Does your family's lack of hair knowledge bother you??

[silenttullip]

Everytime I see my relatives they say how "thick" my hair is (its thinner than it use to be and obvious to me and SO) some say I need my "ends trimmed" (when I had a trim LITERALLY the day before) some say it's grown so much (when it isn't even stretched so it looks the same length if it isn't) it's almost like whether it's good or bad they just say stuff to... Say something. Does anyone else experience this and just want to tell them everything you know about your own hair and theirs??? I wish they'd just be real or be quiet sheesh.

 

[LittleLuxe]

Nah, lol, because approximately 6 months ago I didn't know any better. I haven't mastered my hair yet so I don't offer any advice outside of 'lay off the heat and deep condition'.

 

[dancinstallion]

Hell yes and I hate it. All of my family says how thick my hair is and how I need a perm! First of all it is not a perm it's a relaxer. Second of all I am relaxed and this is how my hair comes out still looking kinky. Third if I keep relaxing like you tell me to then my hair will be as thin as yours. OOOH it gets on my nerves. All of my family cries at the slightest sight of new growth on their head. And they wonder why their hair is falling out and won't grow any longer. My cousin tried to comb my hair with a small tooth comb and I almost fell out. I snatched it so quickly and had to school her. Now I have seen that she bought a wide tooth comb.
If I even try to have an in depth conversation about hair care with them they just say OK and continue doing what they are doing. Don't even bring up deep conditioning. They are like "who does that?"
That was one common misconception is that only salons deep condition. I am in my own world when it comes to hair care with my family and friends.

 

[Aireen]

My family's hair knowledge is better than most and both my mother and her sister have bra strap length hair without doing as much as I do to achieve retention, so I don't really have this problem. However there was one incident that occurred the other night when my mum was talking to her; my aunt had asked my mum if I will ever really get my hair to waist length. My mum basically knew she was hinting that I would never get there due to the misconception that very mixed race blacks are the only ones that can have long hair and just answered with, "Aireen knows a lot about hair, she's even registered on a forum that provides tips on taking care of hair and these ladies have hair down to their butts from what she's shown me — mixed or not." (My mummy was talking about LHCF. ) So my aunt replied, "Oh well now I want to grow my hair long too!" It doesn't surprise me when she said these things because she's a very negative person and kind of always wants to compare herself to me and compete with me as if we're friends of the same age. My mum sometimes doubts me too but I think she doesn't need as much convincing in terms of my hair length goal. So to sum it all up, I don't care about what they say or whether or not they believe in me because I believe in myself and even if it seems like I won't get to waist length, there's always intense prayer. I just brush my shoulders off and keep on moving.

 

[lilsparkle825]

Not my immediate family since my mom and sister have been on my HHJ with me, but my aunt and cousins? YES! One of my cousins will make comments every so often about how her hair won't grow and is dry and blah blah blah, but after the first time I tried to give her advice and she told me she's too lazy to do "all that stuff" that I do, I gave up. She came to me one more time and I let a youtube video I had favorited do all the talking for me, but I don't think it did anything except get her to stretch her relaxers from 4 weeks to 8 weeks. However, we all know stretching isn't the only thing you must incorporate to get healthy hair, so she is still floundering in the deep end.

What really irritates me is what she does to her daughters' hair. Her babies are 4 and 3, and the older one got her hair pressed by her paternal grandma when she was about 2 1/2. My cousin was LIVID....but about a year later she relaxed her hair!!! I was appalled when I saw that relaxer "halo" one day, and I just asked her to PLEASE tell me she didn't put a relaxer in that baby's hair. She slyly grinned and said "she's too YOUNG for a relaxer....on her scalp, anyway....all I did was relax her HAIR!" (You can imagine what I was thinking.) As much as I haaate the fact that she believes in that good hair/bad hair crap, at least her messed-up thinking means that the younger one won't get a relaxer....at least for a FEW more years.

Her SO's daughter, also 4, is staying with them for the summer. The little girl has BEAUTIFUL hair, and my cousin was mad (read: jealous) when she read the instructions for taking care of her hair. The girl's mom left a DETAILED LIST of instructions on how to take care of her hair, saying that only one person is allowed to touch her daughter's hair. When she first got here, she had beautiful BSL/MBL cornrows, braided up into a ponytail. The poor lady didn't realize that the one person who has taken over her daughter's haircare, my cousin, is the most incompetent hairstylist ever. She rarely washes the girl's hair, almost NEVER moisturizes it, and definitely never braids it. All I ever see her with are these dry half-***ed twists in her head. When I first heard my cousin tell me about this "crazy lady" who has "all these crazy rules about taking care of the girl's hair", I almost wanted to be that one person doing her hair, but I moved to NC shortly after her arrival. All I can do is imagine the shock the mom is going to go through when her daughter returns and she sees her hair, and pray that the girl's hair hasn't broken off TOO much.

