in it! But like previous posters have said, hair is hair, and black, white, asian, hispanic, we all have issues about our hair that we talk about without judgement.

 

[michaela]

My friend (shes hispanic) and we talk about hair all the time. Last week we had a conversation on tangles/knots. She gets them so much that she doesnt even try to detangle! She went from a bob to thick Bsl/mid back length less than a YEAR!

 

[chebaby]

why you showin people mah hurr without mah permishun...

just kidding you know i don't care actually i'm flattered! :woohoo2:

lmao. i think he was getting some kind of high off your photo.

 

[ladylibra]

I get this one all the time, except in reverse. They wanna know why my hair isn't straight. erplexed

It's funny, because my sisters and mother relax, and once when they came in, my co-workers were buzzing about why their hair was straight, and mine was so curly. One of the guys actually said, "It's genes. Her mother and sisters have straight hair, and hers came out curly. Duh."

I didn't wanna embarrass him, because he really thought he was educating somebody, but I gave him the real deal.

that's so cute!

 

[Caramela]

I talk about my hair with people of other races and I don't feel ashamed. Honestly in my conversations I find that our hair care is very similar. For example so many women conditioner wash, not just us! Also putting their hair up while wet, taking vitamins, low mani, extensions/wigs/tracks, they do it all. We need to get over ourselves. We aint that doggone special!

 

[RosesBlack]

I will talk about hair with anybody. I'm always happy to talk about products or other things with people if they ask.

 

[gymfreak336]

I talk about my hair with people of other races and I don't feel ashamed. Honestly in my conversations I find that our hair care is very similar. For example so many women conditioner wash, not just us! Also putting their hair up while wet, taking vitamins, low mani, extensions/wigs/tracks, they do it all. We need to get over ourselves. We aint that doggone special!

I agree. I talked with a white girl in my class today about redken butter treat and some ideas to help her battle her split end problem. She said she is trying to cut back on heat to get two more inches by her wedding in October.

 

[lovedone_24]

To tell the truth I feel more uncomfortable talking about hair with other black women (outside of this forum). It seems that everyone I run into/am acquainted with/know are on the same kick. Most fall into 3 categories: a new, overpriced style/weave every other week (their hair is SHOT though), do not regularly maintain their own hair (stylist dependent), or the relax/oil/wrap group. At some point I have been a member of each. Now that I'm into experimenting and educating myself to maintain healthy hair I feel like an odd man out. Strangely enough I'm much more at ease talking to women of other races because they know a thing or to about trying different shampoos and conditioners, etc. As for the texture/length issue, that doesn't bother me at all. They tend to look at it as a learning experience....

 

[vestaluv1]

All I know is a lot of my co-workers are absolutely clueless about afro hair, especially the asian women .
I have nothing more to say on the matter...for now.

 

[ladylibra]

To tell the truth I feel more uncomfortable talking about hair with other black women (outside of this forum). It seems that everyone I run into/am acquainted with/know are on the same kick. Most fall into 3 categories: a new, overpriced style/weave every other week (their hair is SHOT though), do not regularly maintain their own hair (stylist dependent), or the relax/oil/wrap group. At some point I have been a member of each. Now that I'm into experimenting and educating myself to maintain healthy hair I feel like an odd man out. Strangely enough I'm much more at ease talking to women of other races because they know a thing or to about trying different shampoos and conditioners, etc. As for the texture/length issue, that doesn't bother me at all. They tend to look at it as a learning experience....

AMEN TO THAT! most other black women IRL that i try to talk to about hair are like "i only use Dark and Lovely products" or "it's not good to wash your hair so often, i only get mine washed when i see my stylist for my touch-up every 4 weeks." my personal favorite is, "you can use that cuz you got white people hair." um yeah... you know insinuating i have Caucasian ancestry is the quickest way to get your a$$ cussed out and/or kicked in the process... **** don't assume nothin you don't know me like that!

 

[JustKiya]

I get this one all the time, except in reverse. They wanna know why my hair isn't straight. erplexed

It's funny, because my sisters and mother relax, and once when they came in, my co-workers were buzzing about why their hair was straight, and mine was so curly. One of the guys actually said, "It's genes. Her mother and sisters have straight hair, and hers came out curly. Duh."

I didn't wanna embarrass him, because he really thought he was educating somebody, but I gave him the real deal.

And the funny/sad/interesting part about that is that - that in a nutshell is how 'simple' hair is to most people. Curly or straight, it's just the diceroll of genes, and has no deeper significance or importance. For black folx though, hair has some SERIOUS meaning.

That's really interesting. I think that's what makes it 'easier' to talk to people of different races about our hair sometimes - you don't have to navigate the minefield of assumptions/values/beliefs that is all tied up with hair in the black community. You can just talk about - hair. Simply.

Strangely enough I'm much more at ease talking to women of other races because they know a thing or to about trying different shampoos and conditioners, etc. As for the texture/length issue, that doesn't bother me at all. They tend to look at it as a learning experience....

Exactly - there's no 'meaning' to having a different texture - it just - is. Not good or bad, but just - is.

*sigh*