 

[SiobhanM]

YES! They drive me crazy. Its not because they dont know because Ive been there before its just that they DONT CARE to know. They are so ignorant about hair care. They dont ask questions nor do they care what goes on their hair.

I cringe at the some of the techniques that they practice. I have tried to explain numerous times about proper protein and moisture balance, deep conditioning, SLS free shampoo, vitamins, and stop relaxing their ENTIRE head every 3 weeks etc. They just dont care.

I have however hooked my grandmother and 2 of my cousins up to get on their HHJ. I guess thats better than none. Their making great progress. Their hair used to only remain at neck or shoulder length now its properly growing and retaining length. I asked them did they ever wonder why their hair never grew pass a certain length? And after informing and showing them pictures that proved black woman can grow hair a certain length THEY WERE HOOKED!

So I guess my experience has been bittersweet I would like to save them all but that isnt happening.
Hopefully they will look at my cousins, grandmother, and I success as a true testament that they too can get there.

 

[Yoshi3329]

No, it doesn't bother me. I don't care whether they think black woman can have long hair or not. I don't even care if they think if they themselves can achieve it. I just stick to myself.

 

[miss stress]

not at all!!I actally cant wait 2 c them again so me and my daughter can shake our hair in their faces for all those years growing up that they tried to convice me I had bad hair. And for how after my daughter was born, the only thing my sister wanted to see was her hair to c if she was as bald as I was as a baby. I could have slapped her whn she took the crib cap off of my 5min. old

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Nope. They do everything wrong like apply relaxer to the hair root to tip every touch up, use grease before flat ironing, and use the dreaded pink moisturizer. Everyone's hair is long and healthy looking. I'm the bald headed one and yet I do everything right. I guess it just works for the family. It is true that what works for some may not work for all. My hair also thrived when I did it. I won't do it now, but sometimes I get so tempted.

 

[Imani]

No it doesn't bother me. I just cringe when I hear them make statements like "oh, my hair can never grow long". I'm like "why?". and they're like "bc it just never has". And i'm like, "well, u touch up your color every 6 weeks, so obviously it is growing out of your head, how do you explain that?". Confused silence.

Or "Jasmine's hair will get long bc she has that 'good hair' and doesn't need a relaxer. I wish my hair was like that"

Or "why did god give me this mess on my head! Why couldn't I get some nice hair. I can't do anything with this stuff!".

I just can't wait til Dec 2011 when I finally make APL. I am anxious to hear what they will say is the reason why I was able to make it, be it that I don't have what they consider "good hair" and I have never had long hair as a child.

 

[Junebug D]

Kinda-sorta. I just wish they could do better. When they ask, I give advice, I give products, but they don't take anything to heart. Now that they see how my hair has progressed, they now say I have "good hair", and my own mother told me I had "White people's hair". erplexed And these were the same people who hated doing my hair as a child because it was so "nappy" (even with a relaxer) and who made fun of my hair when I was natural. Now that I've made progress, I suddenly have "White people's hair" when you know good and darn well that I have the kinkiest hair in the family. Ok, whatever.

 

[Whimsy]

The only thing that frustrates me is my friend's desire for "natural" products, but instead of reading the ingredients, they'll read the front of the bottles, and if natural or organic is on it, they'll claim it's natural and use it.

::shrug:: whatevs

 

[bludaydreamr]

Sometimes I want to correct the ignorant ish they say, my family and ppl IRL,( i was around a few young adults the other day and was irked by the use of "Good Hair" throughout the conversation) but I decided a long time ago to let my hair speak for itself.
I believe by not trying so hard to "prove my point" I do/have anyway. My sisters told me I would not last through the 1st summer of my transition, because my hair was too nappy. I haven't relaxed in almost 4 years; both of my sisters have now transitioned. My mom thinks I want everyone (her) to go natural, but I told her this summer, "I don't want everyone to go natural; I want everyone to be as happy with their hair as I am with mine!"

 

[youwillrise]

YES! They drive me crazy. Its not because they dont know because Ive been there before its just that they DONT CARE to know. They are so ignorant about hair care. They dont ask questions nor do they care what goes on their hair.

I cringe at the some of the techniques that they practice. I have tried to explain numerous times about proper protein and moisture balance, deep conditioning, SLS free shampoo, vitamins, and stop relaxing their ENTIRE head every 3 weeks etc. They just dont care.

I have however hooked my grandmother and 2 of my cousins up to get on their HHJ. I guess thats better than none. Their making great progress. Their hair used to only remain at neck or shoulder length now its properly growing and retaining length. I asked them did they ever wonder why their hair never grew pass a certain length? And after informing and showing them pictures that proved black woman can grow hair a certain length THEY WERE HOOKED!

So I guess my experience has been bittersweet I would like to save them all but that isnt happening.
Hopefully they will look at my cousins, grandmother, and I success as a true testament that they too can get there.

just thought i'd point out that you have the same first name (same spelling, too) and last initial as my cousin. lol.

 

[TLC1020]

It used to bug the heck out of me.... but not now... they saw how long my hair got with wearing buns.. just about BSL....

 

[Uber]

not in the slightest. *shrug*

 

[LuvlyRain3]

The only thing that bothers me about my family is that they are unwilling to let go of their bad hair habits no matter how much there hair continues to break off and is dry and brittle. My cousins will ask me how I get my hair so soft. So I try to explain to them that I cowash 3 to 5 times a week and dc weekly and and about acv rinses and sealing my hair with an oil after moisturizing. They say things like your doing too much or that stuff might work now but one day your hair is going to fall out. And they really have a hard time believing that there are things right in their kitchen that are better for their hair than commercial products.

I honestly think that even as my hair continues to grow healthy or if I hit waist length. They will still say slick comments out the sides of their mouths and try to chock my healthy hair up to some ridiculous notion that has nothing to do with the fact that I try to take good care of my hair and I am open minded to new techniques that might be considered unorthodox in the black community. But I guess their ignorance is not their fault.

 

[Louisex3]

Uh! My mother, when i first started my journey she was all like "you're washing your hair too much mermermemer" (i [co]wash maximum twice a week, once if i was feeling lazy)
oh, now my hair's growing she's asking for advice. :/

 

[$inna-$pice]

My mom still doesn't understand the whole stretching thing and refuses to see the logic behind it. She thinks I'm waiting because I'm broke. If you need money I'll help you out with a perm..

 

[cocoaluv]

I dont give a care about what the do to their own heads I am just thankful that I am old enough now to do my own and that I never went down their "rip out glued in tracks/perm/bleach own hair blonde/re-weave" path. Praise God.

 

[Imani]

Kinda-sorta. I just wish they could do better. When they ask, I give advice, I give products, but they don't take anything to heart. Now that they see how my hair has progressed, they now say I have "good hair", and my own mother told me I had "White people's hair". erplexed And these were the same people who hated doing my hair as a child because it was so "nappy" (even with a relaxer) and who made fun of my hair when I was natural. Now that I've made progress, I suddenly have "White people's hair" when you know good and darn well that I have the kinkiest hair in the family. Ok, whatever.

I think my family is going to come at me with the same thing. Once it gets long, then all of a sudden it will be bc I have "good hair" or "different hair" than they do(knowing good and well I have the same 4b hair I've had since they were fighting with it and ripping thru it with small tooth combs and grease when I was a little girl)

 

[Beany]

YES girl YES! It hurts me soul when somebody says "good hair". I recently cut my APL hair to NL and you would've thought I cut their hair. I mean it's hair, not brain cells, it'll grow back. Lately I've been bunning and NOOOOOOBODY likes my hair in a bun. I don't mind it all b/c I know I'm protecting my hair. I'm the only one in my immediate family that has had hair past SL yet they stay trying to tell me what to do with my hair. "I got this. If you don't like my protective styles guess what you ain't got to be seen with me. Goodbye." *flips heathy hair* POW

 

[KLomax]

Not at all . I put a little info out there at the beginning of my journey, but I don't push it. I figured the proof would be in the pudding .

My daughter is the only person that does not have a choice...and with the growth she has experienced she is not as resistent as she used to be . As her friends experience damage,breakage,lack of growth...her hair is thriving and growing .

<=== Me

<===Daughter


There have been set backs & learning experiences but we're getting there !!!!

 

[ResultsMayVary]

my family only questions my frequent co-washes .. like:
"why do you wash your hair so much?" or "that damages our hair, that's for white people"
but my growth and the overall health of my hair has ended those questions and now I just get asked, "what products do you use?" or "aren't those products for white people"

but it doesn't bother me .. the only way to learn is to ask ..

 

[wheezy807]

When i first started my hair journey i was like that, too. I wanted to literally say EVERYONE'S hair on their heads. But after so called preaching i got tired. If anyone wants to know how to obtain healthy hair they know where to find me.

 

[L.Brown1114]

i'm just annoyed cuz my mom and sister be coming out the house with their hair lookin a hot mess and im embarassed to be seen with them sometimes. i know thats bad but they act like they listen to me when it comes to hair care and even ask questions but then they get too lazy to do it! oh and then they claim i have "good hair" or "fast growing hair" it bothers me they know i have the knowledge but refuse to take advnatage of that

 

[EllePixie]

Not really, except for at our family reunion it was the first time they had seen my hair natural so they kept touching it...I was like hyperventilating but I didn't want to be mean because it was my fam, lol!

 

[almondjoi85]

Nope not at all. My family just asks tons of questions and are always very complimentary. It's the strangers and co-workers that get on my nerves, because they think they know it all!

 

[Carisa]

Not that much- i just realize they arent into hair like me; What really bothers me is when people with chewed up hair tell me what i need to do to grow hair and what products are good or bad for my hair as if they know and will argue u down about it 2! I dnt even really discuss hair growth with family/friends because i feel like if they are truely interested then they would be up on this site just like me

 

[CandyCurls]

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